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Everything posted by mmKay

  1. Having this blog at my fingertips is such so amazing. It's like texting an imaginary best friend about the things that I would't share with everyone or that I feel would be obnoxious to talk about daily ( Imagine texting a friend every day about personal development stuff, I mean it's one of my top passions but I'd find that tiring and exhausting, ) Anyways. Got back from work. Gym early tomorrow because I need to jump to work a sec for that boss meeting ( he never says anything important) I could skip it but I want to talk to the other owner of the restaurand about her paying my vacations that I hadn't taken last year. What more ? Talk with dad again. The van is important for me. Comunnicate this. Got started with the studio. Brainstorm light options and maybe sound isolation. Maybe look into portable greenscreens, etc. Drink water dude! It's quite ridiculous how much I'm struggling with the lowest and one of the most basic human need LOL. On the way back from the meeting buy 2 litre bottles. And some beans and meat. Is this it? There is so much more I could be doing... Do some easy vlogging. I can grab my bike and gopro and practice talking to the camera in some quiet place, or one of my favorites, do it in my car. I want to start documenting my process. It would be so cool. Imagine doing this but in video , day by day, week by week and see all of the progres in 5 / 10 years. The potential is huge . Before aprooval from hot girls and classmates / friends was one of my core motivators in life, as for many many other young people ( mostly unconsciously) But since I've outgrown that, the only thing that seems to be meaningful is this, vlogging and sharing my life. The most meaningful impact I'd like to have in the world, if any, and if I had to choose one would be this, honestly sharing the process of evolution throughout my life in a relatable way. No sugarcoating, no tryharding to look cool. Simply sharing life in a vulnerable and honest way. Seems quite meaningful to me. Idk why but it feels true and authentic , so I'll go with that. I had other desired impacts on the world but most of them dont feel that authentic at this stage of my life, like "contributing to the evolution of the inner game of the youth / mankind, or helping people to release trauma and find unconditional happiness, or become a " Dating coach" to help good men develop their skills with girls, etc. I've brainstormed more but I'm texting this from my phone and I don't have my OneNote Journal at reach. More? Good for now. Tomorrow Gym, quick jump to work, shop and look into lighting and practice acting / editing.
  2. I set the intention of building a basic home studio. Pretty much inmediately found material to use as greenscreen ( bluescreen in my case ) Gonna look into lighting options . May buy some but I have so many lights laying aroud the house. I'n pretty sure I'll figure something out. Now with that huge thing hanging from the wall in my bedroom I'll definately keep working on my movie making skills. If that isn't a reminder IDK what is. What else? Going to work now. Just working 30 hours/ week down from 40 per week. Thats great for me, but I'm still not making real use of the extra time. It's okay, slow and steady. Babystep the way into building a structure that supports the foundadional habits that the vision I have for my ideal life ( for now) entail, which would be public speaking, adventure, having likeminded friends, and personal development vlogging / movie making . My dad said he will be busy for the next days, but after that probably he will finish my van. I'll ask if i should order some parts online or something.
