flowboy

I'm a man I have a high lay count I used to believe this But it's wrong This is just a one-sided heavily distorted view that comes from needy perception: Lack of sex leads to overvaluing sex, leads to viewing sexual abundance as the highest good. If you view sexual abundance as the highest virtue, then this way of thinking makes sense: after all, what are these older people doing with their life if they're not getting laid? But that assumes that getting laid a lot will make you happy. And that's not true. But in the beginning it can seem like that, if you're still having to compensate for a sense of lack. When the sense of lack is out of the way, the need for purpose comes to the foreground. And whatever your life purpose is, most likely getting laid too much will be a distraction from that, and ultimately not worth it. I mean, that's just how it happened for me. You don't have to worry about that now. Just go get laid a lot, and stop taking this redpill nonsense too seriously because it will stand in the way of connecting to women properly. It is perfectly fine to want and go get a phase of your life where you have a lot of sex with different people, without having to frame it as the Ultimate Success, or viewing people who don't prioritize sex as "beta males".

Some people are just social animals and they need to see people often. But if seeing people often isn't enough, and the need for socializing as a distraction becomes high, then perhaps it's better to "go through it", confront the fear and see what happens. What is the terrible thing that socializing would be a distraction from?

This. Also: you should start building a list of specific qualities that you want in a girl, written down somewhere or expressed through some kind of vision board. Not a huge list of demands, but you should know your standards. Here are mine: • Good relationship with father • Can trust people easily • Warm personality • Wants to connect and talk about things. • Well connected to her body, comfortable with sexuality and orgasms easily. Doesn't make me wait for it for months • Reaches out by herself • Wants to get serious, comfortable to talk future • Emotionally healthy • Independent enough to be fine without me for weeks • Esthetically appealing pussy with healthy smell and taste • Pretty face that is appealing to me • Healthy body that she loves and takes good care of • Good ass, nice tits that feel and look good • Doesn't smoke • Willing to experience - not just analyze and think about • Curious enough to talk about each other's interests, even if we don't share them • Really gets me, gets my sense of humor and I find her funny • Really fun to be around her, also without sex • A "spark" and natural banter, just a great dynamic • Feeling of belonging together • Feelings for her, butterflies, desire to be near her If you don't know, experience will teach you what they are. Don't copy these, this is just an example. Your own experiences meeting women and getting into relationships with them will teach you what yours will be. Also don't start with a huge list - I just added a couple points after each failed relationship and now I have this. And I found exactly the perfect woman for me, so I am looking no further. You don't need to be comparing every girl to your list before you make a decision, it's more of a back-of-the-mind process. There is something magical to writing down what you want however. Then if you meet someone who meets them, you know to look no further Both choices of either going into dating this girl, as well as continuing pickup instead, are valid experiences that teach you what you want and need. So it's fine to start dating this girl exclusively, as that is just as important an experience as meeting more. Only through experience will you learn what is good for you, what you want and how to be in a healthy relationship.

@jasonjp1016 Okay, how much are you saving per month?

Take My Own Medicine Gotta start doing that... I have such cool tricks and tips for all sorts of things, like getting over fears, finding out your heart's deepest desires and sense of purpose, getting rid of bad habits and sticky emotional patterns. Have helped other people with it, but not rigorously applied them to myself quite so recently. Of course I don't recommend things I haven't used. But still, taking my exact own advice is a necessary learning experience, if I want to be a good coach. Why am I afraid of shamanic breathing, even though it works for others so well? Because what if it tells me that I should be doing things differently. I don't want to discover that right now and have to change course again. Probably an irrational fear. I feel pretty aligned and inspired.

@SaltyMeatballs Cool! Noted. It seems true for many people that shamanic breathing is helpful for knowing what to do. So if you have that already, and now you want to shift into taking action, it's important to remember that natural motivation follows action, not the other way around. Dopamine is produced as a result of starting to do things. Hence the age-old advice "just start somewhere".

