"?? Growing Hair on my Balls ?" Extremely Raw and Honest PUA Journey Journal

[mmKay]

Oh man. Went out solo. I had a wing coming in a few hours. He never showed Up. I had fun "by myself" in the meantime.

Talked with some groups, made friends and got myself a normie wingman out of nowhere. Started opening Girls . Good momentum. We had like 5+ decent convos at the start of the night. Got like 3 half solid IGs

2 AM my turkish normie wing left. I had some fun alone again but by 3am I was heading back to my place to call It a night. I sat on some stairs and was quietly singing something and some girl was in a fun mood and she literally came to me to give me a hug. We connected in many things. We went back to the club for hours. I lead them through the club. They dissapeared ( It felt like a sht test ) and when we found eachother again i was dancing with a hottie by the hands with was a good scenario for me.

I actually wanted to make out with her. She had a tight body and cute face, which IS my standard. We danced. Pretty intimately but not all the way. I told her we can dance but no kissing and she giggled and we danced a bit more harder. I cant tell if this worked in my favor or not...

I sat her down to build confort. I met her fiends. I literally told her im not boyfriend material and she giggled. Every time we went dancing she was a little cold. She would allways be smiling  and grabbing my hands and interlocking fingers but would never grind on me. It looks now I should have lead harder and get blown out or make it. I found out she is staying in the same room with this male friend and her other friend and I thought she doesnt want to feel slutty so that's why I cant escalate on her.

Anyways , I ditched her and I think that made her feel feelings , because when I went with my other girls for a few minutes i actually saw she was grinding on some random goofy 18 yr old and they made out while her female friend recorded It!!!

It fucking shocked me wow. I thought I had read the situation so well. The only explanation I have is she felt disvalidated by me leaving like that and she felt she wanted some sort of aprooval that the random guy provided.

Anyways, i hadnt danced with my Girls all night basically as they kept getting lost. But later i started grabbing her by the arm which she liked . We went for a water and when we came back there was some dude sitting next to her friend. Amazing, just the perfect distraction. We checked if she was smiling. She was. I told her to sit opositte. We started hugging. I masaged her. She loved It . I stood her Up, I learned against the wall and we hugged super sexy. From front and behind. I bit her neck and she liked it. If I had a chance for a kiss It was there. I should have done It. Loud music. I she gave me all the green lights. . . She was into it

I didnt have a super smooth kissing escalation and I'm not a super good kisser so my inner Game wasnt on point there.

Anyways we walked outside the club together. Her friend literally offered to leave us alone lol she was on our side.

We went into this super mega water fountain,  hugged in the middle of it. We masaged ourselves while hugging . I asked for permision to grab her ass and she agreed by a little moan which was cute.

We spoke super close but all we ended having a small kiss on the lips. The feelings weren't there really. We enjoyed ourselves.

I had the chance for a good makeout but I didnt capitalize on It in the club.

 

Overall fucking great for a solo night that was suposed to be just for momentum building. She had a cute face, perfect smile and a thicc body. I love It.

Going to sleep now. More tomorrow.

Edited August 18, 2023 by mmKay

[mmKay]

7 hours ago, mmKay said:

They dissapeared ( It felt like a sht test ) and when we found eachother again i was dancing with a hottie by the hands with was a good scenario for me.

I actually wanted to make out with her. She had a tight body and cute face, which IS my standard. We danced. Pretty intimately but not all the way. I told her we can dance but no kissing and she giggled and we danced a bit more harder. I cant tell if this worked in my favor or not...

I sat her down to build confort. I met her fiends. I literally told her im not boyfriend material and she giggled. Every time we went dancing she was a little cold. She would allways be smiling  and grabbing my hands and interlocking fingers but would never grind on me. It looks now I should have lead harder and get blown out or make it. I found out she is staying in the same room with this male friend and her other friend and I thought she doesnt want to feel slutty so that's why I cant escalate on her.

Anyways , I ditched her and I think that made her feel feelings , because when I went with my other girls for a few minutes i actually saw she was grinding on some random goofy 18 yr old and they made out while her female friend recorded It!!!

It fucking shocked me wow. I thought I had read the situation so well. The only explanation I have is she felt disvalidated by me leaving like that and she felt she wanted some sort of aprooval that the random guy provided.

