krazzer

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Posts posted by krazzer

  2. Posted

    I'm stuck in a cycle.

    I seem to have two modes. The fantasy mode and the reality mode.

    In reality mode, I work on my own business with pleasure. I have fun with my kids and wife in the evening and weekends. I dedicate my free time to meditation, self development, reading, carpentry or having fun with my wife or friends.

    When I'm in reality mode, I generally feel great. But after some time, I always start to long for fantasy mode again. At some point the urge to go to fantasy mode again is too great to overcome, and my brain comes up with reasons why it's ok to do this again.

    So, eventually, I start entering fantasy mode again. I start to play WoW again (or anything else that takes me in to a fantasy world, but for simplicity sake, let's stick to WoW here). At first, this is great. I still operate in reality mode, but in my free time, in the evenings, I'm in fantasy mode. 

    Gradually over the days, I start to chip off time from reality mode to be more in fantasy mode. I skip hanging out with friends, I skip watching Netflix with my wife. I skip meditating. I skip working out. The damn game is just to much fun. Screw reality. I start to login the game for a short while to check something during work hours. I put the kids to bed as early as possible, so I can play again. 

    Eventually, I look at my work todo list, and I make it as short as possible, just to do the absolute necessary work, and skip the work that would grow the business, or prepares for future changes.

    That's when I play WoW for 8 hours a day, with a short intermission to have dinner with the kids and wife and a little mandatory play time until they go to bed.

    And that's also when I start to think about it might be a better idea to leave fantasy mode, and go back to reality again. And then, I'm back in reality mode living life in a more adult way, being more social person.

    And this cycle keeps repeating itself. For years, maybe even a decade. I'm not sure what to do with it. Clearly I cannot operate forever in fantasy mode, that would make my life quite miserable. I also don't have the strength to be in reality mode all the time, I keep falling back. What do I do? Do I keep fighting to stay in reality mode? That is what I've done in the past decade. Or do I accept the cycle? In reality mode I can mostly undo the damage I do in fantasy mode, so it is possible to keep living this way and have peace with it, even though it is somewhat mediocre. But in the back of my mind I know how awesome my life would be if I keep staying in reality mode.

  3. Posted

    18 hours ago, lmfao said:

    How do you meditate without going crazy? In the "altered state of consciousness" my beliefs and conceptions of reality are stripped away. In the face of the radical truth of the present moment, my gaseous existence, it's all too much. How do you guys manage not going crazy or feeling like you're going crazy? Did you just push through with conviction, faith and determination and it was all good? Is this some sort of metaphysical "suicide" process you have to go through? Does the crazy never go away? What is your advice/thoughts/experiences? 

    It sounds to me you are close to a breakthrough but are resistant. Keep going.

  5. Posted

    12 hours ago, Javfly33 said:

    Right now 99% of my day consist of getting stressed out to do my job and the rest of the day trying to get a new job. So now basically I literally spend 100% of my cognitive energy of my day on survival stuff! Before I had no job so I could spent maybe 30% in studying so the 70% left I could contemplate, meditate...etc.

    Are you sure that you havent covered the "basic survival stuff"? If you have a job (even though you hate it), and you can pay your bills, have shelter and food and water, don't you have covered survival?

    Quote

    Right now 99% of my day consist of getting stressed out to do my job

    Why are you stressed about your job? Is that something you could work on? By all means, if you hate it, try to find a new job. But also try to accept your current situation.

  7. Posted

    ‘Is there something that you “should” be doing but are not doing it? Get up and do it now. Alternatively, completely accept your inactivity, laziness, or passivity at this moment, if that is your choice. Go into it fully. Enjoy it. Be as lazy or inactive as you can. If you go into it fully and consciously, you will soon come out of it. Or maybe you won’t. Either way, there is no inner conflict, no resistance, no negativity.'

    - Eckhart Tolle

  8. Posted

    Quote

    when others ask why I am meditating for hours a day and that I am "not being productive. wasting my time", what should I say? 