I've watched it, and I like him. I think he's right about everything he says in this presentation. It's good to be frugal with money wherever it doesn't bring happiness. Being rich doesn't make you happy, meaningful work does. Work is better if you don't need the money. But I still think he could have gotten there much faster if he had started out as an entrepreneur, and skipped the school+job phase. Better to start a business out of your parents' basement, that way you won't have this pressure to make a lot of money every month, and everything you earn can go to growing the business much faster. So I'd say there is sound advice here but it's missing something. It took this guy almost 11 years to even start to figure out what he authentically wanted to do with his life that could also make money. He could have started that right away, instead of focusing blindly on frugality. Perhaps he'd be much farther along by now. Elon Musk didn't waste 10 years of his life just to have some money saved up and feel safe. He started right away.

In your research, did you encounter MJ DeMarco and his philosophy? If so what did you think of it?

@jasonjp1016 What is your source of income, what do you do? And how much have you saved per month since you started this journey? How much do you expect to save in the future and why? I'm skeptical that it's a sustainable strategy, but I'm open to counterexamples.

And you'll find a way to use your talents for that too, eventually

Sure, good luck getting a super high paying job and keeping your expenses ridiculously low! You're not really going to fit in with your colleagues if you always refuse to go to lunch or dinner with them, and don't wear proper clothes because you're such a cheapskate. You'll be considered a crazy outsider, because clearly you can afford it. That social pressure will wear on you and you will feel isolated and ultimately cave. Also you could technically live in your car / a parked tiny house, but again, you'll have to have the will to withstand crazy social pressures over long periods of time. Places where those amounts are earned, have very high living and rent expenses, so unless you want a soul-sucking commute of 4-6 hours a day, you'll have to find a remote super high paying job, with a company who pays you equally regardless of where you live. There's not many companies who do this, in fact I only heard of one, so to get a shot at that, you have to be super passionate about it and work really hard to master it. Which field would you like to go into just for the money sir? Programming? You have to love it a LOT and be super skilled to really make it to the upper ranks and get paid a lot. Law? Same deal. Medicine? You won't even make it through school unless you deeply love it (or are unhealthily pressured by your parents, after which you still will probably not make it unless you love it too). So then, even if you have that all set, why the hell would you quit something that you love so much? See this only works if you already found something that closely aligns with your purpose. Also, suppose you make it to be in the position of being able to save thousands a month, it doesn't make sense to keep doing that for a decade in the hopes of retiring on a measly 40K a year (which due to inflation will by then be worth only 30K). If you've tasted the six figure lifestyle, and socialize with people being successful and making six figures, why would you now want to quit your job and go back to 2500 a month, just like you work at Starbucks again? You'd lose your entire social circle and feel like you're poor again. Good luck experiencing that as a win. Have you read UNSCRIPTED or The Millionaire Fastlane? I can highly recommend them. Ultimately I'm not saying that what you're describing is impossible, it's just against human nature in so many ways that you'd have to be a truly exceptional person to stick to that plan. Also, instead of spending 10 years to save up a million, why not just spend a one year to save up 100K, and then burn that slowly while you start a business? That way you get to be creative and aligned with your purpose a lot sooner, so that you don't burn out or become dead inside doing what you don't love. That way, you have much more control over your earning potential much sooner, so even if your first attempts don't work out long term, you could have a working business making 10K or even 100K a month at the end of the decade. Whereas in the alternative that you suggested, you'd still be in the starting blocks, and have 10 years of dispassionate work behind you, the fruits of which you didn't even allow yourself to enjoy, so you're not likely to be in a creative high vibrational mood by that point.

