flowboy

Sounds lonely bro

What is warm game? Do you mean social circle game? What does it mean to master it? Tell us what that looks like.

Not at all man. There is just some healing to do. I didn't have a father that was strong in all the ways I needed him to be. As a consequence, I had a hard time with women. Everything is great now though. Some healing needed to be done. That's why I gave you those tips.

It's not the length of attention span in general. It's how it is being applied. AD(H)D people have a shorter attention span for things that are not interesting to them, and they can focus for multiple days with little sleep on a project that they actually care about. What's typical, is that "practical importance" doesn't influence ability to focus. With "normal" people, their ability to focus goes up when something has practical importance. In AD(H)D people, it does not. That doesn't mean they can't focus on what's important at hand, they can, it just takes a lo-hot more effort that a normie would spend. Having to spend this extra mental effort for everything that is important but not interesting, is why they usually are chronically fatigued to some extent. There is "comorbidity" with food sensitivities and sensitivities to toxins. They have to eat cleaner than a regular person, to be able to use their brain to full capacity. They seem to be more prone to brain fog when they eat the wrong thing. They really shine in work-related situations, when they get to do something creative, that requires synthesizing information from different fields, having a big picture understanding, and can have agency over the way they want to work and do things. You can make them happy by taking care of as much practical admin stuff for them as possible, without making them feel controlled. I know because I coach people like this, but I also am one. It's not a disorder, more like a personality trait or brain type that is unhelpful at the start of the career ladder, when it's all about fitting into a mold and being force-fed information, and becomes more and more helpful as their career advances and others can help them out with admin stuff while they spread their creative wings. They need to get over a rough spot, though.

Ah, well that explains a lot. I feel for you man. Every person needs a healthy masculine influence, as well as a healthy feminine influence. Men learn how to be men from their father. If your dad is a fearful man with insecurities, then it's no wonder that you don't have the tools to handle this situation. I could tell you "just get over it and pick yourself up bro" but that only works if you had a good example of healthy masculinity. Here's some things that could help: Primal therapy (yes, specifically "primal therapy", see if that's available to you. I know a great provider that helped me a lot) Seeking out friendships with guys. Preferably healthy guys who you like, get along with, and want to be(come) like Martial arts training could be an idea.

In a smaller community, it's still good to talk to everyone as much as you like. The difference is that your mindset has to be more geared towards building longer-lasting connections, and valuing the connection with every person you talk to, even if they won't give you sex. In a large city you can just have a throwaway mindset, where every 'set' that doesn't give you an opportunity to have sex, is disposable waste. Also, you need to seek alignment with guys. In a large city, women still want to know whether you are aligned well socially, but they have no way of knowing for sure, at least in the beginning. In a smaller community, it will be very obvious if no other guys like or respect you, and women won't be attracted to that. So don't forget to invest in friendships, and don't try to take people's girlfriends away from them and shit like that.

Smooth If you want to be taken seriously, don't be so dramatic. If that's really true, then your therapy is not working and you should seek a different therapist who can actually help you. Also, seek out the friendship of other men. It sounds like you have a lack of masculine influence in your life. Is that true? What's your relationship with your father like?

That settles it, then. So what is it you want to see happen here? You're not really dating until you've at least met up in real life. So I would do that. It will probably bring you some clarity. If she's not willing to actually make a date with you and show up, even if it were just a friendly meetup, then you know it was never real anyway. General advice: don't emotionally invest so much before you've actually met up with someone.

