billiesimon
Member-
Content count
873 -
Joined
-
Last visited
Posts posted by billiesimon
-
-
After spamming responses like there's no tomorrow
I want to leave a personal "feeling" about the topic.
Creating a peaceful and harmonious society is one of the most important end goals of liberalism. And of humankind.
But I personally get triggered a lot when I hear violent and hate-speechy opinions of feminists, especially when they reject egalitarianism.
Because it's like a pope who chants about peace and charity and then screams when you criticize his decision to start a crusade.
Talking about feelings... It makes me feel like they are not allies but enemies.
Because you feel betrayed for being a liberal bleeding heart. Because you're born in the "wrong race". It feels like you are their best companion and then stabbed.
-
On 5/7/2018 at 3:54 PM, Emerald said:ISome men even explore the topic simply to get confirmation of their own superiority to mask over deep feelings of insecurity and inferiority. And they get stuck in a part of the internal landscape that I call, "The Beautiful Nasty Place." But from the male perspective, it's mostly just "The Beautiful Place." This place has a strong animalistic, libidinal, psycho-sexual allure to it. For women, it has that same libidinal magnetism but is deeply tainted with the ancestral memory of the repressed and subjugated feminine. So, for a woman to stay in this place is a tepid mix of immense pleasure and immense pain. For men, it's a tepid and constant pleasure with a very manageable amount of pain that can be easily ignored. So, this place is often what puts men to sleep.
What do you mean with The Beautiful Place? I may have lost some pieces of the insight.
On 5/7/2018 at 3:54 PM, Emerald said:This is because "What if I am actually superior?" is a much less effective tool for exploration of this topic than "What if I am actually inferior?" It's a bit easier to stay awake with the latter.
Why are women obsessed with being superior to men?
Can't we just live in peace without judging eachother?
Aren't we all of equal worth in this world?
-
On 4/7/2018 at 11:14 AM, Zweistein said:I'm a woman hiding behind a male name - exactly because I feel like I'm not taken seriously otherwise. So, yes of course - I hear you, Emerald!
On the other hand, imagine if this movement was about equity - then men wouldn't rebell so much, because they would feel included - right?
You FEEL.
That's not observable reality. I personally feel paranoid about a lot of things but I recognize them as paranoia.
You are greatly increasing the problem by using these fake gendered names, because in fact you can use a female one and stop blaming others about it.
In the west we can all take you seriously, you just have to take responsibility for your actions and words, and stop blaming others for "my fake male name". I'm sorry for the rant, I'm on your side but you have to realize that you yourself are enforcing this female stigma.
-
On 3/7/2018 at 10:15 AM, Etagnwo said:It's not just women who are feminists. Try to understand that the spirit of feminism is not to call out men, but to call out the beast indwelling in all life forms. Feminism seeks to regulate the dominant aspects of both sexes. How that is interpreted by an onlooker who hasn't themselves done that work is another issue...
There's a lot of feminists who attack men as a whole gender, not the ones who are sexist.
This reveals a lot about the deep issues of this ideology.
It's destined to die when yellow and torquoise stages will land on earth.
You can't have a sexist and separatist movement in a truly evolved earth. We need a complete and whole form of equality, for men, women, kids, and elders to reach peace and social freedom.
Imagine if somebody tomorrow would create a movement called "youthism" (lol) and starts to dictate that all humans need to conform to the problems and lifestyles of the youth. And also define that "equality". That's an open contradiction.
If someone truly wants equality and freedom for all we have to rewrite social norms, that's for sure. But not in the name of machism, nor feminism. Nor BLM. Nor white supremacy. Fuck all those identity politics.Start letting women do whatever the fuck they want. I completely support that,
But at the same time I want nobody to come to me and say that I can't sit on a bench or that person is going to get my "fuck off" greeting.
Same I suggest to women: if someone tells you how to or not to have sex, tell them to shut the fuck up. And stop moralizing other people.
This BS makes it hard for me to completely embrace green stage because I LIKE the core idea of green: especially world peace and anti-military are my core green beliefs.
