traveler

I don't really know actually. Seems like there's not much one can do to shed these unwanted emotions. Just have to wait it out, let it run it's course. There's of course things that could be done to help these emotions, such as cold showers, nofap, exercising, eating healthy, getting out of your comfort zone. These things are great, but it all comes down to if your going to do it or not, the normal thing for someone with depression or anxiety to do is probably not to do much about it because of the low self worth and lack of motivation. Hence let it run it's course and do what you can to make yourself feel better. ❤ I am by no means the right person to get advice for these kind of things, I'm not doing great in terms of friendships, family and work. There's less resistance to negative stuff now than there was before, I'm not depressed because I have absolutely no idea of what is going on so I can't create long stories about why these things are happening to ME anymore. Whatever is happening is what is happening.

Not much, my body reacts very heavily to weed.

Thanks you ❤ the post is over a year old though, I'm a lot better of now than I was back then in terms of the problems stated in the original post.

Had forgot all about this post, it's interesting to read what was experienced back then. There has really been some very low lows. I don't attach myself to a state of being happy or unhappy anymore. There's happiness or unhappiness happening and that's it. There's a recognition that the ego's pursuit is hopeless which gives a type of fulfillment. Guess you could say the recognition is strong right now as there was a real "rude" awakening after smoking weed yesterday, I've made a post about that too. I'm probably allergic to weed, I feel like I can't breath and my heart races like crazy. Weed also puts me in a state of self consciousness that makes it totally impossible for me to act like I'm a human being, but kind of forces me to face the unreality of what I believe that I am. If I should answer your question like a person meeting an old friend in an elevator, my answer is; I'm quite alright, how are you doing?

What I love is that the back and forth going on between people on here is absolutely meaningless and empty of any purpose at all. Nobody is right and nobody is wrong, it's not going anywhere. It is just happening for no reason at all and that is just so amazing and I love it. The only thing that can be wrong and right is an illusory separate individual that believes that they will achieve personal enlightenment if they get enough information.

I felt like this aswell, and was the reason I stopped watching him quite a while ago. Something feels a little insincere, like he's putting on a show or persona of some kind like you said. Edit: I do love Rupert aswell, he is wonderful and speaks very well. It's definitely more interesting to listen to all of his detailed descriptions than it is to listen to Jim Newman say "THIS IS IT" and "Nothings happening" on repeat. (Even tho that is what I resonate most with)

Many things could happen. There's a decent chance that you won't even remember that you had this intention when tripping, so a tip is to write it down to remind yourself of doing it. I'm not sure how much you would get out of doing this, because the insights are usually not translated very well into words. If you do it, which you might as well for the sake of the experiment, I sure would be interested in hearing how it turns out. Oh, and there is almost a guarantee that you'll lose your insights, as they don't belong to anyone. Grasping the insights has in "my" experience only led to frustration and confusion, ego backlash I think they call it. Insights are gifts for no one.

*Cheeky comment so I can win this*

The cold shower might be easier to tolerate after meditation, but I would say before too. It kind of rinses your mind from everything.

Yea it is obviously misunderstood a lot of it and taken personally, like theres someone saying that I got something that you dont! When I say it's frustrating for the seeker, I can imagine it would be Interpreted as if I was talking about other people who are identified with the seeker and how it's hard for them to understand, but I'm actually talking about the seeking energy that there was in this body and am not referring to other people, just my own revelation.

What is it exactly that offends/triggers you guys so much? I honestly dont get it

So true. Tony Parsons "teachings" can be so goddamn frustrating for the seeker. You can end up trying so incredibly hard to realize that this is it, but with no success, the more you try to figure it out the more frustrating it gets. The seeking energy itself is it. It's boundless energy in that form. Whatever arises is it.

I always had resistance to this message, but for some reason I kept watching them. Something resonated. Either way, a falling away of the individual happened and then It was realized that the message they give is so pure and lovely. From the me's perspective it seems kind of dark, "no hope, no one here, totally meaningless." But these are absolutely beautiful descriptions of what is. Totally boundless, no stickiness. Beautifully and simply this, not a big experience or reality bending revelation, just simply this. The greatest joke of all.