Haha, my ego loves that you have the perception that I maintain this state. But I'm not going to sit here and pretend that's the case I'm just feeling very good and loved these days, so that enables me to access this perspective. Attaining Every single experience in our lives has contributed to who we are today. But let's pick one thing that I can give you, that may help. One mental habit I have, that I could say has helped tremendously to attain a healthy and more loving perspective, is this: I look for sameness, instead of difference. Everytime something about a person bothers me, someone does something that I think is wrong, evil, mean, or negative in some way: I ask: where am I doing that? Or: Where have I done that? Where have I felt the desire to do that? What could push me to do that? And I always find something. Nothing is too crazy that I can't find it somewhere in myself. Extreme example: consider how evil a murderer is. When I would be really angry, sometimes I would get murderous thoughts. Now I had good parents who loved me and taught me good values. So I know I should not act out in anger like that. Had I had parents who left me alone, or beat me, did not teach me any values, did not love me at all, and/or abused me enough, I have no doubt that I would act on those thoughts. This way, I dissolve the false distinction that my mind creates when I judge someone. The ego wants to say: I'm good, he's bad. She's mean. I would never do that. This is how I'm better. Nonsense. We are all capable of all sorts of evil. And that's okay. Perhaps I have some knowledge and experience that saves me from doing so much evil as some others. But I have no illusion that if I didn't have that experience or knowledge, I wouldn't do the exact same. And that is fine. We are all in the same boat. It's the art of finding a unifying perspective, instead of a dividing one. This technique of constantly drawing connecting lines between something in another person, and something in me, I found really powerful. You could say it's a form of shadow work. But as a life habit. I don't have to take my time to sit down for it. It's just something I automatically do whenever a person really bothers me in some way. Thank you for bringing my attention to this. I was not quite aware that I did this, or that others don't do this. Perhaps I should write it down somewhere. If you want some practice, use Leo's Forgiveness video, it's really good. And where are you doing that Maintaining Raising your vibration is the key to maintaining anything healthy, I would say. Telling myself "I love you" in the mirror is a daily habit I'm experimenting with now. Got that from Matt Kahn. But being in a loving relationship is the major stabilizing factor for me I'd say. And still, I'm not maintaining a high vibrational state every day, nor do I think that's natural. Matt Kahn's video on "raising your vibration" is good stuff.

@StarStruck Stop projecting a moral attitude on me, and actually answer my questions. I feel for you. I've been in a position of being hurt, and I know from that position, any criticism will come across as moralization. I'm not moralizing to you. I just want you to see the actual point, that there is a state of feeling so good about yourself, and feeling so loved, by yourself and others around you, that you naturally don't want to lash out anymore. And that is why not everyone feels the need to lash out. There's no sense in trying to force you to attain that. Or in shaming you. Or telling you that it's bad. Just knowing that it exists, is enough for now. Don't listen to these people judging you, that's not helping you or them. The truth is, when this girl hurt you, and you hurt this girl, you both have the same problem: you don't feel loved and secure enough. She's experiencing a similar level of lack of love, lack of self-love, or traumatization, else she wouldn't feel the impulse to hurt you. That's what you have in common with her.

Is it? Do the people who you look up to, do that? Do the pickup gurus do that? Or are they above it?

This is very accurate, these are your two options. If you want to practice pickup techniques, experiment with different approaches, and teach yourself flashy ways to meet people, like the "hand of God", "the claw", and the kiss opener, well, can't do that here. That would be shitting where you eat. Word will get around that you're that weirdo. If you keep living where you live, all you can do is build up your life and build up your reputation, just by getting to know a lot of people. If you do that well, some girls will come to you and make it very obvious that they are available to you. Those, you can hit on directly. The rest, you should mainly just make friends and network with. If you do cool stuff that people will talk about, like play in a band or organize events, or simply have a wild personality, you'll attract more people and thus more women. But if you use them, and hurt their feelings a lot, you'll get a reputation and social consequences. It's almost like a more natural process, where if you do well within a community, the community will organically assign you some women.

@Gabith Your goodbye message is needy and reactive too. Don't send one. Even spending the energy to do that, shows that you are way too invested in someone way too early. This is where you let yourself react to your own emotions, and choose the worst possible interpretation. I know it's hard, but you've got to learn to control that impulse. It's no representation of what's actually going on, rather a projection from your own insecurity. If you meditate, then that is a typical thought to let fly by without touching it.

She was just waiting for you to take initiative. You assumed too soon that you were rejected. And why? Don't people sometimes take a couple days to answer a text? You shot yourself in the foot with that second message. It's fine to send an "hey it's me great to meet you" or whatever. Some people will respond right away, some other people have a life. If it takes too long, you can follow it up anyway with a time and place. Texting is for organising meetups, not for making conversation.