Also i may have gotten a little too profound when building comfort. She mentioned her malen friend is a little insecure ( he was in front of us ) and I told him some ideas thay were too on point and the girl resonated with It too much, which put me a little in the boyfriend category maybe and she didnt want to appear slutty around me...

I could also have take advantage of her friend liking me in a fun way.  I could have gotten información like if she likes me , or of she thinks its okay for me to make out with her , etc.

Also I should have escalated verbally with the girl since there seemed to be a little block physically. Maybe I should have flirted a little more, more push pull and play with her emotions, play with the idea of kissing and us together or whatever. Missed reference experience there. I may have her IG im not sure. She may be DTF in spite of making out of that random guy yday.

[mmKay]

I took friday off to recover sleep debt + i was working until late night so I couldnt get in for free to the club. I could have gone to the bars though. 

I should aim to go out on friday and Saturaday. I should not miss these.

I went to the club yesterday. I mentioned id go solo in the Valencia Game group and two guys joined. One I knew one I didnt.

I swear I'm better off solo. These dudes just get me in my head and I feel like im losing momentum AF . It may be that I need to learn how to deal with wingmen In a useful way.  They're good if they keep me taking action, we build ourselves up and actually wing for eachother in sets.

Staying around talking logically and about Game theory is bad. Avoid at all costs.

Its a skillset in its own.

 

Anyways I was pretty damn tired yesterday. I even took 1/8th of a modafinil pill thinking It maybe would combat It but no way. I had super low energy which hindered me from quite a few interactions 

I opened about 10 sets tonight and its was okay. Some good reactions, worked on my verbals and banter, some cool situational openers.

I should maybe try to escalate a bit more. Sometimes the interactions are a little too friendly.

A black girl opened me on the dance floor and interlocked fingers with me. I could have gotten some reference experience there but I didnt like her. Damn you standards lol.

Also some more insights would be: i was walking by in the dance crowd by two girls. I looked at her, no eye contact. I looked away and she wasnt looking at me but I saw her turning her body towards me with my periferial visión. I opened with "hey " and eye contact and It went good!

Also I opened two girls sitting. They have me the coldest look and I just laughed and started at them in the eyes without saying anything, almost like making fun of then because of their reaction.  They started smiling as well and opened Up.

That was the insight of the night I guess. I frame controled them into them being weird for reacting antisocially towards me, and that its not normal for me to get a bad reaction like that and I didnt take It.

Also all of this was done non verbally.

 

I should have taken some numbers maybe. I had plenty of okay interactions. I literally forgot to do It.

 

Also I want to learn to speak with earplugs. I feel uncalibrated and need to develop the muscle memory for how loud to be.

I could have opened two or three girls on  the dance floor in the loud ass club ( its 3 clubs in one here) . I had the intuition they were receptive and after observing I was right. One girl kissed a guy after a few words. I found feel her horniness in her face. Follow my intuition more. I just was pretty tired and not feeling specifically touchy.

I gotta say yesterday was not fun. Not Being negative but Its starting to feel a little robotic. I allways go to the same club or same bars. I should recover sleep debt first of all and switch up the clubs a bit.

 

I like opening with something like " you / your friend looks so friendly. And make It into a pull push. It makes It easy to hug on open. And also I just slide into groups pretty easy with they one.

I opened a mixed group, asked the dude if thats his GF with a smile and he was like nahh you can have her lol.

We had a good interaction but I wasnt into her that much . Damn you standards.

Canadians girl loved the banter, she almost fainted from laughing . Remember to escalate on positive reactions, whatever that means in the moment. She was the cutest of the night. She didnt really give me signals but they kinda loved me from the open. We moved around, met their Friends, etc. I met her later in the night and she gave me an okay response but I was too tired to plow.

I should keep It nice and short early and burn It to the ground more as the night progressed. I had seen three or so girls that I opened before but I didnt go for It. Should have done It for the reference exp. Nothing to lose. 

Edited August 20, 2023 by mmKay

[mmKay]

On 20/8/2023 at 2:05 PM, mmKay said:

Canadian girl loved the banter, she almost fainted from laughing . Remember to escalate on positive reactions, whatever that means in the moment. She was the cutest of the night. She didnt really give me signals but they kinda loved me from the open. We moved around, met their Friends, etc. I met her later in the night and she gave me an okay response but I was too tired to plow.

