Preety_India

Points to consider They are manipulative . They have a real high need to be in control . They are not empathetic people They are exploitative . They are entitled . They really a little too highly of themselves. . They are thin skinned. They have to be superior. A ground zero ingredient They refuse to take responsibility for personal and relational difficulties Joseph never took responsibility for his divorce from his ex wife. She divorced him because he was violent to her. But he always told me how it was her fault and that she had been exaggerating. Narcissists don't do soul searching. Continued. They blame shift . Normal folks try to control things from the inside out. In other words you know that certain things need self restraint. You want to have a sense of knowledge, awareness and wisdom that you operate with. That's called an internal locus of control. Whereas narcissists try to seek control of things from the outside in. They might say things like "you need to do this, you need to do that, you need to do it this way" "I want you to act correctly. I want you to do this. I want this to be different. And if this hadn't happened then I would be okay., but if this happens I'll be alright." notice how they go heavy into that bossy or hyper critical, or forceful or demanding kind of way because they don't have an internal locus of control. . Narcissists are Incapable of self reflection. . Narcissists are never honest about themselves. . . "you need to be accountable, not me though." narcissists hold others very much accountable but not themselves. . Narcissists hide anger, Insecurity or defensive, they hide these feelings as inner resentment. . Narcissists have rules and regulations. There are certain things that you are supposed to do or supposed to say certain ways to make sure that they don't get pissed off. They need to be handled with kid gloves and you're constantly made to feel on edge because they are going to be offended even when there was no cause of offense. I experienced this personally with Joseph. There was always a way to talk to him. If I was silent he didn't like it. If I said I was busy, he didn't like it. If I even slightly mentioned that he forgot his medication or if he might forget certain things, he would be mightily pissed off. In this regard there was a peculiar situation between me and Joseph. And that was this very strange situation in which I was neither supposed to say yes or no. It's like everything was a problem. I don't know what to call it. A very simple example of this was as follows. Joseph would complain to me about his family and how his family had ditched him. I would give him assurance and try to be emotionally supportive by saying "yes I understand that your family doesn't support you. It's bad that they do this and I know it sucks." In saying this I would try to support his statement in order to provide him comfort. His response would be like "Oh, you're too negative. I don't want to deal with this shit. Just go away. Fuck this. Why are you blaming my family. You're such a bitch." I'd feel very hurt by his response. Next time I would remember not to respond the same way. I would try to respond a different way. Like " hey I don't want to blame your family. " His response would be " so you wanna blame me " And I would say " no please, I didn't mean that. " His response would be "get lost bitch." Next time around if he complained about his family, I would just stay silent and not say to avoid his anger. And then his response would be "why don't you say something you dumb bitch?" I finally figured there was just no way to please or impress him. It's like whatever I say, he would respond in an abusive way. There was no way of knowing what I had to say that would make him feel better. It was always, damned if you do,damned if you don't.. This is a peculiar situation with narcissists where they degrade no matter what, they use everything against you, every word you say, every thing about you is weaponized and used to abuse you to keep making you feel worthless and make you feel small or beneath them, that's why nothing will really impress them since they don't wanna be impressed. They just want to use everything to make you feel the worst about yourself. . As Dr Les Carter pointed out, one thing that I remember very distinctly from my relationship with Joseph was these words said by Carter in the video, "you better not say"... I always carried this fearful sentiment at the back of my mind where it was always "I better not say, who knows he might get offended." it had reached such a point that the fear was almost palpable in me. I always reminded myself what to say and what not to say. It was like dealing with a big boss and might I say even the smallest thing about mundane stuff, it would attract intense scrutiny and ire from him. After about 6 months into the relationship, I literally began to feel like I was walking on eggshells. One mistake or something that he didn't like would send him into a tirade. There was just nothing that would make him feel better. There was always something to strongly criticize me for and hold me as a criminal.. It reached a point where even saying a word to him or asking a question felt like a crime. I would call this the catch 22 problem with narcissists where you try and try to please them but whatever you do, everything fails no matter what. You keep struggling to please and they keep putting you in a tight spot where you feel trapped and they make you feel guilty whether you do what they want or not. You're guilty either way and you are damned if you do what they say and damned if you don't do. Both ways you are wrong. You are always wrong no matter what. I call this typical sign or situation the catch 22 narcissist problem. It's very well explained in this video where they call it the double bind narcissistic mind game. .. In my relationship with Joseph I diagnosed him with three distinct problems that were plaguing our relationship Narcissistic personality disorder Bipolar rage and Bipolar disorder Abusive Personality disorder /abusive personality (sadistic traits combined with jealousy)

