bejapuskas

Depends on how you look at it. You now, in the US for example, now they banned the abortions... it also affects trans people a lot and makes it worse for them than in the past. Trans guys and nonbinary people who can become pregnant get a lot of sexual hate crimes like rape, way more than cisgender people statistically. And that can sometimes lead to unwanted pregnancy that also affects them in the way of dysphoria, because pregnancy is like a female thing culturally right, and as a guy you dont want to be feminine in most cases like that. So it is really worse now than it was. Dont overlook issues or minimize tragic things by saying things are getting better.

It is not just the past bro, it still happens.

@Leo Gura I guess I was misinterpreting your advice or just having too low of a standard bcz of low self esteem. I left the girl who was being lazy. She literally said "I didnt realize I have to put in effort" I agree with what people here are saying, drooling dick is bullshit, just like laziness and body shaming. She is literally the female equivalent of what straight sexual freedom feminists fear in men.

@Leo Gura I had this issue too, I guess when watching your advice on dating, guys, when they finally get laid, if they follow what you say, will just mindlessly give. And I mean that is fine to some extent if it is reciprocated, I just thought your approach is often overly focusing on "male being the giver and taking all responsibility". Do you think that's a fair critique? @Anon212 Not saying our experiences are the same, but I had like a really similar thing happen to me. I don't know why it would not be normal, it produces precum I guess as a lubricant, isn't it so? Should be normal. Do you feel like you are getting what you want in this relationship when it is like this? Does she let you sleep with other people or does she want you guys to be exclusive in this state?

Female locker room talk moment

That's fair, I mean it is the OP's thing to clarify to us, I just maybe missed something, but from reading the OP, I did not see anything giving enough detail to identify whether it is or is not the case.

To put forward a counter-perspective, maybe she is just selfish. It is not always up to the guy to do all the job. I was in a relationship where I was following Leo's advice like this really well, I made her orgasm so many times basically every time, but then she would never do what I wanted, she would just say she is tired after orgasming and say I am selfish for wanting stuff or that I am crossing her boundaries. It is her boundaries, cannot cross it, but like that is kinda ass. Maybe she is just selfish like that and does not wanna give you.

@Preety_India @puporing Thank you

Hi, I am giving a lot of backstory, idk if it is that important, but you can skip to the end. I recently started developing more strict personal boundaries after going to therapy and exploring my past, as well as contemplating a lot with my good friends what I want and what is truly mine. I went quite deep and explored a lot of trauma. As a result, I became less open, naive and trusting than I was, which is perhaps good in some ways. This is also a result of realizing I am quite queer, which reduces the number of people who fully accept me quite significantly. After questioning society, I also realized how so many things are messed up, which increased my ethical standards for what is acceptable for me. This also made my relationships and family life harder, because my parents for example victim blamed me for sexual harrassment and justified themselves so much, which really hurt. When I was still more naive and open, I also travelled in many tourist places in India, where I lived for two years, which resulted in me getting scammed A LOT, even though I speak Hindi. This also developed some distrust in me, but I do not support racist views, as not all Indian people are scammers. My question is, I really dont like this loneliness. I find it hard to only have very few people I trust and not being able to have as many conversations as before. I also feel unsafe in my familys house, which is really dumb. I also developed anger issues, because I am really fed up how people hurt me every day. My therapist just told me that I have to lower my expectations and there is not really something I can do. But is there really nothing? Do you guys have any advice? I just feel really unstable like this and I dont like it, but also I dont know how to go around it differently.

@Arcangelo Thank you. @Danioover9000 What shadows do you have in mind? Why exactly are you mentioning them? @Preety_India I am sorry if how I described my experience sounded racist. I actually met many nice Indian people before ever encountering the scammers. They were the reason I decided to study in India in the first place. And my experience did not lead to me just directing my anger at Indian people, it was more of a trigger that just made me explode and turn into defence mode against all kinds of people, white people too. For example, a few years back, I would never ask a waiter why they are taking so long but now I totally would. I didnt want to sound like I am generalizing I am sorry. It was also a lot of things that happened before my trip that were just leading to this abrupt change and nothing I said wasnt meant to do anything with race of people. I am sorry if it sounded that way.