Minutes after the great opener I told them verbally  to move a few meters to get away from the loud AF music. I told them, and waited for them to agree , and had to logically convince them of why we are done doing It ( music was too loud to speak )

They vaguely moved my way with a confused look and when they went where I wanted them to she looked at me from the side as if I was being creepy for following them. I BASICALLY HAD TO RE-OPEN THE INTERACTION . I went with a false time constrainment and she responded well and asked me questions because she wanted me to keep me there a little longer.

Never again lead without grabbing her wrist at least. Missing the chance to get physical + It shows no man to woman, its pathetic leaving. Dont ask, take the lead and risk rejection, which was basicaly  imposible from how well the open went.

 

And this tiny thing fucked me over later when I found her vaguely standing around in a mixed group. Had I grabbed her before I'd have the permission to grab her out of the group, instead I went with some lame verbals and I lost her attention.

I should have grabbed her out of there anyways but I was very tired lol .

 

 

If the whole group likes me I can find out logístics from them . Is the girl I like single? Etc

Edited August 22, 2023 by mmKay

[mmKay]

A little reallity check...

I cant belive I'm doing a no fap/ no prn challenge.

I came to the conclusion that for a plethora of reasons, I have a pretty low ambition and sx drive. So this " challenge " should boost my motivation and  feeling more horny for a little less hot gilrls which is good for gaining more experience. Sometimes my standars are unrealistic.

 

 

Besides that... I feel like a looser to some extent. Not in a shameful low self esteem way. In a very realístic pragmatic way.

I feel shamed of being 25 yrs old and not having at least a direction of becoming something or someone. I feel ashamed of saying I'm  a waiter when girls ask me what I do. In a very realístic way. No low self esteem BS.

i also noticed I dont do anything in my Life. Like really. Ive been going out a lot lately and Its the only thing I do besides working. This pua challenge is great but I'll Split my efforts half and half, into building a Life and practicing Game.

Before this challenge, i literally didnt do anything besides waiter job and watching YT. That has been the bulk for the last few years, very oversimplified.

I dont want to be a hollow charming dude with nothing to show for. Pulling Girls into my life only for them to be dissapointed. Ofc its not necesary. I can attract Girls with raw attraction and sx skills, but I want to be more than that.

I'll elaborate further later.

Edited August 22, 2023 by mmKay

[mmKay]

Fucking hell this shit is so hard. It's really hard to get actual results.

I gotta stay unrealistically optimistic and stack that 0.1% improvents per night but God fucking damn.

Im not pissed . Its just this realization hit me pretty hard.

 

It feels like I'm both the blacksmith and the sword and I'm hammering myself into a sharp blade.

I'll elaborate tomorrow. Two nights to share.

Edited August 27, 2023 by mmKay

[mmKay]

I wrote a super long field report and It didnt save... I'm sweating a lot lately because It feels apropiarte.

Some key ideas :

Take risks. LITERALLY grab by the elbow. Physicallity is the indicator or interest. If I get rejected its good. It means im not wasting time. There is no way around risking rejection. Brush It off, Laugh It off, enjoy that aspect of the Game. Its necesary.

Do not fucking hesitate. 3 second rule. If Girls see me hesitating its creepy as fuck. It also fucks with my state and momentum 

Grab by elbow and plow. Lazer eye contact. Cocky smirk ideally. Writing to summon a perfecto smile has made me hesitate a few times and lose a fucking 9'5 in my standards. If I dont have the smile or smirk go anyways but DO NOT HESITATE.

Sometimes just burn It to the ground. All or nothing.

I need to become x50 more touchy with everyone. I want It to become super natural and internalize It as part of me. I'm pretty bad at that atm.

 

Lazer eye contact. If they're into me they will love it. Its an essential part of non verbal Game. Its a huge huge part of getting results. 

Build that sexual tension.

 

Im way too friendly overall. I can approach a lot but thats not the core or Game. I need to internalize flipping the script so they're chasing me ideally.  Tease, neg disqualify, make her qualify herself, screen her, make her crave my aprooval.

