billiesimon

I'm still new and conceptualizing is an easy trap for me

Yeah, I try to avoid the theoretical mode, because it traps me into monkey mind. That's also why I don't use "verbal" self inquiry. I mean... I don't use the questions like "Who am I"? I just sit in silence after meditation and observe reality and my feelings to try to "feel" my Consciousness. Sometimes what happens is that my bodily sensations become distant, like my body is some kind of movie character, and sometimes I get absorbed by the scenery I am seeing, like I become partially connected to the moon/sky/horizon etc and lose a small sense of "human identity". I don't know if it's the right way to do it, but I'm doing it this way because I feel like it's a lot easier to merge with awareness with this method, for me. The verbal questions get me distracted by monkey mind, so I prefer to use this meditative state of "forgetting my identity".

Do you mean that I shouldn't conceptualize what happens to me on self inquiry? P.S.: are the practices I'm using correct? It's hard to understand if I'm doing it right, since you get such a tiny feedback from the inquiry

I want to add: Sometimes I self inquiry by looking at a star or at the moon, and focusing on the perceptions, gradually losing my sense of identity in the process of total focus. Sometimes what happens is that the star or the moon starts to distort like on psychedelics (but I'm sober of course) and the visual field around it gets very blurry and pulsating. Generally, when the visual pulsation becomes quite crazy, I've some few times felt a sensation of fear inside me, like I was getting lost in deep space and never to be found. And then the ego kick back immediately and I can't refocus again on the moon.... I'm like smacked down on earth again and defeated. Is this a sign of partial ego loss (during the inquiry) or self deception?

This is the video. Of course he says that thoughts and emotions are "dreamlike" and illusions, but he also says that life itself is real. I don't understand. A lot of spiritual traditions actually state that life is an illusion and a "manifestation" of the universal Consciousness. So it is just mind and fantasy. @Leo Gura too describes in his experience life and reality as a dreamlike state, made of Consciousness' capacity to manifest. Why does Sadhguru say that, apart from thoughts and emotions, life is real?

Very interesting. Yeah, I'm definitely in the category of "psychedelics are vain dreams" when I'm using them I feel in a magical and unified reality, where there's love and pure interconnection. But after a psych trip I always get an ego backlash of feeling that reality is actually really crude and dumb like the concrete of the streets. Spiritual experiences tend to give me the loving side that I needed and that my scientific paradigm was denying me. It's actually a really amazing process. By the way, really shocking story about your niece

Ok, now I get it. It's just a duality to see imagination opposed to reality. In nonduality they are the same I guess.

But what I don't understand is.. The butterfly dreaming of being a man is a real experience? Does he mean that?

Today I did my usual meditation practice, but increased it to 40 minutes (and will remain 40 for some time I believe), and then... after some hours, I was laying in bed and I started thinking about Consciousness and the fact that I still can't grasp the Silent Watcher (as Eckhart calls it), the Awareness behind our eyes that is always present. I thought "Where is this Consciousness in me?". And then it happened. I gasped in shock. ""WHO is asking this question?!?!" Who is asking that question? My ego? Or my Consciousness? I literally don't understand, I'm puzzled. I can feel that there's something weird happening in my mind, but I can't tell if all this "self inquiry" questioning is the voice of my ego or my consciousness. I feel somehow torn between two views of myself. Someone can help?

@Leo Gura, you mentioned that psychedelics are made of Consciousness like everything else in this reality. But you didn't explain in detail why are these specific molecules changing the dials of awareness and not a rock, or water, or other random substances. Why are LSD, NN-DMT, AL-LAD etc so accurately able to change the dials of awareness and not the other molecules? Aren't all molecules equally made of Consciousness? That's the only thing I didn't quite understand in your video.