But when I see idiotic people on the streets protesting about men drinking coffee and reading sports newspaper instead of developing themselves or building a business or travelling the world... oh boy (oh neutral gendered kid)... I want to send them to work in mines LOL.
-
On 23/8/2018 at 7:24 AM, Leo Gura said:The principles of successful dating are timeless. They do not change.
The larger question is, why are you dating at all? For what purpose? That's where things can start to change.
If all you care about is hooking up, the methods for that are well-documented across the internet.
@Leo Gura by the way, I was doing some research on the matter of male-female dynamics in the forum and on your channel, and I run into an old comment of yours.
You were talking about the fact that today the green-stage gender neutral culture is blurring all male-female features and confusing the hell out of people about the two polarities. Which by the way I totally absolutely agree on.
Do you still agree with this view of yours?
-
3 hours ago, Hello from Russia said:I double last comment
Go watch this video from stage turquoise example megathread. Action starts from 1:50 ~. Will give you an idea about intimacy
This video is insane (in a good way).
This man is so present in reality and so clean of thoughts that he attracted her with just being.
This is in my opinion where pickup artistry should be headed towards. Being and thus loving.
-
@Leo Gura Thanks for the response!
I'm not doing it for "PUA success". I'm interested in meeting new people to find a new social circle, since I left most of my old friends, who are not into self help and they don't get along that well nowadays.
Also I'm interested in finding a nice girl who's into self help and who's at least decently conscious of her path in life. At least better than the average lazy person. In poor words I'm looking for a better social circle and for a nice girlfriend who has natural chemistry with me.
-
35 minutes ago, Emerald said:As long as you keep your neutrality to yourself in this matter, it won't affect society. But if you come out as neutral and choose neutrality and "innocent until proven guilty" as your hill to die on in response to rape allegations, then it causes a lot of problems on the macro level. But I'm not being idealogical. My advice on this is purely practical when considering the ramifications of such neutral stances when widely held. It's all about the impact on the broad scale, even if the intent is to be impartial.
If a person really cares about victims of sexual violence, then they will likely consider the impact of their stances relative to these matters on society as a whole. And if we look at the big picture, the best way to do that is to not spread any more skepticism to the victim than there already is. Every victim of rape will be lambasted with accusations of false reporting... probably by tons of friends, family, and strangers. So, when a random person, says "innocent until proven guilty", it sends a clear signal that they're not on their side and don't empathize with them one bit.
Yeah, but I've already said that I promote neutrality of the law, not of empathy. Don't make me repeat a third time. I'm just concerned with delivering the truth on a formal level. Because at the end of the day we need police, judges and formal help. Feelings won't arrest anybody. But again I repeat that I would naturally suggest the person to report and to seek help.
I think this is also a cultural problem, because north america is very cold and impersonal. It scares me a lot. I don't want Italy to become like america, it's such a disgusting place for personal relationships.
Coming from my culture I can attest that siding with the relative/friend is NORMAL and the baseline here. But I get it that in america people are fucked in the head. You north americans have such a cold attitude towards family and friends. Here we have a very morbid attachment to family and friendship, to the point of being ideological LOL. This again proves that evolving our human interaction is the solution. Not asking for more government.
By the way, I also believe that all this "death penalty culture" and "prison violence" that you have in america is one of the most fucked up things in the western world.
To be honest I also believe that prisons are outdated and humankind needs to find a both empathetic and rational cure to criminals, and reintegrate them in society and making them feel accepted.Criminals tend to develop an ego around the punishment that they get, and this intensifies their suffering, which brings even more suffering to the innocent. And also to themselves. For example I feel a lot of pity and sadness towards school shooters. Makes me cry to just think what they must have endured to become crazy and insane...
But the world is not ready to discover these "empathetic superpowers" that can heal damaged criminals to turn them into actualized beings.I strongly believe that a happy society holds no punishments for its citizens.
