How to get needs meet of love & belonging or get laid?

[ValiantSalvatore]

As of lately I've been struggling and thinking about online-dating and social dating for various deeper and not so deep issues. At times hot young and attractive women like me and message me and it's like they are full of empathy and have a very open heart, although very impatient. Even in my social life many women who are decently attractive as well as hot give me compliments about looks, still there are various issues most of them revolving around the ideas of fame and status. As well as men add me online in study rooms (mostly middle eastern men and people from asian countries) and compliment me for masculine looks and jawline. I've received these compliments ever since I was fairly young in my teens, and I had to deconstruct a larger identity of it, to not be some sort of dildo for others. 

Especially, as I have a very unique background I have all types of women are flooding towards me at times it feels very good to get matches, although when I run the numbers it's not all to many as my profile is underperforming thanks to having a to feminine boyfriend frame and was running on authenticity which certainly does not work, and no! it does not f***ing work.  Also some women who like me are undateable, because of their cultural background even when I am open it just turns into some sort of flake till now. 

It's not possible to run night game without exhausting myself endlessly and day game opportunities are available although to time expensive also!!!, and I don't like it in terms of I prefer having a better social circle and a better city for real day game and not I might shoot myself in the foot, because of mean Green and job opportunities etc. 

I consumed also some information about how survival spectrum works for females on a beauty spectrum, as well as the average match rate for men is 1.1 per day, even when I check data science articles on medium it's max 2.75 likes for average to slightly above average male, other data I checked in books report similar results, top 20~30% of guys get all the matches.
 

1. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_intrasexual_competition
2. https://www.playingfire.com/how-many-matches-should-you-get-on-tinder-as-a-man/
3. https://towardsdatascience.com/117-days-of-tinder-in-data-755fe9ed853e
    

(From the data-science article)

Quote

I received a total of 290 matches — an average of 2.5 matches per day. This means that approximately 1.75% of my swipes will result in matches, and approximately 3.7% of my likes.

Over the course of nearly 4 months, I registered 16,561 swipes . This averages out to about 141.5 swipes per day as well as a median of 96.

I’m probably a fairly normal looking person, maybe a bit above average but certainly no model. The pictures currently on my Tinder profile have Photofeeler attractive scores ranging from 7.7 to 9.3. However, keep in mind that I did put some work into getting good pictures for my profile.

I invested some money into online-dating to get better at it, and I have new opportunities as a friend of mine has a 1k camera, for high quality pictures. The point is I have some critiques of online-dating and current society, including the rise of A.I, the physical body and social life & dating and social media.

• Optimization madness and mania, instead of self-improvement
• Status, Beauty (Physical and Emotional), Fame
• Luxury and decadence shown as a display of value and sexual receptivity 
• Self-hatred and body image 
• Networking and selling oneself
• Toxic masculinity, enforcing ideas it's all about physical looks and attractivness 
• Toxic feminity, enforcing the idea it's all beauty, physical looks and pleasing men only with it
• Black & White thinking women are either dolls, or humans and wishing for A.I to just get needs meet
• A.I Tools beign used to manipulate images and give yourself the chad look (yes it's happening and advice)
• Lack of effort connecting to real people
• Takes a lot of time and effort and planning
• More and more people are meeting online and competition is rougher and more selective here
• More and more people are meeting through bars and restaurants, what does this mean? Family gatherings and hook-ups?
• Less people meet each other through friends
• Science girls & guys focusing on this optimized perfection breeds a lot of insecurities 
• Barely anyone artistic 
• Online-Dating is becoming more and more the new normal
• I feel beauty standards are out of the roof today, I am fairly atheltic and still that does not help without beign an elite level model
• Strong hierachical thinking instead of holarchical and my inner psychopath
   

1. https://news.stanford.edu/2019/08/21/online-dating-popular-way-u-s-couples-meet/
2. https://hackspirit.com/online-dating-statistics/
    

Which spreads a lot of internal negativity, I don't really know how to procede nightgame will just kill me, because I have to many personal obstacles like physical health blocking me and it takes a way a lot of precious study time and focus. Day game the city is to small and I just moved to a densely populated area. The best I can do is social game and online-game, as it's also how many meet. My main aim in my dating life is to was to become a high value guy. What I did here.

