Galyna

@Nahm Answered in the PM

@Nahm Let's talk about it, really. I remember you have mentioned it in our last conversation. I do not mind to have a free will, but I just can not understand this being a duality. Seems like it should be either one. How can I drive and be the one on the back seat at the same time?

No you are not. You are not choosing what country to be born, what parents to have, what language to talk, what religion to practice( at least in the early stages of your life) what health state to have (in case you are handicapped, became or born). I see a human being is an evolving entity that is hardly influenced by its environment. And only, maybe, less than 1% of people have the ability to escape the existing system or order.

It is not what I was trying to say. Cruelty vs. benevolence is a different topic. It has nothing to do with cruelty. If I am nothing and everything at the same time, there is no such thing as cruelty. I am not in denial. I am not being nihilistic. I wish I would understand the divine intention, life would be way easier in this case (probably boring at the same time, lol), and I would not need to waste my precious time on unnecessary things.

There is a kernel of truth to this statement. On the level of the Absolute to become infinite and evolve, you have to encapsulate all the states and beings. On the level of the human being, it's still tempting to look ahead.

Gosh, thank you so much for your response. I would literally drive myself crazy with my monkey mind. The issue that I have pertains to the inner dimension of my being. Not that I did something wrong or was unethical toward other people. I guess I am trying so hard to escape this reality and live in the world of my own illusions. Sorry for being vogue. So, the ego hates to see through the illusion. It is always in the escape mode. This illusion became so powerful and overwhelming that manipulates its own creator (which is me in this case). And regret is the last resort for the ego to utilize in order not to surrender to what is and rest in the present moment, because it takes so much courage, because by regretting it still leaves the room for the control. Like I had multiple scenarios to choose from in the first place, this is so funny. I was thinking about it a lot ,and can not agree more with your words. Life is not over , so there is no way I can gather the whole puzzle now, unless I will be dead right at this moment.

I knew you would tell me this . Your words still echo in my mind from our last conversation. The paradox of the free will can’t be grasped yet: if every action in the past predetermined my choice in the future, seems like there is no free will, and I did what I had to in the following situation. But hey, thank you, I am sure you know that your advice is very much appreciated.

Ego has a tendency to survive even on a very high frequencies. It is a mechanism of protection. Absolutely normal, happened to me many times.

@Nahm I know you are....it made me laugh though.

@Prevailer Wonderful. This forum is a great place to share. You are not alone...

@Prevailer You too, my friend, sorry if I was not explicit enough. We could continue maybe next time, today this discussion is not in my cards But hey, "stiffen up that upper lip", everything is going to be great, I promise. The state you are experiencing right now is just temporary. Always remember this, and you will feel better, guaranteed. You know my favorite quote is "Time changes everything, even the way you think!"

@Prevailer Nah, I am so sorry, have nothing to do with you, but I am not in the mood to open a new thread, but you are welcome if you want to. Hope someone can help you and best of luck.

Outward thoughts and inward ego, as you call it, is, in fact the same thing.

Absolutely, I do consider that I am a thought, an idea, a concept. In fact, there is no such thing as "I" But on the deeper level, there is an awareness, therefore I am not a thought either. So the question is relative, and depends on the paradigm and various angles you want to look at it.

what you call multiple egos are just thoughts.

I agree with this statement. Well of course, because any cognitive capacity, you name it, is your ego in a sense. Your whole reality is predicated upon your ego.

@Prevailer If you want to go that route, then I will surprise you. There are much more than two egos. Gurdjieff used to claim that a person has a machine-like nature, and this machine is possessed with numerous "I"s, and each "I" has its own arbitration, however, there is no one "I" that can be a CEO of your mind. I hope we are talking about the same thing. OR There is alter ego, super ego, etc...

yep, that is what I need to desire less, to expect less

@Prevailer I feel like you misinterpret the work. Can you please elaborate what you mean under "2 off Egos"

It is hard to say, I mean my current level of development, since I can not assess myself properly. I have some knowledge, trying to observe myself and be aware.

Any emotion that you know has a tendency to lose its power. Just observe them and wait, see what will happen. One day you will wake up and it will be irrelevant.

This is a great question...I feel like I am observing someone, who is apparently "me". So I am observing this entity who has lots of passion inside. I am observing how this entity tries to let go and surrender but fails over and over again. I am observing a crazy desire that is burning inside. I am observing the pain and the hell that my desire gives me. I am observing that I am hopeless and should play this role to the end. I know that nothing will save me since I am not in control. I can not wish, I can not pray, I can not want...and this is my surrender.... I am optimistic that this will pass and I will be reborn again. I know for sure that one morning I wake up and this will not matter. I am sure that this is just a temporary state of my being. When approaching closer this realization, I have peace and harmony inside. I am just a part of this ever changing reality. No feeling or emotion can stay forever. I am always changing and there are so many facets about me that I haven't fathomed yet. This gives me power and nourishes my mental fortitude. But, right now it hurts and almost unbearable... Good luck with letting go and surrendering. I know it is hard.

I've been here on this website since 2014, but my perception is a bit different from yours. About predicting, you can not even predict what you are going to say in five minutes, you can not assume that about others. Like truly! The deeper it goes, the more I understand that I know nothing. I truly do not know myself, I can not guarantee anything to myself anymore. When retrospecting about my life I clearly see that every event sharpens me like a diamond. I am not in control, there is nothing to pray and hope for. I am learning how to surrender. It hurts, and my ego hates it. The only thing that helps me is to be aware of my emotional state, and really do not get involve that much with my emotions. I think he just tries to inspire others. He is a bit strict sometimes. He says that, so you do not take the path for granted. He really does not want you to relax and sit on the back seat, assuming that the path is complete.

@Emerald thank you . Hugs

@seeking_brilliance wow, this is neat.