TheAvatarState

@Leonid I’ll look into it, thanks! Day 4: Energy: 3 Awareness: 3 Sexual thoughts/urges: 2 Self-esteem: 3 Social confidence: 3 Oof. Lots of shit happening. It'll take a while to get where I need to go, but I'm strapped in for the ride!

@Paul92 this is fantastic news my friend! No, really. This means you're questioning everything and you're on the path. What you're going through is pretty common; I went through that too and I feel your pain. You're close to flipping all these realizations on their heads (with the proper context), and about to burst into the most wonderful and liberating experience of your life. Hopefully I can try to explain this in a way that makes sense to you now... You're correct that this is potentially dangerous knowledge, because if interpreted from the ego, with your ego still identifying with feelings and emotions and meaning (like you're doing now), then yeah, this shit leads down a dark spiral of Nihilism. You're living proof of that. This is normal, don't be afraid. But try to notice something. Why are you afraid? Why does this feel like the end of the world? Why would you possibly want to commit suicide after reading The Power of Now? Really think about this. When you're in the present moment, do you die? You might be inclined to say yes, but be careful here. WHICH part of you dies? Please don't conceptualize this, you'll have to go into your direct experience. When you've identified the part of you that dies when living through present awareness (because YOU certainly don't), then ask yourself an important question. Is it right that I die when I'm present? When I'm being? Isn't that the opposite of what it should be? You've been identifying with a toxic illusion your whole life. You still do. That illusion is not you. This illusion is precisely illuminated as an illusion by the fact it ceases to exist in the light of being. Try to understand the gravity of this. You're insisting on answering to an illusory being whose sole purpose is to trap you in psychological time to control you. Now all of this should start making sense. One of the tricks your ego uses to control you is to make you believe in absolute meaning. When that gets stripped away, your ego will rightfully feel like it's dying, and will go into overdrive to make excuses and rationalize. Understand that ALL meaning ever was, was a conceptualizion of your own mind. It never existed out there. Nothing has "changed" with this new knowledge, you're only awakening to what has always been the case. Look back on all the times you used your sense of meaning in your life. If you are truly honest with yourself, you'll start to see that it was used as an enslavement tool more often than not. Love existed prior to meaning, and never required such a thing. You've never required meaning to be happy. On the other hand, you required a lot of artificial meaning to get stressed out and anxious. Another trick your mind plays on you is the "logical rationalization" that if none of this is "real" then the only thing to do is to stop doing anything. Classic! But think about this: picture someone just becoming lucid in a dream... Why is everyone's first instinct to fly, along with a whole slew of crazy things? If none of it "mattered" then why doesn't everyone who lucid dreams immediately frown and wake up, saying, "oof glad that's over, that could have been a huge waste?" What is "real?" How do you define "real?" Why would you get so protective of this notion of real, like your very life depended on it? Oh yes, because the existence of your parasitic, illusory self hinges on you believing that's the real you! Your direct experience, your consciousness, your love, your happiness, your purpose, and your friends and family do not hinge on the notion of real. The only thing that's threatened by it is the thing that created the illusion of real in the first place. Be aware of whose life is really on the line here.

Day 3: Energy: 3 Awareness: 3 Sexual thoughts/urges: 2 Self-esteem: 3 Social confidence: 3

@solr Yeah, I think you came to the right realization. Alcohol is literally poison. In no way, shape, or form can it be used as a tool for a spiritual lifestyle. However, there's no reason you couldn't enjoy it on occasion. Even Socrates from the Way of the Peaceful Warrior made an exception to drink. But, obviously no more than a once-in-a-blue-moon occasion.

Day 2: Energy: 3 Awareness: 3 Sexual thoughts/urges: 2 Self-esteem: 3 Social confidence: 3

@Leonid lapse in consciousness. Partying. New Years shit. It's totally fine, I'm back on track

Day 1: Energy: 3 Awareness: 3 Sexual thoughts/urges: 2 Self-esteem: 3 Social confidence: 3

Day 16... and Back to Square One. Oh how the mighty have fallen. Did I gain anything from it? No, it was pretty unfulfilling. Fuck that. BUT, I have momentum going with me. I did pull off 15 consecutive days, my biggest streak ever! Let's just roll on the wave.

reason.