@Leo Gura Thanks Leo, that sounds like a good advice, I have some really good spiritual friends who follow their life purpose and are very accepting. They often live a bit outside of my city, so I dont meet them as often, but things are usually good when I do. I guess I need to find more people like that in my city. As a constant traveller, I sometimes have to leave people behind which I guess results in this issue. But I dont have issues making good friends I guess its just that I changed countries now. (And will be moving again in 2 months) @puporing I guess I can see things clearer yeh. Being open really served me well in the past but I guess I went too far. Luckily I am moving for university to the US and my school looks really high conscious with a lot of support. I think I will be fine there. @Salvijus It basically boils down to that I am very sensitive. My expectations are too high and also currently a lot of stuff is going on and also resurfacing from the past in me. My therapist told me to just change my expectations. It can help I guess but it also makes me feel powerless. Maybe I dont have much power in this regard, but I guess as others said, I can make more good friends. I have maybe like 3-5 really good ones here, more in foregin countries. Just gotta spend more time. @somegirl Yeh, right, I react a lot to the slightest signs of people potentially trying to fuck me over. Often it actually prevents things and often my intuition is correct. So Its kinda scary, but also I guess from another perspective its good. The accessing people individually is a good piece of advice I think. Sounds accurate. I know I can do it, but yeh, I am on defence mode. I tried to fix people in relationships and I took Leos advice about being a giver too far. And yeh it really sounded like a big paradigm shift to me that I dont have to be an open book, I always just thought about the way to get there instead of thinking about whether I should even be considering it. I guess the part with the parents hurt, because my relationship with parents is like much worse, although not giga bad, compared to my friendships and relationships with other adults. @SamC Thats interesting what youre saying my friend. I can see how somehow I think of how I should consider others when they dont do the same thing back for me. Like when I validated my mums experience vs. how she victim blamed me about sexual harrassment. I certainly have a lot of darkness, I used to be able to accept it better, but then I lived in a very very liberal environment which really judged any kind of darkness and did not tolerate it, which I guess made me more insecure and unsure about the things I thought I had already integrated. I dont know how to begin again, but I guess its getting better, I see myself as less of a threat and my intrusive thoughts are fine.

I see what Leo is saying about being hung up on it and aiming to get over with it. But I thought about this and maybe it is the thing with not focusing on what you like and as a result having your first sexual experience to be mediocre that then builds this image in your head that sex kinda sucks. Dont do people you dont really really like. They dont have to fit the societal norms, but dont settle for a worse partner, just because somebody tells you its important. Its a kind of a self-rape if you ask me. Not being hung up on it can be good, but this kind of path can be dangerous if you know what I mean. You may end up forcing yourself and regretting it or feeling super weird.

Consent is not vibe killer.

Forest that is far away from everything is good ime. It feels very natural. But maybe I am just weird lol. My friend who lost his virginity on a bunch of pine tree needles has a different opinion.

@A_v_E What does it mean to have a solid core in Blue? What kind of wisdom are they usually lacking do you think? Are you counting hippy people who misuse psychedelics and dont have their life together as green?

@Hardkill Thats why you think about life purpose and how you can ensure that you yourself do not contribute to them. That youre not only neutral, but active in how you live your values. Anything you do in your life can be done from different states of awareness. You can for example become a teacher and teach government approved material only and never discuss anything conscious or political or relevant. Or you can do the opposite. There are ofc more and less extreme versions of this.

In my opinion, being largely aware about all the social inequalities which kinda is a part of green that you undergo when you start questioning your biases can make you quite miserable, because it is just really sad what is happening everyday. And unfair. You kinda have to dettach to be able to function. Also you might consider it stupid to be sad for somebody else when your own life is going well, and while I get that, people seem to have some sort of automatic compassion sometimes that could still make them feel sad. However, with questioning norms and biases and assumptions about things like gender, sexuality, religion, life purpose, opening yourself up to feelings, deeper connections with people etc. can help you be more yourself. Being yourself can be really hard and you can get killed in some places for being yourself, but I think it is very interesting and fulfilling. Also a lot of joy can come from true self-discovery. Realizing you can do things differently than people have told you, questioning peer pressure, norms, bonding with people you authentically wanna bond with, all that can bring a lot of enjoyment IMO.

