flowboy

Yes, that’s probably exactly what you should do. This post stinks of self pity and arrogance. What are you, too good to take a humiliating job for a while like all of us probably did at some point? You can save a few grand in a few months. If you see avenues that might help you take them. Suck it up and do whatever it takes, my friend. What else are you going to do, sit on your parents’ couch and do nothing but complain and feel too good to be part of “rotten humanity”? Boo hoo. You need a kick in the butt more than you need anything else.

Apparently you can, because admitting that you might be wrong and your belief system might have to be overhauled to get rid of this pain, was just too high a price to pay. Humility? Fuck you. Give me a solution that requires no emotional or physical labour and makes me right about everything. Most people want to be right, more than they want to be happy. You are no exception. Hope you enjoy stewing in your own emotional filth, I’m done taking pity on your self chosen insanity. Cheers 🍻

when you finally gonna start that business you claimed you wanted to start 2 years ago? too busy fapping I guess.

Great plan, but why the full-time job if you're living with your parents? That would be a serious drain on your energy which seems unnecessary. Do they charge you an exorbitant amount of rent or something?

You asked "what do I do about this" People gave you different good suggestions of what you could do about this. But did you really expect the answer to be something that your ego likes, and requires no work on your part? That's foolish. If you're really open-minded, you will go try out a bunch of suggestions that you don't like and don't want to do. If you really care about "truth", you know that it is in experience, not preconceptions. But alas, I think you have demonstrated that this thread was just meant for you to confirm what you already believed. Too bad you had to drag people along in the pretense that you were actually looking for suggestions.

All of that can be changed. If you want to financially earn very little, fine. But the framing of this statement suggests an external locus of control.

@Rahul 2paradox Good on you for not buying into that misdiagnosis. I'll try to write this as unbiased as possible (I run a self-therapy group, so obviously I believe doing the work yourself is possible) If you've got 6k to shell out, I know the absolute best retreat to go to and heal lots of that trauma in a short time (it's 3 weeks). This therapist is the OG, clients of mine have testified that he's awesome and I am going there myself in January. If you don't have 6k but you have a few hundred you can spend per month, it's worthwhile to seek a good childhood trauma specialist, even though it's difficult to find a good one. Therapy with a good professional is more efficient than doing it yourself. Probably don't bother with insurance coverage, that's not where you find the best ones. (in fact, that's how you get misdiagnosed and prescribed medication) If both those options are too expensive, then do self-therapy and shadow work as much as you can. It definitely works. The issue is just that at certain sticking points, it can take great willpower to do it. For example, in the trauma resolution exercises that I prefer, it's necessary to use your voice and your body to express and let the emotional pain out. That is a huge resistance barrier to some.

It's not just autism that has the self-focus trait, it's also ADHD in my personal experience. In the sense that, having ADHD, I'm missing a lot of information from the external world because my mind keeps dissociating. It wants to turn inwards. This represents as daydreaming, being unpresent, distracted, forgetting things, missing signals, not listening properly. You could say the same about depression in many cases. I believe that as people accumulate more unconscious trauma, they tend to be more "inward focused", as if their system knows that they have something inside to deal with, before they can be healthy and deal with external reality. I've read an account of an autistic toddler who never cried. Then the mother did something to teach him how to cry, and its autism got a lot better. ADHD and autism are probably created while in the womb. I mean, they say it's due to genetics, but that's crap afaic. I guess I'll find out, because I'm about to do an extremely intense regression therapy retreat, which will allow me to remember how the quirks in my personality got formed.

@Jacquelope Lol, I take it back then. I thought "based" was some weird insult and never bothered to look it up. Thanks for setting me straight and sorry for the stab.

That's the language of someone who wastes too much time on the internet, as the rest of your post attests. I don't know what that word means, but I take it as a compliment

You've already decided to be poor for the rest of your life?

