28 cm unbuffed

@docs20 Don't remember which video, but I remember his forum post, where he wrote "my mother is so disconnected and unfulfilled artist, that she doesn't give a fuck about my work at all, so i cut off contact with her", or something like that. It's exactly my mother too - she has unfullfilled fantasies about her life, so she just transfer her frustrations about herself into me (and I think Leo too had the same issue with his mother). He also "mentioned" that he hates his mother, using words like "she is just one of the infinite faces of Buddha, so I don't really give a damn if she dies tommorow". So yeah, it might be just god complex and Bojack Horseman's history irl, waiting for his new video. He either really is the biggest genius ever alive, who found something beyond enlightenment and became god himself or he lost his mind completely, we'll see. I'm hyped af.

Hey guys. I feel like I discovered something deep about myself, like a root of a lot of my life problems. As title says - I really hate my mother. She was an authoritarian figure, really narcissistic and I lived most of my life to subconsciously meet her needs. But it's deeper than that. This article summaries this perfectly: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/rethinking-mental-health/201801/i-hate-my-mother After years of killing myself, trying to prove something, I realised, it was all not me, it was just to fullfill my mother's dream about me. How do I go about it now? How to find myself again, create new life purpose? My last one, done with Leo's course was all bullshit, it wasn't me. I am working on independce in all of my life areas, I think that is the first step to cut the bound. There was this strange thing my whole life that was keeping me and my thoughts in cage basically, something like stage blue dogmatism. I had no idea, what do I want, what I can and can't do. I need help. PS. I also feel like, a lot of things that I've done in my life, was just to "show her that she was wrong". And a lot of my beliefs are created around "not matching her", like - she is really down to earth person, so fuck her, I'm not going to be like her. That is why I am broke, have no girlfrind etc, you got it.

@universe It's not like, I did all of it, just to show her, that I am better, that she is wrong or anything. There's a lot of subconciouss stuff, like - I had no father, so I felt this need to take care of my mother and do everything she wants me to. Because, I'm just a little child, what do I know, right? It took me years to unwire this shit. And yeah, I feel like I'm getting my power back finally, like this is the moment, when I'm starting to live for myself and on my own terms. Btw. What do you guys think about Leo? I really empathise with him and he sounds like me, just about 3 months ago. His last "awekening video" was all about god complex, integrating the "inner psychopath", that we all have and it's something I went through myself. And now this "wanting to become the best, killing myself in a process" thing, being a victim of my mother, even if she's not around. I feel like Leo healing right now is just the same as mine, realizing what was his real drive, to fullfill his mother's pipe dream, about the perfect, genius son. When he spoke about his mother I felt like listening to my own life story, for real.

Saying thing like that makes you a beast in my eyes man. Having courage to say something like that is fucking awesome, this level of honesty is really rare nowadays. I will confront her, for sure. I was always losing a battle with her at some point, because, when I got angry at her and started yelling, she was always hanging up. I think I am on a level of emotional maturity, when I can confront her and tell her all of these things without getting mad now. About self-acceptance - this is really powerful topic, it is like connecting to your heart chakra and entering stage green in my opinion. You feel self-worth at such a high level, that you do not NEED anything, you just start to BE and do everything from passion, inspiration, not from fear, ego and desperation. Thank you for your advices guys. Cheers!

Check these videos, they were really helpful for me: https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=aaron+abke+peace

Leaving home to "find yourself" is really important part for your journey, if not the most important. By staying alone and not getting influenced by others people views about the world will for sure help you to clear your mind and organise your thoughts. And becoming independent and not depending on anyone - that's imo the best thing, you become the master of your own world and life. And that's the most fucking thing in the world.

