Cocolove

@winterknightHow do I deal with fear of insanity from consciousness work, specifically self inquiry

Let us know what you decide to do. I'm a year behind you, in the same struggle

Background: I've been meditating for about 4 months daily, 30 minutes minimum in the last month, kriya daily for about 1 or 2. shamanic breathing weekly for 1 or 2. My intention was: To go four days doing 4x 1 hour SDS per day. Last week: I'm in high school, Christmas break started. For the week before last week I was able to pull off a few one hour sits, and the rest were at least 40 minutes. I had realized if I wanted to do this retreat I wasn't going to be able to just jump up from my 30 minutes per day. The day break started, I did my weekly shamanic breathing, daily kriya, and 2 one hour SDS sits. It was the most i've ever done in a day ( and i've tried). The next 4 days I used a ton of discipline to do two times one hour sits. I was motivated to build up to doing 4 a day for 4 days, and to make the most of my break. For those 5 days (first day of break plus next 4), I was doing one sit of mindfulness meditation and one sit self inquiry. Throughout those 5 days I faced a good deal of ego backlash, and steamrolled through. I thought it would go away but since I kept pushing through it snowballed. Retreat: Today was the first day. I woke up and could feel the ego backlash in my body. It was a craving for unconscious habits that I've cut out a while ago & a deep raw feeling in my chest, like after a break up or some kind of loss. I went through my morning kriya, a grueling 1 hour SDS, and made it 30 minutes into my 2nd sit (which was self inquiry). I called it quits. I realized I wasn't going to have some massive shift in consciousness that allowed my to pull this rapid change off. My plan now is to spend the rest of break doing kriya, a one hour SDS, and 30 min of self inquiry(in an SDS style). I also plan to keep up this habit once school starts again, which will be challenging since I am so busy(hard classes). If I can do this, which I am fairly confident in, It will be a massive success, going from 30 min per day to one hour meditation, and adding in 30 min of self inquiry.(Leo's last video made me decide I want to set up a self inquiry practice, & this week has been my first time trying it). I am currently experiencing the same ego backlash from the beginning of this paragraph, and am spending a lot of time sitting there mindfully through it. A sneaking suspicion: It was not feasible to make the jump from 30 minutes a day for only 4 months, to 4 hours SDS a day, even for a retreat. It was too large a change in the system of myself, even for a few days, and especially after the huge change of 2 hours daily that i practiced before the designated retreat time. Am i right or am i wrong? Would it be best to go with my new plan for daily practice, and try again over the summer? I was thinking in a few months I might be able to spend my weekends doing 2 day retreats where i do 4 hours SDS per day. How long does it normally take, in terms of daily practice, before a person is able to the kind of retreat I was trying to do.? Am I wrong in assuming it would be easier in the future with more daily practice and growth? Or is the cold hard truth that this would take the enormous suffering it would take me to do it right now? Thank you for reading, I would really appreciate answers, and insight from those who have been where I am now in terms of development and spirituality. <3

@onacloudynight Kriya secrets revealed the book talks about how (from what I understand), meditation puts you in a place, especially as a beginner, where the monkey mind is very active, and kriya quiets it without you trying to do so. Whatever the reason, I vouch that It feels much more powerful.

@ajasatya The vippassana retreats wouldn't let me in because I'm not 18, and I don't have much free time during school to align my schedule with one of those. I will do one of these in the summer though, thank you. Thank you, your post put a smile on my face as well. I agree with that ^, In the last 2 months i've been really working on focusing on the breath, my body, and trying to put awareness on awareness in all my free time, such as while driving, walking, or other activity like that(and as much as I can when my mind is occupied). @Leo Gura Thank you for the thoughtful reply, I did some journaling the other day and I came to the conclusion that I need to be more careful in focusing on quality over quantity. I was falling into that trap a bit. I have noticed in the past month that there were a few days where I did enjoy the meditation, and I was also able to get into a very meditative state, I guess this will happen more often over time I feel much more certain in what's going on and how to do this thing, thank you all. I got a lot of books for xmas and I started reading the book of not knowing, and one robe one bowl.

