Galyna

I have been on this forum for four years. I met a lot of interesting people and I’ve really grown. I feel very lucky to be here and I am very grateful for all my little friendships and people who coached me. However, there is one peculiarity that I have noticed, and I want to share it with newbies. People can take psychedelics, meditate, go on retreats, read books, and the most important thing!!! act like they really know what they are talking about, but most of them do not! They still lack some qualities that need to be developed to really self-actualize, to be that human being, that loving caring person. So, go ahead and read below, and if you are truly honest with yourself and screen your core for these qualities, eventually, you’ll find out that there is a long walk before you are done. Pinnacle is still far away. Like Emerald is saying: “your brunches can be very developed, but if your roots are not, then you have to take care of them first.” We can talk about the fabric of the Consciousness on and on, but if your roots are undeveloped, you have anxiety/fear/confusion, how can you share an “expert opinion” what Truth is? We think to self-actualize we have to mediate and take psychedelics, seat in solitude (correct!) but... by interacting with other people you will grow faster, because it is a good school to see what you need to work on. Here is a little guide you can screen yourself, your partner, your guru (or any friend) and see how much you/they still need to work on to become that person Leo is talking about in his videos. It is all about relations here, mostly for the intimate one, but can be applied in other spheres: Motives Being open about them.It's always good to start with motives. Because they fundamentally define the kind of relationship dynamics that you will have. And not all motives are obvious or conscious. Motives come in many guises… loneliness, or a sense of lack in one's life, or troubles and dysfunctions in one's life. Needs for attention, validation, understanding, companionship etc. Sexual motives are often present. Not necessarily in the sense of seeking sex, but more subtly in the way that forming relationships with the opposite sex represents potential. And although many would deny this motive, it is often present. It is human nature to desire intimacy. So, to seek opportunities and potential for intimacy is a subtle drive within all of us. What I call the 'pursuit of sexual potential'. Note that this does not necessarily imply intent. Consistency and integrity ...which lead to trust. The degree to which someone is consistent and has integrity directly relates to the depth of the connection. Consistency pertains to how much someone honors their own word, but also how much they deviate from one moment to the next in their words, motives or intents. What I mean by this is: does someone say what they mean and follow through on it (this is integrity). And, does someone behave in the same, predictable, way or do they change their mind, their ideas, their motives, etc. (this is consistency). The more integrity someone has and the more consistent they are, the easier you can learn about them, predict them, understand them and ultimately trust them. Openness and honesty ...both with yourself and with others. This is leads to depth and connection.This is another big one. Again, directly represents the depth of connection.Someone can only be as honest with you as they are to themselves. The more open you are with one another, the closer you can be and the more truth that can be built. Just open conversation and expression. Investment How much time do you invest in relationships (friendships/romantic)? And how much time do people engage with you?There is a difference. Just because someone gives you their attention doesn't mean that they engage with what you say or do. Balance Are your relationships balanced? Are you both equally invested in the same way? Or is there a clear imbalance in the participation of both people? Psychological mirroring Perhaps the most important one. This basically means: how well do both people in the relationship reflect one another? How much do they share the same worldview? The more similar your experiences of life, the more you will understand one another and see yourself reflected in the other. This is what we all seek but we don't realize it. Our counterpart, that person that psychologically reflects our own sense of life. Hence, mirroring, because you first must realize that everyone experiences life in their own unique way. We might all be human, but we don't all live in the same reality (as reality is subjective). So, the closer someone is to seeing life like you do, the closer and deeper will be your connection. Fear of hurt Hurt and leaving. No one hurts you, but they can expose your existing insecurities and fears and take away things that you want from them. However, no one is obliged to invest in you. They do so because it serves them in some way. If or when it doesn't, then they have every right to withdraw. They should, however, be considerate and respectful about it though.In reality, it is your own agenda and motives that are the source of any hurt. It is what you expect and want from them that they fail to deliver that hurts you. It comes from you, not from them.Yes, people can hurt you through deliberate intent. But that is rarely the case.My point here is that being wary of 'being hurt' by potential relationships becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. The very fact that you have 'fears' highlights the potential and likelihood that you will in fact 'be hurt'. Because you have needs that you haven't addressed yourself and are expecting someone else to provide. These needs, insecurities, fears will fester under the surface of any relationship, and they also contribute to your motives. And hence will manifest in the dynamics and kind of relationship that you build with the other person.But like I said, people don't 'owe' you anything. They don't exist for your express purpose. They exist for their own sake, just as you do. Any relationship based on the 'utility' of another person to your own life will end in hurt and will also never be a deep and meaningful one. A truly deep connection comes from you not wanting or needing anything in particular from the other person, in fact just appreciating them and being inspired by them. Mutual growth. The mutual nurturing of one another and helping each other to grow for their own benefit. Permanence is an unreasonable expectation. Everyone wants permanence and reliability. But are people obliged to provide it. Is it realistic? Are you entitled to it? This is a big one too. The expectation of permanence. The indignation when a relationship ends as though it 'should not'. This is the faulty belief. The reality is that relationships are transient. They don't last. They can, potentially. But they don't have to, and the most likely won't. If you expect them to then you are never truly appreciating them. The real way to have a meaningful relationship is to appreciate it in the moment, while it exists. If and when it ends, that doesn't change the depth or meaning that was there while it existed. But many people don't see this. Relationships, grow, change and dissipate. It's the natural order of things. But this is a concept that most of humanity fails to recognize. Once it is recognized, though, it is liberating. And you will truly appreciate not only relationships, but everything in life, in the moment. And you will deal with 'loss' so much more easily. Meaning of deep connection. This is subjective. Genuine motives, good consistency and integrity, deep and honesty and openness, equal and deep mutual investment, equal balance, psychological mirroring and finally... dealing with your own issues and fears such that you don't take your baggage in to the relationship and sabotage it with anxiety of potential 'hurt' that you impose upon the other person. We all assume that things in life, especially relationships, will be forever. As though that is the expected case. The same is true of everything that we pursue in life. But that is the first mistake we make and the one that leads to a lack of appreciation and an ultimate disappointment and hurt. Most people probably don't fit all the categories I've listed. But I have found people that come close. And one way to find them is by exhibiting the qualities yourself. It's hard. You just have to experiment. Meet people, try it and see. But also learn to read people, to recognize the signs of each of the things I've talked about. But one thing I have found is that by being open and honest, for example, others will open up and be honest with you. So, if you practice the meaningful qualities, people might mirror them. Because ultimately, it's what we're all looking for, deep down. The hardest thing to find is our psychological mirror.

