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About YaMayka

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  1. I could not drink for few years - I would get a bad migraine after even a sip of alcohol (dah - probably smell would have been enough ;)) and I missed it. I like the taste and the initial effect (hangover not so much). Lately due to my meditation practice my migraines got better and from time to time I allow myself some wine, not too much because I still want to meditate before sleep and I don't think it would work very well being drunk. I discovered that I am emotionally more available, I can sense them better, I am more social, more cheerful, full of energy - I actually feel like doing staff (not big surprises - these effects are known :)). I just feel that this is the way I would like to be without this one glass and I think it's possible if I continue working on myself by removing blockages. I only don't want to do it too often because it is not healthy and with time could maybe become a problem. So I made a deal with that part of me that we'll do it when there's some special occasion to it.
  2. I would recommend Teal Swan for that - she has some good insights on the subject (it helped me). Her book "Shadows Before Dawn" is just what can help (if you get a bit motivated to read it - otherwise try some of videos). It's great to have an insight like that - great shadow work
  3. And here I am thinking of finishing my studies at 39 go for it!
  4. I have a feeling you have a lot of emotions and trauma locked in your body and it decided to to have a say. You need to find a way to resolve it. Here's an interesting article: https://www.consciouslifestylemag.com/cellular-memory-healing-clearing/ I don't know if the method he proposes is good (I am so far releasing it by meditation) but maybe worth of trying. In any case the theory is worth getting yourself familiar with. Plus what Nahm said
  5. @Winter I don't remember this one but I watched some videos of Teal Swan and what she says has a ring of sense to me. Maybe watch and decide for yourself. Plus the resistance - that's a huge thing in my opinion.
  6. @Lynnel I'm trying in the way I can. Although for me it is still more on a physical level. I have a feeling I will be coming back to it.
  7. I don't know you and I am not a big expert but I see a lot of resistance in your post. And then you resist the resistance which creates even more resistance. I think a part of you is opposed to what "you" would like to do. You need to discover which part and why - you need to work on your shadow, once you fix some issues it should go better and you might stop sabotaging yourself...
  8. I heard about it third hand when I was following the SDi training course. One of the trainers was quite involved in it and that would give me at least a reason to check it out. I haven't so far but on first glance it seems interesting. She was giving an interesting point of view on it.
  9. @tsuki And that's the beauty of the paradox. Because you are and you are not authentic in the same time. You are a picture of the present moment that you preferably love and accept but at the other hand there is movement to the future (which is also a present moment in a way) and the way you develop. You may accept the resistance and that way move on to be more authentic, not lying to yourself. But maybe I am too dual to have a proper perspective (You are not preaching, we are just having an interesting discussion :)) @Psyche_92 It seems that way - my inner compass changed a direction and the taste will be there - the picture of the present moment shifted @Elysian I know - I am also struggling with my ancestral trauma and there was some! My mum has done her share but she still left a lot for me and now I need to do all I can for my daughter. And god knows it is a responsibility! I don't know if I had had the courage to have a child had I known how much. But here she is... In a way it would benefit her as well if I was more authentic and healed. I just need to know how to do it without disturbing her whole life....
  10. It is my deepest desire - and my deepest fear. I think it requires a lot of courage. It does include self love to a high degree. Would be easier to start with a clean slate though I don't think we quite agree @tsuki (or maybe I misunderstand you). I think you are referring to the yes/no in the present moment, what feels authentic to you at each moment (which I agree is also the case). But in this moment you may be clouded by some feelings, resistance etc. which make it difficult to stay authentic. Like my dancer - the shyness is the fear of being judged by others and it is blocking her to express her real self. If she was really authentic would she care about her image? About what other people say? She would just express herself the way she is.
  11. @tsuki I am not saying I should reveal all my "secrets" to anybody and everybody but concealing a huge part of myself from my family out of fear of judgement I suppose is more like it. Imagine a dancer who is feeling this amazing stuff inside but she can only dance that way when she is alone. When she is in a crowd she would just carefully choose her steps -enough to still feel something but not enough to represent her all beauty. Is she authentic?
  12. I know the others are not authentic either but it is not my responsibility to change that - it's up to them. I would love other people to be authentic, it is then easier to do the same for myself. Being authentic would require revealing the part of me that is searching here, that believes in chakras and other non mainstream stuff. My partner is very orange and for him it's mambo jumbo BS. If I had no children I'd be willing to take risk more easily but my daughter loves me and her dad very very much and I want her to be happy. It would crush her world if something happened to the family. But you are all right that it is not a proper way to live and sooner or later I will have to face it. Maybe with little steps at the beginning. I just feeeeel that resistance in me, which is probably a good indicator what's the problem... I dream a lot, sometimes I do write my dreams in a journal, they are quite helpful if I manage to figure them out (sometimes I forget them). I am more authentic with my friends and at work (only starting though), trying to stop avoiding conflict, to work on other of my issues. Maybe that will give me encouragement (and courage) to face the closest to me as well... And I thought I was pretty well sorted out buhaha!!
  13. I'm discovering that I am more inauthentic than I have thought... I have been lying to myself about many things, hiding out of fear of rejection. My family doesn't really know me because I have been showing them the face that they were prepared (in my mind) to accept. Now I am lost in this labyrinth and it is hard to restart. It is easier with a stranger because they have no expectations and you don't care about their opinion. I'm afraid of loosing them all and am afraid of all the battles I'd need to have to be myself in front of them. How do you manage?
  14. Was this pulling sensation on the top of your head or somewhere else?
  15. Deal with your emotional backlog, your blocked energy is likely causing your fatigue...