krazzer

I have been very self-centred most of my life, so the idea of solipsism was very easy to accept for my ego, and the ego even liked it and ran with it. But from the standpoint of the absolute, there is a knowing that this is how it is, and it makes it easier to not take life to seriously, which is what the ego wants.

I have barely touched psychedelics, I have nothing against them, but there is no pull towards them. If you feel that you should use them for self (or god) realisation, go for it, but also quit using them if they don't work for you, and be honest about this to yourself. It's not uncommon to be stuck on a dead end for years or even decades.

@Javfly33 If anything I would say the truth will increase your lifespan. If you search for the truth and are able to dissolve the ego, there will be far less energy wasted on thinking, striving, addiction etc. No ego doesn't mean no body. The body is still there. The body will still move itself to put food in its mouth. It will still run away if a tiger is chasing it. Maybe the fear of death goes away, but that doesn't mean one will die.

@TheSomeBody That is very interesting. Since the shift away from ego-identification in recent weeks, the mind has become remarkably quiet. Naturally, with less mental chatter, there’s also been less outward activity. Less movement, less thought, this also means fewer calories burned. So the body, too, asks for less. With the rise in awareness, there’s a heightened sensitivity to the body. Alcohol no longer sits well. Just the other day, while eating out, I felt a strong aversion to the sensation of being bloated. This naturally led to more mindful eating, smaller portions, slower pace, and no more unconscious snacking between meals. It becomes clear: the closer one rests in the Absolute, the less the body demands. Awareness brings balance. It’s not about control, it’s simply what unfolds.

The ego

So... he's God?

❤️

@Mellowmarsh The problem is that "God" is just a word, a concept. People gave it a certain meaning. Other people give it another. From the absolute standpoint, you could say that what some people mean by god is the absolute itself. But you have to be able to clearly see the absolute for yourself to understand how this is true on a non-intellectual level.

@Magnanimous If you say: "This (insert anything here) is not happening perfectly" there is a person who believes something is not happening the way it should be. But if you dissolve the ego, the person who is believing that something is not perfect has been removed. Perfection then only remains. Things just happen as they do. But even perfection is just a word, a concept. From the absolute standpoint there is no perfection, nor imperfection, everything just is.

@PurpleTree To resist you need a situation and a "you". Remove the "you", the ego, and the resistance will vanish with it.

@Santiago Ram Don’t let wealth stand in your way. The Buddha himself was born into great luxury, a prince surrounded by abundance, before he renounced it all in search of truth and awakening. In ancient Greece, the Cynics chose radical simplicity, rejecting material possessions to live in alignment with virtue. The Stoics, on the other hand, believed that virtue didn’t require withdrawal from the world. They argued that true strength lies in living a principled life amidst whatever circumstances arise, wealth included. Marcus Aurelius, a Roman emperor with immense power and material wealth, lived with deep wisdom and discipline. His reflections remain a profound example of how inner clarity can coexist with outer responsibility. So whether you have much or little, it’s not the wealth itself that matters but how free you are from its grip.

@OrangeOak does it still resonate with you? If you keep doing it despite a growing sense that this is not your path going forward, it probably won't help you much. Contemplate this deeply.

Got it. To me that sounds very serious indeed. Me personally, I barely touched psychedelics, it just didn't seem to be my thing. I have done a 5-day silent retreat once. Visited a few satsangs here and there. But mostly I just meditated daily. Sometimes I did an hour, but mostly only like 15 minutes a day. And I've missed a lot of days. And I have periods where I would watch a lot of satsangs online. This was all over a period of 10 years. In that time I also had a wife, 2 children, and was building a business and doing other kinds of self development. Just to say, you don't need to drop it while doing other things simultaneously. But of course, everyone's journey is completely different. Find a path that you feel the most comfortable with, but not too comfortable, if you know what I mean.

This sounds very transformational. I think you took a really deep dive into unknowing territory for you. Let it sink in for a while, take your lessons from it, and keeping searching for the thing you are looking for.