So - the situation is this: there is this girl, I was seeing for a year or so. She was saying to me things like "I only have sex out of love" and that she didn't love her boyfriend and she was with him for 2 years without sex. And that was a lie, I even caught them once, but I was so fucking brainwashed, that I didn't know what's true anymore. There was also a gossip about her, that she is having sex for money. And I think, it was her ex who said that about her. And I'm pretty sure it's true. So - she gaslighted me and him, but he is still in love with that bitch and that's why he keeps that as a secret. And that's really the only thing that is stopping me from going to a court with all of that - because I think, she is having sex with him, just to keep the secret alive. The most fucked up thing about all of that is that she fell in love with me at one moment and she wanted me to fight her ex, saying "i don't feel anything to any of you, you two solve it, I don't give a fuck". And I almost believed that, I was so fucking desperate and brainwashed, that I almost followed that sadistic bitch's lead. On a soul level, higher consciousness level, that's how it was - she was in love with me and her soul wanted me to let her free from her own psychopathy. Her soul wanted me to fight him, so he could tell everyone about who she really is and to let herself free from sex addiction. I knew all of that, but I don't love her and yeah, that was egotistic from me, but I couldn't know for sure, if I could just beat the truth out of that guy, he could just laugh at me and hide the facts. What is more - on a ego level, she just fucked other dude. On a soul level - she broke my heart with that (I woke up from a dream when she has orgasm with this other dude) and she integrated my shadow - I was afraid of women, because I'm a sensitive guy, and subcionciously I was afraid of getting hurt, heartbroken. And now I can see every women desire me, they can sense that of me. That incident opened my solar plexus chakra and started my dark night of the soul event. And spiritual awakening event after. So - I'm really grateful for all of that and I know, she did all of that out of love for me (on a soul level ofc). But still - come back to earth for a moment. What should I do about all of that? Is it worth the effort (going to a court)? I have to talk to a therapist and find out if that's even possible to sue someone for thing like that, but I thought, I'll ask here too. Any suggestions? What should I do?

I never felt so strange in my whole life. I'm reading Frankl's "Man's search for meaning" now and the part where war was over and they were free resonates perfectly with me. Like - I did everything that God wanted me to do, years of fucking suffering and fighing my fears, insecurities etc. Right now I entered, let's call it "receiving mode", everything is fine, peaceful, I'm finally getting what I've always wanted and it's so fucked up, because I feel like I do not deserve it, like it's not enough, I'm thinking about myself like someone bad (Lucifier archetype, corrupted guru etc). My fight is over and I can finally be happy and it's SO STRANGE, I can't just get used to that. What is this shit, I'm so confused..

https://bloguniversalfreemasonry.wordpress.com/2018/10/28/who-is-lucifer-part-two/ This article is mindblowing for me. Because that's exactly what happened to me (last two paragraphs). There was this situation, where I knew I have to do something, I felt it and I knew it, I didn't know what would happen, but energy was so fucking strong, that I just knew. It was like following path of love and trusting God 100%. But I chose not to. I think, if I would end up like Christ - I would become a psycho for everyone around me, my earth life would be over but I would transition from self to Self, so why would I care? But still - I chickened out. The moment I chose not to follow this energy and my intuition I felt like this dark energy is taking control over me. I felt like I chose the dark path, the path of self, path of corrupted guru, path of Osho, let's call it that way. I know it all sounds deluded, but that's how I feel and that's really high conscioussness stuff, not sure if anyone here can understand what I'm saying. I was given an opportunity to get crucified and obtain Nirvana but I consciously chose not to. What can I do about it? Like - i fucked up Christ path, can I still follow, let's call it Buddha path to get enlightened? Can i get best of both worlds or will it always be 99% of each of them? Ps. Is enlightenment really just death, you become nothing, not even an observer, just nothing?

It wasn't love, that's for sure. It was "trauma love" - the energy that pulled me to do something, because I HAVE TO, I SHOULD, because she wants me to. That's how my mind understood love, but it wasn't true. My whole life I pulled sadistic girls, that wanted to use me for their own good, this time I broke the pattern, thank God.

Yeah, I mean the rolls-royces and spiritual sluts stuff. There was this one guy that I was talking to, who's biggest hero is Christ and he told me something like - "following that thing is really fucked up and you just end your existence". I told him something like "I still want to experience a lot in this life, fuck bitches, get money, etc". And he told me: "now you are going to truly understand what suffering is". I know what he ment - you can never fullfill your ego, your earthly desires. But I took the blue pill and I decided to eat that fucking tasty steak, just like Cypher. I feel really fucking strange about all of that, really fucking strange.