I've been at the place where I was really frustrated and couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. I wanted my friend who was better with women to teach me, but he didn't know what he was doing right. And/or he didn't bother because he didn't take my pain seriously. So, I will give you a tip of something I did that helped me massively. You see, the problem is that regular women will not give you the feedback you need, because they're there to have fun not to help you, are not even conscious of what made them uncomfortable, a variety of reasons that makes them unideal practice subjects. So here's what I did: I went to tantra workshops. There, sexuality is confronted directly as a topic, and lots of direct feedback is being exchanged between genders. Because the goal is to make connecting sexually a smoother experience for both, through becoming more conscious of our internal wirings and retraining them. (It's not said in those words on the marketing, but that's what it does.) In particular, I recommend TNT's sexual deconditioning course. That's the one that helped me the most. But I would do the second one too. I guarantee that it would get you out of the bind that you're in now by jumpstarting your intuitive calibration. And after you pass that workshop, you get access to a whole social network of men and women who did that training, and are therefore more conscious and willing to give you even more feedback and do practice interactions with you. Yes, you're going to have to fly there. Yes, you're going to have to spend 2k or so. Siderant: If that's too expensive or too much hassle for you, then your pains aren't as serious to you as you proclaim, and/or you're not valuing yourself enough. Sorry, I'm just a bit cynical about people being skiddish to spend a bit of money on their own personal development, because I've been on this forum for a long time, recommending things that would really help people and all I hear is "but that costs money". And then those same people struggle with the same problem for freaking years. As if time x quality of life is not a valuable resource but a little bit of money is sacred to them. It's dumb. I only got to where I am today because I opened my friggin wallet and invested in what I needed to grow. In my twenties, I did: - 5 TNT workshops - 3 retreats with people from that network - one week therapy retreat - many self-organized psychedelic retreats and meditation retreats Now (31), I've got plenty of sexual experiences under my belt, some very wild stuff too, I'm engaged to be married, and I have an excellent social calibration and intuition. At least, I'm very happy with how it works. I wouldn't have gotten that if I had just stuck to embarrassing myself every day. I was missing essential pieces that I could only get through that combination of workshops and retreats. And now, I'm off to drop 4.5K on a 3 week therapy retreat which I am sure I will get massive growth out of. @Emotionalmosquito If you like the tantra workshop thing I proposed, you can ask me anything about that specific one, but don't ask me "is this other thing that is closer to me / cheaper / online good" because the answer is probably no, and otherwise I wouldn't know either way. (direct feedback is rare, TNT values honesty and directness over comfort, most organisers don't because they want to be politically correct / attractive to the mainstream) Good luck to you, I feel your pain!

The right move is to make friends with them and become a social leader who hosts gatherings, save cold approach for the strangers. Do not direct approach classmates unless you are very sure that they're already into you and are just waiting for you to seal the deal.

I'm Computer Scientist too. Yeah if you want to get laid a bunch all of that makes sense. But if you want to find the right one, it totally doesn't. And here's why: (I came to this conclusion after meeting the right one after some years of believing the pickup narrative that says: "you need to practice so that you have the skills when you meet the right one", which is BS propaganda to market pickup stuff) Most of these social skills you are building get you further and furher away from your real self. At best, when you meet the right one, she's going to have to dig through all those stupid pickup habits and ignore them until she finds out who you really are. At worst, she'd be turned off by them, and you missed out on the real thing by training yourself to click with the average random woman you'd meet on the street or in a bar. If your goal is in fact to find the right one to settle down with, that's going to require you to be on track with your life purpose. Because when you meet her, you need to be an "interesting" guy. Just being a computer scientist who picks up a lot of girls, is not interesting, unless there's some unique ambition that ties it all together, which you're serious about. Your free time should be going to that, instead of cold approach. Because if you're spending significant time cold approaching and going on dates with rando's (more than a couple hours a week), you're probably slacking off on your life purpose. Becoming a man of value requires more than just doing your job, or just doing your studies. Way more. (If you're already being exceptional and actively creating a unique life path in your free time, then scratch this one, it doesn't apply to you) But most 20 somethings aren't, they are wasting precious time to "become good with girls" (read: fuck a lot), and then end up as 30 somethings with a very average and boring story, and advanced social skills that let them sleep with any random girl but repel any serious matches. Look at Leo. He's been doing pickup a long time, but when was the last time he was in a happy relationship? What have these social skills really gotten him, besides upping his body count? If you have a real life purpose, at some point that will generate reputation value, contextual fame, or at least put your personality out there for authentic reasons, which will then attract the right matches. Example: if you're a computer scientist who is creating a company to help people with spiritual advancement using software (just picking a random tech related life purpose here from another thread), what are the chances that you're going to find a match among random club girls or on the street? Very low indeed. Like lottery ticket low. Your match in that example is probably someone who has the intellectual capacity to appreciate your ambitions, and similar values, therefore would be unlikely to be going to clubs and bars all the time. She'd be much more likely to have heard of you through what you're doing, perhaps you spoke at some event, perhaps you blogged something, perhaps you were a guest on a podcast and she found your social media, perhaps she was introduced to you through your extended social circle, which is made up of quality, ambitious people, not just tied together by partying and socializing habits, but actual values. Whatever makes sense in context of your life purpose. In my opinion, the only useful thing that you should take from pickup, is initiative and courage. The more awkward and unpolished the interaction, the better it is for the true matches, the more likely it is to work on your future wife. Because it is authentic. But you do need initiative and courage when women take indirect initiative with you. And that's honestly not something you need to train every week. It's just something you have in your back pocket as a personal value. What's the catch? It's scary to take initiative. The idea that "you need skills" is an addictive crutch. If you would just be smooth and have the right "social skills", it would be less uncomfortable and scary, the mind reasons. Wrong. When you detect that this might really be a good match, and this is when it counts, not only: - will it be just as scary as the first time - will you have to spend extra effort to take off your smooth pickup mask which you worked so hard on building.

You already have it. Not really. The right one will just like you enough to stop and listen even if you're awkward. That "social skills building" thing is only for if you want to get laid as much as possible. If you really want to meet the right one and have a family, you don't need any of it.

That's messed up dude You have to be a valuable contributor of some circle, so that they have heard of you

The more natural order of things is women approaching the man. Of course indirectly, the man still has to read the signals correctly and take initiative. Instead of approaching women as some sort of religion, you could ask yourself why they are not approaching you, and fix that.

