Where's my Hallucinations? I can't find them

[Keryo Koffa]

Okay, I know y'all enlighten ones are just gonna say that my whole reality is the hallucination I'm looking for.

But really, ravers have the strangest trips, the stories from "Tales from the Trip" are incredible, beautiful, crazy, amazing.

I take psychedelics in a quiet hotel mostly, sometimes go out into nature, sometimes roam the city on a medium dose.

My senses are sharpened, my mind is opened, my perspectives shift, my mind interconnects, intuition is roaming.

But where are my promised mandalas, fractals, tasting sounds, hearing colors, talking plants, extradimensional entities.

I love psychedelics, they advanced and saved me, made me in tune with myself, unlocked my senses, body, mind.

But I want the full experience. I don't want to be looking for patterns, I want to be taken. I want the trip to control me.

I want the irrational, I want the nonsensical, I want to experience what's beyond a sharpening of the senses. I want more qualia.

I know the goal is to want and desire less, less attachment, more being, more presence. But I'm left out of the circle.

Everyone else is having fun being thrown into fractal dimensions, and I just get more clarity and a stronger bond to reality.

[Bandman]

even with substantial doses of DMT and mushrooms you don't have visuals or other dimensions? you might have more resistance than most people to psychedelics. you could try a higher dosage, but be very careful. don't just do this without proper research, harm prevention, and knowing what you're doing.

Edited December 20, 2023 by Bandman

[Bandman]

What kind of psychedelics are you doing and how high are your dosages? if I may ask

[Yimpa]

The psychedelics doing all the work for you is a bunch of fantasy. 

You need to be intimately involved in the creation process, dammit!

[Keryo Koffa]

@Bandman I haven't tried DMT yet, although I did try ayahuasca, my cooking might not have been good enough, or maybe tolerance already kicked in.

In short. Week 1: 15g strong truffles, 2 days later 15g (some hallucinations, but only on strong effort and focus), 2 days later 44g, 2 days later 88g (overstimulated, amnesia, time loop, bad trip, but no hallucination). Weeks later: 44g (very mild face morphing only), day later 30g, day later 14g. Weeks later 150ug 1P-LSD (no hallucination), days later 600ug (no hallucination in the first 2 hours, then fell asleep due to exhaustion, missed trip). Weeks later: 150ug again, no hallucinations. Weeks later: 10mg 2C-B (no hallucinations), day later multiple psychedelics (no hallucinations), day later (low dose ayahuasca + 150ug LSD + 20mg 2C-B no hallucinations, probably tolerance), day later repeat, day later 22g truffles (great trip, no hallucinations)

The long version:

I started 3 months ago. I took 15g of the netherlands' strongest magic truffles (psilocybin), spedrun all insecurities and completely dissolved social anxiety. Second trip two days later was the same, I got fully in tune with my body. Then two days later I took 44g, had a beautiful nostalgic evening. I tried 70g two days after that and was lost in an existential amnesia bad trip that felt like I would lose my consciousness forever if I fell asleep. I recovered tolerance and came back after a few weeks, tried 44g again, ranted about humanity and my role within it all night, repeated next night, my body felt alien, my energy was hyper, a medium dose the morning after that, I perceived humans and myself through the lens of us just being more evolved animals but it was all interpretation. I returned some weeks after that, I unlocked my interconnective and learning capacities on a blotter of 150ug of 1P-LSD, got so in tune with my body I started doing handstands for the first time in my life, at the end I felt as if I was an alien coming into this body, materializing, but all intuition, no perception. I tried 600ug of LSD before I had to leave but was so tired I only managed to stay awake for 1.5 hours, there was more traces in my vision, more motion, I felt more anxiety about people outside the hotel talking in the rain and being seen despite closed curtains. But I didn't see anything unreal and fell asleep.  Few weeks after that had my first god realization on 150ug of LSD again, I intuited that everything is connected by consciousness, emotions swarmed into me. I saw the branches of trees as a conceptual network, I imagined a raisin as a solar system, but it was all conscious imagination. I had a psychedelic week last week, I started with 10mg of 2C-B-FLY, it felt like my first trip, instant happiness, love, couldn't stop smiling like my first LSD trip. Thought about many things. Felt trapped in solipsist zero-sum emotion projection, but no visual changes, just thoughts, projection, imagination. Actually, the night before I started the psychedelic week, I had my first nightmare in a dozen years, maybe in anticipation. Then I was in a half asleep state after I woke up from it, said something, heard that repeated as I fell asleep in my dream, woke up, said something, heard it again, felt scared, heard breathing, freaked out, woke up, felt hard to move, my blanket seemed to be pulled down from both sides by an external force, scared the shit out of me, but it subsided after seconds, that wasn't even on any psychedelics though and long after my last trip. The second day of the psylic week, I mixed some LSD and 2C-B with the intention of letting go, my mind felt in love with reality again, I made lots of peace with it, my awareness rose, I could control my body more directly, like inverse kinematics in the entire body, also heat energy from the environment and myself in a holistic sense and conception, but no hallucinations. On the third day I cooked some ayahuasca, like 50g and 25g of caapi and chacruna, boiled the water away at 70-80C, drank, it felt like a mid dose of truffles, mixed more psychedelics, not that big an increase, went outside, felt more in tune with nature and my bodies capacities like running and breath. Tried 10x salvia on the forth day, never smoked in my life, probably did it wrong, didn't show much of any effects. Got myself 22g of truffles for the fifth day and that was amazing, had vivid day dreams but still consciously constructing them, very in tune with the universe but no hallucinations. And now I'm here, my senses are sharpened, I see objects with more contrast, saturation, balance my body better, run and breathe like never before, do what I was afraid to before, change my life 180 but still no hallucinations. Only on my second trip, the first hour I stared at the ceiling in the dark, there was this pattern, I kept reinterpreting it, I felt scared, focused on one object, it felt like I consciously interpreted dark figures around it, but I wasn't scared because I was depressed and had other priorities in my life to work out. On my fifth trip, I saw my face stretching and morphing a bit, but I was too focused on recording my rant to focus on it.

Ideas:

I was always hyper-conscious about how everyone perceived me and always needed to be in control, it might be that I need to let go of that. I haven't let down my guard even on the handful of occasions where I drank alcohol, I passed out on a bottle of whiskey, but never lost my composure until I passed out, alcohol doesn't work on me. I might be too protective, too in control, not letting lose enough, I might be able to induce it if I take a high dose after tolerance reset.

[Keryo Koffa]

@Yimpa Psychedelics unlock my unconscious, parts I suppressed so deep I didn't know they existed, yet after much experience, my intuition lets me progress in their absence, but they never let me down in unlocking what would have taken me forever to realize. Psychedelics are a state of mind, if I know what to look for, if I know what direction to go in, I can start doing it myself, but the thing is, they always bring me to 1000x of whatever my current base state happens to be. I do my best without them, but they are something else. In between trips, I purposefully learn and become as much as possible, so that that 1000x multiplier is put on top of that. And they also work on what I consciously focus on, so they are really an Amplifier to my consciousness rather than a replacement. Maybe believing in them will slow me down, but without them I wouldn't be here. I look for the best of both worlds, best of all worlds.