I'd like to hear your thoughts because you have more experience than me in the field of systemic understanding. -
15 minutes ago, Emerald said:Again, you unfortunately don't have the luxury of being neutral or objective in this situation. Unfortunately, on the practical level, there will either be total non-involvement or picking a side. So, if you're giving the abuser the benefit of the doubt on the off-chance that they're in that 2%, then you are in effect withdrawing support from the victim whether it is your intention or not. And when most people in society do that, the majority of victims WON'T come forward.
Again, if your opinion means absolutely nothing of legal substance, doesn't it make the most sense to default to believing the abused. Doesn't it make sense to default to believing the abused if 90% of rapes go unreported? This is a much bigger issue that the 2% of falsely reported rapes (which is 10% of rapes... so 2% of 10% which equals .02% of all rapists/alleged rapists combined).
So, you're saying that .02% of all accused rapists deserve the same level of concern as the 1/4 or more of women and 1/10 or more of men who have been the victims of sexual assault. That's just going to make it easier for rapists to rape. So, unfortunately, those .02% (while I feel bad for them) I prioritize making society a place where it's more difficult to get away with rape, as this will save many more people grief.
I understand why this issue is uncomfortable. I've thought it through extensively. And if you really understand the gravity and scope of the issue of sexual assault, then you will see why this is really the best solution. And the best part about it is that your opinion isn't the law's opinion. You can think whatever you decide without it effecting legal proceedings.
I think this discussion is becoming ideological. I've already stated my clearly empathetic (and at the same time neutral) position.
Being neutral AND suggesting the victim to GO to the police and file the accusation is NOT siding with the criminal. Or am I becoming an idiot who can't write? (by the way I'm italian, not american). This is my position.
If a friend or a dear one comes to me, and says "I've been attacked bla bla bla, I'll respond: "I'm sorry! We have to file a police report right now, start investigations, find truth and punish the criminal (if the allegation is true)".A part from this, which is an empathetic approach to the person, I still keep being neutral inside myself. Because god know what really happened. We don't know!!
What you have to understand is that knowing that you don't know is NOT siding with the criminal. Siding with the criminal is the classic "slut shaming". That's siding with the aggressor! Not being neutral and analytical. Being neutral means that you want the investigation to happen and yet at the same time you just know that it's all wrapped in black, deep darkness....Reason is the only light of hope in a world of darkness.
-
5 minutes ago, CreamCat said:How can a person be emotionally retarded and intelligent at the same time? Your IQ cannot be both 80 and 160 at the same time.
I'm talking about the spiral dynamics stages. Check it out on Leo's channel. Or read the articles on the internet.
Each stage has positive and negative traits.
Green stage brings emotional awareness and finally removes all racial and sexual biases.
But at the same time it has a dark side of mob mentality, cult-like behaviours, somehow similar to the purple and blue stages. Collectivist stages tend to be very inquisitory and anti-individualism. -
17 minutes ago, CreamCat said:I heard most american jurors assume that the defendants are guilty by default because the accusers are almost always right.
What you are seeing (which is true) is the dark side of stage green spiral dynamics. Full emotional retardation. The bright side of it is emotional intelligence, empathy etc which are wonderful. Now this stage has to develop its dark side too, like orange already did.
Once this bullshit becomes completely corrupted, stage yellow will arise and all this emotional nonsense will be crucified and fixed.
And we will finally have an actual caring and loving justice system, which protects victims and innocent people at the same time.
We have to wait. -
3 minutes ago, Emerald said:Because to say "innocent until proven guilty" (as an individual person and not as a jury member or judge), means that you are always giving the benefit of the doubt to the abuser and always calling the character of the victim into question by default. So, it puts you in a situation where you have to make the choice of either accusing the alleged abuser of a crime, or accusing the alleged victim of a crime. There is no middle ground. And because most people make the 'innocent until proven guilty' their default answer, they default to accusing the victim of the crime of false accusation. And whether they intend to or not, it plants a seed in the minds of society.
Because of this fact, it MUCH more difficult for victims of sexual abuse to come forward, because they may decide that it would be too painful to have so many people think that they're low enough to falsely accuse someone of a sexual crime. So, it adds insult to injury.