 

If l Girls flock together call It out in a fun way. I opened a group of 5 girls all in a tight pack by saying they remember me of a group of pigeons. They laughed their ass of and I was in.

If I her friends cockblock me be like im gay or whatever. Scramble her brain.

Show intent without giving my power away by doing push pull ( verbally ). I almost ever escalate verbally WTF

Escalate logístically a lot. GRAB HER and LEAD. Dont ask for permisión. If she comes great. If not evaluate the situation- adjust or dip. 

Escalate physically. Kino ladder PDF is good.

I want to become more results oriented. Its getting to not get solid results. I see myself somewhere in half a year..

 

More soon

[mmKay]

Another club night. Tried a new club ! i Was tired but pushed myself and surprisingly i felt good.

Went out with normie friend. I opened about 10 groups. Got little IOIs and okay social experience. Nothing really sexual tonight but thats okay. Stacking momentum and the 0'1 % improvents.

I walked alone to the club as my friend took a cab. I was feeling insecure and in my head but I managed to make fun of that fact and reduce its importance.

I made any excuse to chat with some people at the entrance and start warming up. It went good, they started chatting to me soon enough. In queue i talked Up the people in front and behind if us. It was mostly guys. The girl in front made eye contact with me and I just smiled. She said hi to me and we talked.

I got the habit of finding out Girls relationship status in mixed groups - good.

Met a 2 girl 1 Guy group we spent most of the night with. Girls were super shy but we had a good time. Maybe we Will hang out more as they are staying here.

Opened a 2 set on the dance floor by tapping shoulder. I showed her Who she looks like on my phone. Writing and showing pictures is a clear path of comunication thsts not disturbed by the music.

She was super intrigued about It. She took my phone  and scrolled through all the pics. She asked if its good or bad that she looks like her. I did a" so- so " sign with my hand with a smile . She took It as somewhat of an insult... She was super cute in my eyes but she was insecure AF. Had she good self esteem It would have hooked.

Got two random  IOIs from Girls walking around. Literally looking me in the eyes smiling and dancing like I was . I should grab them and at least give them a hug even if i dont want to kiss them or anything instead of letting the free reference experience pass.

I opened a group of three italians. One two Girls snd one guy. One if them was extremely Hot. I told her she looks like someone famous and she said the name of a p*rn star with a straight face!!! and I said yes LMAO i didnt catch who It was in the moment as i had someone else in mind. We had an okay intraction but It didnt go anywhere as they were pretty dry and I didnt come Up with a lot either. Práctice gaming a brick wall.

I practiced deeper eye contact today. I thought mine was good but It can get so much better aparently. Specifically from close when alternating between speaking into her ear and looking into eyes.

Lead grill through dance crowd by hand ☑️

Short bar Game tonight 

My normie wing doesnt open or dance but I guess its better than alone, at least for consistency of showing up. Inside id rather find him some friends and bounce back and forth

[pablo_aka_god]

the part about being " unrealistically optimistic" is so true! I try to remember that myself. do you know who came up with that concept? also love that you live in a van!

Edited August 29, 2023 by pablo_aka_god

[mmKay]

@pablo_aka_god I've read It on leo's posts on here. Delusionally optimistic is the actual term.

[mmKay]

On 28/8/2023 at 3:40 PM, mmKay said:

She took my phone  and scrolled through all the pics. She asked if its good or bad that she looks like her. I did a" so- so " sign with my hand with a smile . She took It as somewhat of an insult... She was super cute in my eyes but she was insecure AF. Had she good self esteem It would have hooked.

My issue here was that I just left after she was mad at me. What I did was not i'll intended. That was actually good as it's an emotional reaction rather than nothing at all. I should have apologized and kept going 100% unless she's actually unconfortable.

Edited September 1, 2023 by mmKay

[mmKay]

I'm doing a GTFO my mancave challenge.

Socialize throughout the entire day rather than only at clubs and seclude during the day lol

Staying in at day and going clubbing with normie friend at night has not worked that well for now. Wings are not active at all here. I belive id be better off on my own.

Daygame is great for that.

I will find lots of reasons why to leave my place and just be outside. 

I plan to do lots more of daygame this month. Ideally I'd still go out friday and saturday, or some day that clubs are good.

