Javfly33

I have started to contemplate seriously the idea of me being Absolute Truth and not existing anything or anyone outside of me, of this infinite present moment, and, to be honest, it doesn't have to be dramatic or even a bad thing. Even though at first it might seem "terrible" that there's no other people or realities being lived, once you really accept it it's actually amazing, because you are actually completely free, and you can also have fun with your imagined characters, parents, places, which I imagine to teach myself things. For example I just had a conversation with my mom about everything being perspectives and I was trying to teach her to accept that there might not be a material reality. Then I realized that I imagined all of that to actually help me to accept that actually my mother doesn't exist and is imaginary.

I do get anxious. But is more of an excitement mild fear anxiety of "lets do it, fuck it". It's not the "I'm so fucked, I can't do this" imparing anxiety. But again, if you have the latter kind of anxiety, you just won't take anything. The mind isn't stupid.

100ug of LSD is not a lot and shouldn't be overwhelming. Definetely do not push yourself if you are feeling very anxious before tripping. It took me dozens of very small doses of psychedelics before I felt comfortable to have a full trip again after my last uncomfortable/traumatic trip. Just take small enough where you feel comfortable and go little by little upping the dose

It is what it is. I mean life is all about surrender... Why not surrender also the illusion? Enlightment , an infinite surrender ?

So yesterday i absolutely awoken myself as God, the Creator of all of my dream. I become conscious there wasnt any other than me ever. It was shocking because i actually remembered that i had awoken when i was 19-20 years old when i took lsd some times for the first time, withouth knowing at all What was God/non duality etc, But i was in such a Bliss for almost over a year. The Avatar was just not conscious of What that state meant. But as Consciousness i was awake i let go of the identity of for over a year . It was so funny because after awakening and being in that no ego state for almost a year, the ego formed again and It started to create an ideology of "non duality", and of course as God i started to create Actualized, Mooji, The concept of "awareness", and of course i thought the absolute/God was something outside me that i had to "get". I also imagined 5-meo-dmt as breadcrump to remember again What i had forgotten. The astonishment when i realized that i created every detail of the dream is truly jawdropping. And What NOW?? Remember that i am always Now, Able to Create whatever i want! Whenever i start to fall away into the belief i am a thought, i just touch my hands, i say out loud I AM HERE I AM HERE, AWAKE! THIS is what's real, Truth! What do i create? I choose Love, Power and Joy, this is my dream ??️?

Enlightment is realizing you are not real, i just created you with my imagination. I AM creating this screen, and the ego is hallucinating the story your message came from an internet Server. The truth is, This iS What Is Real. EVERYTHING else is ego. I AM God. Lets change chapters of "self doubt" please. Time to create Joy, Power and Love.

And I don't approach her, I instantly feel bad/experience suffering of FOMO. Every PUA now will say "well that's your pain that motivates you to actually approach". But honestly I don't remember being warned I basically would become a slave to my sexual/attraction urges and I would sign a contract with my mind of receiving emotional suffering if I don't want to interact with a stranger in the middle of the street. Does this goes away when you start approaching on a regular basis and then you can let go some hotties from time to time without feeling TERRIBLE in the inside!!!??

???

Little by little brother ??

LOL

Yeah I think you are right. Women are bad men are good. Lol

@StarStruck how much have you done pick up?

@Emerald I get you, and I agree. But what I've done the last 2 years have all been introspection, psychedelics, and even therapy. But action, little, very little. So even though you have a point, I can guarantee you it's time for me to stop trying to "figure things out" from my bedroom, and trying to achieve "complete healing" in the 9th LSD trip. I actually need the opposite now. Action. But yeah, this doesn't meant that when I incorporate an habit of socializing and dating, I will stop doing inner work. I plan to still do it. Btw, why do you say they have very little to do with my relationship with women? What exactly is for you "my wound"? You know I talk already with a lot of people and I've become kind of tired of the word "self esteem". I mean it's just a word. For me, my problem or wound is basically an energy. Yeah, energy. I vibrate at lower levels of the Self Spiral. Hate/shame/unworthiness energy. So basically you just can't "figure it out" in the couch talking to a therapist. (Even though it can be part of the process). This energy is no joke. I suspect I heredate it from my father as a kind of "karmic energy". It requires a dramatic change (rising your vibration) in how you think, act, etc from the present moment. My whole ego identifies with vibrating at this energy (this is actually what my ego Is. I actually suspect that when I start having success with women and being confident, I will be very fucking close to Enlightment. Because the ego will not be able to re-form itself)