"I watch how the moon sits in the sky in the dark night Shining with the light from the sun And the sun doesn't give light to the moon assuming The moon's gonna owe it one." Does this not remind you of the famous Zen quote: “A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms.” ? I grew up listening to Hybrid Theory by Linkin Park, and although their songs probably gave me more aangst and rage and general negativity than I needed, I can look back and see the beauty in their creation. How interesting their journey and saga was. How they explored so many artistic avenues, and yet ended back full circle...There is Truth everywhere I look! Whenever I stop to contemplate human history, for any length of time, the connections will start to unfold before my very eyes. Lines of development emerge upon the pages like lines on a battlemap, trajectories seemingly chaotic yet upon zooming out, as if by a guiding hand, perfectly harmonious. Fascinating. On thinking about what a good title for this journal would be, I knew I wanted something different, something creative and dear to me. Why? Because my main goal is to express my authentic self. That's goal #1. You see, something about Leo's latest videos really struck a chord within me. Ever since his "Live Awakening Experience," there has been a recurring theme I've noticed: Authenticity. He even admitted he was shown that in his non-dual awakening. And as an observer of his work, his emphasis on Authenticity.org has really payed off in a noticeable way. You can see it in the way he carries himself, in the way he talks, and even in the way he has visibly freed his emotions and any lingering strands of self-reference or checking. For instance, in his latest video on Understanding Ego Backlash, he opened up about how he's had a cold, how he really didn't want to shoot the video, and how he was experiencing a rough ego backlash himself. This isn't something he's ever done--at least to that level--and the video was all the better for it. Authenticity is fucking striking when encountered, and it's not something even the best con artists and actors can really pull off. But what hit me so hard about Leo's video was the realization that I haven't been authentic my whole life. What a slap in the face that was! I am actually deathly scared of what people think of me. It has been a neurosis, a disease that has plagued my whole life. I honestly didn't even realize that being authentic was possible! I just saw everyone else bullshitting and wearing masks, so I assumed that was just how life was. Witnessing Leo's journey to authenticity has given me the courage to try to cultivate that myself. My journal has no aims other than this; to serve as a creative outlet and to allow me to gain comfort in expressing and sharing my thoughts and emotions with others. Of course there's this added layer of you not knowing who I am. Of course I'm just typing at a keyboard and not actually speaking, not getting that feedback. But this may be a good step for me; I'll try it for a while and see how it goes. The "creative outlet" component was huge as well. I feel the need to create something that I've never felt before. The insights and recontextualizations are coming to me at the speed of perception, it seems. I simply can't keep it bottled up any longer. And not only that, it feels meaningless to write them in a personal journal that ultimately no one will ever read... It's actually really interesting I just said that, because I'm currently reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, which is essentially his personal journal as Emperor of Rome that he fully intended that no one would ever read. Think about how much impact that book has made! What a fucking tragedy it would have been if his work had remained lost and buried... This journal is probably going to be really weird, oddly poetic, with strange references, spellings, and nuggets of integral thinking. Let me tell you upfront: my mind makes connections where there probably aren't any connections. But I wouldn't have it any other way. It's a really interesting way to look at the world. If you see any word miss-spelled, then most likely it was made on purpose as a joke or reference. Scratch that, I am so sorry, English not my first language, many apology for future error. So sorry... I feel like no one else (but my close friend who I do this with) understands the beauty in how malleable this living organism of language really is. People think it's static, as in, here's this holy book called the dictionary, look it up. HA! It's all just symbols, and it constantly evolves and shifts. So if you can misspell a word in an informal setting (so as not to confuse it with another) to bring more enjoyment, make a reference, or even bring rise to a double meaning, then why not do it? Stop taking this shit so seriously, and then you can really start having fun. The world is a meme, guys. The world is also your playground. And do you not make the rules? Are you not THE RULE yourself? Hell, you're probably sitting on your meditation cushion, blissed out of your mind, and thinking, "You had me at 'you'." How right we are... Anyways, I need to wrap up and go to sleep. Wrap up... wrap up this journal entry, or wrap up in blankets to go to sleep? Wrap up--to put a neat little bow tie at the end. To summarize. If you wrap yourself up to go to sleep, then is sleep the summary of life? Of course, we're in a dream right now! The dream within the dream is to make us conscious of the meta understanding. If there wasn't the altered state of being called "sleep" or "dreaming," then wouldn't you get really fucking bored of the sober, wakeful state? Have you ever wondered why we require such a radical change of consciousness on a daily basis, and if you stay up for days on end you'll literally start hallucinating? If you don't get regular sleep, your mental and physical performance plummets like a rock. I HIGHLY recommended watching Joe Rogan's podcast with Mathew Walker #1109 on sleep, it's extremely fascinating and the science will blow your mind. But why is that??? Hmmmm, something to ponder for sure. Good night! And if anyone is reading this, then I wish you the best of luck on your personal journey. There is much more to come...

@Tony 845 @Jack River I would highly recommended watching Avatar: The Last Airbender with your children when they're young.

Day 15: Energy: 3 Awareness: 4 Sexual thoughts/urges: 4 Self-esteem: 4 Social confidence: 4 Tripping into the new year with a friend tonight, so posting early xD. Kiss 2018 goodbye! Way to jump into the new year with the longest nofap streak I've ever pulled off (out?)!!

The timestamps were just erased. I'm about to trip into the new year with my best friend. Festivity is in the air. The dying of 2018 is a call to reflect on how we're dying to the past in every moment. How we give birth to new experiences, every moment. To look past the illusion of psychological time and into the present awareness of reality is really what the new year is all about. It's the moment where time stops; the entire world holds its breath. It's magical! That being said, the turning of a new year has always been bittersweet for me. It's both a reflection and a vision into uncharted waters. What does the new year mean to you? "Commencement-- the end of one thing, the start of something new." - Dr. Norman Osborne

Amazing cartoon, thanks for sharing!

