electroBeam

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Everything posted by electroBeam

  1. @Slade Thanks dude! I've tried visualizations and they have been most effective so far +1
  2. What sorts of rewards do you give yourself instead? Interesting that you say bread is an average food. On the diet I'm on (ketogenic diet) bread is considered as bad as nuclear radiation.
  3. Note: Even if it comes across this way, I am not trying to gain sympathy. My vivid descriptions are as vivid as they are here simply to try and strongly convey the insight I am sharing. Because everyone on here is buzzing about spiral dynamics, I wanted to share a personal story that I found very interesting, which relates directly to spiral dynamics. In junior school, and parts of middle school I was bullied deeply, so bad that I developed pretty much all of my neurosis that I currently have today. My shadow work journey(which I have been doing adamantly for 2 years now, and which has still a long way to go) has purely been solving the issues I developed in junior school alone. I had at the end of high school deeply low self esteem - to the point of wanting to suicide on a weekly basis, a personal identity associated with stupidity, lack of morality, evilness, monstrous, clumsy, fat and ugly. I had strong doses of OCD type experiences of fear of being left by myself with other people I did not know, and a strong resistance to trying to stride for anything good for me in life. I had deep guilt and shame running through my veins on a daily basis. Let me assert again that this all stemmed from at most 3 years of my secondary level of schooling. But the most interesting thing about my memories (and they are vivid and accurate just due to the fact that you never forget traumatic experiences) is how my bullying experiences related to spiral dynamics. I will simply copy and paste a small section of my journal I wrote down 3 years ago (end of year 12 for me) about what I remember of secondary school. I will then comment on this journal from a spiral dynamics perspective. 2.3 Bullying experiences of Secondary School The social aspect was extremely scary and soul crushing. 2.3.1 Year 7: 1st encounter with bullying: 3 week prior I attempted to develop a platonic bond with a student that seemed friendly. During the bonding stages, from my perspective (which in hindsight I now know was inaccurate) we were involved in friendly conversations about gossip about teachers, other students and the content the other student seemed like he was enjoying the intercourse with me and off his own volition would in the mornings sit next to me to speak about further topics. We also played board games together which both of us seemed like we were having fun and enjoying each other's company. We would constantly sit next to each other and make jokes. To me, I felt like I found someone who I could trust to serve me friendly company, and someone who would be worth being loyal to in heated events. 3 weeks later at lunch time I decided to try and be in his company. He told me with a laughing face to leave, back then I didn't really understand most jokes student said or why they were funny, so I just laughed back for politeness and ignored it and continued to join in with whatever he was doing. He then walked off. Being confused but again ignoring it I walked with him, he then told a teacher that I was stalking him and that I was harassing him, weirdly again with a laughing face. The teacher was confused and then told him to put up with my company, but I walked away angry. I was deeply afraid and worried of the teacher that he spoke to of thinking that I was a 'bad person'. Being a bad person elicited deeply shameful, guilty and painful thoughts to me, maybe the most pain I could ever feel, and this person brought them up for me. The next day this person acted normal and attempted to socialize with me. Of course I reacted negatively to this person. This went on for a while and escalated to the point that I had to be moved from the classes that he was in to another set of classes. The teachers thought that I was gifted, so I was moved to a special class that had intellectually 'gifted' people in it. 2.3.2 Year 8: I was moved to this new class afterwards but suffered bullying problems again. During the bullying events I went through, being a lover of science, I noted down certain social phenomena that was unconceivable at the time for further investigation. These notes are from the mac computer you had in 7th grade, inside the folder 'intellectual timecapsule': (picked at random) 2011, may: - people in the group are very bad to me. They took my pencil case threw it in the bin. They took it because the other ones in the group liked it and gave them brownie points for it. I deleted some for sake of shortness of this post and also some are very personal. I kept the relevant ones - "The other people in the group are very selfish. they have no limits. " - "The group is (not sure but seems true) being held together by being selfish. The person who seems the coolest and toughest is the leader. The person who is harder to mess with is the leader. Everyone does what the leader says because they don't want to be messed with." - "They use me to show off how tough they are. When they mess with me and win the group values the bully as being the highest. I am a social status farm" - "In sports class, no group wanted me and told me that I am too dumb and clumsy to be in their group and that I would make them loose." - "Miss had a paper to pass around, and the group leader told me that I should be thankful for him giving me the paper because of how dumb I am" - "I am very scared of miss not liking me. No one