Fear and pain in the heart area

[Yannik]

Hey guys,

I recently had a couple of painful and confusing experiences that really brought chaos into my inner and outer world. If you'd ask me why I am writing this post is probably because I wish deep down in my heart that someone would tell me that it's all going to work out and that I am not irreversibely broken. And I am also asking myself what I can do in this situation because I feel blocked in my heart whenever I am trying to do something powerful or courageous towards changing the situation.

Last year, I had a couple of panic attacks and troubles in my heart area where no doctor could say what it actually was. I accepted it and slowly and steadily came out of it but it came back later in the ayahuasca ceremony I am going to tell you about.

In the last months, a fear of being hurt and rejected came to the surface and my ex partner really triggered it. It was a toxic relationship in a way that I totally forgot my own truth and took everything she said about me as true. I basically denied all of my own opinions because I trusted her opinion. And she told me this is wrong about me and that and this needed to change and there's this issue. We broke up and I felt a deep pain and a sense of mistrust towards people (especially women) in my chest. I had depressive periods where I didn't feel much joy and I was very cautious around people. It felt overwhelming to be with strangers. With friends, no problem.

Then I had an ayahuasca journey where I basically had a panic attack and an even deeper pain in my chest that made no sense to me at that time. I came out of that night, everyone was shining and I was just numbed out and couldn't see any light. 

A couple weeks later and a couple of different coachings and talks with different people, it feels like there is still this big wall in front my chest and behind it there are feelings of pain and fear and confusion. They cause thoughts like "is this a fear disorder?", "is this a psychosis?", "is my heart broken?", "am I broken?", "will I ever fix this?", "will I ever find a way/solution?".

On top of that, I needed to move back to my parents because I have very little money at this point. I am self-employed and my insurance wouldn't pay the therapy so that I could only do about one session until I needed to find a way to earn more money first. Which is challenging with all this inner turmoil that really blocks me from being powerful and making powerful decisions. And at some point of the day I am like "okay we're just going step by step towards making the situation better", at other times I am like "I need professional help" which makes it difficult for me to really identify what is true.

I think there is still a lot more to the story but I just wrote down what came out of my heart right now and you kind of get what is going on.

Maybe you have a suggestion or maybe a book or someone I could turn to, that you can recommend.

Thank you so much for taking the time!

 

 

[Ima Freeman]

On 7.2.2024 at 8:25 PM, Yannik said:

Hey guys,

I recently had a couple of painful and confusing experiences that really brought chaos into my inner and outer world. If you'd ask me why I am writing this post is probably because I wish deep down in my heart that someone would tell me that it's all going to work out and that I am not irreversibely broken. And I am also asking myself what I can do in this situation because I feel blocked in my heart whenever I am trying to do something powerful or courageous towards changing the situation.

Last year, I had a couple of panic attacks and troubles in my heart area where no doctor could say what it actually was. I accepted it and slowly and steadily came out of it but it came back later in the ayahuasca ceremony I am going to tell you about.

In the last months, a fear of being hurt and rejected came to the surface and my ex partner really triggered it. It was a toxic relationship in a way that I totally forgot my own truth and took everything she said about me as true. I basically denied all of my own opinions because I trusted her opinion. And she told me this is wrong about me and that and this needed to change and there's this issue. We broke up and I felt a deep pain and a sense of mistrust towards people (especially women) in my chest. I had depressive periods where I didn't feel much joy and I was very cautious around people. It felt overwhelming to be with strangers. With friends, no problem.

Then I had an ayahuasca journey where I basically had a panic attack and an even deeper pain in my chest that made no sense to me at that time. I came out of that night, everyone was shining and I was just numbed out and couldn't see any light. 

A couple weeks later and a couple of different coachings and talks with different people, it feels like there is still this big wall in front my chest and behind it there are feelings of pain and fear and confusion. They cause thoughts like "is this a fear disorder?", "is this a psychosis?", "is my heart broken?", "am I broken?", "will I ever fix this?", "will I ever find a way/solution?".

On top of that, I needed to move back to my parents because I have very little money at this point. I am self-employed and my insurance wouldn't pay the therapy so that I could only do about one session until I needed to find a way to earn more money first. Which is challenging with all this inner turmoil that really blocks me from being powerful and making powerful decisions. And at some point of the day I am like "okay we're just going step by step towards making the situation better", at other times I am like "I need professional help" which makes it difficult for me to really identify what is true.

I think there is still a lot more to the story but I just wrote down what came out of my heart right now and you kind of get what is going on.

Maybe you have a suggestion or maybe a book or someone I could turn to, that you can recommend.

Thank you so much for taking the time!

 

 

Oh my

I have a very similar experience right now.
Weird cardiovascular symptoms, like pressure in my rib cage, numbness in my left arm, unfamiliar intrusive feeling of the heart bear, vertigo.
All in combination with anxiety and slight panic attacks.

I was visiting a hospital three times already. ECG and blood testing reveal "perfect" results as the doctors said.
In between I was sick with the flu which perpetuated the symptoms.

But the symptoms came as part of heavy metal detox side effects.
I had atlas correction therapy too almost two months back and the therapist said that corrections can have temporal worsenings.

What did you do just before these symptoms arrived originally?
Where you moving, did you change diet, did you take drugs, etc?

Btw, you are not alone with this.
 

[Giulio Bevilacqua]

Gareth Duignam

Scott Kiloby