@Leonid not to scare you or anything, but the first week was a breeze. This week has been a lot more difficult, and I’ll still have more tough times ahead. Still going strong though!

@Tony 845 then psychedelics could be the most amazing thing for your life. Enlightenment as a direct result of psychedelic use is extremely rare. But it can happen. That's the equivalent of someone becoming enlightened on their 3rd meditation session. Yes, people can become enlightened through yoga and meditation, but that takes decades, and even then the chances are extremely rare. Psychedelics allow for new perspectives that are simply not possible through any other means

@Tony 845 is enlightenment your only metric for living a good life?

@LoveandPurpose yes I have a couple. One for my thoughts and insights, one specifically for nofap. I literally just started LPC a few days ago, so I have no idea. The first half of the course is just theory and watching other videos.

@Elysian do you know how much maturity it takes for me to take you seriously? I don't know you, this is just an online forum, and from my perspective you're talking down on me and have a superiority complex. I feel like very few others would have the patience to get this far. DESPITE ALL OF THAT, I had to remind myself to keep an open mind and to not judge. To entertain everything you said with sincerity, admittedly from my lack of love experience. So some things I learned: I had underestimated the written word, probably due to deconstructing it so often to the point of finding language meaningless. Which that's true in an absolute sense However, when I read back over our conversation it's obvious where our intent was. This is when I first started to accept that you were coming from a genuine place of love. My superiority complex was a big one, so thank you for pointing that out. I contemplated and found that it stems from me being lonely on this path (I only have one friend I can talk to about this shit), and perhaps not seeing much love in my surroundings. It's really disheartening to have made huge leaps in consciousness but still be in the same shitty job surrounded by the same blue/orange people who are incapable of love. I have never felt or seen unconditional love in my life. My parents love me very much, but it's a very conditional love; they are incapable of feeling unconditional love, and they don't have the framework to even know what that means. I still feel all alone. When I accused you of that, that was just my projection based on my own insecurities. I've worked through A LOT of them over the past couple of years, and I'm happy to be pointed out some more. Thank you for your time and kind words. Namaste

For me personally, I'm on day 15 of my 90-day nofap reboot. I have mindfulness practices. I spend some time on this forum. And I bought Leo's life purpose course and am slowly working through that! So quite a lot of stuff. The pros to an online journal are many. This is a supportive community of self-actualizers who can help you on the journey and keep you motivated. Accountability is huge. It's a lot easier to backslide if it's only you and your personal physical journal. I know, I've made so many false starts over the years. Also, your journey can help move other actualizers! It's all about sharing

@LoveandPurpose that's awesome! I'm going through similar lifestyle changes myself. Might I suggest keeping a self-actualization journal on here, it's extremely helpful.

@LoveandPurpose what habits are you trying to install? Just curious. trying to get your sense of purpose

@Elysian I REALLY appreciate the time and energy you put into responding, and I do know that you really care about me, same as I care about you. Let me be very clear here: you've made some wrong assumptions about me. Those assumptions are: that you've triggered me, that you're thusly healing me, you perceiving me to be inauthentic, and that I'm egoicly reacting. None of these are true in my direct experience. And I'm aware. Now, I do have energetic blockages, that's for sure, and I'm not fully aware of what they are. If you'd like to help me, then please read why I have a blockage on love, instead of droning on about how I'm hurt and that you're some telepathic God. I understood everything you said. I'm not emotional towards it. I'm going out on a limb here to see if you can actually do the things you said you could. Because I temperedy ego and realized I may need some help, if I really do come across that way through words. ❤️

@Elysian eh, love is one of many facets of this infinite void/consciousness. You shouldn't assume those things about me, unless you can literally read my energy through a screen. It's not that I'm unreceptive or blocked from your wisdom, it's that I and others don't have the necessary experiences of infinite love to relate. Your words are not truth, they are only as good as my personal body of experience (ie ability to relate). I'll say again that we speak from different frameworks and bodies of experience. Different understandings and perspectives of the same truth. There can be several unique, valid pointers to the same thing. Love is not all there is. Love is the metaphysical connection between us. But what are these connections? What is this stuff *waves hand in air*? A shapeless, distinctionless void that is conscious and infinitely intelligent. Love is a facet of that, when one being recognizes his true self as the same as every other, then the artificial separation of ego is severed and love (reconnection) emerges. Our emotion called Love is like a mark of this literal, metaphysical connection. It is the increase in identification to beyond oneself. I know this sounds all formal or scientific, but that's just how my mind works. The experience of it obviously cannot be put into words. It's much more special than that.

@Tony 845 that dude, Martin Ball, is the only person I know of for sure. It's really rare. But, uh, you're missing the point of psychedelics. They've personally been the greatest tool I've ever used (or will use) for personal development.