Javfly33

I have removed a lot of distractions and I finished some addictions last week. Overall I feel better, more productive and more focused + motivated to go eat life... however, I have also realized, this doesn't give me joy. It just gives me relief that if I "sort out" stuff in life, like, career and personal development the next years, I will stop suffering so much. So my motivation is completely animalistical. Fucking depresses me that I will spend maybe the next 5 years just trying to get by in life , constantly trying to sort out the stuff I lack, in what it seems an overwhelming, long, dull errand which I don't have fun. I think the only moments I do experience some relief (now that I quit my regular addiction which used to provide me with that relief) is when I meditate. Some days I concentrate and in the middle of that boring nothingness, ironically life gets really fun. It's like... duh... can't I have some joy ?? I mean I don't think that I need to be in an amusement park. I just want to feel happy and joyful doing life. Like, I could be working on my career, and not getting stressed about trying to get a job in the sector before its loo late. I could be going out , and instead of trying to be so alfa, perfect and serious, try to laugh my ass off and express with joy and exuberance each interaction with each human being that I like. But no, everything is sooo fucking serious. Everything is at stake. My suffering is at stake. Me trying to sort out my personal shit is a stake. Each is one day less I have before my ego its 100% closed and I will forever be my faulty "me". (Not my succesful me). So everything is at stake. For the ego, each day it's a race. No day has joy. Only few moments, seconds, which are of course appreciated as pure gold. It's so ridiculous

Jesus christ bro you have to once and for fucking all bite the "bitter" bullet that women are not angels or superior beings and they are just survival animals like us (men). Actually inspect why you feel is "bad" that "women reward fuckbois". Look, Sex is fucking low conscious as is eating, or taking a shit. It's selfish. It's not moral, it's not non-duality, it's A GAME. And it's a selfish game. Play it, or not. But stop bitching. (I say this with all my heart, since I lately see you are doing a lot of work on this would you don't still let go of your ego and the beliefs of how the game "should be" ).

In my higuest vision at home when i listen to music Im passionate about, i envision all kind of scenarios i would like to create and film, i would like to make videos on the street, integrating music, real interactions, real stories, and finally if i am Able to include It for the masses, bring the non dual knowledge ending into a perfect singularity of music, soul, and truth of creation. My soul vibrates with love and fullness when i envision this. However when i am at the street i Dont even remember this sensation, this motivation, this vision, i have difficulty to even put my body into doing some basic simple approaches to women i like. I do think pickup, in addition to its function to complete my healing and actualizing my masculine side and healing wound of separation, Will also be an important part in gaining confidence, natural vibe, and calibration to truly be able to accomplish the kind of videos i want to make. But even that is taking so much time that i expected. Basically the issue i am reporting is that at home i feel like everything is Safe, and i can be myself, and when i am out i am inside my head , constricted, ...etc i Dont even feel What i am envision is possible, or if its even worth It to do It , in the streets everything seems so violent and agressive. Maybe i should move of city or country.

When you are with a Group of people, do you regularly check your own thoughts to check if they are all right/Ok with the situation you are in, or do you let yourself lose almost completely and do not CONTROL What you are going to say? How many times you find yourself having an idea of a thought of saying something, But Dont say It because you judge It in some way and remain silent? Do you find yourself feeling you are not saying much while other people seem to have no problem in speaking their mind chilled and relax with no apparent fear of "repercussion"?

Dude, theres no such a thing as an "attractive Style". Your clothing must represent your attitude, vibe and soul. Once you learn that you Will naturally Will dress like you want, which is just congruent with Who you are.

@Federico del pueblo right. That makes sense. I think you hit the nail there pretty good

@Average Investor I am kinda tired of shadow work, introspection and psychs. It just more ego games. IME, Sure, its trauma, but its not a trauma that you just "sort out". I think I've done my fair share of "healing" from my house, but now its time to compliment it with real action and reference experiences. But I appreciate your post, I just think right now it will be more helpful to focus more in action, meditation, letting go, silencing the mind, and less on personal-story attachments of "I need to sort this out" , "I" have trauma...etc. @Nahm

@BreakingthewallYYou hit the nail ? completely agree. I Will follow that plan.

@Space Come to Barcelona, is cheaper than london we can rent a place and teach me Lol

Good advice, but if a begginner does that, she will practically call the police of how creepy the guy is being. Now, done by an experience PUA, the technique might be a whole different ballpark, as you said body energy, confidence, vocality...etc I dont doubt this technique can be powerful. It´s just one of those advanced "vibing" techniques, which requires state, embodyment...etc. It can take some time to get there. How much daygame have you done?

You woudlnt feel humiliated by being drained 90$ in 10 minutes? I´m trying to accept it but its hard. I envy/hate this hot girls so much? Why they take advantage of my horniness and the fact that i put them on a pedestal? Its soooo cruel. This would be illegal if done to women.

