Preety_India

Love and anti-love are two sides of the same coin. I look into my abuser's eyes and show love to them. Because at the end of the day God only taught me to love. Although it's very difficult to love people who wronged you.

I'm a bit cold, awful, bpd, autistic, selfish Cold Autism Bpd Narcissism Psychopathic (a psychopath always wins unfortunately)

I consider myself a psychopath.

There's a difference between true love and true leadership. True love is always there for you. But it may not always be able to lead you. Whereas true leadership comes from duty responsibility, ethics, integrity, trust, morality, character, ability, respect and commitment.

A true heart is one atma. It is one not many. So when someone truly loves you, it's that one heart only. That is loving you. Maybe through multiple mirrors, but all mirrors show the same image.

Maybe the real soulmate is the universe.

I do believe in soulmates. It's a different kind of a connection. It stands out. You know when you found one. It's absolute delight.

So I have a combination of bpd and autism. Trauma, depression, cptsd anxiety.

I do have autistic tendencies

Weapon collection.

Rupert has a large collection of ancient weapons. He is good at collecting such stuff.

Time for me to sleep. I have been writing about these characters all day long

Mae'rr is an interesting character. He is my boss. He is very calculating

Yes there is a person who we can love truly and from our hearts. Yet they don't come with us on our journey. We get married to the one who truly wants to make it work and comes together to work out a future. But this person might not be the one your heart asked for. That's the realization I'm coming to.. And Rupert reminds me of that. Rupert is not exactly selfless. But Rupert is smart in understanding what I need. Out of all the characters the one that I have a heart connection with is Trenton. Chayne has a deep bond with me. Trenton understands my heart. Rupert kinda senses my mind and is generally smart. Reece is just infatuated with me. The one that is left is Mae'rr.

Yea I was contemplating this. It could be that we really and truly love someone yet they are not the best when comes to marriage Like I said Trenton is someone who understands me on much deeper level and we have fights. Yet it's a form of karmic love. But Rupert is a very practical guy who understands me mentally not heart wise.

You misinterpreted me. I never said that you lied. You were truthful I already let you go. I'm not holding you in any way.

I think it's matter of luck rather than screening and analysis

All I need is a man who I can give my life to. All I need is someone to call my own. Someone who I can belong to without being betrayed Please universe give me the sign and I'll forever be grateful. I ask nothing more. Someone I can have a deep emotional and mental connection with. Only you can do this universe I tried and tried and tried. I fell in love a million times but never achieved what I wanted. I'm tired. Tired of looking and loving Tired of being betrayed Tired of being used I just want to live my whole life with the one and only meant for me even if it's mental Just one man One man One man. I have been tossed like a ball from one man to the next and I'm tired of this game of the heart. My heart is weary. I want to commit to one man and live a wholesome life with him and be with him. I'm faithful person. I deserve it. I tried so hard. But I never seem to meet success. I am always with someone who doesn't deserve my affections and I always feel duped and scammed. I'm tired of men who tell me how much they love me only to get into my pants. I cant take that anymore. I was never unfaithful to a man. I only dumped boyfriends when they were getting abusive. I know I made mistakes. I was manipulated the whole time. But hopefully I will wisen up. Hopefully I find my soulmate. Uff I craved so much for this all my life. That one person I can truly give my heart to without regret even if the relationship is unsuccessful. Alright I don't even ask for success. But I am tired of giving my heart to fake men who don't mean shit. I want someone faithful to keep my heart.

Yea I'm asking the universe for guidance. Because I'm helpless and I am too naive to understand things.

please-universe-give-me-a-sign ancient-collections high-functioning-autism i-have-to-heal-slowly immerse-in-total-love

But I'm creative. I can give that much. I'm cognitively dumb. I'm not high on IQ or any normal cognitive stuff My social cognition is poor. My emotional and psychic cognition is better. I'm cognitively dumb but I'm still creative.

Yea it's really bad.

To be absolutely frank, I'm a very innocent vulnerable girl. If you look deep into me, I am pure innocence personified. I always felt like my highest virtue was innocence. I am not like one thing on my face and then another thing behind that. I never had any agenda. I fell in love innocently. I never understood why I attracted all the bad people in my life who abused me. I will never know the answer. Maybe I'm so dumb that people can read it and sense it and I can't help but be dumb Often my ex boyfriends used to ask me "you must be playing dumb, don't play dumb." But I was never playing dumb. I was actually and literally dumb. To the point that I had to question my own sanity. I was probably dumb because I lacked life experience, naiveté, and I lacked social experience big time. I was mostly blissfully unaware, living in my own world and ignorant and a bit immature. So yea a combination of factors that caused me to stay dumb But I'm not that much dumb anymore. At least not that much.. I am improving on my dumb score. I'm getting a bit better everyday. Trying to keep up with others Part of me being dumb could be my slow brain due to my low brain weight at birth. My birth was abnormal so I suffered learning disability and became slower than others. My social IQ is almost zero. I have trouble constructing sentences and people remind me of words because I struggle with articulation I get confused very easily. I can't drive a car because I mess up everything. I go frozen and dumb in emergency situations. People always have to tell me what to do. I forget a lot of stuff. I get clumsy and I'm not organized and I'm chaotic as hell. The only thing I can boast of is my psychic intelligence because I was slow in other cognitive areas My psychic abilities began to grow exponentially because I never really used my brain.

Not sure about my dark side. The dark side of Preety.... Lolololololol. I always lived innocently and truthfully And sometimes paid the price for it I don't remember scamming or cheating anyone. I never cheated on any of my past boyfriends. The only thing I remember is being victimized by abusive people and always trying to run away from them