tsuki

Laugh as you may, but I actually tried that. ? Is limitation a thing, or is it a pure abstraction? Do I make it up to explain reality, or is there actually a thing? If I am making it up to explain reality, can I stop doing it and experience reality without this concept? OH MY GOD, this is the point is that I am trying to get across! I am trying to get what is limitation and what is perspective! Why can't you people hear the question and give me the stock answers about infinity⁉️ I am not trying to get infinity by thinking! I am trying to get what is limitation! So frustrating! ?

Maybe my question is: does the tree even fall if there is no one to experience it?

Perhaps, reality would be a better word for what you are describing? People tend to use the word truth as a way to express whether a concept corresponds with something in reality. This way, reality is 1st order thing. Why is this relevant? I was trying to understand what limitation is. Not by figuring it out, but by experiencing it. If limitation cannot be experienced, or known, because it limits experience, then how do I know if it exists? There may be things that exist, and yet, are un-experiencable, and these things limit experience. Or, limitation may be pure abstraction that does not correspond with anything in reality. Of course, one may say that if I cannot experience it, then it doesn't exist, but that in of itself is a belief! Yet, it defines what it means to exist. If infinity is inherently unknowable, then even infinity does not know itself. That would be interesting. No. How is it relevant? @impulse9 @allislove @Moksha @VeganAwake Seems like I have offended your sensitivity using the k-word. Sorry ?

Make sure not to get into the mindset of "I made such a big fuss about it and now there's a vacuum between us". You just made this fucked up situation explicit and even if she were hurt because of your work, she made a choice that undermined your trust in her and damaged your relationship. Secrets like these tend to fester and this vacuum would show up sooner or later. Now, at least both of you can overtly address the issue, if you decide to salvage this relationship.

Let me clarify the terms ffs. 2 years is NOT a long term relationship. You are just chicks that barely cracked the egg.

At the risk of sounding like I'm blaming it onto you, hear this out: Even reading your story gets me mildly pissed and humiliated for you. You are acting as if everything was okay, so she thinks that this sort of behavior is okay. Is it okay? Is it REALLY, or are you afraid of losing her, so you will let that one pass? Remember that big fuck-ups are sometimes made of small slip-ups over a long time.

For the past week or so, I've been working on improving my condition with varying success. I mostly stuck to my routine, but I gave in to TV (just to finish that one last episode) and of course, it showed up on my energy and pain levels. Been trying to rest in the weekend - even took a day off, but the weather is so hot and moist that it only ended up frustrating me even more. To rest, I basically have to lie on my bed and do ABSOLUTELY nothing. Not even write in my journal or read. Just breathe. Even that is not enough sometimes. I feel like I fail at the absolutely most basic task that human can do. I know that I'm not SUPPOSED to TRY to rest, but I can't help it! Also been to talk to my parents about fibro and we ended up having a fruitful conversation. I feel that they understood me to some degree. They still don't want to hear why I was irritated and angry all the time, so I did not even try to touch upon this subject. I was confronted with just how limited my father is. Having my childhood fantasies be torn down is... I don't know how to describe this. Both liberating and sad, perhaps? Me and my wife decided to have a truce and ended up acknowledging that the basis of a relationship, apart from personal sovergnity, is the willingness to do what the partner wants or desires, and trust that the partner will provide what I want. Thanks to this understanding, we're able to seduce each other like in the beginning of our relationship, by explicitly showing that we know what the other person dreams of. It was a difficult and emotional conversation, but I think we're on the right track. The fact that I acknowledged my disease helps me to understand her better. Having illness in my shadow created tons of judgement of rest. I've also been writing in my personal journal because this year's experience started to condense into drips of wisdom. I am finally starting to grasp what are the qualities of awareness, what is perspective and how it relates to consciousness. I am very pleased with what I wrote and I constantly surprise myself how well put it is. Maybe I will try to send this to my Buddhist acquaintance that is interested in philosophy to give his opinions?

@spinderella "MY consciousness" is not a thing. Consciousness is impersonal. It is the thing from which personhood (and everything else) arises. However, "MY awareness" is more accurate (but still untrue). Awareness is a perspective that occurs within consciousness. Awareness is the ability to focus and differentiate "things" out of consciousness. "Your" body is a form of awareness, as it allows for seeing, hearing, breathing, etc. In a sense, it is a contraction of consciousness that you experience as a perspective. I am putting pronouns in quotation marks, as awareness is actually the reason for the illusion of separateness. Because you are aware, reality appears as if you were the center of it. Therefore, it is the precondition of the appearance of the separate self ("mine", "yours", etc). Awareness is not "yours", because awareness precedes "you".

