Preety_India

The problem of attachment. Problem with betrayals The problem of Not setting boundaries and Emotional Stress The problem of wrong guidance The problem of ghosting The problem of 'the catch 22' The problem of not loving oneself The problem of wasting too much time

The issue of attachment discussed

I believe future trends in dating will change drastically. Once the mainstream of dating gets obsolete. MGTOW is picking steam. So let's see what happens. Even women need men. But they have trouble finding a suitable way of making it happen. It's like a handicap. But with modernization and if dating risks are reduced, maybe more women would be interested in making the approach themselves. But that's the future. Current paradigm is men approaching women and finding little success. Society is skewed in the way men and women are positioned. It's a failure. Too many social rules and expectations around dating. It clogs the system.

Filling your cup first, before entering a relationship. Meditation, self-love practices, life purpose and all of that stuff. The thing i people feel shitty (don't even know about it), look for relationships to feel better, end up backfiring, act surprised, and than they repeat. When you feel good, you don't need much from the other person and have the openness to be more empathetic and all of that. On the other hand, people like that usually have good boundaries and don't stray away from their purpose that much. They can act in ways that low self-esteem people interpret as selfish, so, you also have to watch your partner. I always had weak boundaries and when i tried to set them properly, i was met with manipulative behavior from others in order to make me feel guilty and selfish to serve their agendas.

I have been not very clear on this subject in relationships. It does have a ground of confusion and debate. Enough clarity doesn't exist on this topic I wanted a Megathread where people will discuss neediness. Different elements to discuss - Needy behavior, examples of needy behaviors. Genuine examples of needy behaviors versus when you are gaslighted as needy or projected as needy even when you're not. Also want people to elaborate how being needy is different from actually having basic needs. The pros and cons of needy behavior. How to avoid needy behavior. The subconscious psychology of needy behavior. When to call yourself or the other person is needy. What needy people should do. And when such behavior is slightly okay and when slightly overboard. How to balance neediness for both men and women. Please discuss all the above elements in this Megathread to remove confusion and bring clarity to this topic. It seems many people are very confused on the subject of neediness. Me too.

Could be due to centuries of social conditioning. Paradigm shift, cultural shift needed. Not impossible.

Some gif therapy

Humans have an obligation to nature because humans are at the top of the food chain, the greatest predator..

I'm not trying to be attractive to someone. Just trying to keep a friend a friend. I can easily cut off many friends. But I see value in them

That's very wrong.. You can't simply reject needs. They will manifest in other ways. It's a different thing to control biological cravings temporarily for a higher goal. But one can't simply deny needs.

Boundaries are very difficult to keep around narcissistic or manipulative boyfriend. I had a narcissistic manipulative boyfriend. He would constantly break my boundaries or confuse me or be hypocritical or gaslight me if I kept boundaries. The only solution is to completely get rid of this person Now he was not the Devil. He also had redeemable qualities. If I had simply dropped him, I would have lost his friendship which I didn't want to. Because there were other things that were good about him. It's like balancing a knife on its point. Look. Everyone has flaws including you and me. If I have to simply reject people in my life because of their flaws, I'll have to reject everyone because everyone has flaws. I had to understand his nature and accept the fact that he is a narcissist. And negotiate my boundaries with him once again. It is difficult but it is not impossible. Just difficult. Setting boundaries is good. But one can't go overboard and keep cutting people out of life excessively. There has to be a balance. That's why I said setting boundaries is difficult. Imagine if Leo had to set the strictest boundaries on this site, then he will end up banning everyone. See? That's what I mean by having difficulty with boundary setting It is an art of negotiation.

Actually this is a bit confusing. I'll tell you why. I was dating this homeless guy, stage orange guy. Like you said stage red. He was stage red. I try to fill him with love. He took advantage of me. I felt very hurt. I get it. But when I tried to talk to him after the relationship ended, he said that he was very grateful to me, he told me that I showed him what true love was. That he became a better person because of me. Although I regretted being taken advantage of, I also felt a bit better that I was able to help someone understand love. If I let him be that way, and never loved him maybe he would never have a chance to become a better person There is a charitable perspective here. Sometimes when you're charitable to people, they take advantage of you. But at the same time they realize their mistake and grow from it. So I don't feel so bad for having taken advantage of as long as he had something to learn and grow. Sometimes we can give the most empathetic non judgemental love to someone who is acting in selfish or wicked ways. They have emotional traumas and problems and baggage and issues. But to love them selflessly is also a way of helping them grow out of their issues. Who will love them? It might sound foolish to love them. But somebody has to love them to help them out of their problems too In this process we suffer loss or drain of our own energy, but it is worth it if that person has found the path to consciousness through our effort towards them.