@levani I tried using LSD and psilocybin to aid me in making big life decisions, or find out my purpose, it didn't quite help me directly there. Helped in other ways for sure. I've heard that san pedro (mescaline) is a very masculine, grandfatherly psychedelic that can give you guidance and support in discovering an actionable path. I've heard people really like the ayahuasca ceremony followed by huachuma/san pedro: first the motherly energy to open you up and let you experience what you need, then the fatherly energy to bring you back to earth and nail down some concrete sense of actionable purpose. However, this is just what I've heard Aubrey Marcus talk about, and some people in my personal circle. I personally have done san pedro and it surely made me feel a sense of purpose, but in a more abstract way. It made me want to show up, take responsibility and embody the healthy masculine. It didn't tell me what business I should build specifically. That's up to me. A close personal friend had great results with shamanic breathing to discover crystally clear what he wanted to do next. Perhaps you can try that, it only takes 30 minutes and can be done at home without any supplies.

This is the issue It's perfectly alright for you to be this way - just be aware that you need to evolve out of this in order to attract and have a good relationship where you can trust each other. It's misleading to state that all men are this way, and "I'll try not to cheat on you" is the best she can hope for. I don't want OP to think that and become jaded. Hence the counterexample.

I actually tried that when I was 20. Not the killing chickens, but watching the most horrible movies to try to train myself to become detached. Thinking it would make me more like a badass who couldn't be hurt. Save yourself ten years of misery and don't try that. It doesn't work at all, just messes you up, and when you realise that, you'll have to undo it all. I used to want to become a psychopath. But that was just because I was in so much pain from how the world had treated me. If I had just faced those demons directly instead, that would have saved me a lot of regret.

That is indeed how it works, but the results depend on what you click on. My YouTube homepage makes me feel like the world is being spiritually uplifted and everything is unicorns and rainbows. It's filled with Terence McKenna, psychedelics related things, functional medicine related healing stories and podcasts, and videos of animals being friends with animals of different species. Not much else. I only click on what makes me feel good and relaxed, and I'm rigorous about it.

You are aware that if you have a general mistrust/disdain/negative bias of women, they can smell that from a mile away, right? And it's not exactly something that inspires them to sleep with you quickly. The way you are dismissive of women's perspectives on here, probably mirrors how you are emotionally distant with this girl and don't care / don't trust what she has to say. And if you approach people with lack of trust, they will mirror that back to you and disappoint you. Because they don't feel safe and connected.

And I know people who have had a lot of benefit from his sessions

It's more nuanced than "you have to talk a lot" or "you have to let her talk a lot". You have to be willing to carry the conversation if she doesn't have a lot to say (yet). You should not be talking over her or not listening to what she has to say. Be interested in what she has to say and really listen and respond to it. It's really good to leave some pauses and let her fill them, inviting her to contribute to the conversation, and making her feel invested. But if nothing comes up, take responsibility for the conversation, carry it, and lead it. Also don't be afraid to cut her off and change topic when you feel like that would be in both of your best interests. Otherwise she might end up talking about some very boring topic, feel bored and then blame you for letting the conversation become boring. So dare to lead it when needed. You are responsible for the whole of the interaction, not just your part.

@kras She's telling you exactly what she needs and how to resolve it. She doesn't feel like she knows you yet. Just spending more dates together will not solve that, unless you open up. What are you withholding from her that you are unconsciously trying to hide while on a date with her? Something you don't like about yourself, things you don't want to see, things you don't want her to see? Impressions you like to keep up of being a cool guy with no problems who has it all figured out? Just guessing. She's detecting something. It's up to you to find out what. You'll probably have to spill a bit more, open up about some embarassing stuff. A little will go a long way. Present it in a self-accepting way, not as a problem to solve. This is why self-acceptance is important. If you accept yourself, you can share your struggles with people without making them feel like the burden is on them to make you feel better. Cause that would kill attraction. Also don't spill it all at once. It's an exchange: she wants to know everything about you, you want to get to know her entire body. So if you want to go to second base with her, you have to give her some juicy personal stories that help her get to know you. But then pair that with making another move on her, escalating physically. If you give her everything and she already feels like she's got you completely figured out before you've had sex, you are game over and she now doesn't feel a need to fuck you to understand you. So it's a balance and a game to be enjoyed. But if you get the feedback 'I don't know you yet', probably you are being too withholding. However if you are being authentic and open, it could just be incompatibility. You haven't shown her attributes that are totally doing it for her. Could be due to how she was raised, and also just personal preference. You have to be the judge of which one it is.