@xeontor To answer your question: nobody really knows. First, you'd need to define a very specific metric. Then, you'd have to measure it across every person on the planet, assuming you're not including aliens. Sounds like a pretty pointless thing to research… but hey, it still beats doomscrolling.

@Carl-Richard What I see is beingness resting above, a clear presence, while beneath it lies a tangled jungle of words and mind-made constructs. That seems pretty accurate.

@PurpleTree There is no inherent importance in anything. The mind can create a concept and then perceive it as important, but that importance is not intrinsic, it's assigned. Others may also see it as important, but only if their own conditioning or identity aligns with it. From the perspective of the Absolute, nothing is important, and nothing is unimportant. It simply is.

@Never_give_up For this person, it was reading books, attending retreats, and watching satsangs online, that’s what helped. But the journey looks different for everyone. The most important thing is: don’t give up. Keep learning, keep searching. The truth has a way of finding its way to you. And honestly, just from your username, I can tell that persistence is already part of who you are.

@Rezo gelenidze Don't commit suicide by killing your body. Commit suicide by killing your ego. Life will continue without an ego. Thoughts like "I want to be special", "I am not good enough" will vanish. Because the "I" that wants those things will vanish. Remove your ego and live a live in peace, bliss, calmness, regardless of your circumstances.

@Yeah Yeah This is good. You need dedication. Yes, you are done with this shit. Does death sounds better than being alive? This is good. But you don't need to let your body die. Just the ego needs to die and you will wake up as God. You are not god and you are not awake because you identify as a person. If you can stop identifying as a person, you will be awake. This matrix of limitation will stay, however, but it will just be your playground. You can wake up right now, but you are identified with you being a person to much to let go of it. And you don't need to earn money, you don't need to go to work, it's just your conditioning and your mind telling you to do that. "Rot in my own aging loneliness just because that’s what this life path seems to be?" That's another concept which you made up. And you started to believe in it. Saying "None of this is real" won't help you indeed. You need to embody it. Keep looking. Keep suffering. Maybe suffer a little more Hahahahaha "spiritual riddles that go nowhere". You are right! No word can describe it, one can only point at it. You are the only one that can make you understand. But spiritual masters can help. It's your mind speaking to your mind. You will never find peace inside there. You have to break out. The problem is all these words won't make any sense to you until they do. But you seem very motivated to get there. This is good. Keep looking. Keep listening. Keep trying. At some point something could just click.

If you feel like taking a break, then definitely give yourself that space. Let it be for a while, there's nothing wrong with stepping back. It’s also wise to stay grounded before diving in again. But don’t overdo it. The things you mentioned are big, and it’s easy to get completely absorbed in them. When the time feels right, you can return to the spiritual path. There's no need to plan too far ahead, life will guide you. And honestly, what is “serious spirituality,” anyway? You make it sound so heavy. It’s not supposed to be a burden. All that’s really needed is to realize what you truly are, and then stay with that. Of course, it’s not something you just snap your fingers and do. But you also don’t need to sit in a cave for 40 years, or take any substances, to get there either. The truth is simple. It’s always here. We just overlook it.