And given that false accusation for all crimes (including but not limited to crimes of a sexual nature) is at a rate of 2%, if you automatically default to giving the alleged abuser the benefit of the doubt, then you will be wrong 98% of the time. And the abused will know that the seed has been planted in so many people's minds that they, as a victim, are the criminals and that the actual abuser is the innocent one. That would be very painful after having been raped.
So, I know it's uncomfortable because we don't really know what's actually happening. And if we've never been the victim of sexual assault, it's much easier to empathize with someone who might have been falsely accused instead of someone who might have been raped. So, we imagine what a nightmare it would be to be in that 2%, but we can't imagine what it would be like to be in that 98%.
So, I always default to believing the abused, because that means I'll be correct 98% of the time. Also, I will add to a culture that makes it more comfortable for victims of abuse to come forward without having to worry about friends, family, and society turning against them and sympathizing with their abuser over them. Believing them is the bare minimum thing a person can do in terms of supporting a victim of these types of crimes.
But most importantly, I also acknowledge that I don't really know and because of that fact, my opinion means ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OF SUBSTANCE. So, because my opinion means nothing and has no real substantial impact on what happens, it's all the more reason for me to default to believing and siding with the abused.
Supporting your friends and beloved ones is also tending to believe them. I am on your side with this one but...
Actually you should be neutral in all cases. My rational and respectful response would always be "file a police report, and make the investigations start". Which is supporting justice. Which is what we want.
I sympathize with abused people. I care for them.
I also sympathize with innocent people, at the same level.
That's why you have to ALWAYS suggest to start the investigations and to collect the data. Data are NOT pro victim neither pro criminal. They are pro justice. If you put your higher value on the friends you are fucking up justice. The same if you side with the accused. You are fucking up justice.I can totally assure you that truth is always, always on the side of the victim. Also on the side of the false accused.
Now, of course I encourage the victim to file a police report! you have to start the investigations to find the truth!!! I think we are on the same side but I still don't get if you want to abolish the rational and neutral procedure to investigate in court. Which would be an atrocity towards justice.
I asked if you are in favour of removing the "innocent until proven guilty" in tribunal. I'm talking about investigations and legal matters. Of course I support victims to denounce. That's obvious to me. If they are legit I WANT them to denounce.
-
On 18/8/2018 at 7:44 PM, Emerald said:Also, unfortunately, even when women are dealing with more serious forms of harassment like rape, most of that goes unreported because of the fact that so many people in your life will take the side of the abuser and accuse you of making false accusations. And the majority of people will give the abuser the benefit of the doubt over you, because of "innocent until proven guilty". So, it can just be easier to keep it to yourself and try to move on to avoid being re-victimized by society.
I'm not picking a fight, but what's wrong with innocent until proven guilty?
Do you understand that without the "innocent" model I can accuse you of anything and put you in big trouble even if you are innocent?
Criminal cases must be dealt with extreme rationality and caution, because you're risking of ruining one of the two persons' lives.
You can't just trust "He/she is a criminal" and send the other person to jail for sexual non proven misconduct or non proven scam or non proven terrorism. Now of course we want to send actual criminals to prison. But they have to be true!!! And we don't know at the beginning!
I hope that I just misread because you're very intelligent.
-
In your classic actualized videos you recommend some specific dating advices: being masculine, positive, leadership, taking risks, approaching at social events, flirting etc, and also all the advice you shared with Tripp in the collab video.
Do you still endorse that? I remember that AFTER those videos you made the PUA rant video.
(sorry for the noob question)
-
On 22/7/2018 at 4:47 PM, Emerald said:My experience is that the external judgment usually comes first, in the form of 'othering'. But external and internal judgments have a way of snowballing, because they both feed into one another.
But I suppose that internal judgment could spring up first too. Sometimes, it is the way we're taught to view ourselves and the world that begets internal judgment which translates into external judgment onto those who deviate from our worldviews.
But regardless of the origin of a judgment, you should be able to become aware of it as its happening and watch it with detachment. This is the most important thing.