It's so weird, man... I mean... I think my former psychedelic experiences have unlocked something in my sober awareness (this event happened in my normal life after a normal meditation). I am millions of miles FAR AWAY from enlightenment, but.... I can actually somehow remotely feel that there's someone watching all of this "billiesimon" experience from behind "me". And with "me" I mean my concept of self image. It's really weird and somehow disturbing, because I feel like my usual everyday identity is becoming some kind of show being watched by this Observer. But again... it's just a glimpse of a shadow of this Consciousness... I can't even see it directly. It's there. I can only feel this. It freaks me out.

Amazing response But should I just passively accept the present moment or follow my bliss? When it comes to being present I mean. I don't understand this paradox between accepting everything and following the path of your highest vibrations.

Like identifying with it, I guess. It's hard to grasp this "feeling" because I am becoming more aware of the fact that I'm aware, but the sense of "I" is becoming now torn between the self image of billiesimon, and the awareness behind his actions. Today I've done several things in a state of "Am I just inside a random body? what the hell is happening? And why do I have a voice?". This madness is very weird, I was a lot more stable when I just believed I was this random guy with some random problems. Now it's becoming blurry.

Actually you are somehow right. I like studying edgy spiritual topics, and I love Leo's work exactly because it's very edgy and groundbreaking. Certainly I would love to discover new shocking aspects of reality if I found a way

That's probably the best explanation we have so far. But the depth of the mystery is more about why Consciousness decided to create random molecules that trigger this huge spiritual expansion (and why Consciousness allows them to remain illegal) instead of giving us a natural internal power of expanding fast.

After my mindblowing starting experience with psychedelics, and after more than a year of constant meditation, I have discovered in these few recent days that I have this weird feeling in my head and body after a meditation session. I feel "cuddled", somehow buzzy, peaceful and very relaxed. I exit the meditation session with a very cozy and mellow sensation, like being lightly drunk and slightly happy in an idiotic and content manner. And this started to happen recently because now I tend to meditate by just focusing on the flow of energies in my body and this generally dissipates all my thougths and give me a warm sensation during the session. Basically I've noticed that this type of meditation raises my vibration. Am I doing something wrong or am I going in the right direction?

I'm floored. I have no words for the magic that Source has created on this Earth, and how much it loves me. It loves me so much, and I've been ignorant of this energetic umbelical chord I have with it. It's in all of us. Maybe @Leo Gura can give some insights I've had three psychedelic trips total, and this one is somehow the fourth one, but it's not an actual trip. DOSE: around 40 ug 1P-LSD, which is almost nothing. But it has breeded SO MANY INSIGHTS that I'm shocked as hell now. - Setting: I've taken it while doing my daily activities, mainly because I was curious to see how it affects my daily normal life as a very tiny dose. I'm shocked guys. My INTENTIONS for this dose was to try to discover PRESENCE and CONNECTION TO SOURCE, as an Ego. I'm not talking about enlightenment. I've taken a walk along the river, to relax and chill out alone. And then the LSD started pumping in my brain. - Zero visuals - Zero high states - Zero special effects of senses BUT ASTOUNDING PRESENCE I was SOOOOO clear and sooo immersed in the magic of the present moment!!! The river was so magical, so beautiful in ITS NATURAL LOOK, it was my usual sight as a normal person with no psychoactive brain. Yet the river was so beautiful. The sun was enchanting. The grass was so perfect and green and full. Life was STILL. There was NO RUSH. NO ANXIETY. NO PAIN. NOWHERE TO RUN. At that exact moment, as I was completely enamored by the beauty of the present moment, a beauty I'VE NEVER NOTICED in my everyday chores and walks to the house.... I finally connected with Eckhart Tolle. YES. NOW I UNDERSTAND. Now I understand why he sits on the bench for an entire day. Why he speaks so slowly. THERE'S NOWHERE TO RUN. YOU HAVE ETERNITY. Oh my god, I was genuinely floored. I love Eckhart but.... I've always found hard to understand his attitute to life. Now I understand. He FEELS the eternal present. After a long pleasant walk with zero badass graphics and zero badass sensations, I noticed it. I noticed it. I forgot all my past. And all my possible futures. There WAS NO PAST!! OH MY FREAKING GOD!!!! I literally lost the memory of my past for several minutes!!!! It felt like being a child again!!!! And then, after this , the final MAGIC OF PRESENCE. I was walking towards my house and a group of kids (I'm 30) walks towards me and I'm peacefully walking in total bliss without noticing them. They are happy too, and we seemed to be doomed to crash into eachother. Then the magic happens. I literally feel a magical force moving with love my feet and body to avoid the happy children, and we literally cross eachother gracefully like a dance. Normally I would have felt nervous about crashing into them or hurting them, because they appeared out of nowhere. I literally felt Source gently moving my body such as to avoid MY and THEIR BLISS from being disrupted. I got back at home in a state of total happiness and childlike fullfillment. "I am so pure. I am so innocent now. WOW!!! The infinite source is ACTUALLY giving me life force, and guiding me, and I've NEVER NOTICED it my entire life!!! The last insight is that I've also noticed a strong river of energy (prana) moving through my spine (I practice the chakras when meditating usually). I've never felt the energy of prana in my normal life, only sometimes in meditation. It was so INSANE!!! I was feeling an immense stream of FREE ENERGY coming directly from the source, just for me. Because Source loves me. Yes. It loves me. And now I've started to listen to it. I'm so addicted to source energy now. I want to listen more. Thanks.

