Galyna

yeah, this is exactly what I am doing, I know I am complete, but it is just a concept, I do not feel it in my heart. In my heart it feels like external circumstances should fulfill me.

@Amit for you too, dear....you just dont realize it (actually, you do, you told me the other day) anyway, speaking generally, most ppl do not realize it. I do not realize it, not there yet.....therefore spending some time and writing things as I see it, but it is all my own projections.

We need to define "better"..what is it? I would just say it is a unique preferences of yours. For you might be "better" for someone else is not. yep. After talking to Phil, I understand that I can throw everything in the window, all my insights. Because as he would say you are already whole, there is nothing to complete there. Love you too.

You are welcome. I hope you are really happy. I am glad you are talking to Nahm, he is the Pinnacle. Nobody can beat him in the advice. Agree. I am talking from the perspective of ego, he talks from the perspective of God (which is exactly who should be listening and it is what you need to hear at this stage of your development). We are just speculating here. P.S. I have sagi among my best friends, I dated one. My dad is Sagi, I know. They are lovable, sunny, caring and warm ppl. Can not say anything negative about them. My psychologist, who coached me for five years before I came to Nahm, was Sagi. All sagi I've ever met are into spirituality and teaching. Their hearts are always open, this is your main feature, you never dwell on negative feelings.

okay this one is for @zeroISinfinity As paradoxical as it can be, you actually want what you fear. Read Sedona Method, they explained the mechanism of letting go there. Ideally for you, the most favorable situation would be to date a woman who knows your shadow. And what you are telling us here, you should be able to tell her as well. I mean, there is nothing to lose. Think of this way, if someone truly loves your core being, they will accept you as you are. If she does not except you as you are, then it is not your woman!!!! She just must be very confident and not panicking when sexual betrayal happens. You must trust each other so much where you can sit and talk about it. Otherwise, you will hide, have sex, but one day it will be exposed. It might cure you, it might not. Experiment and understand what works for you in relations and what not! If it cures you and you have a deep intimate connection with your woman, you will not want to seek something else on the side. Or you have to genuinely ask yourself what is more important for you random sex or love and meaningful connection. We make choices in life all the time, every second. Be conscious of your choices. If you choose sex with hot women, then commitment is not what you really need or want. You realize that right now you are NOT authentic self with that lady. You are wearing a mask of a good guy. You are masquerading into someone you are not. It creates split in your psyche. You fear of intimacy and crave it at the same time, so so so much! You think that when you expose your inner self, you will be rejected or judged. You are actually not really scared of intimacy; you are scared of the repercussions and what it might cost you. Just accept of who you are. Yes, womanizer, so what? Maybe your other qualities will overweight this part of you for some lady. Also, you are scared to be weak and vulnerable with your lady. But do you know that a vulnerable man is the most appealing, sexiest and the strongest. Ask @Natasha and @Preety_India if you don't believe me. You become only strong by accepting weakness and being vulnerable. We are not robots, what is wrong about having those emotions? Drop that image you hold about yourself. I think, Alex, you need a professional counseling. I can not help you. Everybody is helping you in this thread in a way, but it is not on the professional level where you work on this issue with your counselor. We are on page 61 now. We can spend another 60 pages but you will not get a desired result. First of all, because this work is very intimate and we can not heal you in group. Second of all, talking on forum is not what you need in your situation. You need to set free and talk to a real psychologist or Nahm without holding yourself back or omitting important details about your background. No matter what we say, we do not know you personally. And quite frankly I have noticed that you do not really care a lot what others say, you still do the same thing over and over again. I will start my classes next week and with all my respect to ppl here, I will not have time to commit myself to forum as I did in the past. hope my response will help you.

I think you are a good guy, Drew: deep, loving and caring....Just be your true authentic self. You do not need anything from anyone, really. It hurts I know. I hate when Nahm tells me this too. Giving can not pretend, it should be authentic. We can not expect anything back because expectations hurt the most. Life always slaps my face when I am in the expecting mode. It is hard not to...I know. Maybe we have to be rooted in the present moment and be relaxed. Future does not exist. Why worrying about the loss? Maybe what we need now will not be that important in "so-called" future and it will resolve on its own. You never know what is waiting for you around the corner.