@StarStruck It's not that they are ruthless. Is that they are just not interested. And your behaviour when you are interested/attracted when you are not, differs a lot in how you treat people. Actually contemplate how you behave with girls you are attracted to Vs girls you aren't. Notice you do NOT behave in the same way!

I'm not sure. I think in one hand there's purely a biological drive and masculine side that is lacking in my human-embedded consciousness which if I don't resolve/achieve my mind won't work well and will develops neurotic behaviours even more concerning. And the other one yeah it's the psychological aspect of my ego. As I said I think one of my biggest motivators is the incredible intense pain I feel when I like a lot a girl and I feel I'm not good man enough for her. I think that pain is what I am fundamentally trying to get away from. As I wrote in a recent topic, I recently put a knife in my throat in front of my crush and his boyfriend because of feeling this emotional pain after hearing them fucking all night. Talked to them afterwards to explain them why. that was pretty healing. But I think it comes a point you can't really heal yourself completely without taking action.

@Crane Bahnsteik thanks maaaaan

Yeah but I'm used to the pain of second one Lol since it got cronic ? the first one comes from time to time pD: I'm just kidding, it's all an act, I will stop behaving like a victim

What is wrong with sucking a dick in the parking lot 30 minutes after talking with the guy?

@Emerald I wouldn't mind in accepting the second one but I really think here is the first one ??‍♂️ pD: of course ultimately I want to approach to have success with women and achieve the phase of dating/sex/receiving feelings of attraction/love+validation from women which ultimately will make feel good about myself. But approach is just a step, the final goal is becoming attractive man. @WaveInTheOcean

Yesterday I had a weird silent mind during the whole afternoon, at one point I was walking downtown, and I suddenly stop believing that other people walking down the street were real, but rather a very intense feeling that they were being created by Consciousness in that precise moment. At his time it was NOT a belief of "I am alone and I'm the only thing real and those people are being created by me" = > Solipsism train of thought. It was a feeling that everybody was looking through my eyes, because there wasn't a personal "I" but a universal "I" sonfor the first time I didn't felt alone like I had been feeling when thinking about non duality conceptually. (In my last topic for example) I don't quite understand what this experience means but I'm grateful I have been to able to experience, and I wanted to share it here. Peace ?

@WaveInTheOcean I don't remember. I only remember this life. That's the whole issue about it. When the body dies then material reality maybe is over for ever. Probably existence will still exist. As pure Consciousness, but...will ever of "us" will experience another material dream? I don't think so.

Yeah, all my previous life Lol haha. Yeah, I've done some psychs here and there of course. It's very nice to see that my state of consciousness it's higher and it gets maintained even when one is sober, this definetely proves that psychedelics can actually be useful, I think also it's been fundamental that I have stopped being physical dependent on Kratom, my baseline state of consciousness has raised automatically since I stop having to take that mud daily ??. Even though it wasn't getting me high anymore, the fact I had to take it to not feel restless, dead-tired, etc, was impacting in my state of consciousness by numbning it subtly.

Aren't you sure those are just beliefs, assumptions and guesses haven arised after interpretation of mystical experiences and awakenings? Who is maintaining that "film frame" of other POV while you are living your movie/POV? ?

@Someone here I also have gotten tired of watching Leo. No offense to Leo of course Lol.

Whatever. You are just a figment of my imagination trying to trick myself Into believing you are real. Haha! You didn't got me