I am that guy and don't want to be

[lfvd95]

In this video:

Matthew Husey talks about women complaining about always getting approached by the same type of guy, by players, by the loudest guy in the room, and tells women to give the rest of the guys, who are just looking for an opportunity to go approach them, a chance.
Now, the thing is: I am the guy who always approaches, I'm the loudest guy in the room - I'm not a jock nor a Chad, I've just always been very friendly, extroverted and have liked possitive forms of attention; I've had success with women, that is, an above average number of succesful encounters, not because my game is great, rather because I've approached so much. I'm not a player per se, I've always looked for a commited relationship - but that's not what I've actually gotten.  My strategy since I was like 18 (10years ago) has been to be proactive and talk to as many people as possible, to build a big social circle and to go to the girls I find attractive to see if I can make something happen. But recently I've realised that its kind of compulsive i.e., I feel compelled to talk to every woman I find attractive, to ask for their number and ask them out. Not a week has gone by in the last 10 years when I didn't ask at least one girl for her number or out on a date (results varied). On the one hand, it hasn't really worked for me when it comes to finding good quality relationships, and on the other: I'm afraid I can't stop, and I often rationalize the iddue to myself:
"if I don't talk to them all, how am I supposed to find the right one - it's a numbers game after all.", " If I don't keep approaching I'll lose my skills - I need to practice" and "if I weren't to talk to every one, how could I know which ones I should approach and which ones not?" "I can't just sit around and wait for them to approach me." I'm afraid I can't stop, and I'm also afraid of wht will happen if I do.
I don't want to defend what I've been doing so far, it doesnt feel right, butI feel like if I stop I will miss a chance to find the right one. Or like I'm missing out on opportunities. The reason I want to stop is simply that this hasn't worked for me: I've never ended up in a healthy realtionship, but always with the wrong person.  Furthermore, I don't doubt that girls have noticed me talking to everyone ( I live in a small University city in Germany) and that I may have a reputation, so girls know I'm that guy who asked all of their friends or some of their acquaintances out.
I realize how needy and desperate this approach looks, like I'm just a horny guy trying to get laid by anyone. A girl who gets approached by me probably doesn't feel very special, since I'll talk to another one later, or the next day... Every day. All I want is to find one girl, one who shares my values and is into the same things I am: Truth, Philosphy, Spirituality, science, self development. Someone special I can build something with. But all I've gotten is rejection, casual or short lived stuff, and shitty short relationships - and in the last few months I've gotten more rejection than I usually get without any success ( which I guess might have something to do with girls talking or me just comming up as too desperate)
I've been abstaining from it, and I just feel this desire to go do it. It's like withdrawl from a drug. I've currently stopped talking to girls ( I even changed gyms and everything because I knew so many in my old one), but as I mentioned above, that's how I've realized that something in me feels wants to talk to all of them, and I feel like if I find any excuse to do it, I will, even when I'm trying to abstain from it for a while. I think about it a lot, especially when I'm out and about and I see girls I like. 
Despite what PUAs or anyone else might say, I don't think going out of your way to approach women, or talking to as many as possible is really necessary: lots of people get into relationships without having to do force it, without having to talk to 30 new people every week or something. And as I said, in my experience, its not great.
I think its important to mention that I have no problem being on my own, that I enjoy it a lot and try to be alone as much as I can, so it's not like I'm running away from being alone. Second, I say I do it and like to; this doesnt mean it's not hard, and emotionally taxing; I look for an oportunity, for an excuse to approach them, rather than wait for it. But then I also have to push myself to go and do it. And while sometimes the conversations are good, sometimes it's really hostile and awkward, but that's normal I guess)
I hope someone can give me some insight or advice or anything that might help me and others who may be going through the same thing.
Thank you

[Raze]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-hpjM_NNFQw

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FPg9qYMjE3Q