LastThursday

Do you want to be more attractive to women? Or is there another reason for wanting to be more masculine?

Is red vision the same as green vision? Red and green can be seen as different sensations or the same sensation, it just depends on how you frame it. Is the sound of my voice different from the appearance of me? Yes and no. The only reason to divide the world up into (say) vision and sound, is for convenience, it could be divided up differently or not divided at all. It seems that there is a greater commonality between red and green than there is between red and loud, but this is just an illusion. For example red and loud can be located in space, can having more or less intensity etc.

@Someone here I was just passing by... Anyway, being ultra-rational as you seem to be is definitely a manly trait. My point with giving you my shopping list of manly traits is to actually try them. Less manly theorising and more manly action. Being manly is not so much subjective, it's simply a set of behaviours and characteristics you can learn and get good at.

Do you think the problem is solvable?

There's the outward stuff and the inward stuff. Outwardly, simple things like standing squarely with your feet apart, looking up at all times and making eye contact help. Being able to hold eye contact is good for attraction. Hands should be out of pockets and by your side. Men in general have far less expressive faces than women and smile and laugh less. Your head should also be upright and body posture should be decent - working out helps with posture and stance. You should walk at a moderate pace and walk with purpose. Good grooming can be important - but what's more important is that you "own" your look, i.e. your appearance is in some way cultivated - preferably to the the sex you want to attract. Speak more slowly and with a lower voice if you don't already. A certain amount of physicality is necessary, whether that's just physique, ability to touch others (appropriately) etc. Inwardly, there's plenty to do. For example my current affirmations are: sexyness, swagger, confidence, charisma and presence (I'm giving away my secrets, dang). The point being is that those words mean something positive to me and I already know how to act in those ways. So, you want to be constantly reprograming your mind so that you embody those more masculine traits - especially if masculine traits don't come naturally to you. But if you don't even know how to be confident or decisive or stand your ground, then you must work on those first - forget about affirmations they're for later. Some watchwords for masculinity are: decisiveness, following through, confidence, having purpose, taking control, doing what it takes, being firm but fair, being a leader, escalation. If you feel particularly feminine, then don't supress that, just give that aspect of yourself breathing space - maybe you allow yourself to let go in private or just with close friends and family. What you're really aiming for in the end is both a masuline and feminine balance, but also being able to be more masuline and/or more feminine when it suits you or the situation warrants it, and being completely comfortable with both.

Hey @Myioko , you're too kind. I strangely miss this place, and the people and I miss regularly writing nonsense about myself! I hope you're well? What brings it home to me about Kabul, is that they're just ordinary people like you and me trying to get on with their lives and thrive. It's a shame they've had to put up with so much bullshit and trauma.

I'll start... I was approached by Erik after he read some of my journal here and I decided to see if some coaching would help me work through some of my problems. I learned a lot of things about myself in the couple of months of sessions I had with him. Erik’s style is conversational - over video, where he would pick up on certain things I said and explore them more deeply and thoroughly. Often this resulted in “releasing” and expressing my emotions physically by shouting, movement, crying and so on. I found these sessions to be very powerful. Erik also gave me a range of more introspective written exercises and breathwork to do in my own time – which were very good for making me more aware of where I’m “stuck” in my reasoning and why I’m behaving in certain ways; but also to detach from or at least reframe differently the traumas of my past. I can honestly say I feel generally calmer within myself, and have learnt that it’s important to take myself more seriously and that my needs and desires are important to listen to – all if I want to create the life I want. I do still have much work ahead, but I feel I’m in a better place mentally to get to where I want to be. Thanks Erik!

I'm feeling you there! In my experience it's best to immediately and firmly make it clear that you won't tolerate being disrespected. This will defuse any anger you have and hopefully will help stop it happening again from that person. Although I appreciate it's not always possible to do this - it takes practice to do this. This is because of unresolved emotions, they're a reminder that they need to be paid attention to. I went through a long period of being upset with someone for disrespecting me repeatedly - I'd cut off contact but afterwards couldn't resolve my feelings. It got to the point where I started to feel hatred and anger towards this person. My solution - it may work for you - is to hug the person. I don't mean physically, but through visualisation. The process I tried was: In your mind, or act out by yourself, imagining talking to the person and expressing your anger and explaining to them exactly why you're upset. The person just listens and doesn't reply. Keep going until you're done. Imagine hugging the person (like you mean it). This may feel uncomfortable at first, but keep going until your feelings start to change. Imagine a healing white light coming in through the top of your head and out through your heart. Have a break. And notice in the days afterwards if your anger and emotions is less. Keep repeating the exercise if necessary. This process really helped me process my anger and pain. Whenever I think about the person now, I feel annoyance, but it soon passes and I get on with my day.

Looks good. The world can't be reduced to, nor is it made from, numbers or mathematics.

Dictionary Salad Reflect, perfect (n.)?, defect (n.), perfect (v.), inspect, retrospect, circumspect, deflect, disconnect, neglect, imperfect, reject (v.), reject (n.), infect?, detect, inject, disinfect, suspect (n./v.): insect?, intellect?, sect?; interject!, subject: resurrect: respect.

RIP Vangelis

That would require electrolysis, and a power source for the electricity. You'll never get out more energy in the hydrogen than you put into it by separating it out - a big part of the energy would go into the oxygen too. But scuba gear using electrolysis isn't such a bad idea. I bet the battery packs would weigh more than gas cylinders though. You'd have to vent the hydrogen into the water. Also the water wouldn't be pure so other gases would also get produced - probably poisonous.