I wake up feeling like shit. My nose is deviated and breathing is a daily struggle. Got into non-duality 3-4 years ago, since then many many things have fallen away, including the many ideas I had about non-duality. I live with my parents. I'm 21 years old. I haven't had a job for 6 months. I have lost a lot of motivation since my breakthroughs. There's a loss of meaning, but there's not enough personal pull to feel depressed about it. Flatlining. My mom is tired of me not getting things done. Truth is my comfort zone has become very small, and I'm not comfortable out in the world. To much pressure. There are waves of self consciousness still. Patterns from my earlier days still going strong. The pull away from my debilitating self esteem that non-duality caused, did help me to an extent, but it is still strong in places like the gym. There's an ongoing feeling of unsatisfactoriness, a feeling like something is wrong. Non-dual teachings does nothing for me anymore, I watch them daily on youtube, but they give me nothing, it's like being addicted to something that literally only disorients you and nothing more. I've turned away from the "conventional" nondual teachers I guess you can call them (Rupert Spira, Eckhart Tolle, Adyashanti etc.), and have been dipping my toes in the "neo advaita" scene, (Jim newman, Tony Parsons etc.) No teaching does anything for me anymore. Just words. Annoying words. Just fucking noise. That's my main state, noise. Much of that noise is projected onto others, as if they are the reason for it, but I catch those projection often and observe them instead of believing them. I have no idea what to do, thoughts about how I'm wasting my youth often comes up, but the obvious meaninglessness of all things often throws those thoughts right out of the window. I'm so done. I'm done and I utter those words daily, but it keeps going. I don't want anything, I don't live for anything, I'm just here constantly wondering why I'm not there, whatever there is. How dumb is that. There is no purpose for this Journal at all. I think I'll be updating this daily if I remember to. I can use it to see things more clearly and I'll probably try to describe my daily insights, to no purpose at all. I imagine this must sound very depressing to read, but I'm not really depressed, I'm just in a state of -no fucking idea of wtf is going on- most of the time, ungroundedness. Hopefully it won't be this depressing every time I write something.

I love this interview. Had a lot of fun watching it. It is really just this. So simple, so funny. There are no words for this.

My comment came for a loving place. Might not have seemed like it from your perspective. Who's projecting now???? Just kidding. I don't have a desire for people to stop thinking. Why would I have that? You won't be satisfied getting answers from "others" was my point.

My comment was for OP. I havent read your comment above mine. I agree. People are different in that regard.

Bruh you must have a headache from all of that thinking. Relax. There's no answer that is going to satisfy you.

The belief that you are asleep makes you unable to "wake up." The person does not wake up, you wake up from believing you're a person. In my opinion psychedelics isn't a magic pill, it can help, but it has potential to make more damage than good. Just drop the act if your tired of it. There is no one saying this. You are saying this. There we go.

Adyashanti breaks down Enlightenment myths. Pretty useful for killing off your many ideas about what it is.

A monster calls Incredible movie about letting go and facing the truth. It moved me to tears.

I similarly experience this with weed. It's like hanging on the edge of a cliff with one hand but being unable to take the leap or like getting all of your stories beat out of you furiously but the only story that remains and the only story that doesn't let go is the story of the ego. I've found myself on this brink of death a couple of times before. The overwhelming fear of non existence is the main concern of the ego.

I haven't smoked weed for about 2-3 months. My friends still do, but my experiences with it makes it impossible for me to be around people while high. I would like to hear if other mind bodies have had the same effects on weed, so I'll try to explain the unexplainable. A big opening happened for me about a year ago when I smoked weed alone outside on a bench. I had no experiences that where close to this one, which could explain the willingness I had to surrender to it. It basically shattered my ego, and I merged with let's call it god. We chilled for infinity and then I was gently but back into my body and the world materialized again. Good experience. Ever since this happened I have been unable to keep myself grounded in the 3D reality when smoking with my friends. I'll try to explain. 1. The door opens: Ever since the big opening my heart pounds so hard and fast everytime I smoke which immediately ungrounds me because of anxiety. Slowly my concepts begins to crumble. The music we're listening to reveals itself to be god, the room we are in reveals itself to be the infinite dressing up as the room, the understanding of what death and being infinitely alone presents itself. 2. The fight: at this point I'll often shut off from socializing and put on headphones and listen to spiritual teachers looking for guidance. There is of course nothing else to come for here. The music, the room, the intuition, the feelings are all saying the exact same thing, this is it, let go and be. This is it let go and be. This. This is it. You will not know what will happen when you let go, it is unknown. Let go. The fear of the void is too strong, the known is so comforting and safe, if I let go I'll have no control, if I let go I will die. It is sometimes recognized here that you are unable to let go, that the whole act of trying to control what is happening is the thing that has ended you up in this place to begin with, in this loop of chasing your own tail. So what can you do? Nothing. You'll be chasing yourself forever. Until you face yourself. Until you let go. Until you are 100 percent willing to die. No worries though, because you can never be touched. You are beep bop dooby snoopy, bleep blop very funny. I often have an Idea about where I'm going with posts like these, but I often end up with small awakenings underway and I end up answering my own questions. It's a very good method for clearing up stufffff. I recommend it to nobody wah wah. I'll post it anyway, because, because, because, do you really need a cause? loosen up mate come on..

He describes he has lost all sense of time. He has been having amnesia for 20 years but says it feels like no time has passed. He also says he is completely incapable of thinking. And other stuff. Thoughts on this? Seems like what it would mean to lose your ego almost interely. Her wife also describes that he loves watching rugby and cricket, but he has no idea who's playing and what the score is. He just enjoys watching the swing of the bat. Talk about being in the now. This is from his diary: