Preety_India

@Frylock hahaha. Maybe shine this body out the white house.

Ahh. Such beautiful news much thanks.

Continued Apart from Empowered statements you can find healthy alternatives. What does this mean? This means finding love in the right places. And rejecting love in the wrong places. When you have an abuser in your life, their love is immaterial.. Their love is toxic love. Their love is unhealthy. It might still appear as love but you need to reject this unhealthy love. This love is bad and a narcissist abuser or any abuser might make it sound like they are doing a great favor to you. But they are simply asserting their dominance and using it to abuse you. You need to make an Empowering Choice here and that means rejecting their love and opting for healthy sources of love. Remember this With narcissists, the more you make them feel like they are important, the worse is their abuse. The most Empowering Choice is Rejection Reject the Narcissist in every possible way. This pisses them off really bad. How do you reject a narcissist When they are speaking - ignore When they offer advice - contradict When they offer a favor - decline When they offer love - reject When they offer promises - loudly mock When they put you down - laugh. Remember a narcissist possesses predatory qualities which means all they are trying to do is just hurt as much as they can. remember rejection is Empowering and Liberating.

Right now I feel like I wanna enjoy all those lemons on your profile picture.

Block Empathy. Don't try to create a bridge. The beauty of spirituality is that it's pure as snow. Spirituality is a crystallization process Spirituality is pure truth. Spirituality is about allowing pure truth to speak up.and when that happens everything goes silent. Pure truth only speaks when you are deeply wounded. When you realize that everything is nothing. When you realize that everything looked so important only because you gave it so much importance. When this pure truth penetrates your heart like a ray, your mind becomes as clear as pure water and your emotion is that of complete freedom and liberation. Try to feel this liberation. Every thought in your mind gets exposed for what it is. Remember God wants you to grow. Always. Now block that empathy. Because when you show empathy to a person who doesn't deserve it, you create a victim or at least assist in manufacturing a victim. they don't deserve your empathy. So block it and don't try to build a bridge with them. You need to show them that it's okay if they hate you and that you don't need them. There's absolutely no need to please them. So you're thinking in your mind that you just can't offend a person and you don't want to see them offended although you did nothing to offend them, that's because your thinking is wrong. The mindset is wrong. It's far away from a pure mindset. It's a flawed mindset and a flawed mindset will always create problems through Karmic attachments and burdens. You need to correct that mindset and bring it to a more pure mindset When you do this you will simultaneously experience liberation. Be an Empowered Victim..Make an Empowered Statement. And Find Healthy Alternatives. That is..... I am talking to myself here . Letter to myself I understand that you went through a lot of trauma and abuse. That altered you in some ways. And what happened is that it corrupted your mind and heart. Of course you didn't deserve it Often times when you are traumatized you look for love and acceptance. But this love and acceptance is not available in a good place. So you go looking for it in bad places. Remember that only a sincere heart can purely love you without abusing you. All others are Abusers. I remember how I used to read these articles in my country where very young girls from extremely poor families were lured by slightly older guys to marry them under a fake promise of marriage and these girls would fall in love with these men assuming that these guys are helpful and loving and caring and when they would travel to cities with these guys, they would simply sell them into prostitution and sex trafficking. I used to wonder what made these girls believe these guys so much.. The answer is a deep absence of love and extreme abuse that they endured from their parents when they were kids These girls were very young and vulnerable. And they were broken. Completely broken. Their boundaries violated by their parents. They never felt loved or cared for. when they met those men, those men gave them a false sense of love, a toxic love.. Which these young girls thrived on for some time, and then they were sold into sex trafficking, forever lost and abused, kidnapped and pimped as sex slaves for the rest of their lives. Missing and forgotten and never to be found again. Whats their mistake other than looking for love and acceptance? I remember when I was a kid and some poor people used to ask my mom for favors. And she used to give them free food They used to thank her. But the food was generally rotten or spoiled and dangerous. I used to get very angry at my mom for this behavior and I often used to confront her over this nasty thing "why would you give them that. They might fall sick." Her usual response used to be "they are poor people, it doesn't matter." I used to get really pissed off "so what if they are poor, doesn't mean that they deserve to eat rotten food. Wtf." Her love for me was often interspersed with abuse If she ever hugged me or showed any affection or favors, she would immediately replace it with anger and abuse a few moments later. She used to love doing me favors. But this was only a way of controlling me. With favors came verbal assault. Her way was that if I received any love from her then I should also take her abuse and be okay with it. It was like a price I had to pay like a payback. Over time I learned how to refuse her favors as I was growing up. She used to hate my refusals because that didn't give her any power. One way of dealing with narcissistic abuse is to simply disarm the narcissist, take away their power. I began to make statements like "I don't need this from you." Narcissists hate such statements. This is an example of an Empowered statement

