traveler

I've been casually reading all of these enlightenment quotes saying to myself "oh yeah so true, I definitely get what that means." But I went through the quotes on the forum and something in me wanted to deconstruct what it actually meant. I starred at this picture for so fucking long trying to actually get what the fuck this simple ass quote meant but it just did not make any sense, and I found that funny asf and very liberating. Stop looking for answers. The joke is on you.

Tragic if the ego believes that concept I would say

Who cares?

Who reads this? Who listens to music? Where is this experiencer located in the body? Is he in your head? Is he always there or is he only there when you think about him? Will he ever be able to transcend himself? Would there be a desire to transcend yourself or attain enlightenment, If he wasn't there? What causes suffering? Does your body work without a driver?

I have experienced the same. I got more and more isolated on this journey. The only thing I was living for was the next insight, meditating every day trying to break through the thin veil of the reality that I perceived. My big awakening experience sent me on a 2 year journey of seeking. I got disconnected from people around me and was unable to relate to ordinary human problems. A while ago after the years of heavy seeking I laid of the 4 hours of non dual videos a day and the constant chasing for the now, and went back to being a human again. I was tired of treating myself like shit, my body like shit. I was getting on the heavier side, so I laid of the junk food og went to the gym, I've implemented new habits for about a month now and I feel better than I did the last 2 years. I'm more grounded, I have true peace without having to worry about shutting of my mind, I have opinions and I stand for something, I can help my family with their problems because I'm not discarding those problems to be unreal anymore, I am learning to love myself and not avoid myself. One thing that I'm still working on is the social awkwardness that you talk about, this has gotten better than before, but I can still be anxious in social settings with strangers. The whole idea that helped me was the idea that it is okay to have an ego. I heard that from Matt Kahn. I had been trying to shed my ego for so long, but it never felt that good to try and do that. The first time I heard Matt Kahn say that it was okay to have an ego it was the insight I had been chasing for 2 years, I laughed so much and everything got lighter. You have to have an ego to integrate your ego.

I appreciate all your answers, thank you!

The last couple of days I've changed my routine immensely. I've started a really clean diet, I sleep a lot earlier than i used to, I don't fap and I exercise every day. This is the total opposite of what my life has looked like the last 3-4 months. I feel amazing, I have a lot more energy and I feel happier overall. One problem that has arisen after this change in lifestyle, is that my mind is running crazy about what I'm going to eat tomorrow, which exercises I am going to do etc. Last night I couldn't fall asleep because it was looping over these matters constantly. Is it possible to have extreme discipline (this is extreme for me, lol) and still be rooted in the now? It seems almost impossible, as there are so many things to think about.

@mandyjw great advice, thank you

I have to make a choice based on an unconscious action I took in my past. I sought jaw surgery/chin surgery about 3 years ago because of an insecurity in my appearance. I got referred to an orthodontist to get checked for a chin surgery, but he said that the whole jaw surgery would give me better results in the end. I have a disguised overbite. My upper teeth a tilted back and lower teeth tilted forward, creating the illusion that I don’t have an overbite when looking at my bite. My profile is pretty recessed though. I went to my dentist today and she told me that she couldn’t promise improvements in any of the concerned areas I mentioned in terms of functionality (breathing, sleeping, posture etc.) Let me get to the point: Since I had a profound awakening, there have been great difficulties in terms of taking actions like this one. Beliefs have been formed about what's right and what’s wrong in terms of spirituality, and my own growth. I have built a very strong belief that seeking aesthetic perfection is of the materialistic paradigm, and that it is very unspiritual and wrong to alter your looks just because you’re not particularly happy with it. On the other hand I do want this surgery because I have an intuition that it will help me health wise in the long run and that it also will make it easier for me to be at ease and accept myself on a human level. But I still don't know if this is real intuition or if it's my ego secretly using this as an excuse to get the surgery done so I can look better. There is some strong cognitive dissonance going on here, and I would greatly appreciate some of you guys wisdom. Basically: Is it “wrong” or “bad” for your spiritual growth, to get “cosmetic surgery”?

