The ultimate universal female truth

[Sugarcoat]

On 2023-05-28 at 6:34 PM, Yimpa said:

Reminds me of this reddit post (read the comments as well)

Plumbing? 

[Sugarcoat]

On 2023-05-29 at 0:04 AM, eos_nyxia said:

t can be very very hard to unwire ourselves from this narrative, but I think age is one area where we really do have the opportunity to relax more into our body and experience. To stop displacing and splitting from ourselves, and the full potential of our subjective experience of beingness. (Like if I'm >X< then finally I'll be the best version of myself, that feels the best, that I actually deserve.)

This is despite the negative attitude toward aging, especially when aimed toward women. Which is why so many women say that being in their teens and 20s was crap, and being 30-40+ was actually a much better experience, despite one's teens/20s supposedly being the "prime" of a woman's life.

You could say this is a cope: in a way, it is.

But it is always better to not be bound, including when you have the opportunity to profit off your "privilege". Then you have the option to enjoy the ride more.

I doubt anyone who has an eating disorder, or who is even a little bit self-conscious (especially in the age of online social media), is having a having a truly awesome time being in a female body, even if they do enjoy the perks. I mean, do they truly enjoy the experience of being a woman or girl? Anyone who isn't completely clueless surely feels the insecurity because of how utterly conditional it is: the hands that feeds you (or praises you) will either be gone later, if it doesn't just strangle you. I have to laugh when guys call this "love".  No, it makes your peepee hard and influences all of your decision making, whether they go with or turn against the desire.

true. It is the strongest conditioning for women at least in the west I think. It is so strong that even the women who work hard to “accept themselves” instead of obeying it like me struggle.

this relaxation into our body - it’s something I’ve experienced as a gradual thing that settles as I’ve gotten older, more and more each year. So you’re right, it does get better.

True that, most women are struggling with this in a way . That’s why my post isn’t personal per se as some of the replies are making it to be, there is a sprinkle of this more or less in most women especially young ones. My being is perhaps more open aware and sensitive to this conditioning as is thus able to articulate it so bluntly 

 

“it is always better to not be bound”. I agree with you here. Women have tried it, to live from their appearance, how miserable doesn’t that show itself to be 

Yet, some of us struggle with the opposite in a way. I don’t even dare to feel sexy when I think I look good. Because it’s too dangerous. What if I enjoy it, then suddenly it switches and I think I look terrible again and now I’m suffering that, since I bound myself to the state of my body. So you end up living detached from the body, which is a kind of pain in itself. 
 

yes yes

[Sugarcoat]

On 2023-05-29 at 0:04 AM, eos_nyxia said:

Have you never had the exact opposite experience? Often I feel less radiant because of attention directly placed on me, because I have spent a lifetime (especially childhood) feeling easily constrained by my perception of other people's expectations of me. People often have very rigid expectations of how attractive women should behave, and what their behaviour means. If you are not "strong", or insensitive/ "callous", or stubborn enough to block out people's reactions toward you, or to never perceive and interpret them in the first place, then you may find yourself locked in very tightly. Like a gilded cage, or a choke collar made out of solid gold. It may be pretty but you're still stilted rather than empowered by all of the so-called benefits.

I fit into your description of a person who is independent of others reactions. It’s a different experience yet similar fundamentally. Instead of being bound to others perception, you have your own mental perception you picked up from somewhere that you are bound to San are trying to meet.

Maybe a parallel to this experience of feeling “less radiant” in your case to my case, sometimes when I’ve gotten closer to this ideal mental image, I’ve felt less “radiant” as you say. So I think I can see what you’re trying to say somehow. 
 

I don’t know what causes this difference between being more bound to others perception vs your own inner (same suffering tho). Maybe natural temperament or personality (I’ve always been extremely introverted)
 

I’m glad you’ve become aware of this and are perhaps able to work through it. 

[Sugarcoat]

On 2023-05-29 at 0:20 AM, eos_nyxia said:

That's amazing! I've become a lot more athletic and stronger as an adult, but I was THE MOST unathletic kid. I would absolutely have loved to have your natural athleticism. I often got picked last at team sports unless I was good friends with the person doing the picking. (Fortunately, I was pretty good at making friends growing up, for a time.)

For myself, I've had to accept that I will not be anywhere near as athletic (as in literally, rugged, robust) as someone who works much less hard because I've had to work with the limitations of my physical body. I am much more injury-prone.

Aww thanks. It is a journey to find this athlete in you. For me, this athleticism was constrained by my mind/ego. As it is for a lot of women, as in, the body has a desire to move and be healthy, but because of this conditioning, we develop eating disorders and other shit that takes all the joy out of this movement and turns it into this rigid thing

so we’re all together on this journey with our athleticism in a way. 

[Sugarcoat]

On 2023-05-29 at 0:20 AM, eos_nyxia said:

I totally get this feeling though. You're definitely not alone.