Thank you for sharing this. Really eye-opening post and finally some critique of green from above. Rarely available on this forum.

I think that if this creator God exists, they are definitely not a just being. Kurt Vonnegut compared God in his book Cats Cradle to a boy who is playing with a glass bottle and is putting random bugs inside it just in order to shake it and see them fight each other to death. Do you get the metaphor?

@Preety_India I know they are very different, I guess I just assumed its that because it is more widespread. Thanks for sharing.

This whole time I thought BPD means bipolar disorder, not borderline personality. I am sorry for misinterpreting.

I do not exactly know what it was, but my dad's ex wife often acted distant, called my dad names and cheated on him with his friend. It was this kind of unstable behavior. I do not know if it was BPD though. I have heard more stories like this about people with mental illnesses. On the other hand, I do not know if this really applies or not, but I would still share it. I am currently in a queerplatonic relationship, which is not really romantic nor sexual, but it is quite deep. The person is neither a girl nor a boy, but that is not important as people work differently no matter what their gender is. The person has OCD, anxiety and depression and many other things, which sometimes cause them to be sad. But what I value about them is that they support me in being truly myself and they do not mind when I question things. The relationship seems very authentic and free as a result. Definitely better than some romantic and sexual relarionships I had in the past. So I guess it really depends. And you @Preety_India , I know you sometimes find life difficult, but I have seen you grow a lot over the years on this forum and I believe that you can achieve what you want in your life despite certain obstacles. You are definitely more dedicated to growth than all of the people who talk trash on this thread about you. Guys, if somebody like Leo has a channel which evolves so much, and Leo evolves so much too, it can often happen that if he shoots a video and it stays there uneditted, it can later turn into something that he does not agree with. And please be clear on this, this is true for everyone. How would you feel if somebody took something you said 5 years ago out of context as absolute and used it against you? People make mistakes. Learn how to think for yourself, that is more important than following a flawed teaching.

@Bando I think if the OP has been with this person for a year and still nothing changed, trying to change them could just mean digging oneself into a hole. Do not make it worse. @andyurb What are the reasons for staying with this person for so long if they make you so sad? Have you ever considered what you love? One thing I observed in my experience - in Actualized.org, Leo teaches the kind of approach to dating that assumes you are a selfish fuck who never provides to a woman. If you are not that, it might falsely make you feel like you are, because you love Leo too much. And then you just multiply your people pleasing instinct with even more of it and you become a burn out. Be careful about this.

@A_v_E I am sorry I triggered you like that, I think maybe we would agree on more things if we continued. Every section has its less conscious individuals. (But I still wouldnt say that the blacks in France are the cause of their own oppression that is too much) I also think race and class are kinda related, because of racism partially, but of course there are White people who are really poor and suffer a lot, especially in Ukraine. Mental illness sucks. For a person of any section. I know from experience. Do not let some mean girl dictate what you have to do and who you have to be in your life. I swear, in my own life, sacrificing authenticity for trying to female gaze and and also Incel culture both really fucked me up and made me less truthful as well as less myself. It limited my ability to think for myself critically about society.

@A_v_E See, race is a construct. Pigmentation can vary. Some black people may be lighter skinned than me, some white people may be darker skinned than me. But race is not just that. Sure, it is an illusion, but people benefit from it and that is a fact. Denying that is not really promoting peace and love. You know people who become blind race also become blind to learning about the illusion in which they live, the harmful illusion. I am not saying truth is bad, I am glad you care about the truth here. If they become blind to that, they are left with the conditioning they have been given, which is on average racist or colorist. And that affects everything you do. You might for example assume that everyone on this forum feels comfortable in the same conditions as you do. About your notion of responsibility... Lets say I steal a bunch of money from Leo and then give it to you without telling you it is from Leo and without making you responsible in any way. Are you the rightful owner of that money, although you did not put any effort? (Did not sell any booklists, courses etc.) Think about that. Colonization is way worse, because it also destroys spiritual wisdom of civilizations etc. But it is nice that you are dedicated to giving the maximum to the world I admire that. Racism is real in your country whether you are the victim or the perpetrator. I dont think it is possible for there to be a country without racism today.