Hehehe. Smart guy.

Circular reasoning. But if it were true, then the early adopters would be right. You can buy into anything with that rationale. I've got some dog poop I can sell them. Got a really cool website about how it could be used for payments in the future. Maybe. This is what I'll put on the landing page: Now to actually create the coin. The technology of course has to be real, that's how we know it's legit. Oh, wait... Guess I'm about to be a DoggieCoin millionaire Thanks for your belief in the future, early adopters! You are so smart!

I'm not including bitcoin in what I said. It has been adopted as a common payment method, so there's value in it now. The rest of the coins is just based on hopes and dreams and good storytelling. No critical mass reached, no evidence for widespread adoption, no profitability, no value. Just a vehicle for suckers and gamblers who would in a different time put all their money on red in Roulette, or buy Aerotyne. I'm referring to the fact that crypto exchanges have no standards or regulations, so anyone who can create an altcoin and a half decent website with some visionary sounding technical mumbo jumbo can put their crap on there, and collect sucker money. No earnings need to be reported, there's no government body scrutinizing them. One has to ask oneself, if these altcoin companies were half decent, why are angel investors, VC's and private equity companies not buying into them? Because they're the equivalent of a PowerPoint with a buy button. Nothing behind it. Their charts are only going up sometimes because some rich people have gambling addictions just like the rest of us.

I think the niche will split. Many people will want the cheap, personalized AI coaching. Others will want it with human connection. No AI can replace a person with high expertise and reputation, in the eyes of someone who values that. But it's very likely that AI coaching and therapy will take over a lot of the market for people who don't care about the human factor or the reputation factor. It's a good thing. There's too many mediocre coaches out there at the moment, fat needs to be trimmed. But when I can afford Peter Crone, I'm not going to use AI Peter Crone. I'm getting the real thing.

You guys do realize that the only reason these "assets" can be traded, even though most of them have no legitimate companies behind them, with profits that don't come from selling their self-created virtual coin, is because they created their own exchange which is currently a free-for-all for anyone who can tell a half decent story? These companies behind most of these altcoins are not qualified to be listed on a regular stock exchange. Because stock exchanges have standards. You're buying penny stocks. It's like no one here watched Wolf Of Wall Street or learnt anything from it. Even if these charts follow predictable patterns, there's still no legit companies with actual profits behind them (not factoring in the money from selling their self-created coin to naive dreamers), so at some point the house of cards is going to come crashing down. The way history repeats itself is hilarious.

@Rishabh R My professional opinion is that if you have a lot of negative thoughts, they are caused by an underlying emotional issue rooted in residual pain from childhood. This is what I've seen over and over again in myself and others. You can try to meditate them away with mindfulness, or replace them with positive thoughts / affirmations, or exercise a lot so you get more serotonin, and all of that is great and it's probably better to do it than to not do it. But it doesn't eliminate the source. So, as soon as you stop doing those habits, the negative thoughts would come back. And lots of people live like this. They have to meditate, exercise and gratitude journal / do affirmations because otherwise their mind takes them down a dark path. This is considered normal. To be constantly on the run from your own mind. There is another way. Don't get me wrong: meditation is good, exercise is good, affirmations work on the short term, but if you can eliminate the source of the negative thoughts, then you're not dependent on them. My mind doesn't torture me even when I don't do any of my healhy habits. Because I've done a bit of healing my unconscious emotional pain. It's a more challenging, but permanent solution. To get a taste, set aside 30 minutes and do this

@Solvinden Psy Fi in the Netherlands. People come there from all over the world (80 countries represented last time I visited), even though it's got a lovely intimate atmosphere. Been there 3 times, each time was very transformative for me. Ozora Festival. It's amazing. An entire week of the hippie/psychedelics/transformative atmosphere, and you keep meeting new people because it's massive. Sexsibility in Sweden. Been there twice so far and I intend to come back. Hippie/connecting atmosphere combined with sex positivity. Definitely recommended. Tons of great workshops, lovely non-fake-spirituality people and the afterparties are very adventurous

@CARDOZZO Some loose thoughts in case it's helpful: I would say I think like a visionary, but I'm not sure how or whether this is learnt. I believe I developed it as a reaction to my father's cynical world view. I think one thing that is really important is to think in possibilities, not in limitations. Remove all "X is not possible" thoughts from your mind. Contemplate a state of the world or humanity you currently think would be great if they were true, or could come true, but they can't. Then ask: what would need to happen to make it so? Continue until you have convinced yourself that it's possible. 2. Another component I think is important, is to study change. Read widely, especially read history. Study the periods that humanity made huge leaps in growth. Why was the world ready for such a change? What contributed to it? 3. Then look at the current state of the world. What change is it ready for? What is already happening on a small basis, which could grow? How could it be brought about, even if it's only a seed? 4. Fourthly, I'd say listen and read other visionaries. Watch for your own thoughts saying "yeah but that isn't possible / won't happen anytime soon", and argue the other perspective. Research evidence to the contrary until you have convinced yourself that anything is possible.