I know a lot of women do. Thanks tho

 

I can’t for fucks sake quote you on this phone , gotta get a computer damn. But I’ll reply here. 
 

First I’m sorry you went through all of that. Your experience describes what little me has always fantasized about and experienced would be the answer to my problems : how no matter how shitty things are, if I’m just hot I’d be doing okay somehow. Not primarily in terms of others perception because some people would still see the problems, but more for my own well being. Like a protective shield. But you prove that it doesn’t work

im actually more curious about how you where able to suffer so deeply, I’m genuinely curious because for all my life I’ve lived this detached existence where all my suffering is subtle and I’m almost incapable of suffering deeply. But this is a certain suffering too, a more subtle ever persistent icky ness about life. 
 

 

 

you bring up different angles one could come from with this conditioning. It’s like the same thing fundamentally this hotness thing but it expresses itself differently in different girls with different bodies and brains.  The girl in the video, me and you, all valid experiences - pretty much the same thing deep down 

 

as you mention - this struggle with femininity  as neurodivergent women. Relate relate. No diagnosis YET but there is no doubt really 

I like that you mention. Someone had to say it. It’s funny how people here talk as if I’m some average woman on the street with some shallow tendency. Not an inch of my being says normal. Not only do I sense it myself, but even other people , including people with for example autism themselves, have suggested that I’m neurodivergent (autism mentioned most). From my own research and experience too, there is something going on here. I’m not just the average girl with a little neurotic tendency to obsess over her appearance. It’s almost offensive somehow when people make it to be like that. Tell that to the little 12 yo girl who rubbed her lips aggressively with a towel everyday until they could bleed to make them look bigger. Or who crashed her phone to pieces because she was sad about her nose .”you’re just shallow” lol 

 

Regarding plastic surgery. I had rhinoplasty last year actually . It was an extremely desperate decision, I couldn’t stand my nose .

thank you for your oppennes. It can be like that, some of us feel like we have this sexiness and femininity and coolness we have cultivated within ourselves over the years but it pains us how this body isn’t desirable to us to be able to “own” it and express it. 

 

 

 

 

[Sugarcoat]

On 2023-05-29 at 2:22 AM, CARDOZZO said:

hahahah I have the same desire, but it is for Extreme High Consciousness Levels/States... 

How do you look at God's eyes?

Complete PERFECTION...

Strive for that ;))

Lovely that you know what you want I guess

[Sugarcoat]

On 2023-05-29 at 8:45 AM, Blackhawk said:

None of it matters for what? For getting a partner?

It's pretty easy for unattractive women to get a partner.

Or do you mean they can't make a difference in the world? Then what about all unattractive female scientists, politicians, etc.

Btw, I live in Sweden too. Nice to meet you.

Ofc they can. It’s more about the state of my body being undesirable thus I experience it a as a hindrance to my enjoyment of those things.

 

trevligt

[Sugarcoat]

On 2023-05-29 at 1:52 PM, gettoefl said:

being hot is a kiss of death, you will look outward for approval your whole life and never find someone who wants the real you

the worse curse existence imposes

play down your looks in every way possible ... give someone a chance to appreciate and adore the sublime supreme subjective you

they are the one worthy

and this all applies to men as well as women

You def have a point. I see how there is suffering in all sides of it

but I want to share this essence with my body as a desirable vessel for it…. 

[Sugarcoat]

On 2023-05-29 at 7:30 PM, MarkKol said:

Fact. Live with it. 
 

Or should I say… Činjenica, I dalje Živim s time. ❤️ 

Because I have 0 trauma around this issue, I find it easy to accept myself despite my feminine/childish appearance. Each of us takes a different path and we become uniquely ourselves. Something to be proud of, this is me, the protagonist, I am unique. A shiny Pokemon like no other. 

It should be obvious that a "looks issue" doesn't really exist, it's always about self esteem and self worth.

That’s cute <3 

im very glad you have peace in yourself 

 

you can have all the self esteem in the world and still have problems with the state of your body, as a separate object from you almost just saying 

[Javfly33]

@Sugarcoat Welcome to the game of survival.

There's no way to win this. Only go beyond it and trascend it.

 

[Sugarcoat]

On 2023-06-02 at 10:49 AM, Javfly33 said:

@Sugarcoat Welcome to the game of survival.

There's no way to win this. Only go beyond it and trascend it.

 

some of us feel so dead we’d love to be a part of this game of survival 

[Sugarcoat]

On 2023-05-30 at 4:24 AM, Roy said:

The underlying foundation of our biology is rooted around looks and a healthy appearance. Everybody wants to reproduce with good looking, fertile women which = great babies. This is just the state of nature, it's not personal.

You can still be successful despite this influence. It sounds like you've been able to. The resentment you have can be shed. Only you can unlock those chains around your mind.