I'm doing the necessay "homework". I want to fix this as soon as possible.
Thanks for all your support!
-
11 hours ago, Emerald said:@billiesimon I think beginning with seeing the label of "good" as fairly arbitrary can be a good start. Ultimately, it is one word and can't really describe a person who is multi-faceted and flawed.
But if you have any of those violent images come up, it can important to understand that they aren't coming from you. Nothing in the internal experience comes from you. There is no actual "you" inside the mind that's producing images and thoughts. They are just spontaneously springing into the internal landscape. They mean as much about you as the tree in your back yard. They are just there. They are happenings. But they aren't happenings that "you" caused.
So, imagine that there is a thunderstorm that's happening, and it's destroying some things and making some trees fall down. Then, there's some crazy guy who's freaking out because he believes that he's somehow causing the thunderstorm to happen. So, he's panicking because he can't figure out how to stop the thunderstorm. He finds himself completely unable to control it.
Now, we see that this man is crazy to identify himself as the cause of the thunderstorm. We know that he has NOTHING to do with the thunderstorm at all. The thunderstorm is just happening, and he's perceiving it. But he makes the mistake to believe that because he's perceiving it, he's the one that's also causing it.
As crazy as it seems, this is the same mistake that people make about their internal landscape. And they make that mistake because they identify with the happenings in their internal landscape and they make it mean something about themselves.
So, if they perceive a thunderstorm in their external landscape, they don't make it mean anything about themselves. They just try to stay safe from it. But they don't think, "This thunderstorm means that I'm a bad person." They would recognize that as crazy.
But with the internal landscape, when they perceive of destructive drives, thoughts, and urges, they fall into that trap. They think, "These internal phenomena mean that I'm a bad person." And if they can't stop it, they do their best to ignore it and create all kinds of protection mechanisms to divert their attention from what is a threat to their ego.
But I would imagine that you can't necessarily see the depth of the resistance to the feminine. Most of it is probably unconscious because it would threaten your positive perception of yourself.
So, look first to the most overt judgments you come across that relate back to women. Your judgments will show you what you're also judging in yourself. Then you can begin to deconstruct these beliefs by questioning their truth and validity. A lot of it will come from emptying your cup of falsehoods that you've learned from your family, your culture, and yourself.
Thanks. I'm working on my identification with goodness first. It's hard but I have to meditate on it more and reach a point of full detachment from judging myself and my moral behaviour.
And about my Anima I'm going to work on it after this.
I didn't undestand this: do my preconceptions of women create my judgement of myself, or is it the opposite way?
-
By the way.. I have a very interesting example from another person. Maybe this explains why it's easier to see it.
A girl that I know and that I helped in the past to become more accepting of people and of herself has this extreme Animus possession. Very hardcore and scary. I left her alone because I was also disgusted by her powerful hate and self hate.
This girl judged very harshly every guy she was meeting at college. "this guy is a fucking loser, this one is too skinny, this too nerdy, this one is a pathetic fat loser" etc. And she looks very very confident and very arrogant in public.
When a friend of ours told her to talk to me to find a better understanding of people... She crumbled.
She told me that she hates herself so much. That she seeks approval in the world by studying science and literature, and by becoming the best intellectual in the world bla bla bla. This seems to me like Animus possession.In fact she is very very intellectually arrogant. Like a mean professor. And she sees all men as losers or if she likes them she judges them as weak and arrogant. Which is what she is LOL.
Is this the dynamic you describe?
-
23 minutes ago, Emerald said:The first thing to do is to let go of your identification as a good person. This identification will hide many things away from yourself that you don't want to see. The internal landscape is vast and complex. It isn't all just sunshine and rainbows in there. If you look with brutal honesty, you will find a wide range of things that you'd never associate with yourself. You can even find sadistic and violent parts of yourself that you didn't know were there. The internal landscape is "well-peopled", so to speak.
The reply in general is very deep. Thanks!
About my goodness... i will start with this first! With meditation, inquiry and overall using consciousness.
