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Everything posted by non_nothing

  1. This is life. All I can do is to hope and courage for you. Nobody but you can find the truth for yourself. This is the part of your everybody's journey.
  2. No problem, further additional points that might help is to think about which part is really you. In reality our body and cells actually dies and gets be born every second. They say that over a few years, actually your body almost completely changes. So where we can fit in this equation literally?
  3. i dont really buy into this statement. in fact i doubt about anyone if one does. not all celebraties or rich ppl commit suicide, in fact most of them live happily. Just because some of few does, doesnt imply money not provide happiness.
  4. By discovering who I am, because when I discover myself, It is the truth. If that's the truth, there should be no problems at that state. Also with plus, problems are illusion. Even without discovering oneself, one can verify that (if one knows how to do cognitive therapy work). Either way or another, problems are illusions. They stay as valid whenever one believes to have a personality who has problems.
  5. I recently asked the following questions to myself: (This thread was lucky to receive this information) Will I die? (yes) Can I die right now (yes) If death is in the future (yes), it means it is not in the now (true) Future is an illusion (true) So death might be an illusion (maybe) Did I born (yes) It was in the past (yes) So birth might be an illusion (maybe, or certainly not! I am born for sure) (asking again) Can I die right now (yes, there's a chance) Can I be born now (...) (three dots might give you some insight if you follow the questions accordingly, if not go over again, if not meditate for the questions yourself)
  6. from the very beginning you define the X as an empty set thats why you can perform kindergarten mathematics you also assume in your mental logic is a two way directional operation, that's not how you prove things. A -> B is not A <-> B thus B -> A is never always true plus you assume you are operating on numerical sets. you cannot construct such logics as + - and transfer variables freely on sides equation symbol but we all know what you're trying to do here. you have none to do with math on this level. so stop acting like a genius.
  7. stop trying to avoid, then try to see what you have been trying to avoid even, then see they're thoughts. I think that as long as you don't step on ground with bare feet you don't short circuit if you touch a cable that has current. Right now you're stepping on ground with bare feet. Current goes through your mind and makes you feel depressed. Step back and try to identify those. Even watch them. Do not resist or don't try to avoid. I literally mean this. Let the depression go through you.
  8. hell please no not everything... at least not in this male body
  9. you went to wrong direction after line 2 experiencer is the experienced
  10. hahah my ass your ignorance level on mathematics made my day.
  11. week summary days been normal. pills make you like focused robot. the thing i had ovserved was that i become thoughtless. Is exactly like what you want to achieve during enliggtenment work. It is both good and bitter feeling. Nowadays I cannot find my desire any desire. No depression or the depression. I simply dont feel anything. Including i cannot find anything bad or worried about. This led me to reconsider my LP in general. Everything seems to be another mouse wheel. Neither I want nor I dont want to do anything. I will talk this to my psychiatrist and will see what he will tell.
  12. My past about ADHD is as follows: - I always used to do something else (creative!) rather than focusing to the lecture on classes, i.e. drawing comics or imagining something else - I had taken Ritalin and Concerta in the past where I had terms and in the situation where serious concentration is needed. After that I've completely abandoned using them. Sort of used those as "BOOSTERS". Today I've went to psychiatrist once again, after 6 years last time for the boosters. I've described that I couldn't do functional work i.e can't concentrate on the work I have assigned to do (at job). I told him sometimes I can't even do basic math operations and so on. So he also saw my past about this and decided to give this pills again. So tomorrow will be my first day start using Concerta again. In parallel, I will take advantage of its effects such as loss of desire to eat. I will convert this to a regular fasting combined with healthy eating style that I've imagined. Currently I have bought Chia seeds and omega-3 fish pills. I will start going gym again and combine it with a nightly meditation session where I've left it with. I will try to keep this journal notified as I can.
  13. Weekend-two-days Never took the pill. The first day was quite good overall. The second day was all around depression. Ended up eating shit food and had stomach issues. And Monday Took the pill, regret eating random shit on this day. That stomach pain was real. Asides that it cancelled out the motivation to neutral. Gone to gym which made everything a little bit better. I haven't been meditating since the weekend. Now after 12 hours, I drank filter coffee and right now I cannot sleep even last night I slept for 4 or 5 hours. And even now, If I sleep the same would happen, I would only get barely 6 hours from now on.
  14. End of day 2 Was exact same as yesterday, plus I did a meditation in the night instead of morning. At the morning I couldn't have motivation/desire to meditate this time because I slept very late and barely got 5 hours of sleep. Instead I pop the pill at 5 and slept to 6;30 or something, more than that wasn't possible because of the pill makes you awake. I was very motivated at work to do tasks. I feel somewhat satisfied for the tasks that I've completed and worked on. Thought after 12 hours, I get to the point where I feel below normal and unsatisfied with life. I have no idea how would I resolve this issue and feelings right now happening after 12 hours. They did not mysteriously appear when I started this treatment, in fact that's how I have been feeling throughout all day all along without pills. The unsatisfaction with life have been a long issue for me, I guess since starting from highschool. My appetites lessened. When I sit I don't want to eat big portions, I stick to smaller portions. (which I already knew by experience and was expecting that moment.) At least today I've stick with foods that I can choose as healthiest. When I got back home, I drank kefir along with chia seeds and popped my fish oils and multivitamin pill. I am still unclear about whether to take off from pills when weekends. My doctor never said something such implicitly. But I don't want to build resistance towards these pills. In the past, I have never experienced any resistance built even for long time usage like 6 months. I'm unsure.