@Natasha @Amit @DrewNows @Preety_India @zeroISinfinity So… here is my first insight: The ideal partner that we are all seeking for is our opposite gender counterpart that has already been deeply enclosed in us. Someone we are so craving and longing for is already within us, all we need to do is to find that person in real world. I am talking about our “inner” male and “inner” female. When we deeply fall in love with someone what we really attracted to is our own qualities that we see in other being. We already contain masculine and feminine qualities. If you are a male, of course masculine qualities prevail but not necessarily. Some males are very gentle and soft, so they can have more than 50% of feminine qualities. (Remember that video of Leo about masculinity and femininity.) There is a fine line between these and how they disperse. We can have a very masculine female and vise versa. Anyway, each of us holds his own “inner” female/male. Full circle completes when our “inner” male/female merges with the "outer" (person we meet in external world) and they become One. I was so wrong thinking that there is another person in this university who is just like me. I thought you meet that person, like your twin, and there you go…you find your happiness. No, it is not true and actually possible because I am the one, the original, the unique one. To hold another copy of me in the universe would be to violate the law of variety. To merge with someone on the deeper level, all we need to do is to match our “inner” male/female with the "outer" one. My “inner” male as a light worker, he is a knight, very responsible, empathetic, fixed, loyal, kind and compassionate. I do believe that I (or my “inner” male) already contain these qualities. But what a joy it is to see my “inner” male when he manifests in real world, in front of me. There is a constant never ending admiration, because you find yourself in this being over and over again! Same with guys ( @Amit @DrewNows and @zeroISinfinity) when you are being hurt, misunderstood, judged or rejected!!!! it is your “inner” female who suffers. Because masculinity does not contain compassion. It is a pure feminine quality. Masculinity fights and destroys; femininity holds and preserves. To nourish and grow in the love department, your “inner” f/m needs to be pulled out from the depth of your soul to the surface. How do you pull him/her out from the depth of your soul? By interacting with the "outer" version of your “inner” m/f in reality. Then you will start to mirror each other. It is really enigmatic experience. Because in this union you will have “inner” female and male, and “outer” female and male. In order to truly go deep in each other, you need to match your “inner” male and her “inner” female with each other. Then success possible in the external reality. If mismatch, you will never grow in these relations. Your relations will become stagnant. Please understand my message here, what you see and crazy about in other being is already in you. You are all these qualities, but sometimes you do not realize it. Love is subjective because you love your own qualities in other being. Love is never objective. You beloved one is your own shiny inner diamond. In a way there is no such thing as “inner” female/male. I used the linguistic terms to explain you the concept. You are neither female nor male. You know it. I truly wish that people in my thread find their own inner males/females. When you do, you will feel so much joy and completion, on all levels. Because otherwise your “inner” m/f will never be acknowledged or fathomed. You will never integrate masculinity or femininity in a proper way. Much love and hugs!

The majority of people only want to receive. Kinda like homeless asks another homeless, it requires spiritual maturity to give and be ecstatic about it.

That is the paradox, you can not ask for it, something you look for has been already within you for a long time. And always be. Please describe here what kind of love would you like to receive, like make bullet points. Second of all, by asking love, you become "homeless" who does not know what he has. Homeless who is rich but does not know it. Love is so subjective. Under any circumstances love becomes objective. Drew, read Osho when you can. His book ("love freedom and aloneness") I truly think transformed me forever and how I see authentic connection between man and woman and other ppl. Let's put it simply. Have dignity and respect to your own self to not ask for anything, but rather give instead. Do not close up, you will find a partner who will take you as you are. Have vision about it. Do not even believe in it, make it your reality. Realize at the same time that you might never be loved as you wish and your body decays one day without receiving this experience. Accept this, like truly accept that something that you search and crave for will never be given to you, and just let that desire go. You are not in control here. It is very painful to realize, something you hold so tight which is so dear to your heart will never be given to you. But then guess what? As soon as you let it go, you will receive more, you will receive Freedom, freedom from suffering. Eventually you will receive Love, and the paradox is you will receive it when you do not care about it, when you let it go and when you learn to live your life and be happy with what you already have. Next step is spiritual maturity. Nothing becomes so dear, everything can be released. Much love to you, my friend, do not be sad. We here to support each other. Hugs.

Drew, plus one! I agree.

Lmao

@zeroISinfinity I did not receive anything from you, my friend

@zeroISinfinity don’t pretend you haven’t seen my last comment, Alex. I really want you to reply to my last comment. If I don’t see the explanation, you won’t hear from me again and will not continue any conversations here anymore.

@zeroISinfinity The other day I sent you a personal message when @Natasha gave us a working, I sent it in PM not to create drama. You read my message you did not even respond like "Okay, I got it, lets be careful on forum and not create drama." Why have you just ignored my message? I want to know like truly. Do you think it is a bit disrespectful maybe.... As a matter of fact, I did not go for your personal attention. I really felt uncomfortable that ppl started noticing drama and I want to talk to you about. You read it and not even said " yes, I got you, will take some actions.!" Can you pls explain your behavior?

@zeroISinfinity Alex, you give a f...k, if not you would not be here, please tell us what you are craving so much....time to retrospect. I will run now, be back and give you my vision. Have you considered working with Nahm again or anyone? I seriously think you need some more work.

@DrewNows He just craves for something. I have already figured out, I just do not have time to give a thorough response now. Hopefully today. But basically this forum is a main outlet for him to be as he is and not to be scared that ppl are going to judge him. He does not have it in a real life. Forum = outlet. But hold on, I will give you my major insight soon.

Lmao

@zeroISinfinity oh thank you?I will watch now about me while cooking . ?