What job? I have also tripped sometimes, it has helped some what but generally I still am "blocked" and have social anxiety as always. Its just less intense now. I agree. LOL about the "I am about to die". Thanks for the advice and motivation buddy

??? If you already know what is true, when why you opened the post? I think subsconsciously you opened the thread because of actually "suspecting" something is not right in the sense that you are current state is not the actual truth

@kamwalker Wow how did you get there or you just have been like this always ?

Thanks buddy! To the grind we go!

Interesting. Can you explain some more on this?

But Leo, How come I've met typical normie guys that are average looking, don't have a high paying job (or company), yet they have a stunner of a girlfriend? When I see this examples in real life I find myself sometimes skeptic of all the PUA Theory and seduction. This guys doesn't have to have anything special. Could they be "naturals"? @Leo Gura

Is clear at this point That there is some kind of intense energy around my body, i Dont know if its because of beliefs, thoughts, energies, Chakras o karma or Who knows, But It just creates a Life which fundamentally revolves around self-neglect, shame, etc. Sometimes i sit myself in the middle of bed, and if i become very aware, i start to look at my hands/body and i become conscious my ego Absolutely hates this being. What a mothefucker. Ego can not fucking love uh. But..the ego is me, of course. I know i am creating It. The question is how do i stop creating It. I have no idea. I have spent some couple of years doing small doses of psychs for introspection, reading some books, and went to therapy some times. It was meh, particularly with the psychs i thought i was making progress But then you see to years forward the energy IS still there. So thats why i changed strategy and focused on ACTION. Currently Im focusing on making moves on my career which challenge me (like i accepted a manager role which helps me to view myself as leader role, which felt good, develops masculine side), and approaching Girls. Is obvious to say the latest doesnt go that well because i feel "that energy" around me most of the time. I am still working out in making It an habit also. No FAP/noporn helps But It doesnt solve the issue 100%. The possibility of going to a therapist IS there as an "add-on" (not as a Magic pill definetely) But i would like to "attack" the issue from all possible angles. I have Googled several keywords to try to research this stuff seriously. Nobody seems to know What really is self esteem (or the absence of It), love, hate, shame, etc. I find hard to believe as a society we still Dont have a manual to tackle this issues. Currently i am 26 years old and i feel this is a critical age. On one part i feel i am somehow moving towards healing, and other times i feel i am really going in circles, years pass, and i still feel the same way and behave the same.

@Terell Kirby ? @Nahm Yeah , definetely ? That clears things out for me ?

Because you Dont love yourself ?

Thx for the advices guys, relapsed today to findom after longest strike ever...was kinda of depressed because i didnt approached a Girl in over two weeks and horny and decided to relapse.. I Dont even like porn anymore anyways, got rinsed 90€ by a pseudo hottie in minutes, lol such ridiculous shit ?️?anyways tomorrow another day ?

How do i get the Love i am chasing through chasing success, women, respect, music, experiences...?¿? Not only its unsatisfaying, there It seems to be some challenges in survival Life which i dont end Up mastering/seems very difficult and this frustrates me therefore i Dont the get the Love. (Even if its a temporary one). Drugs are not an option because they are also temporary love and comes with high price not worth It. Yesterday i was meditating and i reached such a peaceful state...that would be allright to "retain It" in daily Life. What i Dont like about meditation is that the comparison with the "sober" non meditating sober Life is terrible so It frustrates you that the ego has you by the balls and creating suffering each second (It has me constantly chasing love i Dont even know ill ever get!!!!---> because its fucked Up thoughts creates neurosis , blockages, loosp, and self defeating beliefs ---> so i Dont even get the temporary love that sex or money can provide.... I HATE THE EGO) And by the way: Does the ego does even ever "have" the love? Because if its not a thing, But rather a truth or state, love can not be attributed then to self esteem! I Dont know, everything seems so pessimistic for me.

Yeah I know brain is imaginary i guess

I was meditating and suddenly become aware my thoughts were producing me discomfort, What i did was to Focus on Breath and let them go (one at a time) each time i was breathing out Suddenly I found myself in a strange position with my face against the table, just umovilized and focusing on Breath, letting go constantly of thoughts through Breath. Oh shit that was euphoric , i got high on the NOW. Afterwards It arised the insight that if i ever would do this each time thoughts arise, i would end Up with no self, because the self depends on attachment to thoughts. The Now is really then Now...woah. However (and this is One of the resons i quit meditation some years ago) i fast fall back into the ego state. Meditation gives you tremendous frustration, because It shows you What is possible yet due to brain genetics ego always comes back.

Yes, i can do it some times. Other times the emotions that prevents It is nihilism, cinic/black humor about the situation/subtle angryness