It will not be easy... I'm very dearly attached to my goodness and it pains me a lot to question it... also because the external reality confirms it, because nobody says I'm a bad person. I think I might be validated externally by this "persona".
Maybe this is also correlated with my view of women as validation junkies.26 minutes ago, Emerald said:When I had my second experience of ego transcendence, I zoomed out from my ego identifications and noticed that I had two warring drives. I had my compassionate drive and I had my "evil" drive. And they were clashing against one another. And that evil drive was sadistic and violent and produced images in my mind of me delightedly shoving my thumbs into someone's eyes. Not because I didn't like that person. In fact, it was pretty much my favorite person in the world. It was just because my evil drive enjoyed the suffering that it brought to them in the fantasy.
That's definitely a deja vu on my part....
I've had some few TERRIFYING experiences in times of peace and happines where completely random and monstruous images came up to my mind.
I'm so ashamed of it, because I NEVER called these images up. They just showed up on their own, and I can't really explain them. They are not fetishes nor fantasies, just complete randomness!!
In some occasions where I was happy with my family or with friends.. I had these flashing, in a horror style, images of me cracking my family's heads with an axe (people I love), or me throwing my girlfriend (at the time) down off a bridge and watching her drown in cold running water.
The fact is that they were very HAPPY moments in real life and the images had nothing to do with it. These images had the effect of completely destroying the happiness of the moment and everytime it happened I immediately became sad and terrified of myself, causing me to go home alone to avoid those people. Because I didn't even had the courage to look at them in the eyes...It was soooo shameful....
34 minutes ago, Emerald said:But I would start by looking at your fears of how women will objectify you and what it will mean about your worth. Then (without trying to look away or see yourself as good) consider maybe you are unconsciously objectifying and viewing women's worth the same way.
This can cause the Anima to project the same onto women as a whole group, so that you get a taste of what you may be doing to it.
Remember, the Anima is literal a part of you, and it is literally female. So, if you judge women's worth based on objectified standards, the Anima (as a woman) will feel rejected and objectified and will exact revenge on you. And she will do this by projecting the same objectification/rejection/devaluation pattern onto women, which will make them appear to hold your worth in their hands. And she will make you feel powerless and worthless, because you've made her feel powerless and worthless.
Ok, this is very interesting and I would have never seen it with the goodness veil on.
I will start with the goodness because I literally can't do it now...
The fact is that in real life I have never objectified them. I have a lot of female friends and they seldom come to me to ask advice about sexuality, and a lot of these girls I have helped to overcome their stupid catholic shame for their sexuality. I literally don't see objectification.
There may be! You are probably right! because there is something inside me which is obsessed with this evil female conspiracy.The fact is that I love talking and sharing sexual and emotional experiences with girls. My female friends consider me the most open minded guy they know. And I know that this is "goodness validation".
I recognize that I deeply enjoy being loved for my openmindedness and for my caring attitude towards female sexuality. This may be somehow the cause of this "validation virus" that I project onto women.
But about the objectification... I'm honest, I really never see them as porn figures or just sexual creatures. I've always cared for their emotions and their emotional well being.
The problem is that I believe you. I am SURE that there is something I am doing wrong regarding my mindset towards women.
I feel it that something is really bitter towards me inside... and I might have find the cause of the validation obsession...
But I can't find right now the cause of the coldness and detachment that the Anima is playing on me.
It means that I'm being cold, calculating or scheming in regards to women, but I can't see where right now. The external world tells me that I'm not.Are you sure that the Anima always sends back to you what you are doing wrong to her?
Isn't it just a self esteem issue while I'm already in integrity with women? -
@Emerald sorry, I forgot the question about the goodness.
Yes, I have discovered this year, with self help work and with inquiry, that I identify a lot with the stereotype of the young non-actualized hero. The classic Peter Parker/Luke Skywalker cliche of the young inexpressed hero who's good to everybody and somehow a victim of his sorroundings and has not answered his call yet.
I've recently noticed that I also have some fear of permanent success because that requires to move beyond the inexperienced hero stereotype.
