tsuki

One week without coffee, minimal headaches (except for today). I replaced coffee with black tea and it is working fine. I'll try tomorrow. Thank you.

Today I realized that I need a dream journal, but I don't think that it is well suited for forum. I think that I will start another journal for keeping myself accountable for keeping my various addictions in check. This one will be reserved for self-inquiry.

@now is forever Hahaha.

There is no free will, but it does not mean that everything is scripted. Even if there is a universal rule set for reality, then it does not mean that we can predict what will happen. There are systems that are chaotic in nature, which makes them practically unpredictable in the long run. The accuracy of prediction of such systems quickly decays after a certain period of time and is dependent on how accurately you can describe its initial state. In those cases - in order to have the 'script', you have to measure everything, perfectly and compute the result faster than reality changes. Not to mention that such a computer would have to model its own interactions with the outside world. Not a chance.

That would be helpful, thank you. It's not that simple. Nr 2 and 3 are related with each other because I have a lot of free time alone. I'll think through this and post something later on. For now, I'm going cold turkey and meditating this thing off.

Well, their recurring nature reminds me of this idea we call memory. That there are things that we store and bring forth, either willingly, or unwillingly. Recently I came to understand that memory may simply be this acausal cycle of something that has alternating nature, like: A->B->A->B... For example: my coffee addiction may cause itself by disturbing my natural sleep pattern which causes me to be sleepy in the morning I bite my fingernails because I don't like how they look and I try to 'fix' them without proper tools. etc (the cycles may be longer). In this case, all addictions are a form of ignorance with respect to how some behavior influences our cycles. It is not that this ignorance is somehow avoidable - we do have to experiment - but it creates bondage nonetheless. (Now that I think of it, it does seem like the Buddhist description of karma) When it comes to, for example, childhood memories, I suspect that these are shadow material that is reinforced through our everyday life. That reinforcement may take the form of "wishes, hopes, dreams, chances" in your case. In my particular example - all of them seem to have something to do with various forms of trauma and releasing them leads to peace. By peace I mean: treating everything equally, as simply occurring, and not disturbing.

So, when it comes to automatic, mechanical states of awareness, here are my 3 addictions to surrender: Caffeine Porn Snacks What are the trigger points for caffeine addiction: It's cold at work and I'm warming up my hands * Buy heating pads, change the body temperature (?) I'm sleepy early in the morning and after each of the 2 meals at work * Drink tea (?), improve my diet, start to exercise. I like the taste of coffee * Drink malt coffee instead (?), drink coffee to increase the status of a situation (dates?) I'll have to research body temperature and sleepiness more.

Well, what I mean as awareness is described in my previous post as 'energy'. It is a word that denotes that, which manifests itself in various forms. What I mean by being unconscious refers to two things actually: Getting lost in a mechanical, habitual patterns of behavior. The loss of lucidity, like when scrolling facebook. Being used to the idea that I perceive things when they are not in my direct experience. For example, when I focus on writing this text, I'm used to the idea that my breath exists. Now, that I wrote it, it appeared once more. It's very easy to attribute 'attention' to will. I think that these two uses of 'unconsciousness' are somehow related. I wonder how all of that relates to memory.

I'll have to look more closely to this phenomenon of attention. Attention is focus to some of the senses while 'disabling' others. The amount of times I go unconscious during the day is absolutely staggering. I have an intuition that the two are somehow related.

Let's talk about the energy that I feel myself to be. I no longer feel that there is anything inner and outer on the bodily barrier. I feel that whatever 'this body' is, it is not separate from anything else. There is no solid substance that separates its inner sphere with the outer world. There is skin, but it simply converts motions to emotions. There is sight, but it is just another way to convert the energy. There are thoughts, but they are sounds that the energy makes when it enters the body and resonates within it. It's not like I can observe this energy directly, but I can recognize its various manifestations. Energy is an abstraction that creates equivalence between senses. Senses are an abstraction to create equivalence of experience. The abstraction is, however, a way to express this equivalence, like it is in physics. There is, for example kinetic energy and potential energy that create equivalence between stillness and motion. But it's not really there. It is a way to store the energy within me/you in the form of thoughts that are heard in the buzz of the resonance of the mind. Now that I wrote it, it sounds awfully like the description of consciousness - the formless substance that reality is made of. Did I pick this description up from somebody else and re-appropriated it for my own purposes? Sigh, of course I did pick this up from 'somebody else'. Knowledge is the structure that energy resonates off from. We program each other and create filters that make us react to reality in various ways. Boundaries of 'entities' are just lenses. Programs. I seem to have found myself in dead=alive, mechanical=intelligent, secular=sacred reality again. I've been here before, but for a few brief moments. Lets see where this takes off to.

Today I had a lucid dream. We were trying to get somewhere with my father, my sister and another person via a car. My father was driving. Whenever I drive a car in my dreams I can't seem to steer it properly. It always glides when I turn and it crashes, but it keeps on driving and on every turn I tell myself that I'm going to make it this time and it crashes yet again. Every crash seems to be just a scratch, but I'm always uncomfortable for violating the traffic regulations. Anyway, I am aware of this gliding pattern in my dreams and it was not me who was driving this time, but my father. I noticed it and told my sister and that other person that it's just a dream. We did the reality check with a clock (reading an hour twice and seeing two different times). They believed me and the dream dissolved shortly after that. The rest of the night was filled with peaceful thoughts of unity. It's strange because I can't seem to remember any of the thoughts that I had, but I remember being aware of them. One symbol that I recognize is this 3 dimensional cuboid drawn with light that I knew was just Ego. I can only tell the overarching peace and goodness that I felt that night and that it was filled with thoughts.

Nothing .

How about this?

@now is forever Show it!

@kieranperez The higher you build, the more you suffer when it falls. Build wide instead.

Why does it matter that nothing matters?

I usually think options through until every one seems to be equally balanced. All pros and cons outweigh each other. Then I let the situation unfold by itself and I intervene if the right time comes. If that is not an option for you - toss a coin and see if you are disappointed with the result.

@Wisebaxter You have failed only if you have given up.

I'm pushing you again.

So, avoidance is fear of being manipulated . Resistance, resistance... It's okay. You may have more important things to do with your time.

And how is that different from fear? . Aaaand, I'm done. Not pushing you anymore! Sorry!

Yeah, me too. At some point in my life, the concept of language became a problem to me, so I started studying it. It all turned out to be a misconception in the end. Language is fundamentally just another way to move. We can either make sounds (or squiggly lines) that we both like, or dislike. Attract or repel each other. My agenda here is simply to encourage you to not be afraid of mathematics. It's a cool thing and it takes a lot of creativity to use it in everyday situations.

@now is forever One thing is to mesh mathematics with everyday situations, and another is make it internally interconnected. I find both of these things important. Making it mesh with the mundane makes it fresh and vibrant, but interconnectedness creates unexpected perspectives. It's great that I have people that dedicate their lives to increase the interconnectedness of my favorite language. Creating connections is one thing, but finding useful ones is an art in of itself. It's like navigating a library of maps, without a map. It may seem like it's dead ancient thing of monstrous size from the outside, but it's actually pretty cozy once you get used to its weirdness.

Because orange holds the authority to do so. Green people are rejected by orange because they have found ways to influence you that you find illegitimate: annoyance. They are going to annoy the shit out of you until you change your ways just because they don't care and you do. In a sense - they are like teenagers, but paradoxically - teenagers have a lot of power in families where parents are mentally unstable.

No, but apparently I am that dumb. Sorry.