@MuriloPais emotions are something I need to work on as well. I am reading “Sedona Method” right now and absolutely love it. I recommend, at least there is a very good explanation about various emotions, implications, etc. when they arise I try to observe them like clouds, it builds awareness.

Nice ?

The true reason behind this is that you don’t really love a person, you love the illusion that you’ve created in your mind, your love your dream. I could relate to this. Sometimes I wonder do I love Love or real people, lol. I wish you could date that guy longer, that will be your treatment, but because it stopped all of a sudden, plus he initiated that, makes it harder for the ego. To gain freedom, do the shadow work. Realize that he is an ordinary person with his flaws, realize that you created this story, and the picture in your mind is just yours, it has nothing to do with that guy.

Welcome

If you don’t mind sharing , was it because of the psychedelic? Or any other means of achievement this state?

I have enjoyed reading your thread, the reason I told you that I am quitting talking about this particular subject was because we are running the circle. I know that I am not forced to say anything and we're just sharing thoughts, but sometimes these thoughts do not progress. For instance, people in this thread trying to make some deductions for you. Consequently, you open your mind, which is great, you agree, but then, all of the sudden you go back to the same statement you've started with. Who knows, maybe I am wrong. Ramana Maharshi had a great quote: “There is neither creation nor destruction, neither destiny nor free will, neither path nor achievement. This is the final truth.” ― Ramana Maharshi

@Someone here I am trying to read your posts as I go ??, maybe I missed something, my bad... I have a feeling that by asking somebody a question you are waiting for a click, I do the same, maybe?! But we can go only this far with questions. I am breaking my mind as well. It is time for practices. Scientific academia does not have a special ground to explain matter and consciousness , they will have to separate one from the other , but it is impossible. I am trying to say that we simply can not lean on this knowledge. ? IF this all is an infinite imagination then everything is possible, even infinite regress.

You lack some knowledge here, my friend. There is a good book by Rachel Carson "The Edge of the Sea", she explains it, being a scientists, how there are no actually any boundary between humans and Earth creatures, including water and marine life. If you prefer a male writer, Loren Eiseley is another great example when scientists and a good writer together, using various techniques to educate the reader about the origin of Earth and life on it.

With all my respect to you, I am done talking about this. I think you just enjoy talking. If this is the case, lets start another thread and maybe talk about something else. I promise I will throw something meaningful. Now, let me tell you about myself.When I argue with someone, I at least, educate myself about the facts I am going to present. If I do not know something, I will not be saying it just for the sake of saying something. ("The observer is clearly distinct from the observed.") even a quantum mechanics scientist does not know this unless he is enlightened, LOL. You have not watched my video, have you? Do you want to grow here or just talk? I am sorry but I am not interested to talk about something just for the sake of talking. I want to interact with others and learn something. Was nice talking to you. I am sorry if I am being rude. I hope you will find your answers. Hugs.