likes me" - "my friend who liked me betrayed me to look cool in front of the group. He took my pencil case and threw it in the bin like the others, now the group loves him and he doesn't talk to me anymore" Other things I remember: I would have no group to go to during science class because all the groups would tell me to not enter their group, and when I tried to they would yell at me to go away and push me away. They would do nasty acts purely for the group's satisfaction. Like throw my pencilcase in the bin or melt my ruler with a Bunsen burner One account was when one group member (not me) was being bullied by the group and how they reacted. This member had his bag took off him by the group without him knowing. He asked all of the group members where his bag was and then said ok then if none of you will give me back my bag I'll take tristan's in return. And took my bag when I went to the toilet. This is not how I reacted, but if I did I might have mitigated the problems with the group more effectively. The group would constantly assert dominance by doing micro bullying acts. I noticed that this is how the clique and group maintained itself. Each act of microbullying kept their social status in place. At the end of year 9, I gave up on trying to stop the bullying myself and just (know this is wrong in hindsight) assumed that I was the problem, because I was the only one with the problem. I felt very guilty about being the one that everyone hated. I felt like a moster from a different planet. I felt like I didn't belong. I suffered a lot of pain from thinking I was the bad evil guy. In the end what stopped me was the fear that the teachers would see me as the bad one in all of this mess. Slowly though the bullies seemed to mature and the sorts of comments they made in earlier years were condemned by them in later years. The bullying sorted itself out through maturity, but my traumas are still with me. Commentary of this diary: Back then, when I had these experiences, I just assumed that I was a socially awkward nerd who had these bullying problems as a consequence of being weird and different. While that is slightly true, the bigger reason as to why I went through so much bullying is now very clear to me. I was at a different stage of spiral dynamics then what the other group was at. I was clearly at blue, and they were clearly at red/orange. I'll illustrate my point through examples: How I was blue(from quoting from my journal): "I was deeply afraid and worried of the teacher that he spoke to of thinking that I was a 'bad person'." Blue appealing to authority. striving to be the good guy. "I felt like I found someone who I could trust to serve me friendly company, and someone who would be worth being loyal to in heated events" Blue - being loyal to someone "I felt very guilty about being the one that everyone hated. I felt like a moster from a different planet." blue again -> right vs wrong. The diary (understandably) doesn't talk a lot about me back then (which is like 8 years ago), so I'll speak a bit more about that. I was very obedient to teachers, I loved being the good person. When looking for friends I looked for people I could be loyal to and people who were 'good people' who had morals. I also liked the security of having people I could trust. Having people who were selfish was a big fear to me because I didn't feel secure. Now over on the red/orange side: Pretty much all of the quotes in the May 2011 section. They are all acts of mild red or extreme orange. How about how the group used selfish acts as a way to assert their dominance? At the time of writing (3 years ago) I didn't know about spiral dynamics, but try reading the journal with the value systems in place. It all makes sense as to why I went through so much bullying. I was a blue staged guy in a group or red/orange staged people, and I didn't fit in. My value system was completely different to theirs, and I had absolutely no understanding at all of how to deal with it, because back then understanding social dynamics was totally over my head. And look at how I dealt with the bullying. Did I tell myself "these people are bullies and I shouldn't feel bad about it"? Nope. Did I try and approach them diplomatically about the situation? Nope. What did I do? I did the stereotypical blue move and felt guilty about it and kept all of my guilt inside until I purged them all out again several years later. Why is this important? Bullying is a huge problem in schools right now, and teachers are approaching it from a psychological perspective. But maybe the problem with bullying isn't a psychological problem? Maybe the problem is a sociological one? See maybe spiral dynamics can be used help understand bullying at a deeper level. Maybe America wouldn't have so many shootings if they thought about things from a spiral dynamics perspective? Another interesting thing is that what you will notice is that humans move through the stages as they grow older. By observing how kids interact with other kids in early development, we can analyse and understand how different stages of spiral dynamics interact with each other. Maybe we can use this to understand conflicts between countries and how to rectify them?
  4. Communicating with deities doesn't mean you will have an English communication with them, you will exchange information in the form of feelings, sensations and metaphysical qualities. If you want to communicate with deities by means of language, then get into lucid dreaming, and you will speak to a whole range of deities in English. If you want something more genuine, the spiritual practice of bhakti yoga and devotion is committed to the practice of communicating with a higher deity.