Mind you, that ownership is over a blockchain entry called NFT - not over the piece of art itself. As far as I know, the blockchain entry is currently not recognized as a proof by any legal authority atm. Disclaimer: I work in crypto business for several years, but I do not have a lot of knowledge on NFT.

This place is so depressing. Desperately shouting at the void and hoping to hear the echo.

Curb your triggers, this is exactly what I meant.

Extroversion and introversion are ways in which the psyche gathers and spends energy. Introverted folks spend energy then they are focuses outwardly, like in social situations, or when building something, etc. They gather experiences that they have to later process in solitude, via introspection. This is inverse for extroverts. I think that you simply shared your limiting beliefs in this thread. It's like saying that introverted people can't be sociable, or can't get laid because chicks dig alpha chad types. Sociable introverts are going to be sociable in different ways than extroverts. The same applies to enlightenment.

On the occasions when my feminine side responds to masculine presence, there is the air of freshness and independence. It's not about anything in particular that signals these qualities, it is just their presence that gives rise to this fascination.

I usually cringe at turquoise book recommendations, but J.G. Bennett's Enneagram Studies is what I consider to be a solid turquoise book. I has taught me a new way of looking at the world. Amazing work.

As a sufferer of fibromyalgia, I will tell you to not underestimate the importance of deep sleep. Deep sleep deprivation causes brain fog, memory and focus problems, and excess body toxin buildup that leads to inflammation and daily intense pain throughout the body. Perhaps it is possible to enter deep sleep in polyphasic sleep, but it takes considerable practice to do so consistently. Be warned.

For whatever reason, number 7 is associated with legal issues and right now, legal issues are plenty. The owner of the company I'm working for has been arrested, as well as some people that I work with. Few weeks ago, the police entered our office and took hard drives of most employees, but not mine, thankfully. It's been a rollercoaster here and my psyche was all over the place yesterday. I had a chat with a few coworkers and it calmed me down a bit but I need to consider my options and probably make myself available on the market again. The relaxation routine was very important for the past few days and it is working very well. Apart from yesterday, I was able to consistently lower my stress levels during the day, and my sleep has noticeably improved. I don't feel pain after I wake up, but I noticed that as soon as I get out of bed, my stress skyrockets. I decided to implement some relaxation right after I wake up. The pace of the projects that I'm working on has picked up recently and I'm developing some interesting things. I really love modularity and the program that I'm working on is exactly the kind of problem that needs a modular solution. As a team, we're steadily transitioning to the second set of problems that our project hinges upon. We had enough time to consider the solutions and the only thing that is left, is to implement them. I also bought a light sleeping bag. As usual, it is a used model, but hopefully it will be in good condition. It fits with my medium sleeping bag to form a winter variant, so I will be set for the whole year . I think I will have to consider entertainment during this weekend's trip because I may not be able to hold it together for the whole day in the forest. Perhaps, I should go later into the day so that I don't have the time to get cold feet? Will ponder this more.

I is an abstraction. It has no will whatsoever.

In the middle of a forest

The Self is a natural occurrence, by that I mean that it exists by necessity. The image of the Self, that I denote here as lowercase self, is a by-product of Self-awareness that humans posses. It is an abstraction, it does not "do" anything. The self is a figure of speech. The "values" you speak of, are an interpretation of behavior that is then classified to form "spiral dynamics". There are no "values" as such, in of themselves: only interpretation exists. There is no tiny human in your head that has a list of values which are acted out through the levers that grow inside of your skull.

<~ This one is in relation to what guys do, but I think it's unisex.

OH MY GOD I AM SO HAPPY AND HOPEFUL FOR THE FUTURE. NOT BEING IN CONSTANT PAIN IS AMAZING Ignoring pain TOOK SO MUCH ENERGY.

Ah yes, Spinoza's Ethics will hit you like a ton of bricks. I had my "experience" with Heidegger's Being and Time earlier, so I loved it and it went pretty smoothly. My parents sent me to therapy, which I started with, like, hours of crying out of compassion for the ignorant. Do you feel like the hospitalization was beneficial to you? (This one was answered already). Do you plan on any action to stabilize yourself further, like psychotherapy, etc?