I'm slowly moving towards greater truths I have no sense of feeling around me. Everything feels still. Like time has come to a halt. I think of my childhood. I think of my dad. I used to call him Daddy. My eyes are filled with tears. I loved him so much. Like every other great thing, he had to die. But a part of me will always be with him in heaven.

The eyes that watch me are pure. That are full of love. The voice that speaks to me is full of love. Literally brought me to tears. All this love that was always waiting for me since so long.

Remember that whatever you want is a shadow within you. Anything you want really hard is a shadow. Anything you reject is a shadow.

You just have to let it happen to you. Don't hold back. Suffer through it. Most importantly you need to stop judging yourself from every angle. The ego cannot handle the truth. Self deception is its shield. You expose your ego to the truth in the most honest and open manner and let the ego suffer knowing in your mind that everything is for your good. Eventually the ego will stop defending itself and you'll experience peace and release and liberation. The suffering won't last and you will love yourself for being honest more than ever.

One thing that you need to learn is to completely let go. That absolutely nothing is really important in life. Nothing is worth cherishing. Except those who we held dear to us. He taught me strength and I'll always remember that till my death. He was my power and my pride. People don't die. They are simply eternal..

@Shin lol that video doesn't work.

That's very awful. I'm sorry you had to deal with it. However please tell yourself that this was in no way your fault. You were only 15 and irrespective of age, it's never your fault but the fault of the person who commits the crime. So please don't blame yourself for it. It's not your mistake at all. People who are sociopathic in some ways do such horrible things to others and you must try every bit of effort to not let them win. Remember that when someone does wrong to you, it says more about that person than you. It reflects badly on them. You can try not to think or ruminate on it because it creates a cycle of bad memory, best to work hard on forgetting it. And when it comes to dating, focus more on offline dating, especially given your situation the best option for you is to directly meet the person in a place that is comfortable for you. That way you won't have those anxious feelings. Also this incident could have directly impacted your self esteem. So I suggest you to read resources on developing a healthy self esteem. Think of this situation as an unfortunate accident that needs to be forgotten. If the man continues to harass you,just ignore that person. Ignoring people like that kinda sets them off and eventually they give up. I hope you find healing

One thing is to get rid of all attachments.

Do shadow work for paradigm shifts.

So I'm watching this RG video and some of it makes a lot of sense.