  3. Just woke up. Yesterday I had day off work and didn't do much besides gym and scrolling through internet the whole day. Thats not bad contrasted with bingeing trash food or being sucked in by videogames. May have been more than a month since last time I played, I stoppes counting time. Good for me that I literally don't enjoy playing any game right now. What do I do with all this time? Damn, the scope of life (breadth * width) is so huge. I have so much freedom it's paralyzing. I didn't go to college to study psychology because I wanted to study personal development on my own. I don't regret it but it's about time I start taking my life more seriously. One of the essential steps is "journaling" for sure. No way that I can wing life just by thinking vague thoughts. This blogging or journaling is FOUNDATIONAL. Anyways. Whats up? My LP entails the skills of public speaking, acting, editing and recording. I've known this for a long time. I need to build a structure to get in the reps. One of the things that takes some weight off my shoulders is uploading the videos in "hidden" on youtube, as I'm doing with my brother's gym clips. This way I'm not that perfectionist on myself and can create a vid without overthinking too much. Just getting the practice in. I could buy a tripod for my phone, and maybe some basic microphone. I could look on second hand sites and I'd find something for sure. ( just checked, haven't found anything on first glance) The thing is how to keep motivated and commited? The truth is that I can keep working at my waiter job , come back home, eat food and sleep for the rest of my life. Most likely not much would stop me from that. It would be quite easy for me to just coast through life. For now I feel that I just have to use a little willpower and decision making to create a basic structure so it's easier for me to get out of my house consistently and Vlog / record videos. Basically, get the paperwork done with my Van and make a super basic build. That involves comunicating with my father, since he has to fix some mechanic aspects and he just keeps dismissing me doing whatever other things. Also theorize what could I already be doing with the van. Maybe putting the isolation and the floor or smth. Key point : comunicating the importance of this to my father. I mean I could easily just pay some mechanic to put in the last pieces and be done with it, but that would be stupid since my father is a mechanic. But if it takes him too long I will do it. That would be one big step towards a new Lifestyle and structure of my life. Greenscreen + tripod + soundproofing my room? I could start by recording things with my phone and invest in more gear later. Having a greenscreen and somewhat of a studio would be another infrastructure for a lifestyle more aligned with my ideal life. Currently blogging from my phone. Damn it's such a swiss knife. You can do so much with it. I'm sure I'm not squeezing most of the potential from my smartphone. Simply jotting down some thoughts is already a huge plus. I will be using this tool way more. I used to write things down in a private chat with myself on Whatsapp, but thats not really optimal. Still better than nothing though. Getting quite long. Specific Takeaways: Research how to build home studio. Talk with dad to finish the hecking van. Habit of blogging first thing in the morning to clear my mind. What else... Could go gym for stretching and mobility. Still sore from the chiropracter from yday. Have food little later, I don't want to fog out yet. Drink more water. Im cronically dehidrated. The structural fix would be invest in the 6 packs of 2liter water botles. Cold shower makes me feel real good. Sucks in the moment but later I never regret it. Also contributes towards building momentum and an upwards spyral. I could ride my bike with my gopro to quiet places where I could train talking to the camara. I could go to that promenade where I rode a lot through. I'll cut it here. Feel free to add whatever whenever. ( talking to myself here xd)
  4. The anwser to this question is yes and no. What you are asking in a nutshell is if it is possible to get out of the "Friend zone" by improving yourself. It is possible but not along the lines you are thinking right now. This is what actually leveraged me and many others into personal development. But the trap is that you are proyecting your male values onto women. What I mean is that right now, you think that " working on yourself " , like meditating, having a reading habit, working out , eating healthy foods, and working on your life purpose are valuable traits that ultimately bump up your chances of getting laid or landing a GF, because if you just stack up enough good habits, you will become be so high value for girls that they will simply just want you. While these things would be appreciated when already in the relationship, for attraction girls care about experiencing fun and carelesness, an emotional roller coaster and wittiness & humor, they respond to you leading in a calibrated way, they enjoy to be in a frame where they can be chasing you a bit, where you don't give her all the attention in the world , and where they look for your aprooval, etc. All of these concepts and way, way more along these lines is where you can " work on yourself " , aka " working on your social skills and dating skills. Don't expect going to the gym help you much with this. TLDR. You can get out of the friend zone if you stop being friends with her, temporarily or indefinitely, get more experience with girls overall and perhaps if you meet up somehow later on, your chances of her being attracted to you will be way higher.
  5. Can confirm. My mother used to be a prostitute in her teens. Although she already had been dragging trauma from early childhood, this just added onto the baggage. In fact, thats how my parents met, and their 26 years together have been a story of codepencence, alcohol, smoking, anger, cheating, resentment and lots and lots of emotional damage, with some good and average moments as well. Yeah, both are doing as good as they can, but I'd reccomend simply getting together with an emotionally healthy girl. I mean, you can do what you want and spend the rest of your life dealing with her emotional stabbing and trying to fix her as she taxes your energy, happiness and resources, but once you have kids and she turns out to be really nuts, I'm sorry for you. I did have sex with a prostitute once. As you may expect, not a profound experience, but I can tell she was a cold person. While doggystyleing I briefly stopped to rub her upper back ( lol) and she was like " U gonna start fcking me or what" Anyways, those are are my 2 cents, from my personal life and personal experience.
  6. How does your average day look like ? How does your socializing look like? Do you have some quality friends you regurarely hang out with ?