 

I want to join a choir as I love Singing.

Práctice guitar outside.

Join improv classes.

Do stand Up comedy on open mic nights 

Go to karaokes

Join Singing classes

Join dance classes

Join yoga classes

Volleyball on the beach

Do photography. For myself, strangers, pets, animals, buildings, scenarios...

Record vlogs and skits. Edit at the mall or library.

Just scoot around the city and explore places

 

Perhaps get night job in that case.

I can only be at my place to eat, store things , change clothes, drive or sleep.

 

 

Edited September 1, 2023 by mmKay

[mmKay]

I skipped about 10 nights or so of documenting.  

Quick update to regain momentum.

About to start my second week of bachata classes. Its super cool and resonates with my personallity. I've allways loved dancing.

I get to practice touching girls for free in a socially acceptable way. I already feel a little more confortable with It.

I aspire to open physically without permission. No waiting for indicators of interest or eye contact. Just boom - grab - either hook or reject.

I know its possible if properly executed and she is receptive.

Yes, its a little of an ego thing  since It can be totally avoided but thats what I aspire to personally. A wing or mine shared the book " Physical Game " by ex-RSD Ozzie and I'm still reading It.

 

Im kind of jellous of my other wings Game. He has 50k followers in IG and all he does is be friendly and do good eye contact with his pretty ass face and great smile , talk about literally the most mundane stuff ever, ask for her IG and she gets attracted ( hes a magician)

He f*cked a girll somewhere around the club in a corner 10 min after meeting her!! Lol

A few days ago we pulled two girls to his house

We met them the day before in the club and accidentaly i stumbled upon them in a different club on a monday while out with a different  wing - she was begging me to convince my wing ( the magician ) to come see her. She literally cried when i told her hes not coming.

Long story short he came. Club closed at 3:30. We got into a taxi with the excuse of grabbing some food near to their place ( i knew her logístics from the night before) but spontaneously my wing offered them to come to his house. They agreed with the condition of " them not having to sleep over ".

 

At their place, i entretened my girl. Yeah, we didnt do anything . I wasnt super into her, wasnt feeling horny. She was cute though. I didnt manage to create attraction in spite of trying to in a half ass way. She actually made out with a black dude half hours before coming home with us.

I really enjoyed that time though. Goofing around and giving her a message etc 

My wing was making out with her on the couch next to us. He took her by the hand to his room.

20 min later she came back. She got a panick attack and she was sobbing.

She was SO MUCH into my wing that she could not handle It at a physical and emitional level. She could not belive he chose her.

Nothing happened that night. I walked them home. She said that my friend is so amazing and kind and respectful. And that he deserves the BEST girl.

Idk if they did anything the day after but I guess so be because she was absolutely heels over toes for him and she kept apologizing for her panic attack.

 

God fucking damnn It that's cute, and thats proper Game. Her begging for his attention. And that's why im jellous

 

I butchered this story but I'll share It anyways.

 

There was more but i'm already taking too long to wrote this.

Going out tonight 

 

 

Edited September 30, 2023 by mmKay

[pablo_aka_god]

thanks for sharing! most of my man friends are tall and beautiful and i'm average looking slightly shorter than average. I face those things weekly. they barely make an effort and girls go to them because they are tall or pretty.

not much we can do, if we keep gaming we are improving ourselves in way more dimensions than just the ability to get sex we are becoming tanks

[mmKay]

@pablo_aka_god I wasnt very serious on the jellous of his looks part

[mmKay]

Friday I went out solo as literally 4 people changed plans.

I made some normie Friends at the club and did some casual interactions. There was a girl interested in me. I opened her mixed group with some observational comement about them taking pics. We talked 20 sec and 15 min later she was super excited to see me at the dance floor.

She was petite and cute, but I literally just didnt chat with her in an engaging way because I did not have It in me that nigbt and the opportunity just faded. I came back 2 AM and just collapsed.

Its a win in my book.

 

Saturday I went out solo again. Wings and Friends are unreliable.

I made Friends with about 5 groups with was great. A few Girls were interested in me but again I just didnt chat lol. Such a simple mistake.

 

I thought I was done for the night when my usual wing ( the magician ) texed me 4 AM.

