Onecirrus

I literally just have no drive to pursue it. As I've worked to develop myself and self actualize, I can hardly bring myself to work towards it anymore. I use to have such a burning desire to transform my life and become successful, I use to work day and night toward mastering my craft, but now I just want to stare at the goddamn trees all day!!! I'm so much more in love and satisfied with the present moment, future goals just seem pointless. What the fuck am I suppose to do now? It was my dissatisfaction of myself and my life that drove me, but now I don't have those motivators anymore. I feel like I've worked too hard to give up my life purpose, I spent years pursuing it, fighting, bleeding, and crying for it, I made so many major life altering decisions pursuing it, I don't want to give it up, but it just isn't doing anything for me right now. I just want to watch the stars twinkle in the heavens, I just want to hear the birds chirping, I just want to enjoy the smell of diesel and cigarettes while I unload trucks at my wage slave job. There's too many people counting on me to continue pursuing it for me to let it go. I guess I'll just force myself to do it. If it is inauthentic then I think I can love and accept that too. What do you guys think?

What's it like? How do you see yourself, the world, society? What are your goals/ what will you spend the rest of your life doing? Can the ego survive this realization? It sounds liberating but also terrifying, what the hell is everything?

What kind of life do you want? How would you prefer to live? What is your life purpose? I'd like to be a Rockstar, but like a Philospher Rockstar rather than some narcissistic hedonist. I'd also like a huge book shelf full of books and to be left the hell alone.

At my job I deal with men some could describe as "unfit for mankind." I am surrounded by the most immature manifestations of spiral dynamics, orange, blue, and maybe even some red. This is the perfect training ground because I'd like to be more loving and compassionate toward mankind and the people I deal with, but they really don't make it easy. Any suggestions?

Everything just feels arduous and exhausting. I'm tired of fighting myself, my ego, my mind. I'm tired of life and all the bullshit that comes with it. I'm tired of feeling trapped and stuck. I'm tired of being envious and judgemental of others. I'm tired of trying to fix myself. Of always being inadequate. Of always wanting more and never getting it. Of society and culture. Of America. Of my family. Of being alone on this journey. Of climbing this mountain. Of wandering in the dark with no guidance. I want to be boundless and infinite. I want the light of this world. I want to never walk in darkness. I don't know what I'm saying but maybe you do?

I'd rather revert back to blue than ascend to green. I can't take political correctness or social justice. I don't care about being inclusive or making others feel comfortable. I'm also pretty anti social and don't Want to be part of any group or community. Is there any hope for me to ascend?

Ask green master for simple instructions for reaching a goal. Green bloviates for twenty minutes without really saying anything specific. Ask again for simple steps on what to do and how to do it. Get vague instruction after green gets off topic for ten minutes about me opening up to people. Rephrase the same question to get specific answer. Green contradicts itself after going on and on about nothing. Get angry and frustrated. Feel like I understand instructions even less now. Proceed to argue. WHY CANT THEY JUST FUCKING SPIT IT OUT?!!! ITS LIKE TALKING TO A GODDAMN WALL!!! JUST TELL ME WHAT NEEDS TO BE DONE SO I CAN DO IT!!! After this conversation I don't even have the energy to reach this goal right now. How can I understand and communicate with these people?

I didn't know a toothache could be so agonizing! Will meditation or other spiritual practices help in any way?

I am a black male and I doubt our lives were that different if your from a first world country. I don't believe you are any more privileged than me. I think social justice is being used to attack males and whites and this is another reason I resist green.

I think this thread has run its course. Thank you all for your time.

This triggers me

I'm glad spiral dynamics is being discussed. I had no guidance when transitioning from blue to orange as a teen and was very lost, confused, depressed, and scared. Now I have much more understanding of that time and can continue to have deeper insights about myself and my world view.

@Joseph Maynor submission sharing Tolerance Emotional sensitivity group think Political correctness thats about it though

@Leo Gura I am twenty years old. I don't believe I have autism but green seems too emotional and pacifistic. I see emotions as a weakness and they have often caused me to sabotaged my own life. I also think to accept and tolerate the views of others makes green seem like a doormat and to Submit to a group or community is to be a sheep. Its also unsettling to learn that sjw snowflakes are actually more developed than me. I have no idea about my testosterone levels, I don't believe I resent women more than anyone else, but you right on the money when it comes to socialization. Maybe orange just needs some friends.

It's futile to find fulfillment through others, so how do I stop desiring them?

Do you need one to be happy?

Would civilization continue to exist? Would people bother reproducing? Why do anything at all?