  15. Basically you cant prove me your death.
  16. Day 1 before bed After 12 hours, the pills effect has gone and I was hit by that brain fog and unmotivation again. It happened exactly after 12 hours which is how long the pill lasts. Maybe I am just tired of gym and work, who knows but wish I could end the day in the mood that was in 12 hour cycle. Its been 17 hours since i popped the pill while writing this. I hope I will have the motivation tomorrow to go the gym. I am afraid to slack off so easily tomorrow. I know these are thoughts but It is more tham that. When I put these feeling into the words then they become thoughts. If I dont do that, then I dont have thoughts but that does not eliminate the feeling unfortunately. I feel very scared and dark about being lonely. Being alone is something really different than feeling lonely. In my perspective feeling lonely is none to do with surrounding. It comes from inside. It has a mixture of thoughts that makes you worried, anxious and fearful against life, you cannot find anything meaninful and worthy of you. Somewhat fucked up feeling of that is. I hope someday magically this feeling will vanish from earth by leaving everybody. 1st day of nofap. Fasted for 21.5 hours. Ate goddamn arbys which made me feel like crap. Sigh. Tomorrow will be a better day.
  17. Day 1 cont. afternoon So far everything is going better than I expected. Today was the first day of the opening of the gym at work. Also the first gym day for me since for 4 months. I did my workout and increased my cardiovascular capacities. Shower felt great. Now I will continue to work.
  18. Day 1 Woke up at 5, pop pill, return to bed. Couldn't sleep. I was a bit of anxious and curious about what will happen today. I knew the pill will take effect in about 1 hour so after I wake up I would have its effects on. The time passed by thinking about it. Meanwhile my anxious thoughts have dropped one by one. I actually became more calm. I put myself into a meditative state, since it always helped me sleeping. But the next clock has rang and I woke up. I felt like I was missing a lot in life, felt like motivated and had focus. I accomplished my tiny parts of plan so far. I will start a new journal first I need a journal, physical one. This time I use this post as journal. I felt a bit regret being arrogant about giving this thread's title. Maybe I have a ADHD and I guess if It is so, It might be good with this pills for my liking. This is not that bad than I expected and actually I feel very motivated and have right now that something missing for a long time, I have no idea whether is it about the chemicals in the brains, receptors, neurotransmitters or whatever! But this works for me? I guess. And as always I feel that gratitude towards life. Now its time for my meditation session. Stay good!
  19. Zeroth day I got access to my pills today in the afternoon. So that starting from tomorrow I will be taking those pills on daily basis. Because of its extended period of time of stimulating, I couldn't take those in the middle of day today. Watched a couple of videos about ADHD My plan is to take advantage of these pills. I had taken them before and I am experienced. These pills make you super concentrated and less likely follow on your ego, gives a kick in motivation and also makes you less want to eat. Also It will reduce your sex-drive. So all these combined I will have an optimal plan: - Wake up at 5 am, pop one pill sleep and wake up at 6 am eventually the stimulant will have started working and show its effect. - Usually I wake up around 7 am for my shuttle to job. But with the plan above, I will have 1 hour window to do some activities for myself in the morning. Which might be combined one or more of the following: - Journaling (I will take this no matter what) at least 5 minutes minimum to maximum 10 minutes - Morning meditations of 45 minutes - Improved morning routine (might take showers in morning, self-care, etc) - May perform a small little cardio workout Gradually by time, If I will wanted to, I will shift the plan by 1 hour to give myself a 2 hour in the morning, i.e wake up at 4 to pop pill then wake up at 5 am. - I will do extended fasting, take control of my diet. - I will continue on my strength training from where I have left, - I will do NoFap because meanwhile I will have no sex-drive and urges. (funny thing is that I had not masturbated for more than 6 months while on these pills meanwhile I had never heard of nofap back in these days)
  20. Hello actualizers, I would like to give you an overall review and share my experience on meditating for everyday strictly about 1 hour. Maybe some of you would benefit from this. If you have any additional questions or things you curious about leave them in this thread. I started doing meditations strictly back in 2017. Started with 25 minutes every day and a month later experimented with 1 hour, 1 and half hour and only half hour. Because of my legs getting numb and hurt easily, I found my sweet spot around 45 minutes. So I stick with that number. The exact cause why I started meditations was simple, I had anxiety and depression issues. And I had panic attacks and anxiety attacks a few times before that. Those who wondering how intense my attacks was, once I remember waking up in the middle of the night for no reason. Even I had meditation on that day, after 20 minutes with intense panic and anxiety It made me cry for no simple reason . Meditations completely got rid of that. It worked like a magic tool for me. In parallel, I've developed a deeper understanding on almost all areas on life. It was like a secret wisdom, like a secret sight that had installed on me. Also started to get more interested about spirituality as-well, other religions and belief systems etc. self-inquiry and all kinds of other philosophic ideas, stoicism, red-pill strategy, men going their own way, self-improvement?, human psychology, self-actualizing (woot), mathematics, physics and all kinds. Meditating was my best friend. It was the most underrated (even how popular it is, yes it is underrated) most overlooked, fooled by its simplicity. It's drawbacks are pays long term, and needs steady commitment. We're