Yes, being called "evil" or "miserable" or "despicable" etc triggers me a lot, because I've always strived to be good and respectful to everybody and to help others too. I think this "image" also made me the very caring person that my friends know me for.
-
14 minutes ago, F A B said:This is me anyway
.thumb.png.ca161b7789dc3e6416f1f4d964b5ed07.png)
Dude, relax. I've seen a lot of pretty girls with nerdy guys or fat guys.
This is good news because you just have to work on your charisma. It works, I'm practising approaching and meeting girls this year and it works. You will get dates and you will get better. It's the internal issues you have to deal with.
I'm a nerdy looking guy, young, skinny, too mental... and I get dates too... I've also had two pretty girls as gfs in the recent past. And I have very few muscles.
You have internal issues (like me and like others here) and you need to fix that. If she's aroused by your character and your charisma she does not care about your image.By the way, are you italian? Lol
-
33 minutes ago, aurum said:Good, I'd sit with that in meditation and see what comes up.
This is a complicated question with a lot of subtleties and nuances. But I'll do my best to sum up my views.
Yes, I absolutely think women choose men based on certain qualities that they want. They're not going to treat Dan Bilzerian the same way they're going to treat the nerdy accountant from Iowa. To think anything else is completely delusional and is going to result in passive pain.
This is where the whole "just be authentic" belief is tremendously misleading.
If you look closely at your desire to get your needs met by just "being yourself", you'll notice that it's selfish. You want something from here (love, sex, affection), you don't thing she has needs as well? There's two people in this equation.
The really hard thing to stomach is that maybe you aren't right now what she wants. Maybe what she wants is Joe the football captain or Blake the musician with tattoo sleeves.
But you know what? I'm completely okay with this.
If I'm in a relationship, I don't expect her to still want to be with me if I stop doing the things that made her like me in the first place. That would be like expecting your business partner to keep doing business with you after you completely changed the terms on the contract. It's absurd that we would think anything else.
The real crime is that you were told that relationships are here to fill some sort of void, and that your partner is supposed to be your savior. As a man you want to be your own source of unconditional love. Not seeking it in a woman.
I also know that as much as women have their dating preferences, I ALSO have many dating preferences. So it would be hypocritical for me to judge her for doing the same thing.
Now let's get even more nuanced.
You might say that this view of reality is cold or bleak. But it's actually not, I find it pretty perfect.
If a woman has a dating preference and you don't meet those standards, it says nothing about how loveable you are or what your worth is. It just means that she has a preference.
It be like if you went to the eye doctor, but instead of a doctor an electrician walked through the door and said he was going to take over for the eye doctor. In that moment, you wouldn't hate the electrician or think he doesn't deserve love. It's just not what you're looking for at the moment.
Dating is the same way. You have to actually BE what the girl is looking for.
Well, that makes perfect sense. I can live with that. It's true that everyone of us is looking for people we actually like and not some poor version of that. I completely agree.
The component of that which scares me is:
do they CARE about your authentic self, about your being, if you are compatibile with their wants, or are they just using you because you fit their standards?This is exactly the part that worries me unconsciously.
I personally care about the girl if I like her. That's also why I feel damaged by the chance that she's using me. -
@Emerald Ok, I've seen all the three main videos
Now I have a better understanding of these polarities and how them both work inside of me.
Now I think I need to do some "shadow work" about my Anima, I guess.
What do you suggest are the issues with my feminine spirit?
I don't know where to start to find them out and resolving them.Do you also have suggestions on how to discover myself the issues of my Anima's resentment?
The only thing I know is that, while I tend to see men and women as neutral and as random people, I tend to see the girls I like as shady and affectionate at the same time, cold and warm, depending on the moment, and also very very fickle in a first dating scenario.
Also a big problem I have is that I have this subtle and almost unconscious fear of being coldly used and replaced in the appropriate time. Almost like these girls were machiavellian strategists who just show emotions as a tool for getting results.And I have a very huge problem with women's emotional validation. I project this fear on the girls I like and see them as egotistical self absorbed creatures who crave validation from men and then ignore them after being validated. It's not slut shaming by the way, since I have no problem with female sexuality, but I DO have problems with female "fickle" emotions and affections.
