I'm no Longer looking for someone to "show me the way"

[Revolutionary Think]

In other words I have become my own best friend and mentor. Before I stumbled on the Actualized.org and @Leo Gura's community heck even years after. I was always looking for someone out there to understand me, mentor me, and care about my growth. I wanted to combine forces with some one or even some thing that had all the answers that would make life better and heck I'll even admit it easier for me. This lead me to habits of people pleasing, having to share my opinion everywhere, caring about what other people thought of my opinion etc. I needed to be known and seen on social media and by big shots in influential spheres. I needed to have my opinions validated by big shots for them to know my life story and I imagined a day just like one of those actors in the academy awards to share a being obscure and unknown to being rich and famous story. 

This was very bad it was like a sickness and a poison for my body and soul. I didn't leave the house. Not only in terms of not having a job but, in terms of just living my life behind screens in general. Even though I didn't have a job that's not the only way I didn't live life. I didn't go out to shop, eat, and be around friends etc. It would be of upmost importance for me to share my opinion and have it validated and people to know about who I was and what I wanted to do. I wanted to "change the world" and "get everyone on the same page". I wanted to make a big important speech in front of crowds of millions. I had a lot of childhood trauma and I was very mad at a young age for sending out so many job applications and not hearing anything back I wanted to "show them". This lead to a rabbit hole of online gurus who were mostly cheaters and scammers and a ton of depression. This was before I was in the Actualized.org community and a bit after. Yet even as part of this community then this community became the way I would live my life I wouldn't actually go out I'd tried to get "recognition for my intellect in here". 

I'm happy to report to everyone here that I don't live that kind of life anymore. I have transcended to "yearn" for all of those things. I've realized that these yearnings came from my childhood trauma and the impact that it had on me. The turning point in my life was when I quit a toxic job that I couldn't stand anymore and the people pleaser in me and the "yearning" person in me started to vansih. I realized I have all the power inside me to live the life that I want and I don't have to wait for a guru, a boss, and/or a family member to "see me and recognize me to live my best life". I always knew when I was a kid I loved being around airplanes and seeing airplanes (or anything that flies in general). 

I found another job with Applied behavioral analysis with kids with behavioural issues but, quickly realized the job wasn't for me. I quit that job after 3 short months. Then I said to myself how about working on myself before I go out into the world. I started by LITERALLY cleaning up my room. Removing all of the junk I never use, getting rid of all of the dust, and going into the closet I hadn't gone in years and removing all the old crap that I never use. It felt LIBERATING then on a whim I booked a cruise to Alaska. I had so much fun I took a helicopter to a glacier and while I did that I felt like this inner child that died inside of me because I neglected to enjoy life and burn through my karma was suddenly reborn and happy. When I was on that glacier I wasn't thinking of this master plan I had to influence people and "become somebody" I was just enjoying the present moment and I was guniunely happy in it. Then when I came back home I randomly decided to go to the airports near me. I went to LAX, Santa Monica Airport, and Van Nuys airport for no particular reason that just to be around planes.

Then I googled airport jobs on google and a company came up with the name of CLEAR so I applied for the job got a call back AND I got the job. I was so happy I got a job around the planes that I always wanted to be around and see them taking off and landing. It was honestly like I manifested this. That was it I didn't need to wait for some online program, make a post on this forum, or go ask anyone if applying for the job was a good idea or not. I just told myself what the fuck was wrong with me waiting on fucking random people on the internet to give me a green light for my own fucking life! I think it's all the propaganda we grow up with in school that tells us not to actually do something until we researched it a million times over. Whether it's that or not it doesn't matter a new me is born a me that doesn't seek validation or seek a handshake or a shout out from some big shot whether it's a celebrity, politician, and/or online influencer. It's a me that's happy to understand himself and work on himself and understand that I know myself best of all and I don't need some kind of influential person to spoon feed me for the rest of my life about my own path. I'm the king of me master of my own destiny. That about sums it up. I'm not saying I'm infallible and all knowing far from it. What I am saying is that I have the power to create and figure things out for myself and be a fully autonomous independant human being who doesn't count on things outside himself to bring himself a sense of happiness, satisfaction, and or fulfillment. If this whole community collapsed Tomorrow and @Leo Gura disappeared from my life never to be heard from again that would be OK because I am no longer "yearning for the answer". I am LIVING MY LIFE!

 

 

[universe]

This is the way.

Cleaning your room and finding your power.

❤️