  5. Yeah that's almost right, the world is almost made of language, but language is actually made of something, and its not language. Its something literally, actually literally, parallel to language and cannot be touched by language, a boundless boundary/wall. This stuff is made of itself, creating itself in an infinite loop for infinity. Its existence comes from its act of infinitely creating itself. See the world can't quite be made of language, because language is an appearance, there is something under the appearance. Its like language is the green leaves and the stuff I talked about above is the brown stem and branches. If you look at language closely, you will see its made of stuff which is a representation of itself. But language does not make the world, its the stuff underneathe the language that makes it. Its the branches that spawn creation not the leaves. Its a very normal and common mistake to not look closely enough at language, and to overlook the fact that its an appearance. language seems like an essence, and from that standpoint asserting "the world is made of language" makes total sense. But if you look through the language, like looking through a window, you will see a substance that is not language, but is the thing language is made of. It is undoubtably true that "the world is made of language that substance"
  6. enlightenment is a very selfish act... Until you are enlightened. In the west at least. Some people in the east actually do pursue enlightenment from a non egotsitical perspective, its called the path of devotion or bhakti. But those people are rare.
  7. @Bryan Lettner mathematics is also a language. Also you are using language to describe a language, which is circular. How can you define and understand a language through using language? Its an epistemological problem.
  8. How do you correctly manage a career that is controversial? When I say controversial, I mean a career that delves into intellect that is not normal, or opposes views of the establishment. One such career is Leo's entire career. He delves into topics that critique science, rationalism and supports illegal substances. Another one is Ghandi's career, Marting Luther King, and on the opposite side of the spectrum, breibart news. I'm currently pursuing such a career as well, one more technical - specifically a maths blog that shows you ways in which you can utilise chaos theory to help produce more meaningful technology. Yet I am struggling to get a following because most people are not open to rejecting their usual way of scientific inquiry. How do I go about making a more successful career? Do I need to look up/train in rhetoric more? Do I need to change my blog to focus on something else? Or do I need to change my tact entirely? What are important skills for making a successful controversial career? @Leo Gura You're an obvious one to choose for gaining an insight into this topic.
  9. Also, if you have stage blue parents, its actually possible to go to stage green or yellow. In a lot of cases your parents don't really determine your stage of development, and a bigger factor of what determines your stage of development is the velocity of your past life.
  10. I can't seem to follow the contemplative/meditative life. My mind is in overwhelming resistance to it. Back 6 months ago, I use to be able to meditate for 1 hour while being almost comfortable, now I can barely do 30 minutes. I have (and have had) for a long time a strong desire/longing to just sit in nature and literally do nothing. Not try and quiet the mind through zen, or try and feel chakras, but just to be without trying to do anything. And when I try and meditate, I just get a very strong resistance to it. Its getting to the point where now I'm only meditating for 25 minutes a day. I feel like my spiritual battery has run out, and I have barely any energy left to meditate. The only spiritual practices I can do now without resistance is a shamanic technique where you visualize going through a tunnel in the ground into an enchanted forest or whatever god comes up with. I don't know what to do, or how to move forward. I don't like asking people for help. I like to try and figure it out myself, but I'm at my last refuge, and need some feedback. Anything will be appreciated, thankyou.
  11. Why is science in stage orange? A lot of scientists I know actually act very similar to stage bluians. The treat science as the one and only absolute truth to the world. They treat their mathematic social constructs as if its the absolute truth. They also are very disciplined in their scientific agenda, and get scared when you step out of their frameworks. A good example of this is chaos theory. To a lot of scientists, logic is their god, and the scientific method is their 10 commandments. Sure, scientists are much less closed minded to Bluians, but really they have a lot in common. How is this more similar to stage orange?
  12. Because hitler gassed people out of excitement? hahaha. No he gassed people out of fear.
  13. @Sustainable Keanan prepare for heaps of resistance from humanity, not because your idea sucks, but because society will resist change as much as it can. If you would like to discuss anything in relation to software or electrical hardware, give me a message. I'm always doing software side projects for the soul purpose of compassionately helping society at large grow into something more thriving. A collaboration could be a starting point, or an open door to something that investors like the look of. One of my ideas is to produce smart cities that are 'alive'. The building infrastructure uses organic compounds and DNA computing to self repair itself, but to also evolve and morph depending on its interactions with the natural environment but also social environment. We could have human beings interacting with physical structures, changing policies to suit it, but at the same time have an organic city morph and evolve based on the surrounding politic and natural environment, coexisting in harmony.