Yeah, I got treated with gaslighting, ghosting, who knows what else. She was a psychopath. Yeah, I have to trust karma here and let go, thanks.

Exactly what I'm thinking about right now - I want to travel the world, doing my bussiness and some nasty situations might always happen. I figured, I'm going to learn Ju Jitsu, just in case.

Hey guys, I'm vegetarian (still eating eggs, because I fucking love eggs and diary products, like cottage cheese or milk to supplement protein) and I'm looking for a best diet to build muscle mass this year. Btw - what are best vegetarian products, that you would suggest to build muscle mass aka get protein from? Also - what do you think about going full vegan and if it's even worth to go to a gym with this kind of diet. I weight about 70 kg right now and I would love to get to 75 kg. This is how I look right now: https://www.instagram.com/p/B672Yu7lyAHK9-Fr5yznP3BdasTDc0FmES7fgU0/

So, I'm starting my YouTube channel and I need something that would create creadibility to gather online clients group. @Emerald @Leo Gura @mandyjw @Nahm @ajasatya I know You guys have your own bussinesses, oriented around helping people and I know, I don't really need ANYTHING that would prove, that I'm capable of helping people, but still, any suggestions, what can help me to create my brand? Or is it more like - first create Youtube channel, create content, gather followers and THEN start coaching them? Thanks for any advices, cheers!

In this video Aaron speaks about something called "demonic possesion", a situation where shadow becomes repressed so much, that it takes control over individual. And I feel something like that happened to me. Not sure how to go about it - I mean, should I just let go, let it take control over me, to heal it? I want to control it, to not do some stupid, dark shit, yet - isn't it counterproductive and isn't it repressing it all over again? What is the best approach here? Have any of you expierenced something like that?

Another great video about that topic I found today:

@purerogue Yeah, I undestand that, that's just a term I used, it's more like surpressed energy, fantasies, basic needs, naming really doesn't matter. What matters is - how to go about it?

Your biggest value is like the most important thing to you, something completely reverse to your ego and something that resonates deeply with your soul. That's why it's not that easy to find, but finding it will give your life the direction that you need and will give your whole life meaning, it's like you will understand yourself on the core level. Let me give you an example - I'm an adult alcoholic child, my whole life I was afraid of "getting out there" and being extraverted, opened, loud, whatever you want to name it. My ego is like - stay there, hide, you can get hurt if you'll expose your authentic self to the world and something bad can happen to you (aka survival mechanism). And my deepest and most imporant value is freedom. I want to travel the world, get abundance with women and money, start a YouTube channel, show myself to the world. Finding your biggest value is like finding yourself, finding your soul, so yeah, it's REALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT

@Pilgrimage of Self I know what you feel, seems like you have surpressed a lot anger for being mistreated and that's why you feel like standing up for yourself will results with physical confrontation. That's your fear saying you that - that if you will stand up for yourself and create healthy boundries, someone will beat you for having your own own opinions. First of all - small steps, it's quite the opposite of what you are describing here. If you will not create boundries, people will treat you like shit, because you treat yourself like that, so why would they give a shit about you? I know it sounds harsh, but that's the reality. Getting angry is nothing bad, anger is an emotion, like every other one and the more you resist it, the more denser and darker your shadow becomes. And after surpressing it for too long, it becomes pathological. There will come a time, where you will burst out of anger or do something stupid and you can get into some trouble because of that and that may really lead to physical abuse, if your reaction will not match the situation. Start from today, stand up for yourself in every situation where you feel like you are getting abused. Your reactions might be not appropriate at first, but trust me, it will get better and more balanced with some time and you will get a lot of confidence and self-worth thanks to that. And the most important thing - do not feel guilty, if your reactions will not be the best, if anger will take control over you. It's a process and you will make a lot of mistakes during that. My mother didn't want to treat me bad and punish me for my narcissistic behavior and because of that, with time, she started to treat me like shit, because of repressed anger, for some little things I did. Admit to yourself, that you yourself have the right to be yourself and to have your own opinions. Self - compassion and self - love is the key here. Feel free to PM me if you'll need any advice. Good luck

