Why am I so scared of believing I can be GREAT at what I do?

[Indianonymous]

I am sick and tired of this feeling of living life cranking hard on the accelerator while feeling I still have the handbrakes on.

I barely accomplished anything until the age of 28-29 in my life by just NEVER putting myself out there nor taking any action.

The biggest thing that has worked to improve my life by LEAPS and bounds is to just put in ACTION. Despite having improved like a 100x from 28-29, I feel like right now, even at the age of 34 I am still not COMPLETELY giving myself the best chance by not TRULY believing in myself.

Why am I so scared of believing I can be a GREAT legit Fitness + Dating Coach/Influencer?

...that people would actually give a shit about me, both my personal journey and look up to/for in terms of knowledge/education?

Why don't I deep down trust in myself and my TREMENDOUS potential? I am sick and tired of SELF-SABOTAGING myself from my own Dreams.

Why don’t I give myself the BEST chance I can possibly have?

A lot of the times I think this comes from just 'not feeling good enough' + 'what if I do it and STILL fail? That would be devastating'

Like I feel I am not big enough, jacked enough, ripped enough, educated enough to teach about Bodybuilding.

I am not experienced enough and have enough lay count etc to speak about Dating & Relationshp advice.

I am not good/smart/knowledgable enough to make videos on topics I LOVE viz Psychedelics, Anabolics etc.

Sometimes I feel like I am an NPC in this Game of Life where others (in my world other Bodybuilder Influencers I know) are the MAIN character. I just am an NPC on the side.

What's even MORE frustrating about this... Is that I have a LOT of tangible proof for myself to see and should be enough to 'close my mind with logic' that dude, you ARE good enough, why the heck is this still bothering you?

It took some time, but over time in my last prep, I started getting more and more confident and started to realize that I AM the main character in my life. I am hoping for the same this time as well, but I'd still like some help to tackle this fear better.

Eg. For my last Bodybuilding Prep, when I did it, I decided to give myself the BEST possible chance to do the best I could possibly do. Because I feel like I trusted in myself and wanted to give myself the best shot at my goal.

I had this weird sort of tunnel vision drive where absolutely nothing else existed. No one else looking at me weird when I was recording myself, none of the sniggers and stares and judgemental looks etc.

Take a quick skim look at this example in this video during my last prep :

 

This teenage girl & her boyfriend who were recording me were actually snickering and laughing, I didn't realize it until later on, but at the same time, I also didn't care because I was so tunnel visioned in my own work to be done to give myself my best shot at my goals.

Same/similar with creating content and the like.

Over time something seems to have happened where I feel like I stopped caring about myself enough to try and give myself the best possible chance by caring too much about what other people think about me.

Btw it IS true in my gym, meathead central pro's only, that I am one of the smallest guys there, not a pro, no competitive aspirations, not at 50k+ followers, not a part of any team or clique etc.

I AM an outsider.

And I feel like I definitely do get looked down or weirdly at. So it does definitely make me feel a bit out of place and not always 'supported'.

But I am mad at myself for even giving a fuck about what these other meathead monkey morons think. As someone who logically and rationally understands internal validation is supreme etc why do I STILL seem to let others negativity get to me?

(Btw leaving the gym is not an option, this is the BEST gym in all of Canada, I LOVE the equipment etc. What I feel I need to tackle is the limiting beliefs and demons within my head.)

This ALSO reflects in the way that I create content (or don’t!)

I have had it in my mind to create videos on Anabolics, which I KNOW will drive massive growth and traffic to my channel, but I STILL haven't. After 3+ YEARS OF CONTEMPLATION!!! I am always 'busy' with the next great idea, or unnecessary higher frequency of uploads, rather than working on the AMAZING content I know I can create on Anabolics & Bodybuilding or something that would generate MASSIVE value and drive people to my channel.

In the amount of effort that I put into researching for my content. The editing that I do for it.

For example, I haven’t posted a single story on my IG in months now, and neither any training videos.

The truth is of course however that had I kept doing so folks would have been wanting to follow my entire journey.

Similarly, I didn’t post anything for an amazing mini-cut progress I had. And nothing else either.

I don’t work late nights or I feel like I don’t work to 100% of my potential and end up checking out video games or something to enjoy the present time. (Though this might be an ENTIRELY different topic maybe because I am also learning to take breaks and enjoy my life on the daily, which as an otherwise self-esteem-workaholic, I get my self-esteem just by the man hours I put in and the amount of hours of pleasure I 'sacrifice'.)

And I feel the reason for that is that deep down I don’t think I am going to get anything for putting in all of my efforts in.

The growth so far has been quite slow on my socials and my Youtube (at least compared to where I think I should be) and I feel like that takes away from the drive for me to go at a 100% of my potential and give myself the best chance I can have.

What am I looking for with this post?

-Would love to figure out a way to have my own back and support myself through my fears instead of listening to them and letting them get the better of me (I have been in this spot before, need to figure out how to get there again.)
-Would love some actionable steps and insights for the above,
-Thoughts opinions on mindsets and tackling my self-limiting beliefs and fears,
-and also in closing would love to come up with a short mantra or something I can remind myself of "being good enough, and worthy enough that people would care about my journey and my knowledge" & "how to have my own back" whenever I feel "the resistance" when it's time for me to put in action.

Thanks for your time gents! <3

 

Edited November 29, 2023 by Indianonymous

[universe]

You have put a lot of work, making the time for and doing the action.

Now you also want to supplement with working on your inner game.

You psychology, your mindset, your emotions.

 

On 29/11/2023 at 4:48 PM, Indianonymous said:

What's even MORE frustrating about this... Is that I have a LOT of tangible proof for myself to see and should be enough to 'close my mind with logic' that dude, you ARE good enough, why the heck is this still bothering you?

See this is not how it works.

Real Growth comes from changing yourself.

You won't feel more ready by just getting more muscles, more money or more girls.

This won't change yourself much.

Some people may get sadder when they achieve all this outside success.

Because now they don't even have the hope that they will feel better after getting X.

 

You want to question your core beliefs about yourself and others.

Going inside.

[Dauntment]

Coming from a big picture perspective (not getting into the micro details you're writing about) + referencing an insight from an awakening earlier this year....."Whatever you say, bud. You're God after all lol".

Given the length of the post, I would deduce possible anxiety (??) and probably overthinking. It can be very easy to get lost in a labyrinth YOU constructed. That said, my input:

1. Level out, "let the water still" so you can "see" more clearly; Meditate.

2. Using the clarity from #1. (Meditation), you will find your answers (inside you) that you are asking us ("outsiders", inside you lol)

3. Lastly, Again, Emphasizing/Iterating, its ALL your Mind. Want something? Great, go for it. Don't want it? Don't sweat it; Take Action. (Not Action-Faking, but DOING thing, will ultimately result in your growth).

 

Good luck man