Shadow dance is a great book. Watch your polarization towards the external world. Things which you admire are your positive potential and that which disgusts you is what you repress in yourself, often times. Meditation of all kinds is shadow work. shamanic breathing is very good for trauma, which is part of shadow work

How can I tell if I'm experiencing an ego backlash or spiritual purging? Or are they the same thing?

Since it's really powerful, I didn't know if it should only be done in the context of a kriya routine, with the other preparatory exercises that might work to control the energy. Kundalini syndrome sounds scary

Enlightened people only have sex in marriage and moral sex only ha Yes, they do often still have sex. Some choose to do nothing stimulating and just work on spirituality, in which case they don't. At some of the deep levels of enlightenment, sexual energy turns into kundalini, and one doesn't have sexual desire anymore, in which case they don't.

Maybe purging is what happens when you deal with an ego backlash properly and mindfully, continuing practice. If you have an ego backlash and do not persevere, you will not grow, but will go back to the status quo you won't grow because purging doesn't happen.

Time lapse of meditating on a street corner

I have been doing it for over a month. I've had feelings of tons of energy in my heart chakra and brumayuda twice, its super intense, and when i do kriya pranayama i can feel the energy. Question, when I do a strong determination sit, I sometimes do a few kriya pranayma breaths and it brings me into a very focused state. Is this safe?

eat a really spicy food, lay down, and meditate

My car has been keyed. Turn the other cheek and find it in your heart to love this guy.

The industry is very orange right now. What would green, yellow, and turquoise film-making look like? Examples?

Which one should I start with?

I'm in school and have winter break coming up, so I am going to do my first meditation retreat. My ideal would be to do 4 (1 hour) strong determination sits a day, and spend the rest in meditation in a comfortable position meditating. I will also journal & continue to do do kriya yoga daily. I'm just gonna do it in my parents basement since that's where I live since I'm a kid. Background: I've been meditating daily for 4 months. I'm at 30 min per day minimum and it grinds my gears to do one hour sds. My highest is 1:15. I've been doing kriya for about 3 weeks. I have blocked out a 5 day period in which I could do this. Doing all 5 sounds daunting. My question is, how many days should I do? I could go with 2 at a minimum and all 5 if I really want to go wild, or maybe I could just go as long as I can? but then without commitment I feel like I would always be debating whether or not to quit. How long was your first retreat? What were your conditions? What should I do? @Leo Gura would appreciate your input. Thanks y'all

This technique is going great! Is it normal for it to take 20 minutes to be able to move my hands after?

addiction to stimulation and unhealthy food. bad sleep patterns

Yes. I am on the first kriya lesson(KP1). I have this problem with ujjayi pranayama and KP1. I think it's caused by the fact that you need oxygen, and going over 25 seconds would cause you to gasp for air. I reccomend balancing it out e.g. 12.5 second for each. Over time i've heard you will be able to go the full length. I also experience only being able to do a few ujjayi's before gasping for air, but this morning I notice some improvement. especially from when I re-started Kriya 2 weeks ago

I did it 6 months ago and got next to nothing. I did it for the second time yesterday and I'm going to do it once a weekend. I did 28 minutes(couldn't make 30). I felt waves of energy pulsing through my body and especially my hands. I felt a deep sense of love and breathing was the most pleasurable thing, it felt like I could breath very deep and fully. It felt similar to tripping. After 20 minutes I felt normal again. I am currently having an ego backlash. I realized that if I keep meditating I will feel super good in the long term.

I think this practice is right for you.

@Joseph Maynor What is coral?

This would be nice as we approach the final stretches of No Nut November.

I think this would have a lot to do with the spiral dynamics application video leo was talking about. Maybe he will make a mega thread? this is a great idea