I can relate to your problem. I think it's normal to disassociate with the body and mind after a big experience. When your an ego chasing enlightenment you take on a lot of spiritual conditioning in the process. This is a trap I found myself in , and I think many people get stuck in for a while. It's a spiritual ego. An ego that thinks it knows. Either it takes on a superior act (the I know and you dont) or It takes on the existential dread act (the everything is meaningless and nothingness and hopeless, but it's own interpretations of these words). I have found myself in both of these traps multiple times before. The book by adyashanti "the end of your world" talks about this. I saw a video by a guy named Matt Kahn the other day and he really opened my eyes to something. He said "it's okay to have an ego," omg you're not allowed to say that right? But just feel into it. Doesn't it feel better to just embrace that you might have an ego, and that you inhabit a body? It's easy to get stuck in between the world and the "spiritual realms" or whatever, this might ground you a little. ?

An inquiry that has brought me clarity a couple of times is asking what nothing really means. You see this word being thrown about quite a lot in here, but have you ever actually stopped to investigate what absolute infinite nothing really means? It might bring about some frustration and heavy headedness because the ego is trying to figure out what it would mean, and it is of course impossible for the ego to know, because the ego only knows something. If the word is looked at enough, it might actually show you what it points to.

I have had only one meeting with an "enlightened being." It was very nice and we could look into each others eyes and dissolve into nothingness together. The meeting brought clarity and a sense of healing, but not enlightenment. Nobody can give you enlightenment, so be nobody.

I'm considering buying the booklist, but I don't have a lot of money to spend if I'm also going to buy some books from it. I'm interested if you guys are happy with this purchase? Are there hidden gems? Have these books been a great help on your journey?

In my experience weed is amazing for spirituality. I have always used it irresponsibly/casually like most cannabis smokers, and the one time I did it for spirituality I had a breakthrough into non duality. It has amazing potential for spirituality, but it can be very very "harsh" if you fight what it is trying to show you.

I literally just bought 17 books, used a big chunk of my money, all of the recommendations are really interesting. Maybe I went a bit overboard, but I couldn't help myself, lol.

I just bought it haha, didn't have patience for a reply

This is exactly what I need, thank you for making this post!

I found this pumpkin on a walk the other day, and it inspired me to make this poem. I thought that I would share this with you.

What will be left of all the fearing and wanting associated with your problematic life situation that every day takes up most of your attention? A dash - one or two inches long, between the date of birth and date of death on your gravestone. To the egoic self, this is a depressing thought. To you, it is liberating. - Stillness Speaks, Eckhart Tolle.

I worked at a kindergarten and a 4 year old kid told me about his past life. It was way too detailed to be fake, and he was a shy little fella. He told me that you don't die when you die and what his name was before when he had a big body and so on. I tried getting more information out of him the following days, but sensed that he didn't wan't to talk about it unless he felt like it. He was such a cute kid, I hope he's doing well.

@Mo Grand As within so without.

This is very relatable.

That's great, I'm happy to hear that!

Yeah you have to deal with the implications of this truth yourself. I think everyone on the spiritual path has had a taste of what you are talking about. It's just your ego fighting for it's life though, it's not you. Who says you can't enjoy or be grateful for life without meaning? Take a look at your experience; when you're having a good time or when you're deeply in touch with something you're doing or creating is there any of this stickyness called "meaning" around? Are "you" around? Have you ever had a good time with someone and noticed your mind wasn't around to commentate on what was happening? Was there any meaning there, or were you just enjoying the moment as it was? Meaning correlates with hope. Everything must mean something so it can lead to some big event in the future that will fulfill the thing I feel is missing. There must be a meaning for all of my suffering, and some day in the future there will come an answer that will end all doubts and questions. That event will never come. It is imaginary and it keeps the suffering and lost little you alive. Does a chair need a meaning? Does your experience need a meaning?