Okay, gotcha. What about a dreaming state then? Is it real? it is also in your direct experience, right? But are dreams real? Sure, all of these proofs are based on the assumption that the observer is a separate entity! And actually!!!! those proofs separate both the observer and the observation. Here is the video for you that you can not separate the observer and the observation because they are intertwined. So basically you call "real" everything that is in your direct experience, material and solid, correct? What about electromagnetic radiation? Is it real? I am not talking about the implication of the electromagnetic radiation such as UV, I am just talking about anything prior to the UV exposure.

1. Define real for me, please. What you call real? 2. When you write "I am looking for the proof", what do you mean exactly? Just talking on this forum, OR meditating, retreating, self-inquiring, contemplating? Can you please specify.

You know, once I read this book "The Labyrinth of Time" where Antony Peak makes actually a good claim. Let's take your honey example. So, the Peak says something like this: "We witness death all the time, but we have never been dead ourselves." This is so true. You really do not know and you can not know if you die from poison(or anything) or not, simply because you've never been dead before. You do not really know what will happen with your subjective reality if you take a poison. Have this thought ever occurred to you? Have you ever thought that you came into this life in a magic way and you do not really know what will happen next. You do not remember how you came here, correct? You just took other people words for this. Poisoned honey example is also weak. If you would be dead and then reborn you could use it as your proof. But you are still alive and we are just philosophizing about it. Because of this you can not trust others that much. I am not claiming anything. I am not enlightened. I am writing you my thoughts. It helps me, I do not trust others and story. I really want to verify it myself. Seat and contemplate the first time you became aware of the thought process in your mind, of others and reality. Start to connect the dots. You do not know how you came, you do not know how you go. Keep your mind open for any kind of possibility. You really do not know! Also! Another idea for you to ponder about. Do not ask others, if you do not know your own origin, you really do not know who others are. How can you trust them? I am the agent of your reality. I might be real or fake, you do not know. Just a possibility. P.S. When they say that you image reality, they mean that you do it unconsciously.

@Nahm I promise

@Nahm also I had finals this week, so next week is my break till summer semester ?

@Nahm I am almost done with one in my OneNote. I need to create a real one with glue, pictures and paper. I want to put my energy in it. I want to make it very pretty, and colorful.

@Inliytened1 yes, that is easy. I wish I would imagine my dream and it will come true like this.

Yes, I know, right! Gosh, but I want you to be real, guys! I want to be weak sometimes and want to lean on. I do not want to be a warrior all my life.

Read the book and loved it. I'd just be careful how you deliver the truth, some people are not ready and not very open to it. Expect to lose some friends, expect that it'll freak them out. It is my biggest mistake because I am very straight forward. Even people on this forum can not take it sometimes. I am making a step back now and watching actually what I am saying... I would invite others to have a genuine conversation. If you see that the person is not ready or resilient, do not push it on or continue. Telling the truth skill requires some level of sensitivity, respect, emotional intelligence and a lot of compassion. But the greatest part of it is there is nothing to lose! I see it this way: if you are being authentic (and compassionate at the same time, it is very important!) and others do not like it or not in sync with you, then the door is always open, do not look back, just move on. Hopefully you will be attracting those with the same vibe and there is a big potential to learn from those people. You must have a mental fortitude and be highly develop for this step. Radical honestly is not for weak people for sure, no offence. Also you have to be ready to really take responsibility for every word/action you say/make. To find a person like this is so rear. I, maybe, met three so far. I grew so much by just interacting with them verbally. Good luck.

@Nahm After I've posted that message I had a similar thought. I've posted it and thought to myself: what was the point of that forum, all those messages, people, replying them back, communicating that way, asking others, answering... Then, another thought had popped up: it is a part of my growth, with all its pain and suffering, probably to make me strong and to lead to some big realization.

Read another thread about debunking solipsism, Leo gave a very good explanation there, hold on, let me find it for you. "There are no others. Period. It's only you imagining stuff. But awakening is far more radical than simple solipsism." - LG Your reality is the only valid reality, please read this: "There is nothing whatsoever outside your present moment. You are just still in denial about that. If you look very precisely and carefully you will notice that all other people have been your imagination 100% of the time. Even to deny what I'm saying you must imagine a Leo! Notice that you are talking to yourself, not Leo. Awakening is a radical thing. Keep deconstructing your reality." LG So!!!! When you say that you have a very different reality from other people, do you realize that there is only one reality, right, and this reality is in your direct experience, it is yours!!!. Now! The hardest part: there is no one or nothing to lean on, there can not be any backup, do you realize this? You are alone in this work. This is one way street, my dear.

@traveler Thank you for your explanation.

@Nahm

Well, if we brutally honest, about anything can kill you. We should not blame everything on psychedelics.

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