    There is not much to say. If you meditate enough and eventually reach a very high state of consciousness, you will probably transcend the need to be productive. Productivity or "Wasting time" become laughable. No way other people will understand.

  9. Posted

    You created weekday habits. Habits are done automatically without to much effort. You don't have any weekend habits. If you wake up and think to yourself, what should I do? Then your mind will only come up with things that satisfy you in the short term. 

    So plan ahead, and try to structure it in a way so you can do it every weekend. For example:

    • 9:00 get out of bed, and do exercise 
    • 9:30 meditate
    • 9:45 shower
    • 10:00 breakfast
    • 10:30 study
    • 12:30 lunch
    • 13:30 clean the house
    • 14:00 free time
       

  11. Posted · Edited by krazzer

    I just deleted my porn collection yesterday. I was building it up since august or so.

    I have been trying to quit porn for years. This year, I had some realizations about death, the point of life (that there is none) the universe and being god. My ego used this: "Whatever you do in this life doesn't matter, nothing is real, so you might as well enjoy some porn".

    I stuck with this for a while. But recently, I had a different thought process. This life, it doesn't matter what you do. The whole universe ends when this story of my life ends. But does that mean you should perform destructive behavior? I'm stuck living this life (unless I kill myself o.c.) so I might as well try to enjoy it as much as possible. And that doesn't mean drowning myself in pleasurable activities.

    I know how that works. The pleasure diminishes and all-round happiness diminishes as well. Everything else in life becomes a chore.

    And knowing that I am god (as are you), I simply make a choice.

    And I have chosen. No more porn, no more games. Those are my 2 biggest addictions. I can't do them in moderation. Drinking alcohol or eating junk food, I don't have any problem with those. They never leave me wanting more. But games and porn do. Let's just stop that shit.

    I know what will happen. I've walked this path before. It's a path of peace and happiness. I failed in the past because I felt so good my ego said "You might as well play some games" which slowly but surely escalated to porn.

    This might happen again, and I'm in peace with that thought, but I know it's always a choice.

    So I would encourage you to delete it all. But you really need to feel strongly motivated to quit forever.

  12. Posted · Edited by krazzer

    On 21-10-2018 at 9:24 PM, alankrillin said:

    Do not bother with nootropics if you're not doing these things already:

    •     Healthy Diet
    •     Drinking plenty of water
    •     Exercise.
    •     Good sleeping.
    •     Meditation.

    I would say, if you are doing things, don't bother with nootropics. Because when done right, you'll be in that state anyway.

    I was shocked when Leo described the effects of Modafinil, because he described a state I'm always trying to be in. It's like my second life purpose to find out what gets me in that state. The 5 point @alankrillin mentioned are most important I believe.

    I have been in this state many times, one time it even lasted 6 weeks. It makes me feel very happy all the time, still mind, hyper focused, extremely productive, super creative, I make way less errors, and unlike some reports with Modafinil, I'm super social as well and I'm not bothered by any interruption. 

    I might try it out some time to see if it's really the same state as I'm describing. Luckily I live in the Netherlands and one google search got me on a shop where I can order them for €2,00 a pill ?

  13. Posted

    This has been going on for years now. I'm going from a really blissful state, back to a miserable state. I'll call them heaven and hell.

    When I'm in heaven I'm:

    • Feeling at peace all the time
    • Having no problem eating healthy
    • Highly productive
    • No problem with talking to anyone
    • No fears whatsoever
    • Very positive about anything
    • Energetic
    • Helping others

    When I'm in hell I'm:

    • Feeling miserable all the time
    • Can't resist eating junkfood to feel better
    • Can't get much work done
    • Socially awkward
    • Seeing problems everywhere
    • Lethargic
    • Watching porn
    • Gaming too much

    The funny thing is I'm 100% and totally aware in which state I'm in, but I can't escape hell if I want to. Most of the time it just happens in an instant. BOOM, and I'm back in heaven, and all my 'problems' vanish like snow in the sun.

