Galyna

Thank you so much for your understanding....

I had this experience during meditation, and couple of times when I was jogging on my treadmill at home. Both times it excited me so much that I was thrown back to the normal state of my mind.

@GodDesireOnlyLove In fact, it makes me feel sick by just looking at this cover, please remove it from this thread. Thank you. P.S. Gosh, this crazy media would do anything to provoke any kind of emotions. Their pathos is horrible.

@GodDesireOnlyLove Nah, this video does not resonate with me, sorry.

Still black and white because I have not found the balance yet. As soon as I reach the golden middle, I promise, I will change my pic and it'll be colorful. Meanwhile, it reflects my mental state, full of opposites, extremes, either black or white. One minute I am all loving, another - I am the devil. This is so funny because I am this conductor, it is so clear. The good news is that I do not identify with these emotions any more.

What exactly made you confused?

@WhatAWondefulWorld We can look through the door slit, but maybe we should open the whole door Scary and exciting at the same time.

See, I do not know how to explain this to you... If I literary live like other people all the time, it would drive me insane. I hate inner dialog and loud thoughts. Maybe five years ago or something, thoughts started to appear in a very nice and comfortable way. They were not showering my mind, but rather appeared out of nowhere with some intervals. Ofc, when I am stressed, I would drive myself insane by analyzing situation, speaking with myself (inner dialog) but thanks God it is not very often. I would not say my thoughts are loud. Sometimes, my thoughts are not words at all, but rather images or a film about past memories, or sensations. It depends on my mental state. If I am peaceful, then I am blank. When angry or stressed, then this inner hygiene is in dis-balance.

I just wonder how do you guys live when understanding this concept so deeply or having just a direct experience of it, of "no time". Actually, it is a bit scary going down that rabbit whole...feels like I am loosing my mind Ego hates it. Once I was meditating and I got this understanding somehow of "no time". It freaked me out so much. The feeling was like: I am in the jar, with no limbs.

@cetus Thank you for the response. When thinking about God, it is rather abstract to me. So many years I was escaping it (this word), now I have to return back to it again.

@zeroISinfinity What does make me feel as "Galyna", obviously my surrounding, people I guess.

@Verdesbird Got it thank you.

@cetus Thanks...seems it has been forever when you posted in my threads Hell...I do not know anymore. I think it is time to drop it....for sure. As I am sick of it, lol.... "it" always wants something..... Another thing that has changed is this: when I think about others, I always think that they are a part of my subjective experience, there are no others. It feels great, but lonely. Also, when looking at it from this angle, everything does not make any sense. Because who am I without the people I love? Do not know how to explain. When you are building a house, let's say, others are your bricks, when there are no others, plus the ego is dropping, you can not build a house (paradigm).

@GodDesireOnlyLove thanks for the comment...I do appreciate it a lot now. Then why "this" is so confusing and it does not feel ordinary...any more... ?

@Verdesbird Sorry...I am not sure what you are trying to say.

@Leo Gura Happy Birthday, Leo! Thank you for being there, - indirectly, through your videos, insights, this forum with other seekers, practical advice. Thank you for your teachings: how to let go, how to accept, to dream, how to withstand hardships, how to be invincible and vulnerable at the same time, thank you for pointing out how-to see-through things, how to ponder and contemplate, how to surrender. Thank you for the consciousness’ shifts and beautiful “a-ha” moments. Thank you for my growth and the power that I have acquired through your wisdom. There are no suitable words to describe my gratitude for your work, impact and effort. Let your life goal be smooth in its pursuit. And let the life surround you with people who love, appreciate, inspire, challenge and make you a better person. Let your partner never exhausts her love and her interest to discover, open and pursue the deepest parts of your being. Happy Birthday.

The more I read other people comments, the more I understand how enlightened I am....

I am thinking about this too, I can resonate with you. But deep down I feel that all the intellectual paradigm that I was building for so many years is falling apart like a card house. I do not even know what to think anymore. Sometimes, pondering is very overwhelming. Maybe we just need to concentrate on some physical activities or hobbies to let it go for a while. I used to be aware all the time and had some space where there were no thoughts. Now it feels weird inside, on top of that I have a disturbing mind. I can not even describe my feeling. It feels like a gnawing wound. That is the best definition I can ascribe to my sensation.

@GodDesireOnlyLove Have you noticed that this thread is so lovable? Hearts are everywhere I wonder is it all about my perception...

@GodDesireOnlyLove LOL, it made my day, I loved the way you put it. Very straightforward and funny at the same time. " I shall celebrate my life in the world and the world in my life" N.Scott Momaday. Man, this is so obvious, people knew this form the beginning of time, before quantum mechanics, physics, chemistry, etc...

@Leo Gura Leo, this video is very profound. Thank you so much for exposing your authenticity, thank you for being so vulnerable and invincible at the same time. This is so intimate, this is so profound, it touched my being. Interestingly enough, but all day yesterday (before even this video came up) I was meditating imagining how much God loves me, I literally was making love with God all day. I knew that I needed to transcend myself and become Love, so there is no me of Him, but just Love itself. But this is just my baby steps. I did not want to transcend the ego, I wanted the God to be separated from myself to make love with him. And it was nothing sexual about this. It was so personal. I was driving my car and crying. Insight after insight after insight... I was crying so hard because I knew that this Love was so strong! It's so strong that God was willing to oblivion himself to experience this illusion, Galyna. And when you realizing this, the whole universe is bending to show you the Love everywhere. Images of love is everywhere. It is in your heart beat, in your breath, in your entire being. I do not claim here anything, I am still way far away. But it was a good meditation practice for me.

@Leo Gura Leo, if you have some time, can you please answer my question in two words or something. Otherwise, I will go crazy by cracking this code. Long story short: Usually, feeling of regret was unknown to me. I was a firm believer, and still am, that free will was illusory and did not exist, therefore if I am not in control of my actions, I cannot really claim the ownership of them. But I feel like this time I did something, and now I regret and can’t let it go. Your video about letting go has helped, but only for a short period of time. I guess I need to do a deep shadow work to look at this issue from another angle. If a free will does not exist, when looking back at my actions and analyzing my behavior, what is the best way to learn? If I am not a doer but rather an observer, is there a way for me to understand what Life/God wants me to grasp by putting me in a certain situation? I am puzzled, because if the certain action leads to multiple outcomes, how to understand what God wants me to realize by putting me into certain scenario? I am trying to be objective, but I fail over and over again. I really do not know what was there for me to learn. In fact, I have tons of various hypotheses…but I am not sure which one is the most correct for my situation. I am really confused for the first time in my life. Very often I could dig very deep and always got a correct layout of the situation and actions I need to take. P.S. I was trying to meditate. I've asked myself a question, let it go, and after about 30 minutes of meditation I got a spontaneous answer. Can this be a legit answer or just the tricks of my subconscious mind that plays to entertain itself? Thank you so much for your time.

Believe me, I get this intellectually. But thinking about it makes me confused. I do not know how to act...or should act....there is a stagnation.

LOL, how cool to have people on this forum that know my crazy temper . This place became a little sanctuary for me, a little special community. What would I do without Leo, this forum and strangers I meet here occasionally. This is super valuable place to learn. Love all the people here and this forum...