Preety_India

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documentary-journal dealing-with-haters-and-trolls career-of-a-spiritual-healer ich-verliebe-mich-in-die-deutsche-sprache language-is-everything someone-like-me negative-entity-removal higher-intelligence true-self-development ich-liebe-dich-personal-love-letters-and-poems closed-journal

Put stuff here to watch later.

@FlyingLotus he should say it here as well. You totally deserve it.

@Leo Gura Please appreciate the member @FlyingLotus She put a lot of effort into your content. What are you waiting for?

@FlyingLotus girl sorry to interrupt. But this is awesome effort *looks at you in awe.

I kind of agree.

My scores are so high. I must be banned I admit I'm a psychopath. My primary psychopathy score is 1.1 My secondary psychopathy score is 3. And it is higher than 71% of people who took the test.

Feeling surprised. As a child I was never shown love. I was never shown normalcy. I was never shown respect. I was never shown creativity and openness. I had to suppress a lot of my feelings. Being open was considered bad. My mother would shut me down often if I cried. If I cried, it was considered a psychological problem. I was considered a mess. I was heavily judged. I was judged for every little thing, to the point that I developed some form of phobia of judgement. I remember a user on the forum saying She can't handle criticism. She shuts down whenever she is criticized. She is easily triggered. She is so Angsty. I'm not surprised by such observations of myself. Yet I feel let down rather than understood. I wasn't brilliant when it came to articulation either. Some people can easily put word to their thoughts and express their pain. Whereas for me, I felt very immobile when it came to expressing my feelings in words. It's like words would just never come or it took forever to be able to say what I really wanted to say and if I could ever achieve that, much of what I said wasn't worded right and subject to a ton of misinterpretations and then it was my job(and a tedious one), to keep debunking and dissecting each one of these misinterpretations one by one and the anxiety of doing this meant that I would simply escape the argument or dismiss it letting the misunderstandings simply hang around, causing more confusion and inviting more judgement in return for simply opening up. This made the process difficult... (the feeling that I carry now is like I'm in a hospital and the doctors are still discussing what to do but with every minute my condition is only getting worse, I stand no chance to the elements trying to destroy me, irony being a big part, the more someone tries to help me, the worse it gets paradoxically, it will take an extremely highly intelligent brain to detect this paradox and see the picture and problem for what it is. Tears just flowing down my cheeks as I stare helplessly knowing that it's too late for anyone to care, knowing the inherent irony of the situation and how it's playing out, having nothing at my disposal other than acceptance of whatever is happening, but an inner resistance to this acceptance, coming from knowing that all of this wasn't my goddamn fault, it's happening to me, and I'm just a spectator of my own misery. Its a vicious process of self torture but there is no way out of it than simply knowing that things were meant to be this way. There were times when I cried but nobody wanted to look at me and I wish somebody had looked in my direction and seen and understood my deeper wounds, I wouldn't have expected them to do anything for me, there was not much that they could do anyway, yet just my pain being understood might have given me some solace. It's like I did everything in my power that an intelligent being would do to make things better yet these efforts were in vain, these efforts weren't visible to anyone, so all that anyone saw was me simply languishing and doing nothing. And I was judged again. Judged as unproductive, useless or lazy. There was no escape. No matter what I did, I came back to square one. I had a huge tide in front of me, and swimming against it was simply impossible, yet expectations were placed on me that I had to swim. I would had every chance at victory but the process was (by some weird cosmic bad intent) made excruciatingly difficult. So everytime I hear or read the words "this made the process difficult" I'm reminded of the feeling I had. It's lodged in my subconscious and keeps coming up from time to time. It's like echoing in my brain. My brain desperately trying to find an answer to - "why was this process made so difficult?".... And no answer to such questions, in fact even asking such questions was futile.)

Feeling surprised. When you open up your wounds to people, they either understand and empathize with you or simply ignore or invalidate you. You quickly realize who is who. Being around people who never give you a closure or acknowledgement of your pain hurts. And so is equally hurtful when people act or pretend like they are empathizing only to double down and invalidate you further the next moment. The thing is intentions usually become clear one way or another. Your inner energy always shows. You can break trust once. You can break trust twice. You can't keep breaking trust forever. Somewhere down the line, karma has a way to show things, things become synchronous enough to show you what resonates and what doesn't. I have always been a simplistic person and it provided me some form of protection. This kind of matured understanding of things is quite heavy for my brain and quite stressful to process. I was never the one to understand things deeper than my intellectual capacity would allow

Feeling surprised When love came my way, I felt very surprised. I'm not the most loving person in the world, yet I'm also not hateful enough. I'm somewhere in middle where I can have some normalcy as a person. I was never shown love in life except by my dad who passed way too early to be able to make sense of anything. By my mom - hell no. The only last time that she hugged me was when I was 11 years old. I don't remember anything after that. Majority of my childhood was loveless and just boring, tensed and sad most of the time. I don't remember a single happy moment. Any happy moment was immediately ruined by my mother's cynicism. The house was not a place I liked. It was poor, cramped, dilapidated with very little room to move so you were mostly just sitting in one corner throughout the day, bored and listening to all sorts of negative banter. There was nothing to like or be inspired by. I remember only one emotion from my childhood - anxiousness. I was very anxious around my parents constantly fighting and bickering. It had a huge impact on my psyche. Parents should know not to fight in front of children, especially if a child suffers from anxiety already, it is very cruel to fight in front of them, it's tantamount to child abuse.