Ahah What's your experience with ayahuasca? Did it clean up all your emotional blockages? I'm interested in it exactly because of this Yeah, I'm discovering that my hot emotionality is actually my spiritual asset, while in the past it was demonized. Amazing that's one of the facets of reality manipulation that I'd like to learn. Super amazing

So you are naturally gifted for psycheds, right? I appreciate your suggestions I am a natural empath and I also have huge passion for emotions (I'm easily moved by emotions). After the 3td trip I've kept this identification with masculine Love power as my own power, it resonates with me so much, that it has increased my self esteem a lot as a boy I was ashamed of my passionate heart and now I'm claiming it back thanks to that trip. It was soooooo intense and raging, it was like Spiritual Love was my warrior nature, I felt like a tribal hero charged up with masculine Love and Pure heart ??? I'm planning on trying out some ayahuasca-related plant, which is perfectly legal in Italy here ? I was dreaming of trying it in an open field, alone, on a sunny say I'm also interested in learning how to bend reality with mind, on psychs. I would like to see if I can master imagination to shape reality ?

I'm shocked by this because all the reports I've read on reddit tell that 40-50 ug just give you a weird sensation and that's all. To me it was insane, it released all my stream of prana connected to Source. There were moments in this semi-trip (I wasn't even tripping but in my normal ego) where I was feeling literally fed and nurtured by Source, and I was as happy as a child. At the end I also cried some cleansing tears If you want, read my previous trip, which was a literal explosion of Love for the Earth, it's the thread previous to this one It was 175 ug of 1p-lsd, and it triggered an explosive ecsasy of passionate Love in me

Thanks, I'm going to watch the video

Since my "eternal present" psychedelic experience, I have this subtle feeling that I'm just experiencing my own personal perspective of reality and that there's no objective reality out there. Since I've started going really hardcore on self love and meditation, a lot of random people I know have started to evolve, out of the blue! And also my reality is becoming more and more loving and peaceful. I mean, material reality, not just my emotions. Am I the only one in my physical reality?!? Are there 7 billions different "physical" realities out there? Each for every single mind? I'm pretty shocked by this feeling. But my last psychedelic experience has demonstrated me that I am shaping my reality. So.. There's no objective reality out of my mind? Can some of you explain this? Am I talking to myself with this post?

I'm asking because I don't know if it's just me or not I'm still shocked by this feeling and I want to understand if I'm alone or there's an actual physical reality.

There's never enough love ???

I'm going to listen to some of his material Right now my biggest personal insight is that authenticy is equal to self-love. And self love seems to manifest positive events that reinforce this emotional state. Self hate is a form of falsehood, and the more you accept yourself, the more you can sense authenticty inside