This happened to me. The person made me feel guilty for not replying to them. I was called selfish for not being there for them. I couldn't be there for the person for some time because of my bad health. I guess setting boundaries is very difficult around certain people.

Kennedy was a very good President.

Great question. My ideal relationship is where me and my lover have a very deep connection, not much age gap, I prefer the same age, similar interests and very polite conversations and great sex. Me and him always like best buddies hanging out together and sharing and caring for each other with lots of affection. Physical affection like hugging is important to me. And we both being attentive to each other. I don't like the detached guys Related: how would you describe your pattern of selfishness in a concrete way? And why do you have an issue with it? What do you feel like it's inhibiting exactly? I think I'm a bit needy for affection in relationships and sometimes I go overboard with it. Although I try to contain that but still it could be a problem. The other thing is when I don't understand or care for the other person's concerns. Like in the second last relationship, I constantly infringed the boundaries of my boyfriend when he was tired or busy by nagging him to give me time. I think it was selfish of me Deep down I feel like I only care about myself. It could be tunnel vision or inability to comprehend how others are feeling in my company.

You're confusing things. Neediness and "needs being met" are two totally different things. One is healthy and the other is unhealthy. Having needs is biological, intuitive and spiritual. You can't suppress the spirit. It will always be there. Your needs will always exist. When your needs are not met in a relationship, it's a huge huge problem. That relationship is very bad. Now neediness. Neediness means you are desperate. It means not giving freedom or space to the other person. Imposing your needs on them and suffocating them. It is a form of selfishness where you only care about your own feelings and how you are without giving a due concern for others. Neediness is not the same as needs. You keep hammering your needs on the other person. You excessively encroach their space. You constantly beg for their attention even when they are not willing or busy. This causes the person to feel pressured by your load of needs and the relationship crumbles. That person becomes your vending machine. A good way to understand this when a person is asking for financial help when they genuinely need it versus using their friend as an ATM machine for cash. Neediness drains the other person because they are constantly satisfying your needs. The needy person becomes like a leeching parasite constantly leeching off the other person's energy and time meanwhile offering nothing in return, not even allowing the other person to rest Also neediness exists in an image. Everyone has needs. Everyone wants affection and bonding and caring. A needy person goes overboard in showing it. They start nagging the person. They act desperate. They act totally dependent. They don't show any detachment. They are constantly trying to please, constantly trying to want attention. Having needs is normal Being needy is being demanding in a sneaky way. Neediness can exist in different styles for both gender. Needy boyfriend. Needy girlfriend. Needy without cause. Needy for legit reasons For example if your girlfriend is always neglecting you and you asked her for affection and she snapped back and called you needy, that's not needy. You're simply wanting something that you have been deprived of and it's much of girl's fault that is making you appear needy.. See this is the definition of neediness I saw on the internet with regard to needy boyfriend "However, your boyfriend's “neediness” means that he only hits one emotional note. ... Having someone depend on you for their emotional wellbeing can certainly make you feel valued, but ultimately it is exhausting because super-needy people crave love, affection and validation and require constant reassurance."

@Hello from Russia so what does Leo mean when he says that it squires serious federal regulation.

What do you mean? You mean that Facebook shouldn't be allowed to ban Qannon?

You're a good guy. You did the right thing.. You were simply being honest about how you felt. Absolutely nothing wrong with it. What I can say from your description is that you're attached to this person even though you're just a friend. That's not a good thing. Just being completely honest. When you are attached to someone but they don't give an equal response, there is sadness.. A feeling of disappointment. You need to overcome this sadness by overcoming that attachment. Let them go. Don't think about them anymore. Care about them in your heart but don't talk to them because it will hurt the more you talk to them. Let them be who they want to be and you'll be at peace. What you're looking for is a sort of closure and that closure will only be found within you. I know you're emotional in a deeper way. But realize that this is how life is. People aren't always fair to how you feel about them. It can suck. They are not necessarily bad people. It's just the way things happen and confronting it with honesty is the best you can do. Now you try to distance yourself from that person and branch out and move on in your life.. They will gradually recover from the feeling of hurt. You did them right by being honest. Don't be sad anymore and let go of the attachment since they have moved on, it's time you do the same. Hope you get over it and best wishes.

He is a right winger who believes his own nonsense. Just like the rest.