What's worthwhile? To understand our true natures and to be true to it. Know thyself.

@soos_mite_ah the panic is real, but things will iron themselves out in the longer run. It's a new phase of life. I knew whatever I did I could not to go back to my parents after college. I cleaned houses part time as a stop gap. I then refurbished office telephones. And finally I got my first proper job after a year - after which I stopped panicking. I had to live very frugally, but at least I was free all that time! If you have a big laundry list of worries, a lot of those worries can be deferred - having a family can wait until much later for example - the economy and your financial situation will have improved by then. Just prioritise things and concentrate on the more urgent things first. Maybe try and sus out if anyone is prepared to be your roommate, or even just advertise for it. If you have a side hustle you can make some money from in the interim, then work it out (I know you're an excellent writer e.g.) - heck or even just approach companies in your area directly and show them what you're good at. As for moving out of town it's a PITA, but it's just a short time of inconvenience and finite cost.

This is in fact happening all the time, whether consciously or not. But if you do it consciously, you speed up the rate of self improvement. That's having an open mind. We're all unaware in one way or another, it's great to recognise it. As an aside, one of the best ways to improve your social skills is to have your attention directed completely outwards and focused on other people, and to be fully immersed in the moment. To put it differently, socialising is all about them not about you. It's like driving, if you don't pay complete attention to the road you will have an awkward accident.

I'm saying it's not singular and it's not multiple, it's neither. I can't make it more clear for you than that unfortunately. But I'll try: Multiplicity requires division (separation), but unity can only be defined in opposition to multiplicity. If multiplicity doesn't exist, then neither does unity. Or: To count stuff requires you to compare different things. But if consciousness is everything, then there is nothing to compare it with: it is uncountable. That's because there is nothing beyond or behind consciousness.

If it makes it easier for you to understand then yes. But it is not actually one, or many, its neither. God is not countable.

It's in the nature of consciousness. It can divide itself into many things: birds, cakes, other people. What can't God do? God's imagination is reality itself. If absolute infinity = God = consciousness, then yes. The separation is real because God's imagination = reality = existence. It really makes no sense to ask if God is one or many - this is just a convenience for language and thought. If it makes it easier both are true, there is both one consciousness and many consciousnesses.

Whether something is separate or not, is within consciousness. It makes no difference if there is one or two or more consciousnesses. It's like water, if you pour water into two glasses, it's still water - it's irrelevant that it's in two glasses. There isn't one water or two waters, it doesn't make sense at all.

Imagine that numbers didn't exist. Asking whether there was one consciousness or two or an infinite number, wouldn't be possible. So all this talk just boils down to this: do numbers exist? The answer is of course no, they are a concept appearing in consciousness. If you want to get a flavour of what it's like not to have numbers, ask yourself: how many parts is my arm made up of?

The speed of light is the rate of change of existence, the tick tock, and this is constant. But rate is second order not first - so "now" is necessarily relative. When stuff moves, velocity is exchanged with time, because the speed of light is the conversion factor between the two. Something only exists when you have information about it (observe it) and this only reaches you at the speed of light. Before you have information about an event, it sits in a hypothetical realm. Before the sun rises, you can only hope it will rise.

I spent Sunday editing midi in Cubase of one of my piano compositions. I'll do this sporadically when inspiration seizes me. Boy is it time consuming. Mostly, I'm trying to iron out the deficiencies in my playing and reach some sort of polish and perfection. Like photography, it's better that you take a good picture in the first place rather than try to "fix it" later. I find it amusing that I can't play my own compositions, what's in my head is always far in advance of my technical ability. With a lot of fingering practice I can get closer, but that's also time consuming - Cubase allows me to be more precise to achieve the effect I want. I still need a much better workflow, one that doesn't get in the way of my creativity. A more permanent setup would help for a start. The thought does keep crossing my mind that I should spend even more time and just write my own midi editing software, so my workflow is exactly how I want it. My idea is a kind of pianola roll (so vertical) and big fat blocks (easy to grab and move around) representing notes with time going downwards - scrolling sideways with a mouse-wheel never feels natural. But I know writing software is always a deep-time-sucking-vortex-of-a-rabbit-hole activity. Cubase really does suck for midi editing with a mouse though. But yo! I'm living in the 21st century not the 20th, there's probably a shit-ton of software that will give me exactly what I want. Only time is my enemy, and I fu...... hate searching for and trying things out, it's so time wasting and boring. The other side of the coin is getting my stuff out there. What's the point in just creating and hoarding stuff just for myself? This is a less onerous activity. I have already dabbled with Soundcloud and directly on Youtube, I have basic video editing skills so there's that. The issue here is capturing high quality output from my Yamaha keyboard, heck I just need to buy the cables and a high enough table for the laptop to sit on (just do it man!). It'll be going to mp3 anyway most likely, so instant quality drop. Maybe even buy a dedicated laptop. And the third side of the coin is actually coming up with long enough compositions. I always get good ideas, but then trip over myself because of the workflow, lack of finger skill, and getting bogged down in details too quickly. I also need to greatly improve my "big picture" view of compositions, where are they going, what's the journey? That will help me produce longer pieces and improve creativity. The main question is how serious am I? Or is it just an occasional fancy? Dunno. But it gives me joy and that's probably enough.

There are degrees of freedom and different types of freedom. Actualising is the process of gaining ever greater freedoms, bit by bit.