P.S. as you stated in the videos and in the forum, I also have that strong sexual obsession you describe with anima. When I date a girl I tend to obsess in my mind with the sexual experience with her and this always led them to say that I'm always horny (not in a negative way, but they all noticed that). I don't know if this is just sex drive or anima possession, but I remember that you hinted to that in the forum.
-
1 hour ago, aurum said:Definitely sounds like mom-stuff.
Why does it scare you? This is the question I'd focus on.
Let's say everything you said is true. When it comes to these girls, you're just one of their choices. They're using and exploiting you.
What then? What does that mean?
Notice also that your mind will want to avoid doing this.
It scares me because it would mean a lot of ugly conclusions, if it were true.
It would mean that I can't find someone who appreciates me for my being, and not for my doing.
It would mean that human connection in relationship makes no sense and it's all cold and heartless.
It would mean that I'm an object to them, which would trigger a revengeful behaviour in me, to treat them as objects. This kind of reality is so cold and robotic that it scares me.
So what do you suggest?
P.S. do you believe that we are just empty choices in the dating world? -
45 minutes ago, Emerald said:@billiesimon There is a lot of projection going on with your relationships. And this problem probably can't be properly addressed on the level of relationships with women. That's ultimately just a symptom of a deeper cause.
It probably does have something to do with your relationship to your mom. But that may just be one of many catalysts. But you'll probably find that the issue originates with your relationship to your Anima, which is much closer to you than any Earthly woman.
Basically, the Anima is a Jungian archetype, that is the part of every man that is a woman. Likewise, the Animus is the part of every woman that is a man. So, there is a quite literally an aspect of yourself that is feminine. And that aspect, when dis-integrated and unconscious is like a fragmented aspect of yourself that has its own needs and desires.
So, the problem that I see many men having issues with is disconnection from the Anima, which creates a disconnection with other people and insulates them from wisdom. It is only when the Anima is integrated that a person can have access to wisdom.
But when a man has a dis-integrated Anima, the Anima will actively try to become reintegrated. And it does this, by projecting its image onto women as individuals and women as a whole group. So, it is very common for men who have a disintegrated Anima to project both the ideal feminine image onto all women as well as the shadow feminine.
The result of this is to see women as being an incredibly powerful force that are bent on either confirming or denying your validity as a human being. Now, this is not true. Women aren't thinking about this. It's just a projection of the spurned Anima.
The spurned Anima likes to torment, because it's been rejected by you. So, it wants to make you feel rejected by it. So, it sets up that dichotomy where women are conveyors of your worth as a human being if they accept you but are deniers of your worth as a human being if they reject you.
So, the solution is actually to integrate the Anima.
This may be difficult. Society tends to punish men for expressing anything non-masculine. This is why so many men have the issue of dis-integrated Anima and Anima possession. So, you want to start looking toward any knee-jerk reactions against things in the feminine principle, and working on letting go of those resistances.
I'll leave a few videos here that may help. But if you're only going to watch one of them, watch the one on the Anima and Animus.
Hey
thanks a lot! I've written the post because I've recently seen your first video here. From another topic. Later I'm gonna watch the other two, and leave another reply. I want to thank you so much because I really want to stop this torment and live happily with the girls I will like in the future.
But why does it seem to me that I'm already fully masculine and feminine? I've always been an emotional and empathetic boy, and so I am now. I also have no problem sharing emotions with people and weaknesses. I'm pretty receptive too.
I don't undestand which part of the female anima is broken inside me. I don't have a macho attitude. I like reason and strategy a lot, but also deeply care about people in my life and like talking about emotions. So I don't get where is my disconnected female part...
I'll leave a response to the videos here soon
thanks again
.png.35c629250358c97e03289614446ea272.png)
in Personal Development -- [Main]
Posted
I guess trying to help you was sexist.