I have reached a point in my life where I don't care how someone perceives me. It's none of their business to begin with to decide who I am and or what I am even without putting the slightest effort to know me?

Truth defeats everything that is against it. In life there are only 2 kinds of people. Those who care about the truth and those who love to troll the truth. Those who care about the truth operate on a different frequency intellectually and emotionally. Those who troll the truth operate on a frequency that only serves their biases. We can be very intelligent beings yet hold a ton of biases among us. We can shift the narrative to confirm our biases. If bias is what you want, bias is what you will find. At some point, the realization sinks in that some people just won't change even after a lifetime. Some people just would never take you seriously.. Some people just want to hate you and nothing can change that. Nothing will change them. These people just don't serve a purpose anymore. They are there to hinder you, to make you feel punished rather than accepted. You simply have no better choice than to take the higher road.

Death is an important process for me Because to me dying means cessation of suffering. Weirdly, when my father died, it was 9 pm in the evening and my first reaction was happiness. I did cry but inside me I was feeling happy, since his suffering of a lifetime came to an end Suffering to that degree has an abnormal impact on the brain. I don't hate anyone because of it.. Not that I have love for everyone. It's just that I don't have hate for anyone. It makes no sense to harbor hate because you realize at some point we are all fucked anyway. There's no point in hating someone. Suffering spares no one, only the degree matters. I went through extreme suffering, that is unexplainable in words, too complex to explain and too easy to simply take in It's not so much about how I explain it but who I explain it to.. Suffering at an existential level is only understood by an open heart, a closed mind will always find ways to puncture the wounds deeper or pour fuel. I also don't find any point in speculation, because it only serves your ego. Instead of trying to speculate, I try to resonate. Because maybe that's what a person needs when they are feeling down in life. They don't need your speculation. I also believe that whatever happens to us, death or disaster has a clear meaning to it, has a role to play and is somehow tied to our spiritual destiny. It's the "why" of our life. It happens for a reason and is a part of our spiritual process/journey. I never had the maturity to understand things on an existential level or a Meta level for that matter. It was always taking things in the moment. Life was so fast and freaky there was no time to sit back in silence to decide what to do next. I've realized that when there's too much chaos in the system, everyone suffers.. Some of you who have the luxury to hate me probably haven't suffered enough in life to be able to forgive others. When I see people fighting over petty things, I feel a sense of derision and pity. Because I have seen worse things in life. I have seen to much to know that fighting over silly things is just a luxury to have. I could never fight over silly things because silly things never happened in the first place. Everything is a blur back to childhood.

@Gianna a few months.

My ex did the same to me. Solution - just block, never unblock and never contact again. If you are contacting again means you are not allowing it to happen.. They will eventually move on if you never contact them.

This is a good example of how bad cancel culture can be. If a person is penalized that's fine. Yet a person losing their job and survival isn't fair in my opinion unless they were into hate speech propaganda supporting discrimination against another or direct harm to an entire group of people This was a minor case of racist behavior which you usually see in malls and other public places. I have countered numerous occasions where people were racist to me. Does that mean that those people should lose their jobs because of their minority or racial prejudice? Absolutely not. That's quite horrible and mob lynching stage Red behavior. Stage Green cancel culture acting more like stage Red. Should be condemned.

To be honest the real fact here is not whether she is racist or not. It's not even whether he threatened her or not. The real fact is even if he did threaten her, will any media channel cover that? In most cases the media is so biased in their reporting that they never mention the race of a minority if the minority is involved in anything criminal or anything worthy of condemnation This is another form of bias. Not saying they are racist to white people, but they need to cut the crap, stop giving leverage to minorities and keep it fair and unbiased. And no pandering. Minority or no minority, right is right and wrong is wrong If someone from my race committed a crime, I would still call them out. There is no race pass or race card to be used.

OK there's no evidence on YouTube of any reversal on this issue. Where does the person say that they really threatened her. There is no such coverage. She is still racist to explicitly mention his race. It wasn't right to say that she will tell the cops that he was black. The context is quite clear. She did not directly call the cops and say "there's an African American man" in which case benefit of the doubt can be given that she was stating the race so cops can know the description of a criminal. She explicitly threatened the guy that she would be mentioning his race to the cops in a way that sounds more like "hey if I tell them who you're, then look what's going to happen." It's more like she is the one threatening him that his race would be exposed if he didn't obey her. More like a blackmail threat. So she is clearly being racist here without doubt if you watch the whole video In this context, whether he threatened her or not becomes irrelevant.

Redbeard is no match to your power. *scoffs at him.

Hope I'm not being intrusive.

I sometimes tend to struggle with this as well. It's like a see-saw. But I have come to realize that intuitive thinking is also logical, just a different type of logic. I'd call it emotional logic.