Javfly33

Ive had multiple "awakenings" where that voice seems just a thought, and that's it. Like a colour you see, or a sound you hear. BUT, most of the time, like 99.99% of the time, that voice seems a self. (And it's me, obviously). But this voice actually started contemplating itself just a few seconds ago. It accepted that it feels very real. "How this is not a self?" The voice said. Why does it feel so real? It seems very real that THAT is a self and it's me.

You gotta be kidding that these ones gives you a non dual awareness

Interesting. Very interesting.

I think I'm stuck right there. It doesn't feel like that. It seems I'm inside the body. Seems the awareness is being projected from the body!

I think I have trascended the second. But the first one yeah it feels very like that, very real. I agree but why most of the time none of that is actual. And no matter what when the internal voice arise I think that's me. Feels very real

Since I started my first full time job, I have gotten a little bit bitter with how people are in general. I had jobs in the past but maybe because of certain variables people in the workplace had their duties more clear so they weren't much option for "fighting". But in the job I'm currently employed, people behave in such a way that I feel I'm in a pit of hyenas, instead of humans. I know that is my responsibility to step up and defend what is mine, but still, I'm not used to that spiral dynamics stage red. That constant daily fighting. Sometimes I prefer to work a bit more just to avoid daily confrontation. As someone which gets inspired by the non dual understanding and that what excited me would be to create a company/life purpose which Unites people, share love, highest wisdom...etc, I find myself doubting if I should really do that. Since most people are in such a stage of development where they absolutely only think about them and have no problem at all in each day "fighting" to try to get you to work for them although that creates a toxic environment.

Would constant awareness on the breathing work? I've tried a lot of times. And sometimes I get to that place of bliss. In that place, when thoughts arise, they can't touch me. Like...I see that they are just a thought. Not me. But then , maybe after an hour, I just give up: it comes a strong thought of identification ( they can be about whatever but they usually have a sort of an implicit negative aurea of "if you identify with this thought you will come back to the ego, don't do it". So fear arise in that fear I lose myself in the thought and I start to lose the bliss and awareness on the breath and so on. Do you think is there a point in doing this or I should just let it go and accept life it's not permanent. The ego state sucks so much compared to that present moment bliss ?. It's difficult to accept I have to live that state too. And most of the time btw.

"From the absolute perspective". Damn how much I hate that phrase hahaha

Not sure if porn is the most accurate way to know what turns you on. My porn tastes were significantly different than my actual sexual tastes. ?

Interesting, it happened to me too when my father died. Although more than high state it was a kind of mania . Did you have feelings towards this family member or you are indifferent to his death?

I just realize that when I'm not on drugs, I am almost never fine with being in the present moment . Lately I've been sobering up, in everything, including even coffee I find myself having thoughts of future, like "ok, what I am doing now (going to the groceries) make sense because that way I am going to eat today enough so in the future I'll get more muscle and that will get me more confident which eventually will lead to other things which eventually would make me more happy". So in a sense, the process of going to the groceries was bearable because it had a purpose. But if not, if I would find myself unable to bear the boringness and emptyness of being in the present moment . Why it's so difficult to be great with just being at the present moment?

I went one 1 year ago. Most psychologists don't actually understand mental health.

You might have a point. I need to stop re-creating myself and seeking.

@allislove I agree, but im.not happy anymore with that relative / absolute duality. It's time to unified them in one. As Eckhart Tolle said: "I need to stop living with 'myself' . There might be two of me. The 'myself' and the One who can't live with 'myself'. ???Please God dissolve me. Can't keep creating more suffering.❣️

This shit never ends. ?

How do you know that which you say "bad karma" aren't just judgements of your own mind? Are they other thing than just thoughts? Meh...you guys are so full of shit.

Dissolving beliefs about yourself

Yeap, can only recommend psychedelics. Hard drugs are a waste of time and if you are not careful you can wreck your life with them. All the bliss that hard drugs provide you can get with psychedelics. It just that it will demand more responsibility of you. But it's the only intelligent way.

Fuck yeah, engage in it until you get so tired "you" dissappear. I can't strip all of my shit because ultimately I believe myself to be a separate self so I have a survival agenda, a story of self development to grow , goals, etc... That's why I keep saying I want to awake totally. If not I still believe myself to be a separate self. If I believe myself to be that the most obvious thing to do is to survive. And the mind helps me with that.

Psychedelics produce bliss and euphoria too, but it usually comes at the price of high vulnerability. In more vulgar words, I would say with normal drugs you always have control, in psychedelics the higher you go the less control you usually have. I think this difference it's makes 'hard drugs' easy to abuse, while with psychedelics not.

@VeganAwake Right, but There are more chapters of this book to be discovered brother ?❣️

Seems like a words game. If 'eventually' you will exist as a projection of my mind, it doesn't matter if right now you don't exist. Since time doesn't exist either, it's like you DO exist, since at one moment of time God will experience writing in his own forum and replying to Javfly33 (to myself). So honestly I see it as a words game .

Ok, not going to ask anymore. Just want to know, so it comes a time when you trascend that solipsism question?

I've tried but I can't maintain the state. In a sense it doesn't depend on me but of consciousness itself ??

Not my experience at all. That's why I am recommending him to try hcl for plugging. I tried countless times with freebase, upto 35mg. Only placebo/subtle effects . Followed the guide with the vinegar and all of that too. Strange that it works for you better than hcl.