Javfly33

I've done. And for sure I contemplate visiting another. But my problem is deep, it doesn't get solved with some therapy.

What can you do? When I mean detaching I mean accepting, not evading. I mean there's no evasion anymore but I can't seem to be able to solve them. In the last 6 years I have done signficant work but the root problem is still there. So I'm basically out of solutions or ideas .

@dimitri Man I don't know. I completely understand where your coming from. My life problems are an ILLUSION. Yet my anxiety and overall root problem (imaginary and maintained by believing myself I am an identity/ ego, I know) is still in my life 6 years later. I mean I could say life is getting better but today I had some suicide thoughts. I wouldn't consider I am in a very bad place in life, because I have SOME wisdow that I am not really the one who is suffering (I can detach myself from it still() but honestly my ego/avatar is not all right. So I am feeling in anytime it can "explode". I don't how., I hope is for the good. I could use some "relative* advice in regards to the avatar.

I am not sure what the fuck is going on lately . Can't handle my life anymore so I take refuge in the present moment. Seems my fuck up life is forcing to surrender myself finally. I hope I am done soon or maybe do Bufo alvarius in the Mountains soon if I make it alive to the last week of july

I am not sure what you mean about the first question. About the second question: Freedom

My whole life dissappears. Even if it's an illusion is ALL I have had.

Have you tried therapy?

@WelcometoReality I can relate to that lol... I am in the process of working it through .... Any advice?

@Serotoninluv Exactly, there are a lot of attachments that are part of the beauty of life that also will be gone. That is also heart breaking as fuck. So there's something.

It's milligrams! Not micrograms! ?

Took a very small dose of acid last Thursday, but it turn out to be very powerful because of the set and setting. I've discovered that while doing trips with a set and a setting that would be considered "bad" or "difficult moments" (for example, anxiety) can be a bad idea because the trip might be overwhelming for your ego, talking very small doses in this precise times, can be quite enlightening and it's a strategy I've used a lot the last year to go deep into my anxiety and basically all the shadow stuff. 00:00 Started cleaning the house. 01:00 I started crying how hard last year has been discovering all the shadows and conditionings that have caused me suffering all my life (Identity, in other words, the ego). The crying felt really good to accept myself and realize I've grown a lot the last year's and realize that you can't "build Rome in a day". My ego has a tendency to "solve everything fast" and that can be stressful when healing takes time. It helped to accept taking things slowly after a lot of grown. 02:00 I lay down in the floor and close my eyes. I pull out my phone to turn up some music. While doing this Internal dialogue was subsiding a lot. Here is the first glimpse of my awesomeness Nature, I realize that the phone it's me! I am in the present moment! I have been living all my life in a story in my thoughts, therefore being totally like in a prison. Switching this dynamic to be aware that I am the present moment made realize that I can always be free. 03:00 I totally lay down and put some music finally. Now suddenly "someone" which is not me is watching through my eyes. Now I surrender and slowly an existential Peace washes over me. 03:30 My neighbor starts making noises with a machine. It's quite disturbing. I notice this noise is pulling me out of my peace. But I don't know why I kept surrendering, and realize that there's no separation between the neighbour and me. We both are creating the noise. I am literally making that fucking noise up there. 04:00 I sit with my back straight up, look at my most near objets in front of me and ask myself what is Conscioussness. Suddenly I got it. Conscioussness is not an intellectual answer. It is reality! Conscioussness is creating reality. I start laughing and crying of how good the joke is . 04:30 I take a shower. Here I am not able to describe what happen, but it felt like I started getting a "download" from higher intelligence. It wasn't words. They were direct, so I couldn't know what it was that it was downloaded, just that it was something very deep about reality. I got some kind of scared, and I said out loud "Wow, God, Jesus, Ok. ok, this enough, I can't handle much more. Jesus. This is intense" and suddenly I stopped receiving the "download". I remembered @Leo Gura when he said that God wants to show to you but also doesn't want you to become traumatized. 05:00 I lay down in the couch, and a kind of bad vibe starts creeping in. I am not sure why it was but it felt like experiencing what I had experience was very overwhelming because of how real it was. I felt like reality was totally out of my control, and it is quite mad. I realized that I understand 0.00001% of reality and that made me quite ungrounded, at this point I was glad that most of the time I live in a very unconscious state of consciousness, because high states of consciousness are not easy to digest even though apparently it's where Nirvana it's at . But I'm sure I LL keep going towards truth even though when it gets so real it scares me 05:30 Send a message to my therapist saying a proper goodbye (since I just had stopped going withouth saying a proper goodbye due to Covid) saying thanks to her and sending her a hug. What can you do that love facet of Lsd gets me everytime. Thanks all for reading ❣️