Very good video on narcissist signs. One important sign discussed in this video is about how a narcissist never says sorry and never accepts or acknowledges that they did something wrong. It is always someone else's fault . For example Joseph used to never apologize if he said something bad or did something wrong. I was always to be blamed for anything that happened If he forgot to carry his wallet it was my fault. If he dropped the cigarette lighter, it was my fault. He would lash out at me in extreme rage even when I was sitting silent.

I mean I get it a lot of guys are into this thing called pickup game. But this thought was in my mind about how unhealthy or unconscious this has to be. Guys view dating as a game. They think of it as a sport. They think of it as hunting, fishing or gaming. I mean these are the labels that can be used to describe this phenomenon. Then, the question that arises in my mind is, wouldn't I consider the guy a predator? The one who hunts is considered a predator. So a pua guy picking up my heart isn't a predator? I somehow cannot wrap my mind around this whole pickup game and think it's normal or caring.. It looks super predatory to me. Also my heart is always looking for true love. I don't want a gamer. But a true lover.. At a time when I'm trying to raise my spiritual vibration, I should condemn something that I see as low conscious or unhealthy. I want people to look for real love and cultivate the path to conscious love and not look at love as a means to an end. Love should be about loving someone and not hunting or grifting someone to snatch what you want Did that make sense at all or nah?

I find Dr Grande really very useful.

@Opo I'm banned from walking.

@No Self I was raised in an authoritarian environment by strict parents and I was hypersensitive. It's not so easy as simply classfying parenting styles into 4 categories and then shopping for the best style. Parenting should have nuances in it. For example, for a hypersensitive kid like me, a very nuanced parenting would be needed, even normal authoritative parenting can seem strict or toxic. The problem is that you're looking at it only from the perspective of a parent but not from the perspective of a child. A relationship is always a 2 way street, if the other person is not comfortable, the relationship is void even if the behavior of the other person looks normal to an outsider. The relationship itself is more important than the relationship style. By nuances I mean, it should be case by case and situation by situation. For most kids, a particular set parenting style might look suitable whereas if the kid has problems like example me with hypersensitivity, the parenting will need to be constantly rotated and switched between authoritative and permissive. And also such a switch will not only depend on the case of the child but also on a situation. Certain situations will need permissive behavior from the parent, whereas in certain situations I would want my parents to be stricter with me and take charge. This sort of nuanced switching needs a very healthy independent responsible knowledgeable parent. I understand that empathy is a 2 way street but can't expect kids to understand and obey if parents lack basic empathy. Even though empathy is a 2 way street it should begin somewhere, generally with the one tasked with greater responsibility and maturity.

Understanding a narcissist. Mary Trump gives a very good picture of Trump, a typical case study for a narcissist. Narcissists always want a transactional relationship. She hit the nail right on the head.

Stonetoss was never stage Green. Lmao.

A reminder to myself An abusive man is a burden and not a gift. Abuse (especially emotional abuse) always works in very covert ways. It takes a lot of time to recognize, unravel and dismantle it A lot of people blame and shame the victim of narcissistic abuse When I became free from Joseph(a typical narcissist abusive boyfriend, now an ex) and told my my friends about it, the first thing they did was blame me for it. Their main question was "why did you stay with an abuser?" The nuances around this question are so delicate that it's very tough to answer such questions. I did not stay with Joseph because he was an abuser.. It would be foolish to assume that a woman likes to stay with either an asshole or an abuser. Often times the woman is simply unaware that it is abuse. It took me some time in the relationship to realize that things weren't okay. Even when I was aware in October 2018 that I was in a narcissist abusive relationship, that's when I came across a Muslim woman named Shahida Arabi's article on narcissistic abuse. And I became aware that all the signs matched my relationship with Joseph to a T. However I was too exhausted and coping with depression at the time. I stopped talking and meeting with Joseph for at least a week or 2. But he kinda manipulated me into believing that everything was going to be okay and I had nothing to worry. So I gradually forgot that article. I wished I hadn't. I was too much in love to keep holding a resentment against Joseph. I had to let go and believe his words Remember abuse is never your fault.