  7. May be a no-brainer but if you are down for some proactive procrastination you can check out Leo's posts history, starting from the very first one. Found many many gems there.
  8. pin this thread to the first page please!
  9. Hey, have you heard of vanlife? Basically you purchase a car / van, make it somewhat livable and live travelling without paying for rent. If you are a frugal person and have the savings you could go a good year or more just doing the inner work or focusing on whatever you'd like. just my 2 cents .
  10. Huh quite freaky. I've been working on understanding what my LP could be for quite long and what you wrote here looks like something copy-pasted from my own journal tbh Spongebob and Rick and morty are two of my inspirations as well ( As well as Cyanide and Happniess, Avatar, and various animes ) . If you enjoy Futurama and the Simpsons as well, i recommend you this three part interview with Matt Groening. Quite inspiring . Animation has such a huge potential not only creatively but also to impact mankinds consciousness and evolution. Congrats on your discovery btw My two cents here, If you find yourself slacking, backsliding, not progressing or just getting bummed out, check out the LP course. It will set the right expectations, lay out the big picture and help you with keeping on track. Remember these from Morpheus in the Matrix? Anyways, good luck !
  11. If that isn't a proof for aliens right under our nose i dont know what is lol. ( Yeah, another Kurzgesagt vid, but damn)
  12. I know Leo specifically said not to spam him with theories of what his condition may be but I resonated way too much with his health situation so I wanted to give my 2 cents. I'll keep it short. I have chronic fatigue, chronic sinus peoblems, cold limbs and probably thyroid problems ( yet undiagnosed) , issues with stuffy nose and ears thay are " Imaginary" as my many doctors said after paying hundreds of dollars, and extreme mental and physical fatigue after eating carbs. I'm suposed to have a chronic alergic reaction to something unknown. Also, fasting aliviates all of this INMENSELY. So. I' ve had a long history of living in places and closed rooms with mold on the walls / on the roof/ bathroom, etc. Mold sends out spores into the air. You breathe them in. They grow inside of you. They are resistant bastards nd tough to get rid of. They are undetectable in many standard tests and mainstream medicine ignores them completely. They feed off of your food, mostly carbs ( fungi eat sugar) . Idk if you have looked into this, but since you never mentioned i thought it could be of value to you. A book on this condition that i've been recommended by someone fighting the same condition. Im late to work, sorry for sloppy writing. Good luck!
  13. I used to get real insights from Elliot Hulsex but he has regressed so much : Quite long video yes, but I challenge you not to facepalm no more once than 10 min. Quite deep regression, that seems to be the end of his development given how deep, assertive and pushing he is in his worldview.
  14. Here is a video for y'all who are broke, love travelling and are into frugal living. Also its good for minimizing your expenses and getting free time to focus on life purpose. Also check out his youtube channel. Check out Vanlife movement in google, as well as Carlife. Also This channel on Alternative housing :
  15. hyperparasite is a parasite,) and Coleoptera (beetles). Imagine a parasite hooked on a parasite hooked on a parasite hooked to the first parasite.
  16. I was going to apply but in middle of my essay I noticed that I was just doing it for the social status of having a green name tag lol. * Chimp mode off *
  17. Cat triggered by whipping tail triggered because of being triggered by whipping his tail
  18. Running late to work, but wanted to share this before. Seems amazing for short distance travel. Literally 0 emmisions. Thoughts?
  19. Leos video on meaning value and purpose, and contemplation. Broke my shit for two years
  20. May seem simple but this helped me out beyond words and may have saved my life. Let go of the " NEED TO KNOW " . ( Not saying don't ask questions, not reading books, etc ) But let go of the CLINGINESS, ATTACHMENT to an anwser like you are used to getting before. One-dimensional, explicit, non-paradoxical. Acept NOT KNOWING. There is a deep state of peace and inner silence that you get into when you embrace NOT KNOWING as a valid state of being. What am I? Why does life exist? What's the point of life? what is the fundation of existance ?? So many open threads. So many possibilities. So many unknown factors. When you start thinking and thinking and don't get to any convicing anwsers, you will feel pain, confusion and worse. But then it hits you. OOH!!! I don't KNOW!! I DONT KNOW! AND I NEVER KNEW!! I was just hiding in unconscious uninquired assumptions of reallity, of myself and worldview paradigms. And it was giving you , my favorite word of all time : Pseudo-safety. The illusion of safety. And it's okay!! Woah, I'm so astonished. I'm so amazed. I have no words. Reallity is so misterious!! What the hell? How didin't I see this before?!! Reallity seems magical. What the f^ck. HOW IS ANYTHING POSSIBLE? And that's the place you want to stay in. Not knowing is not bad. It's not stupid. It's not demeaning as our culture pushes on us . Not knowing is a superior state of being. Of openness for hypothesis. Of oppenness for direct, personal experimentation. You can ultimately only ground yourself in Actuallity, direct experience. And that's where you get deeper and deeper into spirituallity. You may want to read The book of Not Knowing by Peter Ralston. Good luck!