@Applegarden I'm gradually reaching a point where I have totally exhausted relationships after having some extraordinary experiences in relationships, I can finally be done with that phase of my life. I feel like I fulfilled my curiosity regarding relationships. It's like curiosity for chocolate that you never ate but once you eat it, it's no longer a big deal, how it's hyped out to be. Although some of these relationships were negative experiences, these negative experiences were rich experiences that imparted value and richness to my life because they taught me so much, I wouldn't trade them for anything, they made me who I am today, I might have sat in the corner and cried many times and it might sound like these experiences were regretful, I don't actually regret them because our best learning lessons come from our worst experiences and so I wear my wounds as medals and I have grown at such young age through dramatic experiences in my life but they will surely pave the way to my spiritual evolution, I have an exploratory character and I took the bait and I took risks but it was all well worth it because I learnt so much through my experience. My curiosity regarding relationships is finally exhausted out and put to rest. I fulfilled the relationship part of my life My next curiousity is spirituality and I want to grow in that direction now. I'm exceptionally lucky in that everything is happening exactly how I would have wanted. I would have never been happy with a mundane life. That's not good for my spiritual progress I don't believe that spirituality is just sitting and meditating. I believe in exploring every aspect of life and existence and growing in every possible way. This I see as spirituality, the journey to truth and understanding and of course love One thing that helped me in my journey was my non judgemental attitude to life that my father taught me as a child. I see people who never grow in life because they are set in their ways in how they look at life, they want a formula life, they don't want to take risks and they don't want to learn new things. But I have this lifelong insatiable appetite for learning and taking risks with no worries about survival or society acceptance, I don't care how people look at me or societal standards and this carefree attitude is what led me to have a much faster growth in life. I'm also lucky that my current partner is also spiritually inclined like me. Maybe once the pandemic is over, I can look into psychedelics to speed up my spiritual growth. I have huge ambitions in life and I very much look forward to creating a great spiritual life experience for myself. Thanks

This journal is metaphorical. The eyes that are aware speak with a voice of reason.

@flowboy The post is essentially an antithesis of what my mom wanted. Her own shadows in her life emerging through my character. She trained me to believe that such men were infinitely attractive. On the other hand, the character of my dad (as a hero in the drama of my mom's life) became my shadow as well. What happened is that through me these shadows were playing against each other fighting to win a place in my mind, eventually my dad won and my mom lost, because my dad represented great character and my mom represented great charm (my mom being an exceptionally beautiful woman and my dad being an exceptionally great big hearted God like man) these shadows competed within my mind and I always left confused by the battle between character and charm, who wins who loses, the thing is charm is temporary no matter how attractive, and character is permanent, couldn't have been a better example than me playing out these shadows from my parents directly into my romantic life and then realizing the truth coming to fruition through my intensely charismatic relationships entertaining all of my shadow aspects finally making me realize that fire is great to look at in awe but still waters run deeper. It's something that I'll never be able to communicate to my mom, she lived her entire life in this false fantasy that a man will come and sweep her off her feet, her fantasies being relived in me and my relationships, she always pushed me to fall in love with a lothario not realizing that true and everlasting love is more about the heart than the dick. Sexual attraction is an important part of a relationship but so is the character of a man The thing is that I fulfilled her fantasy and reached that point of exploration and realized that it was all glitter no gold, all hype no substance. Yes it feels great to be around such a charismatic man but when he begins to play with your emotions, it's not a good experience.. So I have a renewed appreciation for men who are not exactly attractive but they have a great heart and have great values and will always stand by the woman, aka men like my dad. So the story of this whole self fulfilling prophecy ends with me wanting to tell my mom that my dad was the best man and if she doesn't appreciate it its because she is ignorant and naive. So basically in this whole drama I'm the evolved form of my mother who brings a conclusion to her life long misery.