For the longest time, I wanted to pinpoint something within my experience that would be a good indicator of the fact that I am experiencing stress. Unfortunately, I was not able to find it, but yesterday's date, relaxation techniques, and my recent re-introduction of a stress-measuring smartband taught me the feeling of being relaxed. This is a very welcome feeling that I rarely experience. Relaxation has a dream-like quality to it, as if reality was a good dream, in which I anticipate future with openness and hope. The visual field is different, as if it had a filter that makes colors more vivid and has some sort of woven quality to it, as if edges were accentuated with threads of various colors - mostly blue and red. The face of my wife has a crystalline quality to it, perhaps even god-like. Sigh, I'm in love head over heels. The date was a huge success. Anyways, when I was contemplating in the forest, I was able to access appreciation for fibromyalgia. The Sage has confirmed that this so-called disease is supposed to teach me to appreciate viewing reality through various perspectives, which has been my goal ever since I remember. In order to master it, I have to practically understand many areas of life such as: stress, sleep, digestion, brain anatomy, the autonomous nervous system, the lymphatic system, hormones, psychology and many more that I'm currently not aware of. It basically requires me to live a healthy, balanced life, or else I will be in pain. This is the perfect teacher for a person raised by a single-minded father that pretends to be a purely rational disembodied mind controlling a flesh-puppet. I am genuinely grateful for this guidance because I would not be otherwise able to get out of this frame of mind. The craziest thing is that many of the things that I pursued in life are in alignment with what I should be doing to alleviate my symptoms. There are things that I avoided because I lacked proper motivation such as regular formal meditation sittings, or analyzing my food intake, but now I'm excited for them. The biggest thing that reduces fibromyalgia symptoms is proper sleep quality, so I established a helpful routine last week and I already see measurable improvement. The garmin smartband I bought last year proves invaluable because I can finally see that the big stress I'm experiencing, as well as rapid body energy drop are actually symptoms of fibro. I can also compare my sleep patterns to my wife's as a control group and I can tell the difference from today's comparison. Despite having twice as much stress during sleep, my wife had twice as much deep sleep as I did (her 45 min vs 25 mine). A coworker shared his sleep patterns today and he was complaining about lack of deep sleep despite having like two hours! He did have a different device though so his milage may vary. It's pretty interesting that I discarded this device last year because I thought that I was way too inaccurate, but I accepted it given a new theory. As for the sleep routine, I went for: going to sleep at 21:00 electronic device curfew at 20:00 (phone, tv, pc) vitamins, supplements handling the dishwasher and locking the apartament for one hour total: deep breathing, aum chanting, journaling on my remarkable 2 I especially like the aum chanting because it combines deep belly breaths with vagus nerve stimulation. Vagus nerve is connected to parasympathetic nervous system and it governs, among many other things, speech-related muscles and coils around my voice-tube. Parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for relaxation and stimulating it is pretty damn effective. I was able to lower my smartband stress measurement down to 5 yesterday, which is remarkable given that I usually idle at 50-60. I could also incorporate inducing the gag reflex with my toothbrush into the routine, but my bisexuality shame is holding me back for the time being. Very exciting times indeed...

Yesterday, I did a 14-km round-trip with a 12 kg backpack. Pretty interesting and intense tbh. Unfortunately, I was not able to sleep out because my sleeping bag was too warm. I was also concerned that I will not have the strength to go back home if things got dangerous. I think I will have to sleep someplace closer and perhaps venture out later into the day so that I don't second-guess myself after I set the camp up. Anyways, my concerns about strength were not confirmed because I woke up well-rested, with sore muscles. This is the first time I was able to set a proper camp and I learned that good setups are modular and easily modifiable. First, I set a mat and a pillow, then, I clean the leaves and set the poncho underneath. After that, I set the tarp up, and only then I get the sleeping bag. This process took at least and hour because I'm pretty tired after the walk, and I need to feel the area for the proper camp placement. Also, what is very important is the order of items in the backpack. Stuff needs to be packed as if I were disassembling the camp: first the sleeping gear, then the tarp and lines, then the clothes and poncho, then the food and water. This way, there is minimal awkwardness when accessing items. I bought a new backpack, Karrimor Sabre 45 and I'm very glad I did. I don't have to convince myself that I like it and it packs very well. It is also modular so that I can buy side pouches and extend it capacity for longer trips. I will have to buy a summer sleeping bag though, preferably a British military one so that it combines with my current to form a winter variant. I also started reading "The Fibro Manual" by Ginevra Liptan, M.D. Fascinating book about fibromyalgia. As it turns out, this is a hypothalamus disease that locks the sympathetic autonomous nervous system into a constant fight-or-flight response. The symptoms have two primary causes, which are deep sleep deprivation, and digestion problems. The pain comes from lack of proper muscle detox during deep sleep which causes the immune system to flair up and aggravate the fascia, which has a lot of pain receptors. During the trip, I was afraid that the labor would cause a lot of pain so that I would not be able to make it back home, but thankfully I had no issues today. The rheumatologist gave me some vitamin B and D and I started helping my sleep with some valerian root extract. I will probably start supplementing GABA with glycine, and maybe some form of magnesium to help with RLS. Also had a date with my wife. I think we've got commitment down for the time being and I'm finally starting to grasp what seduction and passion are. It was pretty successful.

Super important https://youtube.com/channel/UCR3yCTTgjOOHVyx0NGdfmVQ