Welcome, Just hold on, let me gather myself and I will bring some interesting insight.

@Amit @DrewNows @Preety_India @Natasha @zeroISinfinity I was super busy with my celebration, I have some major insights to share. I am giving the credit for these insights to some people in this thread. Anyway guys, I do not want to lose you, my ppl...because I have been talking to you over a month in this thread. I have been talking to most of you in my PMs. How about changing the format or subject of our conversations. The thing is I am not sure if I can spend so much time on forum, I will have classes again in one week. _____________ Alex, my special friend.....it was not in my purpose to make you sad, upset or hurt your feelings. I was just super honest with you. In a way I challenged you, I know, maybe it was not pleasant. But where else, if not here, to be honest with people for their own sake. Do you see how I am being your mirror? You are still a human, because if you were not, it would not trigger any unpleasant reactions. So keep working to integrate your major insights about illusory ego. ___________________________________________________ Anyway, with regards if we close or keep this thread, I feel like I need to share my two main insights with you, guys. I will be back soon. P.S. You are so sweet for posting here even when I was gone. Hugs.

You are my Darling, thank you so much for being so so so kind and attentive. ❤️❤️❤️

@Natasha I think I am done and I feel like I said what I wanted to. @zeroISinfinity @Amit @DrewNows Thank you guys for a wonderful experience. I hope we all can learn from this.

And nothing wrong about that, but it is not always about you, Alex. @Nahm and @Natasha guys, feel free to close my thread.... I do apologize in front of all forum community if any drama has been created.

Not at all. You love women, go and pursue them. Be in it fully!!!!! Give it all. Do not put any limitations. The more you are trying to repress it, the harder it becomes. Guaranteed! Be a womanizer, enjoy it fully, I mean it. I will never accuse you of being womanizer, that is not what my issue here in this thread. Why would I care? In real life, if lets say you are my spouse, then for sure, would be an issue. Why would I care about it on a public forum? Right now I see some repressive hues in your posts. My issue is that you put too much attention on your persona, in a way, what my real issue here is that you do not ask questions, you do not care about others as much, all attention evolves around you, your issues and your gf. Friendship should be reciprocal. You take one step, I take one step, it is a perpetual motion. It is like a mutual exchange. See if you meet me in real life, you would understand. Hell, I love to be and have always been in the center of attention. Just because I am not that little gray mouse who sits in the corner. I love people, I love meaningful conversations, I love to gather people around me, I do it all my life. In a way, yeah, I am a leader. And I don't do anything for it, it just happens naturally. But with years I've realized that the biggest pleasure in my life was to nurture deep meaningful connections with others, not only to be egocentric person where life constantly evolves around my persona. I learned how to listen and observe. I love asking questions. I love hearing interesting experiences. I love meaningful exchange that can enrich you inside. I was asking you 1000 times to share something interesting with me about your awakening, about your path. You gave me a very arrogant answer like "I do not like to talk about it, not a teacher, not good at it." So are you setting the pace of our conversation? No my guy, not with me.... I do not want to hear about your girlfriend all the time, we can blend it in with some other things. Lets talk about your gf, but not in every post.... Genuine advice for you: other people love when you are interested in them. Everybody loves it. I also feel like when you talk about your development and how you want to remedy everything, you ego loves to receive bonuses, from thinking how advanced and cool dude you are by taking some steps forward. Do you see the blind spot here? It is just a sham, Alex, with all my respect to you. How do I know, because even on this little forum you are inconsistent with your words and actions. Imagine how many other things I could spot if in real setting. I do believe that you might have some glimpses about Truth and Consciousness here and there, but you need to work on your roots, not only by talking about it on your forum journal, but actually working on them. @Amit and I were talking about covert narcissism the other day, @Amit , I feel like Alex might actually have some traits of it, can you please share the video with him, the one you sent me in PM? (Thanks, dear) You are a cool guy, with a nice sense of humor, light and bubbly, but (again I can not say for other ppl on this forum) with me it feels like you are constantly on the stage, performing something. Like you are a model. Real man can not say and DOES NOT say " I am a real man" by saying or admitting this, you are putting yourself in the positions that you need to reinforce it, why? If you know that you already are, why saying it all the time? It is oxymoron. Do you understand? Also, today, I said I was going to celebrate something, you did not even ask me what it was, and started to talk about your "thingy" again, right off the bat. Could at very least say "Happy celebration!" and then starting your girls topic. It is not going to work like this.....I can always give you a shoulder when you need it, but I love myself too much...I really do. I am not going to be a pillow here all the time. I can drop anything I started in a blink of an eye and will never regret it. So we can ask Natasha or Nahm to close this journal and let's please move on. If you put constant attention on your persona, I am leaving this party. Will not tolerate any selfishness or narcissism whatsoever... I am sorry if I hurt your feelings. Sometimes it is needed for your own growth. Much love to you, my friend.

I do not know what to say, I read all your posts today and I am a bit in confused. Are you writing this to trigger my reactions? Like honestly?