  21. @JessiChell ofc it's alright. The insight is that ONLY when you accept yourself , you can change. You certainly will change nothing by repressing and guilting yourself. Love any "unwanted" aspect of your life to death. Repeat with me . When you accept yourself, you change. Repeat again. Step 2 is doing it at an emotional level. I feel like I undersold the exercise I just told you in last post. It is LITERALLY the anwser to all of your suffering, since it is self-inflicted. You won't think your way out of anything. You must feel your deepest triggers and release them with Love, maybe several times. It literally is the anwser to all of your suffering. But this is as far as I can help out. You gotta do the rest. On the other hand, what do I know, I'm writing this in my underwear cos its like 33º here
  22. Wanted to add this Youtube Channel under the exact same category. This guy has over 100 one hour long precise beautifully laid out summaries of quality personal development books. Enjoy. Look at the playlist of " Study notes " for the gold, not just random videos of his.
  23. @Leo Gura Little experience in relationships is one of my weak point so this may mostly be armchair philosphy but i'd like to hear your take on this "insight " : Long story short, I used to have a massive crush on a girl and it would drive me nuts, make me depressed and feel extremely jealous when I saw her with other guys, making out with them even imagining her having sex with others. It was a real source of suffering for me . I even imagined scenarios where we would be together but she cheated on me with my best friend or even family members, which would make me suffer even more. Yes , I used to be a monumental SIMP lol. But my intuition tells me girls also obsess over guys in this excessive creative way, so maybe this will help you in some way @JessiChell Before I say anything , yes, you could argue that these are just imagination and mental exercises, but I feel there is a ton of value in experiencing this in a Mind, Body and Feelings - emotions Visualization exercise and fully accepting it, rather than simply discarding it as " but this won't work in an actuall real-life scenario" etc. And I'd be willing to play devil's advocate and say that the potential for growth is as just as high as going through the actual real life experience. So, a huge release came when I applied detachment , Love and acceptance to those imagination exercises. In real time, from one second to the another I felt this overwhelming sense of release and letting go. What I did was Imagine all these things that make me suffer, see them in my minds eye and feel them in my body, and deeply come to peace with them. Accept them, embrace them and fully love them. Basically accepting that I'm resisting those things and proceding to fully accepting them happening. I Imagined many many possible scenarios that would make me suffer, like she hooking up with my brother, or with my best friend, or she getting gangbanged and enjoying it, etc etc ( feel free to substitute these for your personal painful imaginations , the richer and more detailed the better ) And I couldn't belive it! it was such a huge weight of my shoulders. Suddenly I was okay with all of these scenarios. I was completely open to the ideas of open relationships, polygamy, threesomes and even tag teaming her with my friends ( mentioning these because they specially triggered me ). I was okay with she being with me and also she not being with me. I feel like that's where the actual jump happens from "Codependency - She needing to be with me and me needing to be with her "- " Independence one not needing the other, but in a repressive way of not being able to open up or not wanting to get hurt , and finally interdependence where both are fine with whatever happens and are free to leave whenever they want and still being open, loving and fully taking in the experience of eachother Most likely pragmatically such things would hinder healthy relationships or would requiere unrealistic base level of consciousnesness and detachment from both sides for it to work, but I really wish you develop the skill to experience this. It's so beautiful and so amazing to be free of such suffering, and realizing that it was self-inflicted all along. You may look into Byron Katie books or her YouTube channel for a simple 1-2-3 formula, but the real growth is made at the level of deep feeling into your emotions and triggers. Good luck!