Preety_India

Wherever I go, I feel like people hate me. Why do people hate me so much? Nobody likes me. Sucks.

So I was busy imagining my ideal man. And I have realized that he got to have some violent vibe in him. This brings to mind images of an actor who resembles the role of my fantasy boyfriend very closely He is SKeet from the Scream series. He is the perfect imagine of my ideal violent vibe boyfriend. Some images to describe what I imagine my fantasy boyfriend to look like.

You will be right back like a lonely kitten.

@soularlight go ahead and link the resources here Let me have a look

Sometimes I get annoyed with the stupid sarcasm of Libra. The one that comes to mind is Eminem.. They end up triggering me massively because they say objective truth And the last thing a Pisces wants to hear is truth blown into their face at full speed. They would rather not. Their delusions are better than brutal truths. Although I secretly despise and envy the graceful way in which Libra deals with the brutality of truth.

I have understood that the person who can handle me correctly has to be a strange mix Of Libra and Scorpio. The calm non chalant pacifying accommodating nature of Libra combined with the muted aggressive dominant nature of the Scorpio is a great companion to my character. I have never tried my luck with a Leo. Leo loves me with passion and adoration.. I usually find them waiting for my response and I tend to reject them because they are too mild for me. I won't have much to discuss with them. They are like guests

The lower rack of the zodiac that is Libra, Scorpio, Sagittarius are objective in a classic non annoying way. These are the classic people.. They cherish nostalgia and things of substance. Also they are unusually calm to hyper angsty person like me.

My most disappointments came from the upper stupid rack of the zodiac. And I'm counting myself into it as well. All these Aquarius, Pisces, Aries Taurus are good at melodrama. (myself included) They will cheat, lie, manipulate and find every trick in the book. Not saying that others can't be manipulative. I have myself been manipulative many times.

I end up getting confrontational with the first and the second triad. I get along smoothly with the third and the fourth triad. The zodiac that I find the most triggering. Is Taurus. I get very fighty with TAURUS. Even if the Taurus wins the argument with his rationality and pragmatism, I end up getting offended and mad. In fact I hate that he wins every time and my dreamy side loses.. With Scorpio, I tend to shut up. With a Libra, I get very animated but they quickly calm me down with their rationality, calmness and effective judgment.. With a Sagittarius, I generally do not get along and I end up finding them mean. With an Aquarius, I tend to get protective of their gloominess in the beginning and then I get bored seeing their level of self control and static behavior. They also upset me because they themselves are too Broody for me to handle. I can't see them as uplifting to my energy. With Pisces, I get a warm sisterly feeling, but I tend to get overwhelmed by their attention and drama (my drama and their drama together is double drama). So NOPE. they are a sibling i must avoid no matter how well I get along with them. Aries. My first real boyfriend was Aries. Very dominating. I instantly end up contradicted by their objectivity and brutal approach to life. Their hardness is a dent on my softness. They are too blunt and sharp. To the point that I get defensive and close up forever. Taurus makes me talk talk talk through arguments. Scorpio makes me go mute. Because their argument is far superior than mine. They also get freaky with me. I better obey them or they would go nuts on me.

I can say with confidence that the upper rack of the zodiac (which also includes me btw) is kinda shitty. The lower rack is dark and mysterious and is good The middle rack with Cancer and Leo and Virgo are just too too calculated and clever. Not my cup of tea. They are too rational. The dark tier or lower rack of the zodiac begins with Libra and ends with Aquarius. The sunshine upper rack begins with Pisces or Aries and ends with Taurus. I can divide the zodiac into triads. Four triads. I created exciting titles to describe these triads. First triad. The warrior triad Aries. Taurus. Gemini. Second triad The Orderly Triad Cancer. Leo. Virgo. The third Triad. The Dark Mysterious Triad. Libra. Scorpio. Sagittarius. The last or fourth Triad The broody Triad Capricorn. Aquarius. Pisces

So the kind of man I need has to have some violent energy about him. I can imagine a Libra or a Scorpio. Even a Sagittarius. The bottom tier of the zodiac is good for me. So far the boyfriends I dated and the first crush I had were in this order - LIBRA =>> ARIES =>> TAURUS =>> PISCES =>>PISCES. No longer Pisces boyfriend for me. They are very exhausting to my energy. They brought me nothing but trouble. I am tired of dealing with the upper tier of the zodiac. Whenever I fall in love, it is usually Aries, Taurus, Pisces. I rarely fell for an Aquarius. And I almost never end up meeting a Libra or A Scorpio or Cancer. They are usually already taken. I'm a bit scared of Sagittarius They are too much for me. My mom is a Sagittarius. Just too much Their domination and cockiness puts me off. The other most annoying part of a Sagittarius is that they never keep their damn annoying mouth shut. I like Scorpios. They and Libra. Libra is generally very understanding of me. Libra does give me a weird look from time to time but then understands my crazy nature and makes peace with it eventually.

@BornToBoil so you are a nice Ukrainian sexy fella? Don't take me seriously. I'm not going to romance you. Just a bit flirting. I'm a serious flirt.

@BornToBoil I'm not looking to pull myself out. And I'm not looking at this as an addiction. I see this as regular therapy. It's not helpful in the moment because I'm crashing it at high speed. But over time I will mellow down into a routine where I will follow a discipline in writing and emotional composure. These days I'm experiencing a surge emotionally but even if it's very exhausting, it's quite rewarding. When I sit the sack, I feel better that I let it all out of my system and let all the good thing in. My imaginary boyfriends are really helping me with my emotional control. I need them. Not gonna risk a real relationship and let my head get fucked over again. Nah. That would drive me to the edge. I want a boyfriend for the future. But right now break time.

@BornToBoil I mean I have turned into a mental case. And I'm aware. I have developed a weird addiction to boyfriends. I broke up with my current boyfriend recently. I'm going through something but I don't know what that is. Right now I want a break from relationships. So I'm imagining boyfriends to fill the gap.

@BornToBoil I don't sleep. Last time I slept was 2 days ago. I crashed out of exhaustion

How do you know that?

I'm most comfortable with this profile image after months of searching. I'm so introverted that even these profile images were causing me anxiety. Now I don't feel anxious or like someone is watching me. I can rest easy with this profile image. It's not too loud or attention seeking and not too visible. Kinda low key.

In this essence, I use the archetypes of the duck and the dragon. The dragon being a ferocious reptile or lizard, such as the komodo dragon.

I don't mean actual physical violence. I mean something that generates extreme negative energy. That positive and negative energy are two sides of the same coin. Love and Violence are the same. Love is gentle. Violence is brutal. Love can uplift and violence can pull up. Both do the same job. One is to grow, the other is to protect Many years ago I had written in my journal, that there are only and only 2 forces in the universe - growth and protection. You see that in nature as well. My prime nature is love. My complementary nature would be violence. That is what will fulfill me is the magnetic opposite of what I possess. This is the law of the universe. Opposites attract.. I will be attracted to the diametrically opposite of me If I'm the Christ, I'll be attracted to the Anti-Christ. If I'm the Hero I'll be attracted to the Anti-hero.

This. That's what I'm going through.

Yes my boyfriend needs to be having some violent energy. It's tough.

I think I need a violent boyfriend.

I need to watch more of your videos.

Just be calm