At least there is comfort in that everyone's looks fade. We all become wrinkly short people in the end 

The “no personal” about this for me has been realizing how my body and biology wants this as much as me so it’s not purely my desire. So yea

there is zero resentment in my post just a burst of authentic expression that is maybe lost in the wording 

The fact that looks fade just makes the sense of rush stronger rather than bringing relief lol

[Sugarcoat]

On 2023-05-30 at 3:47 PM, EternalForest said:

Think about this, no one cared how JK Rowling looked. They still lined up around the bookstores all night to buy the latest Harty Potter book, because her writing was just that good.

No matter how she looked, she still would have sold millions of copies.

True that. For me it has more been centered around my sexuality, so other things are pretty chill (intellect etc)

[Sugarcoat]

On 2023-05-30 at 4:42 PM, Kksd74628 said:

@Sugarcoat

You want to aim to be cute. Of course even to this thing looks matter obviously, but how you shine femininity through your personality is really big thing. Almost no one nowadays has mastered that femininity so you'll be top 1% by just embodying feminine traits and finding dressing, hair and possibly light make up style that fits to you. Everything that I am trying to say is more about mental shift than anything else. Many women are offended of that, because they don't realize that hotness is competition women have against each others. Men don't care about big lips or other unnecessary things that actually just make you look worse. Ask more if what I said somehow made you relate to this post.

-joNi-

You have a point def. I find some women I see have this femininity in they way they express themselves that brings their looks up .  I care about all of that too. Almost subconsciously practicing lol it can even be silly how it’s done sometimes. But then the looks has been this missing frustrating painful peace of the puzzle of this ultimate feminity ughhhhhh
 

people get very offended when you point out underlying tendencies or something , as you say . As if it isn’t obvious to them already 

[Javfly33]

On 03/06/2023 at 10:05 PM, Sugarcoat said:

some of us feel so dead we’d love to be a part of this game of survival 

@Sugarcoat

 Don't worry, you already playing it. Suffering it and desiring to be more x, or less x, its literally the game.

Enjoying it?  

[Sugarcoat]

23 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

@Sugarcoat

 Don't worry, you already playing it. Suffering it and desiring to be more x, or less x, its literally the game.

Enjoying it?  

Desiring can be fun

[Yimpa]

1 hour ago, Sugarcoat said:

Desiring can be fun

Kinky too

[Sugarcoat]

5 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

Kinky too

That’s the part I’m trying to get to can’t u tell

Edited June 5, 2023 by Sugarcoat

[TheCloud]

Though this whole thread, I wonder why no one (I haven't exhaustively read everything, so I could be wrong) has asked you what you want to look like.  What do you dislike about your appearance?  What do you like about the appearance of the people who look beautiful to you?  What can beautiful people do or experience that you can't?

 

To me, your beauty obsession sounds similar to the obsession that many (possibly most) men have with penis size.  If it could be changed surgically, most men with a few million dollars would have porn schlongs.  I haven't researched it in depth, but my shallow understanding is that there is no reliable way without side effects to increase penis size.  Hard work and determination doesn't enter into it.  Sure, you can get better at sex by working on flexibility and technique, but there are qualities that a big dick has that small dicks can't emulate.

 

I myself am probably average at best.  There are times when it genuinely bothers me.  I feel that there are opportunities I could have, or more confidently pursue, if only I had an above-average penis.  Just knowing it was there, knowing that no normal woman could see it and be secretly (or, god forbid, openly) disappointed, would be an easy confidence booster.  There are accessories that can certainly help compensate for most deficiencies, but I bet nothing beats coming out the gate like a horse.

 

We men (some of us) even know that not all women want a giant horse cock.  It's a neurotic obsession we (I) have.  But damn, society really seems to want men built like horses.  I'm trying to fill a hole that can accommodate a newborn, but I grew the way that I am.  Now it's on women to be satisfied with me, if they want to, because there's nothing I can do about it except go on a dirty Amazon shopping spree.

 

I've maybe gone too far afield, but I wonder if your obsession isn't comparable.  The difference being that EVERYONE can see what you look like, just by looking at you.  I don't know what capabilities modern plastic surgery has, but it's definitely not a field without horror stories.  Plus, it's expensive as hell.  And there are limits to how much can be reasonably done with makeup and clothing.

 

I guess my main question has to be;  are you okay?  Is this obsession ruining your life?  How much, and in what ways, is it dragging you down?  Or is it building you up and making you stronger or better or prettier?

[Sugarcoat]

7 hours ago, TheCloud said:

Though this whole thread, I wonder why no one (I haven't exhaustively read everything, so I could be wrong) has asked you what you want to look like.  What do you dislike about your appearance?  What do you like about the appearance of the people who look beautiful to you?  What can beautiful people do or experience that you can't?

Well maybe because they don’t see how it matters because they view the problem as more psychological and independent of my appearance. 
 

I see my potential in my mind very clearly. And then I see how I look, the contrast shines so clear to me.  The details aren’t relevant imo. 
 

well a better question would be what can the ideal in my mind experience that I can’t . Everything in a way