living in a society where we want immediate results. But If you need numbers, here, I promise if you meditate for 3 weeks from now on everyday at least 20 minutes, you'll see its benefits in your life. It's been 2 month since I've intentionally stopped meditating. I do not remember exactly why, but this crazy idea somehow popped in my mind to give it a try: Stop meditating for 3 weeks then continue on doing it again. Then I simply wanted to experiment with this. Instead of a life with full meditation habit, I wanted to see how it is on the other side. So I stopped meditating. First week was tough because meditation was a key to overcome anxiety and all depression for me, crazy thoughts running inside my mind etc. In that period, I only once felt that I had to meditate because I felt overwhelmed by anxiety and the mind so that 3 week period only got relapsed by once. 3 weeks passed and I started doing meditations all again. For the next three days, was smooth and going fine without missing a day. On forth day and ahead I stopped doing meditations completely, and it got into a snowball effect. It's been 2 month since I've intentionally stopped meditating Now the best thing about this 2 years of meditation is it granted a permanent fix on me. It's been clearly one month of no meditation and I can say I am healed. I still preserve all the things I gained. No diminishment or whatsoever. Though I want to do meditations again but It is completely a personal misbelief about me believing it hit a plateau on spiritual development. If you have any additional questions or things you curious about leave them in this thread. Stay good! EDIT: I forgot to tell the best benefit. My everyday life became a meditation while not meditating. In simple terms: I almost feel like meditating every second even though I am not sitting lotus eyes closed. EDIT2: I do meditations when I feel like to do it on occasions like weekends on near a shore or some sort in nature. I sometimes even plan my trips in weekdays and long for it. It is immensely powerful peaceful event to meditate in nature. I would totally recommend anyone to do this in their life once. Warning! You might get addicted to doing meditations in nature because of pure bliss and silent (if not birds are singing although which is the best part!)
  21. It was always a different approach from me, the usual practice and most efficient one that I found was the following: I ask the question: What am I, and I wait to catch anything raises upon and further ask questions to that sense. For ex: What am I? I wait, even I ask "What is this waiting sense?" sometimes, then follow upon. "What is this awareness?" "Who sees this awareness" The most important thing is to return the question "Who in the essence is the great watcher/seer of these everything happening" after a few questions I guess It would be more appropriate to say I stopped doing it as an habit. I do meditations whenever I like it to do. It is your expectations from meditation and life. I can't know what's your expectations from life to answer that "I'm fully satisfied with life". I wasn't expecting that so the only thing I expected really was get rid of anxiety and depression in which it significantly helped. Regarding "What are you going to do now" I don't gett that question, if you mind elaborate on that a bit? The premise of Enlightenment is to get rid of Ego completely thus achieving a complete state of bliss and joy. But I found that Ego is much more powerful than you think. Ego is much more wide than the words have been spoken on meditation. Ego can attach itself to the meditation habit and make you unaware of it. It is an experience that everyone has to gain for themselves. I can't really tell you about that. My intention was to add a little bit of clue of what has happened to me. Rather than strictly pointing towards to facts. Because it is not the way of non-ego-mind.
  22. Yes I did it a few times. But I found self-inquiry works better when contemplating on a paper for myself.
  23. How can one's free will talk about free will if there's no free will even?
  24. equation is simple. _,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,_ your expectations = the reality (this is wat you want, expect or you want right hand side to be greater i.e) your expectations < the reality _,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,_ if neither of those cases happen to be true i.e your expectations > the reality (what happened) you get depressed and any sort of "bad" feeling. _,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,_ fitting this equation to your case is: your expectations from the therapist = outcomes must be what I had think of your expectations from the therapist < outcomes must be or greather than what I had think of _,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,_ if this was what happened, we wouldn't see you here in this thread but this is what happened: your expectations from the therapist > outcomes must be what I had think of _,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,_ so simply talking about it and presenting equations and analyzing what happened is not enough right? so we have to think about a solution to fix this problem. the fix is simple but also its hardness comes from its simplicity. 1) investigate what was your expectations. 2) investigate what had did not fulfill on outcome. so that fix the equation. _,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,__,.-'~'-.,_ Since the exact same thing happened me recently, I will do this simple exercise for you. 1) I wanted a cure, fix to myself of being depressed. I did not know why I have been feeling this way. 2) Outcome was neither I saw any fix nor my depression went away. So what was the problem there? you cannot modify what is already happened. i.e the outcome. so what's we have left with? fixing the equation on the left hand side. 1) I wanted a cure, fix to myself of being depressed you had to work on this. several points: a) Is this even true? i.e you are depressed? b) Is what you have expected reliable? from that therapist? c) Does this absolutely mean every therapist will give you the same output? d) Can you be depressed forever? etc etc.