  14. @Sahil Pandit yeah mate, but its not always black. Not sure why it is and I just ignore it. Usually my dot I see is blue. Actually if you meditate hard enough, this dot has the ability to expand and cover the entire consciousness field, leaving you in a trance.
  15. @brugluiz That's sort of like one of Ghandi's quotes. Resistance to your life purpose is an interesting and very important field to study, I agree.
  16. @Truth Addict how do you even know an orange exists? Mathematics independently isn't an illusion. Its an illusion precisely because its trying to talk about other illusions. If the word 'god' wasn't a concept, and 'god' was real, saying god + god = god (the laws of an infinite set) would be a truthul statement, a statement outside of the mind. Mathematics is a dream layed on top of another dream, the physical word. If the physical world was real, then mathematics would be real. The reason why mathematics isn't real isn't because of naming conventions, like 1 + 1 or 2, its because its a language, and languages are pointers.
  17. What are some areas, spiritual practises/lineages that focus on the sort of intelligence leo talked about in his new video? Any sort of Zen-Nous practice out there? There are many practices out there that focus on energy and consciousness, and love but none that focus on pure intelligence and order of things. What about creativity as well? Maybe tantra? I know that Nidra yoga focuses on some techniques that supposably eliminate blockages in a certain chakra to cause you to be more creative
  18. when star gazing, its nice to really contemplate on the idea of space, and question how far away those stars really are, if they actually inside you rather than a million lightyears away from you.
  19. laziness doesn't come from 'cultural baggage', it comes from not understanding yourself thoroughly and figuring out which job you should get. Suffering isn't a necessity in life, unlike what the elders have unfortunately been mislead to believe. Living a simple, enlightened life wasn't invented by Millenials, that sort of thinking has been around since societies like the ancient tamil siddhas back 15000 years ago.
  20. I have somehow developed a dislike for interacting with others. I see a lot of aspects in mainstream society as pointless, meaningless or unwise, and so have consequently developed a fear or prejudice against socializing. I suffer from a lot of judgments against other people's ideas, and actions when within their presence. I have also developed a bad case of envy or jealousy that pops up occasionally. I also have an irrational primitive rejection of the current scientific and religious establishments due to mis interpreting leo's videos and not keeping aware enough of my ego reactions to those videos. I also have completely lost sight of any form of divine/infinite love. My meditation practices focus on elements of voidness and emptiness, not love. Lastly due to a complex with masculinity, I have completely suppressed any feminine qualities within me, and this is starting to hurt very badly. I am always trying to hide vulnerabilities, and have resistance to showing it. Strong resistance even popped up writing this post. I looking for some healing methods to get me over this hurdle. What practices are there that could help me express and authentically enjoy the presence of others, even people that would be considered bad nature? I have a strong longing to accept people of all shapes and sizes, who possess all qualities from deep neurotic jealousy, jerks, deeply selfish, etc. I really want to infinitiely love all opinions, and actions of people, whether those actions are watching Kim Kardashian, real housewives of OC, opinions that are racist, sexist, or who advocate in support of Trump. Any ideas are welcome, and I would be forever grateful for anyone who could offer me something.
  21. This video series is suprisingly good at teaching you on how to have a sophisticated, holistic understanding of the world around you.
  22. EEG machines aren't the be all and end all. Their use does not replace a good hardcore meditation session. It is not a good replacement for strong intuition or general common sense in interpreting subjective experiences, but they are still a good tool to use and they do have their advantages. I have discovered, by using one for over a month, that an eeg machine is capable of improving one's meditation practice. I'm going to make a website sometime in the future, dedicated specifically for sharing eeg machine experiences and training protocols as I have found that an eeg machine has its uses. Before doing that, I was wondering of you guys have some good eeg training protocols, or know of any community dedicated to this?
  23. @Outer 16 channel is fine, but 8 channel works just as well. 16 channel is only required if you're doing very technically advanced things with eeg, stuff that would require years of study and practice. here are some basic protocols: https://brainmaster.com/wp-content/themes/brainmasters/kb_file/White_Collura_workshop_-_Basic_2channel_EEG_Training_Protocols.pdf These protocols don't work that well, and just out of a month of tweaking I made a protocol that works better for me. That's why its valuable if we get a community together to try out different protocols and report on what works for them.
  24. I found zazen to be infinite times more effective than David Dawkins techniques. Everyone is different, don't forget that.