zoey101

Is this how you feel?

Maybe... but an example sure would help..

I'm still not completely sure what to choose.. when I hear "belief" I think of religions or opinions that are held very strongly like "pro-gun" vs "anti-gun".. I'm not sure what "beliefs" you are talking about...

Yeah, I hold tight to my beliefs, as of now, but I am willing to learn/discover anything.

I don't know, he just feels like when I write about the things I did, especially the parts with the guys, it's like I'm "keeping some kind of trophy" for it.. He thinks I want that life back more than I want him... No matter how many times I tell him I never want to be that person again.. He takes it all personally and I don't know how else to tell him that this is all me... it's my fault, my problem, and I have to fix it... He didn't do anything wrong... but he can't seem to understand that..

This moment doesn't have to be based on the past. @Faceless you would be much better at explaining this ^ than me.

I'm all about it.. I want to understand why I feel, think, and do the things I do... I want to feel more in control than I do now... but when it comes to writing things down, I don't exactly have too many "hiding" options... when my husband would find them he would get really pissed and say that he doesn't want to be reminded of my past shit.. so rather than fighting and telling him how ridiculous that statement is, I just stopped... One less thing for him to yell at me for..

I'm not sure. I try to stay open to a lot of things as far as beliefs go... Maybe if you give me an example I might be able to better narrow it down.

Alright, I will try. Thank you!

I agree.. I do think my husband is very possessive of me.. and treats me like his child sometimes.. it would be nice to just do something with out having to get permission.. but I also very much dislike the potential for a fight..

Well I am Christian, so I guess that would be as good a place to start as any.. unless you have a better one to go with.

I wouldn't know were to start... I used to journal daily, but it go me into a little trouble with my husband when he found it.. so I stopped writing down anything personal like that...

what do i write..?

no, I just doodle what she asks me to and then let her "color" it (she's only two so she does her best lol)

It all depends on your perspective. Death is scary, but it is also something we have NO control over. Focus on the things you can control, like living and what to do in your life. The whole world could explode at midnight tonight and we'd all be gone, hell, it could all go in 5 seconds, so what are you going to do to make the most of it? What can you do in THIS moment, don't worry about the future ones, because they are unpredictable and you can only control the NOW.

@Feel Good @egoeimai @John Iverson Guys... please stop... I didn't make this post to cause fights... I'm sorry... please don't get angry... I think there's just been a misunderstanding...

I do that with her already it is relaxing. @Feel Good @John Iverson @Key Elements @egoeimai Thank you all for your advise and support. I'm trying to snap out of it and get back to being alright... I couldn't keep it from my husband, so I told him and that didn't lead to a very pleasant conversation... He isn't talking to me now, which I guess is better than yelling at me... But I guess I'll find out later... A little nervous to spend another day training this guy.. but I don't really have a choice for now... Not too excited about today.... Oh well...

I get what you are saying.. but I won't let that even become a possibility... I have too much to lose now... I'mm working on quitting even weed because that was what got me started...

Just focus on you for a little is all I meant. You have spent a long time worrying about the happiness of someone else, so now is your chance to enjoy and pamper yourself, get to know yourself. That's all I meant.

@Feel Good youre right.. I know that... Honestly I haven't really ever been pushed this deep into this issue.. it feels a little nice I guess.. thank you.. I think i have realized one thing about my "ego" and I need to work on it.. @Key Elements yeah.. I think I can get really caught up in things... If things don't go according to plan or they just go completely insane I have trouble staying present and aware... I worry about too much sometimes... @John Iverson I am terrified of any drug stronger than weed, honestly.... I know they can help.. but I don't want to enter any possibility for falling back into addictive tendencies... But thank you..

Thank you... I will try to think about that..

God, I guess... But I know how this forum is about Christianity.. so I will just leave it at that... My husband loves me... he tries to be supportive and affectionate... but I don't make it easy sometimes... it doesn't really matter.. I have people depending on me... so I just need to snap out of this and work...

Thank you.. I tried talking to my husband about getting professional help in the past and he said we just don't have the time or money for it... I guess that's why I come to forums like this.. looking for a quick fix... I know I need help... but I can't just drop everything for myself anymore... I have to think about my family.. and we just aren't in the position for me to be selfish again...

Yeah.. I remember being like that once...

yeah... that's about how it usually goes... I can't afford it... but thank you...