    I can't put my finger on what the circumstances are. It has nothing to do with external events. When I'm in heaven even the hardest situations are no trouble at all. In hell the simplest thing can disturb me.

    It seems like when I'm heaven, I fall back to hell when I do something stupid like drinking too much, skipping too much sleep, etc. But not always. It feels like at some point I fall back into hell no matter what.  

    I have been in heaven once for 7 weeks straight. I want to there all the time. Is this even realistic? I feel like I'm gradually more in heaven than in hell, but it's a slow process. 

  16. Posted

    16 hours ago, CreamCat said:

    Leo said consciousness is not a biological phenomenon. Then, is it possible for my consciousness to exist as a ghost after death?

    Or, will my death lead to disappearance of my consciousness? Or, am I already a ghost living in an illusion of physical embodiment? Which is it?

    You are consciousness. The whole world, your body, your brain, your experiences, they all appear inside consciousness. When the body dies, it's just the body that dies, but not you! When you awaken this becomes so obvious.

  17. Posted

    11 hours ago, Cudin said:

    It's getting weirder and weirder to see through the authomated egos of everyone around me (including myself). Now I understand what Shakespeare meant by "we are all actors in a big play". Sometimes I wish I could talk to someone "ok, so lets cut the BS. Look, we exist, we are here, isn't is fascinating? There are stuff, and nature is beatiful.

    Some spiral dynamics green people are more relatable, but even then, I need to apply the effort with the need of everyone to try to be cool and different. There is a cult to the personality, but there is literaly nothing behind the mask. 

    How do you guys deal with social meetings? I barely go out anymore, but the few times I do, it's always Awkward. 

    Keep doing it anyway. This is also a process. Learn to love the beauty in everything, even low conscious people

  18. Posted

    6 hours ago, Dino D said:

    I still dont get it that there is no reality-matter.

    20 people in  one room, there is no room, there are just 20 perceptions or 20 rooms...

    you dont exist when i dont see you

    my hand does not exist when i dont look at it, or when i sleep

    when i touch a wall i dont touch it, its not external, its not happening somewhere, its all in me...

    why am i not aware of your body and mind...

    and so on...

    if a camera thakes a photo of the room, did the camere producet that photo of its own or did it just reproduced/rendered what was inside of that room (so a photo of the external word-as it is coomon thinking about this)...

    And yet you know when all of this happens in a dream, it's just a dream. Except that you don't know when you're in the dream. Just like you don't know that you are dreaming right now.

  20. Posted

    11 hours ago, Highest said:

    It goes to say that we have a Self beyond the ego, eternal and infinite. There are others who say that there is no self. I like the idea of no-self (Anatta) but the Upanishads make a good case for the Self which they claim can be directly experienced and known, which they also claim is identical to Brahman (God). What is your opinion, do we have a self or not, and why?

    It's not a matter of opinion. It's a matter of how to formulate the unformulatable. The true self and no-self are the same thing. If you experience it you can see how you are nothing and everything at the same time.

  21. Posted

    On 15-5-2018 at 8:00 PM, moon777light said:

    Thoughts and opinions on this? Has it been shared in the group before?

    I have no enlightenment experiences so i cant really judge but it sounds like he only scraped the tip of the iceberg of enlightenment 

    I doubt that he will completely stop spiritually progressing. With the urge gone, I think his chances of waking up are even higher.

  22. Posted

    On 5-5-2018 at 10:55 PM, Principium Nexus said:

    You or I are it, we are reality. This thing you are experience now, that is us, my thoughts in your head. So who are you?

    If it's not you, then who are we?

    Are we the I? As in one complete being, then everyone is I. The path of the Buddha is to vow the enlightenment of all and guide them to more compassion and love. So where do we begin?

    Yes, everyone is I, all is one. Where do we begin? Good question. Everyone is already there.