Wow, I've tried that but you know it seems too good to be true. Like it truly feels like freedom, when I let go that "there is a problem" and instead I 'give it to God'. Feels good, again, like freedom. But this freedom feels alien too, like "this couldn't be this easier, right?" so I usually end up going back to the same thought stories.

Exactly. The false self assumes that an object corresponds with a thought... Yet the object is always already there without any thoughts... So THIS is always prior to any stories of the false self. This means Such Unconditional Freedom as you said, that can't never really be touched or corrupted ?

It's so mystical it can make such magic trick to trick itself to think that reality is ordinary and material ?

There's no body just conscioussness so the question is not very easy to answer.

Yeah happened to me too. I became everything the intensity was so overwhelming I stated shouting (inside the dream)

It's the other way around. There's no physical body, street, 'dying', or thoughts, Only Conscioussness. If you don't like the name, you can call it "Pizza", either way that's what reality is, only One thing that morfs and forms duality to experience itself.

You need to do the inquiry yourself, it's impossible to get it intellectually The final answer is that everything that you see it's conscioussness and you are That (notice that if there is only conscioussness, whatever you are, must be that too) but that of course won't help you because it would be just a belief for you . So it's not a matter of where you are, you are everywhere because there's nothing or nobody other than You Lol

Haha it's you!!! Now I FUCKING GOT IT, FINALLY!!! It's all ONE CRAZY BEING dreaming up everything!! Masterpiece! ???

It depends on what is the thing I want to go deep in. If it's Spirituality, I'll do Self-Inquiry or listen to some spiritual video while I walk in nature. If it's shadow work, any kind of exercise that otherwise I wouldn't do or might have resistance sober. An example would be, if I have social anxiety and I want to inquiry deep in it, I'll go when the peak it's finishing to socialize so I can get some insights. Once I have integrated the insights, I'll probably be able to go in the peak, not to a party but maybe it could be walking around a park and going home then. Idk I think you get the point. With spirituality works different, sometimes i want to do shadow work but it turns out spiritual etc... I would say that the most important thing is to have the ATTITUDE to do work. For example I would abstain myself from listening to music or watching a show. I would understand that the session might be uncomfortable (just as therapy can be) and therefore do stuff that might make me uncomfortable. The usefulness of psychedelics basically is that, just making sure you are not using them recreationally and to do the work, and they will be hell of effective.

They don't exist but they could exist

Because I've done "a lot" (although this is relative) of spiritual work beforehand. I would say I've done in the past 12 months about 12-13 doses of 32.5ug. I first tried this dose a year ago and it resulted in an amazing insightful trip about my traumas/shadow work. Seems my ego is scared of tripping full on I thought 'at least I will do this dose and I'll gain more than doing anything'. I basically have used for psychotherapy purposes with pretty good results (but in the meantime everything has been mixing up with Spirituality and my path. Because once you start healing you discover you were not the "identify" from all the problems arise). although like I said if you can do more dose you will save a lot of time.

It's in my wishlist definitely. I love acid but I agree sometimes it is too draining, too intense, sometimes just "too much" for a human mind lol

Thanks for the message, I agree a lot of with it. Sometimes I blame myself for not "pushing myself" but to be honest maybe i just have to go slowly.

My favorite dose of 32.5ug of LSD I'm pussy to do decent doses of LSD lately, so I just do this small doses that are always better than not doing anything. Wonder what happen when I finally do a full trip or try 5-MeO. Because at small doses total surrender is not going to happen (at least for me, because I have a very VERY strong ego)