@Preety_India Couple loose ideas here: Soy milk is easily replacable with almond milk or any other nut milk Cutting out sugar should be fine after a few days of weakness. Especially with enough fruit and maybe a little honey. This might be an opportunity to explore and integrate your casual sex shadow Let me explain. I think it's great that you now have the self respect and self esteem necessary to hold off on sex until you feel respected. I want to congratulate you on that. At the same time, a woman can decide to have casual sex in an empowered way, where she decides when to do it, who with, and that she may not want any contact after. She can be in control the entire time, taking care of her needs and desires, and respecting herself all the way through. These things can exist in harmony, even though they seem paradoxical. I understand that you have (inherited?) many judgments around that, and I'm not suggesting to change your beliefs. Just perhaps explore the other side, the 'forbidden' thing, enough to loosen up on some of the judgments and integrate the shadow a bit. You don't have to make it a new lifestyle. Only if you feel ready. I wish you health and serenity and hope that whatever you choose works out for you.

Strive to not drink it two days in a row. If you drink it multiple days in a row, it starts to change the brain and make it harder for you to feel energetic and focused without it. It's also not great for the stomach lining and digestion, and these are important for health. It's also not great for quality of deep sleep, which can cause accelerated aging. I wouldn't worry about it if you drink it as a treat 2 or 3 times a week. Don't make it a habit. I say this as I'm in day 3 (or 4?) of relapsing into drinking it every day. I sure don't feel great? This advice is not always easy to stick to. Starbucks uses terrible quality beans, they even taste like fungus to me. Can't you just order a green tea or a chai latte? Much healthier, if all you care about is having something. Only you can say. I've seen people describe how it helps them with meditation. Other people say it hurts their meditation and they had to stop, on behalf of their spiritual growth. As with everything, don't blindly go off "facts", but pay attention to how it feels in your body and trust that.

@Valach Good question. A structural lack of sleep is not sustainable. I know about the general newbie pickup advice of "go out 4 nights a week for the first X months" Yes but you still have to sleep 8 hours. So either go out until 22:30 and then go home, and only make it later on the weekends, or change jobs so that you can stay out later. Better get some good blackout curtains too, so you can sleep until 11am. Structural sleep deprivation is associated with Alzheimers and cancer, so really it's worth the hassle to restructure your life.

That's worth making a separate topic.

And I can say this with confidence because I recently was in the situation of being next to an already half naked woman, ready to have a threesome with me, both super horny under the influence of mescaline, and I didn't do it because STILL in those circumstances I was able to reason that I love my girlfriend and it would probably mess things up/complicate things at least, and that's not what I wanted. So there is really no valid excuse of "I'm a man, I can't help it". You're a man so you can't help wanting it. That much is true. But you sure can help doing it. Of course I expect the same level of integrity from my partner.

You just patted yourself on the back for being untrustworthy, and you rationalize that at least the majority of men are even less trustworthy, so a woman should still be lucky to have you instead? How could a woman feel safe with you in a relationship if that is your attitude? A fully grown, evolved man can control his impulses when needed. Otherwise he is independable, a slave to his nature and ultimately no different from an ape. @Clems If you have a great quality relationship with a developed man who is truly committed to you, he will have no interest in ruining that for some 10 minutes of pleasure. Don't let videos and posts like this mislead you and ruin your faith in the right guy for you. Stay far away from people with this attitude of excuse making, it's just a victim mindset to cover up neediness and lack of development. But make no mistake: finding this guy is only possible if you do the hard self-development work to become a great woman. And I'm not talking about looks. We guys can always find another girl with good looks. Great personality is not so easy to replace. To even be compatible with a guy with integrity, you have to have integrity.