I wouldn't say all of pickup is unconscious. But some of it is. beware of the unconsciousness in the pickup culture, it's not to be dismissed or taken lightly.

If you are being controlled microscopically, then please further study this controlling person for signs of narcissism. This applies in situations of employment and relationships.

Narcissists always create a conditional, transactional and combative toxic environment. To them its creating a secure environment. To their control freak selves, it's a great solution. In truth, they are so out of touch with reality. Combative Transactional Conditional Toxic Controlled microscopically

@Michael569 thanks. That's helpful

Mary Trump on Trump's loss. This is one intelligent woman. She says Trump will never be able to accept the election loss. Mind-blowing. Guys lol watch this. And no matter who you side with, this video is so cute and funny.

Who says your you? who decides who your person will be ? who decides what’s valid? who decides what gender you are ? Who decides what’s real? who decide the meaning of form? Who decides how much something is worth? who decides your happiness? who decides what your thinking about and focused on? (objection : but when I have anxiety I’m not in control of that I don’t decide that? Yes You have anxiety that’s not in your control but who is willingly putting their awareness on that fact?) who decides what’s going on in the moment who decides your path? don’t put blame on other you made it all who chose this character? who built it? who decides beauty? who decides evil? who decides who you listen too? who decides the vibe ? who decides what entertainment you experience? who chooses the people you surround yourself with? who decides what’s normal who says what’s magic Who decides wether it’s 2 or 1 who decides if you’ll be successful who decides if your god?

@Joel3102 maybe the Covid became Trump's final Exposé.

@Arcangelo a lot of puas don't do conscious pickup. Having an intimate relationship is no problem. But some puas do actually encourage predatory behaviors including rape. Don't believe me? Then go look yourself.

They blame the left for communism. They don't realize they are creating their own version of communism. Nationalism on this scale is dangerous. I've seen nationalism in my own country. It's usually a source of riots. The world needs peace at this point. Nationalism is a recipe for world wars. Think of Nazi Germany. Nationalism always looks cool in the beginning, it becomes ugly very quick, think of Nazi Germany during world War 2, that's how nationalism works Nationalism is an ominous word. The real patriotism should not be to religion, race, culture or country but to humanity and democracy. The world is in need of peace once again. Think of the treaties that were signed immediately post world War. A crowd marching with nationalist sentiment is a sign of worry. It's a stage Blue dogma paraded as pride. I agree with @Akemrelax here. It's stage Blue dogmatic attitude. It always comes from deep fear and paranoia. Such fear is not the solution to problems. He and I understand this because we can simultaneously relate to a stage Blue undeveloped or developing country and a developed progressive culture. The only solution is Democracy. First remove the interference of religion in state. Religion should be removed from politics and enforce strict democratic laws

@Thewritersunion lmao too funny. The MAGA tsunami at it again! One thing is definitely true. Business wise this is a great opportunity. You could make tons of money very bigly and queeckly by selling large number of red colored hats. Trumpists won't even bother to read what's written on those hats. They will simply buy because it's red. America 10 years later - Legend has it that Trump is still holding maga rallies.

I'd say only this much. Any mass gathering is a problem, whether it's a MAGA rally or a lib March.

I must say you have kept too many people hostage in Europe. Not a great idea. Send them on the other side of the Atlantic.

At least BLM protestors wear masks. I see all these Maga rallies and usually find large number of people not wearing masks, kind of a defiant way of supporting Trump and his non-stance on Covid. What would you say about that?

Couldn't agree more. The Golden comment.

@fridjonk if that's true, then awesome.