Yeah you screwed up. Why didn't you listen when I said: "time and place"? Should have texted: "Let's have coffee. Meet me tomorrow 13:00 at the park entrance." After the first text, you could still have done this. That's why I said it. She would have responded. She was still expecting you to take initiative. Instead you vomited neuroticism at her. Your message is about 200 words too long and conveys insecurity and neuroticism. You are just rejecting yourself at this point. No person in their right mind would answer this. She was waiting on you to ask her out. Instead, you weirded her out. And then rejected yourself! Notice how you just rejected yourself here. For what? Just because she didn't respond to your "it was nice to meet you" bullshit? That's not something that warrants a response! You went into auto-rejection for no reason. Try it this way next time and see the difference! (actually: text her a time and place anyway as a practice, and see what happens. What do you have to lose now?)

@Gabith What did you end up texting her?

She made it clear to him that she sees him as nothing: not even a friend. Friend is just the polite word people use. Okay, by track record I mean "past actions". Do you now see how it connects to your previous texts? Don't dredge up the past, especially the negative past. I know you feel like it can help you redeem yourself, but it won't. It will just show her that you are spending an unhealthy amount of energy obsessing over her. Ignore at your own peril.

Anything and everything that will lead to you realizing that you don't need to become more attractive. Give that some thought Because you already are attractive, underneath your layers of unhelpful conditioning, and filters that have to be dropped. Why are we drawn to people who express themselves freely and shamelessly, and everything they do seems cool? Attractiveness is absence of unhelpful conditioning.

NO. Or yes! This is not going to work anyway, so it doesn't matter how you do it. It's just a learning experience. But you don't seem to get that women don't care about your track record. It doesn't exist to them. They don't like it when you try to make them think and reason about it. They see transformation, now. Did something turn weird and awkward just now? Then fuck all the previous good experiences, those don't exist anymore, all that is there is the fuckup. Show her some positive, attractive things? Then the negative stuff from the past doesn't exist anymore (basically), because she's seeing the positive transformation. That's why your best bet is to not. fucking. address it. Again, it still won't work because you already lowered her perception of you to unrecoverable levels. Unless she's really needy herself. But at least do it well, if you're going to do it.

Do whatever you have to do, in order to learn that this is completely pointless. I've done shit like that. It was humiliating myself, making myself seem desperate and leads nowhere. But I needed to do it, to learn that. So have at it. That's so weak-sauce it's disgusting. You're asking to be blocked. If you're going to do it, at least have some balls and express your true feelings in a voice message. Feelings, not neurotic thoughts. Don't address past weirdness, rather talk about positive things in your life, and say that you were reminded of her and remember the attraction you felt. So let's have a coffee, no expectations, and see where we're at. That has the best chance of working. Which it won't. Because coming back to an interaction that turned awkward and weird, months after, still communicates that you have trouble meeting new people. But give it a shot, hey, why even write about it? It's no skin off your back. You could send a message just as a learning experience, be done in 1 minute, and then you can focus on meeting new people who you are not 10 points behind with, and thus have a way better chance with. Let me know how it goes! ?

Practice, practice, practice! That's how I did it. Being in a self-accepting state helps. But I just did it without self-acceptance, for years. Just having the courage to break through resistance and say what's really on my mind. Having it be accepted by people. Getting all sorts of feedback. Making your membrane permeable instead of keeping it closed. Right now you are choosing to be alone with your thoughts, and it's turning them into a sour soup. They need air.

I remember thinking: Okay NOW I'm really done. Done with spending time with people I don't resonate with. Done with settling for being the odd one. I'll find my tribe anywhere I go. I trust that now because I feel valuable and complete. Won't stop until I do.

You're welcome. Good stuff!

Make bed Work out (yoga or running or rings) Brush, shave, cold shower Meditate Empty email Look at vision Haven't been doing it consistently lately. But when I do, I get so much more out of my day. So I'll get back into it.

I see we have similar taste This is your mistake. I didn't need to read the rest. You absolutely have to change the way you view "rejection" because it's not fair to you. It's just incompatibility. The reason that it's the woman rejecting the man, is not because there's something wrong with the man, but because the burden to approach and take initiative is on the man. So she has to say no, he has to hear no. It's hard for both. But mutual incompatibility is the reason, and if she's more in tune with that than he is, which is common because sexual urges distract you from being sensitive to that, then the burden is on her to point it out. @electroBeam 10 rejections is nothing. But rough to take in a short timeframe indeed. If you become more sensitive to feeling into compatibility, you can just have a conversation with people and tune into that. Then you'll never have to make her say no, because you already know. And when you know "yes", you know it will be yes.