I get pretty hyped when he comes by.

I did what I could to get myself in state.

I went back to my van. Did Deep Breathing. Some Osho dynamic meditation, ( pretty crazy ) I did some sprints on the street ( yea at 4 AM lol.) . I spoke gibberish for 20 min did free asociation. Finally i found a super cool empty elevador building and I got as loud and piercing as I could.

 

And still I didnt manage to switch gears.

It was not until I stimt upon him in the club that I got hyped to approach.

Opened about 20 sets in a physical way. Prácticed the clawz just eye Contact and smiling without saying anything, grabbing writs and putring her on me, etc.

Danced intimately with a girl. Tried to bite her neck but she refused. But she still stayed, so It was like a " not yet" .

We danced for like 10 min body with body and she was a little shy. I should have said ANYTHING LOL I never spoke to her , just grinned. Even though she clearly needed some more comfort.

 

Index fingers touching is good opener, hand of God, any hand shaking or clapping games, grinding ass with ass, little colaborative feet games, etc .

I opened this super Hot spanish blondies without saying anything. Just squared Up and looked eachother in the eyes 5 min. Doing playful stuff with hands 

Again I didnt day anything lmfao. She had a cig in one hand and a drink in the other and i was waiting for her to finish It to grab her.

Ideally I'd just plow her with verbals.

 

Great night, keep It up.

 

Ofc got rejected as well. I just stayed at this Hot ass girl with amazing eyes for 30 sec and her BF shower Up and he was líke " i get you Bro but shes my GF" lmfao and de hugged after i congratulated him.

A diff group was not so nice. I opened a girl in a 6 people mixed  group physically with a  behind the back handshake, she giggled but pushed me away pretty hard , like i was almost offended. Also the guys were looking down at me pretty angrily. But all good. I loved It since getting confronted by a Guy is one of my fears.

 

Sorry for the sloopy writing but its either this or nothing.

 

My wint fks a girll per day.  Not even fair.

The girl I talked about from last posts literally begged him so she could come sleep to his house, and he almost declined because he was with a diff girl. motherfucker lol.

He doesnt need cold approach to get laid but he does It for the skill. 50k on IG is like a cheat Code. I see It time and time again ?

[mmKay]

today is my 2 month aniversary of 4-6 times per week bachata ( about 10 hours per week )

i dance daily with 20+ girls. it's super fun since I've allways enjoyed dancing. i dont try any Game on the Girls but I get a lot of interest and im positive that 3 Girls have a Crush on me lol.

it's more of a social circle thing.

it's great to get comfortable with physical touch. also It reinforces expectinting physical compliance from Girls. overall 10/10 hobby.

[mmKay]

Putting a pause to this and switching my Focus to a Life Purpose Journal.

It will be somewhat related with Game but not it's core .

Stay tuned if you have enjoyed my story for now.Really cool stuff coming, aka my journey of becoming a confidence/expression/mental health coach ( I still dont know exactly how to put It).

 

Edited December 9, 2023 by mmKay

[mmKay]

Ahh man I've randomly read through this thread and Im thrilled to go clubbing again.  I've done a lot of things over the last few months that arent directly game but that translate into game, like improvised speeches in front of a crowd, hosting a toastmasters event, improvised stand up comedy Infront of a hundred people, lots of bachata clases, singing in public, picked up the kazoo, improv theatre, lots of guitar playing and lastly this thing called Contact improv which Is absolutely gold for practicing physicallity and eye contact 

I'm hyped to see how this translates into game when I restart this challenge 

Edited April 9 by mmKay

[mmKay]

@mmKay it happened. I spontaneously decided to go out yesterday, almost didn't. I went out solo and I pulled/closed the first girl I talked to yesterday at her place. The logistics were miraculously straightforward . It was from a latin dance club

None of us had alcohol 

She's young, blonde petite with blue eyes. I'm not looking for a relationship but we will most likely develop a FWB

On 22/8/2023 at 3:45 PM, mmKay said:

A little reallity check...

I cant belive I'm doing a no fap/ no prn challenge.

I double down on this. I found myself underperforming...

I'll purchase some blue pills for emergency 🙄

I'll spare the details 

 

Edited April 13 by mmKay