When I first did MBTI test my result was INTP. After 3 years and spiritual awakening my results came to be INFJ. And still - I do not belive these labels. Everyone is like a micro Universe himself. Everyone consists like thousands parts. That's what integration is about - healing parts of yourself. In my journey from INTP (ego) to INFJ (soul) I thought I'm every single one of personality type for some time, I felt like them and behaved like them, just to understand that part of myself. I don't think I'm 100% INFJ, there are just too many variables, everyone is different and there will never be a model that can accomplish describing someone's personality. If you want to know yourself even better: check your zodiac sign - when I found out that I'm Aquarius it really sped up my integration process - I started meeting people, that I "healed", helped them and that way i healed myself. Everyone has Sun Sign and Moon Sign, that's also important, you can go even further and check your whole astrological chart to know your strong and weak points. Another thing that can help you know yourself better is numerology - my ego is this scared little boy (Adult Alcoholic Child, where my numerology number is 5 - Traveler. My soul wants to travel the world and be free. Last thing - find your most important value in life. Just one. It's not that easy, but when you'll find it, it will clear out a lot of things for you. F.e - my most important value is freedom - that's how I understood that I want to travel, do not want to work for anyone, never get into marriage relationship and have abundance with women and money and be a "citizen of a world".

Right now I'm on a stage of my journey, where I want to get into pickup and basically go for stage orange stuff. I have no fucking idea why this happens, but I'm attracting taken women all the time. And they are really into me, like, they subconciously feel something, but first I would love to understand that intelectually. What the fuck is it? I feel like it's my shadow, but.. why this? It's really weird. EDIT: That's what I got so far: Since people attract each other at their common level of woundedness or their common level of health, an unavailable person's fear of commitment likely mirrors your fear of commitment. If you are a person who keeps meeting unavailable people, you might want to honestly look within to see if your fears of rejection or fears of engulfment (losing the other or losing yourself) may be causing you to be unavailable. Do you guys know any methods to deal with that?

I love his famous quote, that he always starts his channeling with : "asmkdllasdmlkasmdakbdhzbxcaiwiqpdmzmkczl". Beautiful words by a beautiful soul. ?

Yeah, I followed your advice with dream board, my wall is full of pictures and quotes right now Ideas are coming into my mind one after the other, I'm moving faster and faster, never felt so much drive in my life. Not sure if I'm recognizing the metadventure, whatever that means, but I think Universe has a bigger plan and I'm just not capable to see the big picture yet, if that's what you ment.

In this video Aaron speaks about 2 approaches to evolution, growth, spirituality - path of love and path of wisdom. I was following path of love for like 2 years - I did everything that my intuition was telling me, I didn't give a fuck about anything, I followed my emotions and that fire inside me. I didn't give a fuck about my job, money, diet, about anything at all. And there was one crucial moment, when if I would chose path of love and not stop for a moment - it would end terribly for me. I stopped at the best moment possible, thank God. And after that moment - don't want to go into details - dark night of the soul event happened to me and spiritual awakening afterwards. I felt SO STRANGE going from love to wisdom side of the spectrum, oh my.. I felt like I'm betraying God, choosing Samsara instead of spiritual path and Nirvana, choosing yin instead of yang. And that's what happened to be honest, but that's what had to happen and it was a perfect thing at a perfect time. My question about that topic is - what do you guys think about proportions here? Like - what is the best overall proportion? I know there is not an equation for that. Just - is it 50/50 always, for everybody, or is it different for men and women? If I would follow path of love all the time I would just do whatever I feel like, like a woman. Following my dick, my passion, my drive. And that's not that good of an option for a man. Also - I don't know if what happened here is not related to Twin Flames path - changing dynamic from chaser to runner. That or Twin Flames are like ultimate test before starting your journey before going into pick up and leaving stage blue to go into stage orange (this one and only girl, divine connection, other part of my soul and stuff like that). Did any of you experience something like that? Really looking for some reference. Cheers ❤️