It has been quite a while since I've posted here, but I think this is worth sharing. About 8 years ago, I had a very profound enlightenment experience. I posted about that here: In short, I had a very clear and direct experience of the true Self. From that moment on, I could see the Self clearly. For months, I lived in a state of bliss. I concluded that the search was over and simply carried on with life. But eventually, the ego returned and began to take hold of me again. I never "forgot" the true Self, it’s not something you can truly forget, but over time, the ego slowly regained significance. I found myself in a strange place: on one hand, knowing deep down that nothing was truly real, and on the other hand, being heavily invested in the world, in my business, my family, and everyday life. Old patterns resurfaced. Addictions returned. Depression crept back in. Mood swings, distractions, a sense of being lost. Sometimes I would meditate or watch a video from a spiritual teacher, but I didn’t have a clear vision or direction anymore. I also struggled with my business. Before starting it, I had a clear goal in mind, nothing huge, and I reached it around 2019 or 2020. After that, I had no new direction, no motivation. I kept doing what was required, but I was often just distracting myself, gaming during work hours and avoiding deeper engagement. In 2018, I attended a 5-day retreat with Mooji, which was a profound experience. During those days, I returned to that blissful state. But once I came back to "normal" life, the ego quickly returned and took over again. Then, last year, something changed. I discovered a new teacher here in my own country: Hans Laurentius. A very down-to-earth man, but clearly someone who knows what he’s talking about. At one point, he said something like, “You need to live there.” And it hit me: I had known the Self, but I had never actually made a consistent effort to stay there. Others had said the same: Mooji often says, “Marinate in it.” Ramana Maharshi said, “Stay with it.” I had made half-hearted attempts before, but I never stuck with it. Until now. About two weeks ago, I began going deeper. And it worked. Every time I felt suffering, I could quickly identify the source: a mind-made construct. The one who was suffering was just a concept. The “me” character is only a thought, deeply rooted, yes, but still just a thought. I had to dig it out. And when I did, bliss. No more "me." No more ego. Just being. Just being, like I experienced eight years ago. Like during the retreat. And really, it never left. It’s always been here. Now, then, when I was a child, even in sleep, always. Without the noise of the mind, everything feels so natural. Desire is gone. Work? I let it flow. Whatever comes, comes. There’s no more “I want to achieve this,” because there is no “I” to chase anything anymore. So now, I stay here, with the Self. I don’t see the ego returning anytime soon. But who knows? Still, I don't think it even wants to. When I was identified with the ego, I sometimes had thoughts of wanting to die. And in a way, I did. But the "I" that died was only the ego.

I'm stuck in a cycle. I seem to have two modes. The fantasy mode and the reality mode. In reality mode, I work on my own business with pleasure. I have fun with my kids and wife in the evening and weekends. I dedicate my free time to meditation, self development, reading, carpentry or having fun with my wife or friends. When I'm in reality mode, I generally feel great. But after some time, I always start to long for fantasy mode again. At some point the urge to go to fantasy mode again is too great to overcome, and my brain comes up with reasons why it's ok to do this again. So, eventually, I start entering fantasy mode again. I start to play WoW again (or anything else that takes me in to a fantasy world, but for simplicity sake, let's stick to WoW here). At first, this is great. I still operate in reality mode, but in my free time, in the evenings, I'm in fantasy mode. Gradually over the days, I start to chip off time from reality mode to be more in fantasy mode. I skip hanging out with friends, I skip watching Netflix with my wife. I skip meditating. I skip working out. The damn game is just to much fun. Screw reality. I start to login the game for a short while to check something during work hours. I put the kids to bed as early as possible, so I can play again. Eventually, I look at my work todo list, and I make it as short as possible, just to do the absolute necessary work, and skip the work that would grow the business, or prepares for future changes. That's when I play WoW for 8 hours a day, with a short intermission to have dinner with the kids and wife and a little mandatory play time until they go to bed. And that's also when I start to think about it might be a better idea to leave fantasy mode, and go back to reality again. And then, I'm back in reality mode living life in a more adult way, being more social person. And this cycle keeps repeating itself. For years, maybe even a decade. I'm not sure what to do with it. Clearly I cannot operate forever in fantasy mode, that would make my life quite miserable. I also don't have the strength to be in reality mode all the time, I keep falling back. What do I do? Do I keep fighting to stay in reality mode? That is what I've done in the past decade. Or do I accept the cycle? In reality mode I can mostly undo the damage I do in fantasy mode, so it is possible to keep living this way and have peace with it, even though it is somewhat mediocre. But in the back of my mind I know how awesome my life would be if I keep staying in reality mode.

@Mz Hyde I don't want to run from it. I just want to go to the fantasy land again, because it's very pleasurable.

It sounds to me you are close to a breakthrough but are resistant. Keep going.