@flowboy yea you are just being a good lover to your partner and of course you are romantic from your descriptions. In the thread the word romantic has been used in a different context to mean a guy who is easily charming to most women, very flirtatious and knows how to make any woman feel good, such men are generally the player types because they acquire these qualities by approaching many women and trying to impress all of them. Of course most women resonate and respond positively to such men because they are charming to most women but they are also mostly the player archetypes. They just know what makes every woman tick. Now initially it's a joy to be around such a man, but as the relationship progresses, there are cases of cheating, and then there are instances of abuse, manipulation, lying, gaslighting, dishonesty, flip flopping etc this leads to terrible heart break and trauma post break up. So the general context of the post was to serve as a reminder that it feels nice around a player but it hurts in the end. One way to screen or filter a player is the component or quality of being romantic and flirtatious. Most men who are good at flirting with most women make up the majority of the player archetypes. This becomes an easy factor for screening. The metaphorical meaning of the post is that what attracts a woman to a man becomes the nail in her coffin. She might romanticize and fantasize such a man (my mom used to always fantasize such men and tell me how boring my dad was, but my dad was actually a nice faithful guy, never cheated or hurt her, but he wasn’t romantic, he didn't know how to flirt, the funny part being that my mom always dreamt of meeting such a flirty guy, however I as her daughter fulfilled that dream and met several such men only to be screwed over by them, I told her that so she would know that it's not really worth being with such men, they end up hurting in the end and she will never realize that because she never met such a man, essentially speaking my father was eventually the best man for her in my eyes because he always protected her although he wasn't attractive or charming, he had a great heart, he cared for her till he died so it was ironic for me to realize what she always wanted was a farce ) so the moral of the story is to look for a man with a good heart rather than a good dick because often times our fantasies are not what we dream of or think. Being hurt by a man in a relationship can be an intensely traumatizing experience. I have fallen in love with intensely charming dashing, sexy men who wooed me but it's not worth it in the end because it ends in disaster. It does not mean that every sexy man is like that But what it means is to understand the heart of the man, his values and a good hearted man even though he is not initially attractive will eventually become important as a partner because he will offer something more valuable like faithfulness and companionship and the woman who has been hurt by players (like me) begins to appreciate such men better than women who haven't experienced such heartbreaks (eg my mom).

Eyes in the dark. The mirror The eyes that are aware.. Those eyes see you. Feel you. Know you. Speak to you. The voice of God is reflected through those eyes.

I was thinking about the inner voice. There are just so many names for this. The inner voice The sacred voice The mysterious voice The voice of truth. VOT The voice of guidance. VOG. The voice of God. The voice of Awareness The intuitive voice..

But what I have come to. I still feel much better. Things are good. Better.

I have been pondering over my relationship issues and traumas over the past few days and I realized that there is a pattern in the type of men I'm attracting and they are usually narcissists. I'm quite frankly fed up with attracting all sorts of wrong people who end up taking advantage of me and I get too gullible and somehow I want to put an end to this pattern. So I thought over it and I began scribbling this diagram in my head. I began to see people on a spectrum from the least selfish or very selfless to the very selfish and the moderates flanking the center with the most balanced people in the center. (balanced means they know how to balance selflessness and selfishness). On the right side of the spectrum I placed myself in the extreme of people who are caring. And the conclusion that I drew is that the narcissists attack and predate on emotional and caring people. They are like energy vampires. The solution for such people (to not get victimized by narcissists) is to gradually become survival oriented and move towards the center where they can see the benefits of being selfish and train themselves to be a little more selfish. What do you think of this insight? Also you could add your own perspectives on why people tend to attract narcissists and bad people.

Last 3 years starting 2017 were exceptionally painful years of my life Especially because of the abuse by Joseph. My health began to deteriorate very badly The abuse was too much to endure. I wanted to break that relationship many many times. I have absolutely no clue why I wasn't matured enough to break it immediately. Why did I endure so much. Part of the reason is that I was too exhausted by my second last relationship and I kinda pushed myself into a new relationship immediately without any rest or gap It was happening all so fast. One relationship after another. But so far okay. I don't wish to have that happen again.

Also I always being this hyper curious person since a very young age. Even as a child I was curious about every little thing. I had this insatiable appetite for growing and learning. I could consume vast amounts of information in a short period of time and I would devour books and textbooks and TV . Anything I could get my hands on. I was insatiable Very high appetite for information. I think one of the reasons being that I always felt that I was always left behind everyone. I felt deprived. Because I suffered great social anxiety. That's why I always felt that people knew more than me or that they learned more than me. This made me very deprived and subsequently very opportunistic and competitive. I was always too interested in learning. I always felt like time was running out and I always had to compress vast amounts of information in very short periods of time. This is how I was. I always wanted to speed up my growth. Today im proud of who I am One reason being that I worked fucking hard. Very hard. I worked till death to come this far in my growth I turned every stone to do my max best to get growth in life. I knew I had to be the best and do the best Had I got family support I would have done even better.