• Working out insanely getting close to the body of a model, than having injuries (legit girls rubbernecking on the street)
• Putting myself in a high value position (Engineer in position deep learning and machine learning)
• Creating more love and fun vibe emotions through meditations and gratitude journals
• Doing some night game and social game in combination
• Working on my vision and issues I noticed while doing night and social game as well as online-game
• Fixing nutrition
• Exploring myself with psychdelics 
• Going on dates with women from online-game getting some experience
• Having some experience with night game and hook-ups, closing etc.

The point is for me, I don't know if I should continue, as it wastes so much time, yet more and more are meeting online and the new friend circle I have again is very nerdy, and does not take care about health as much as I do.

Advantages of new friend circle:

• Interested in meeting women and online-dating wants a wingman to go out with, very open and high status (Ph.D and Master students)
• Can teach me cooking
• More conservative&liberterian as I am very liberal learning different perspectives and having friends who care about friendship
• Very open-minded and spontaneous we can do something together, even small like going out for food
• Social introverts who are conneting nodes 

The disadvantages of this is:

• Very nerdy, high quality breeds other issues
• A lot of time goes into working on vision and goals
• Still a distraction
• 0 health consciouness, I feel like playing Health Hitler

What is the point of this post? I WANT CLARITY AND SEEK HELP!

• I am unsure how to get my needs of love and belonging meet fully.
• When I don't get enough matches with women, and have sex besides using masturbation and exercise and meeting friends and texting to some women online.
• I considered dropping every social media, even this forum, I still can't exclude myself from society.
• Life purpose takes an extrem amount of time and discipline I am utterly distracted on some level, yet seek love and belogning.
• Learning to meet women offline and online takes also an extrem amount of effort and research, and preperation and also a very fit and sexy body
• Online-dating I get exteremely horny at times it can be distracting

Solutions I came up with so far:

• Buying a swimming ticket, to invite girls to swimming for dates (as it's unique and fun, and sexy, and for free for her) and relax post studying, as other cardio can facilitate injuries.
• Checking in with a doctor for physical injuries (made an appointment)
• Meeting the new social friends
• Studying extremely hard to be of value to other guys and girls during university classes to make friends
• Using online study rooms with cameras, so I can see people (similar as studying in a libarary)
• Deleted the most mentally draining app (OkCupid)

The point is I am developing a lot of hate and bitterness as things are not working out, and stupid humans are perpetuating that idea, instead of providing love and compassion and I am doing that to myself daily now, to the best of my abillity. 

How can I get laid, without turning into a toxic psychopath while I do the following, to the best of my abillity?

• Model body, (it's beneficial to loose body fat becuase of my injury) and you instantly get laid online, although I will turn into Health Hitler, otherwise it does not work. I get very neurotic and want to be perfect and can burn myself out, even when there is an authentic drive.
• Spending to much time in social circles which are to nerdy, there barely are any women, although more occasions do happen
• Spending to much time doing shadow work, because of potential issues written above
• Occasional small talk with random human
• Joining online study rooms
• Not doing night game, as it takes to much time and I still struggle mentally with the injury and I develop a lot of hate towards men specifically, not women but men.
• Not jerking off 3x a day because horny and easy access to internet pornography
• (Outside help till now besides friendships and exercise has been useless just to say that!! Every psychotherapist I had till now was really really useless)

I just turn full toxic at times, and I don't know all of this above are at some place a deep part of me loves it even when it's dark. I love studying, I love meeting new people, I love the internet and connecting through people that way. The ideal and the extreme standards of online-dating create a lot of internal hate of not beign perfect.

The point is should I drop online-dating and just focus on the new nerdy social circle and focus on vision?

The point is they are so bad with women, it's beyond believe and a lot of bias, I am unsure what to do. At times I feel like a psychopath and would just build myself into Arnold Schwarzenegger and smack and throw people across the room, for beign put into some powerless position because of injury and "racial biases" etc. None of the online-principles works without physical health a sexy body and creativity for a man and status. Should I stop online-dating and just focus on building an extremely fit body even when injured and meet the new nerdy friends? The point is we only talk about women so far, and or social events. 

Night-Game would be the best thing to do, yet Leo revealed this information so late, as to put it into practical use, as I did not even know what game is, as well as I see it as so important, I need a 9-5 though and I would quiet a highly extremely highly paying possibly millionair carrer path, for some stupidity of getting laid, that is even within my life purpose and includes many topics I love.

Any ideas? Is the path good? To just focus on social game and online game and build a sexy body and work immensely on my purpose? Or should I drop online-game as it's getting to me at times, I deleted the most toxic apps, and it's mainly a distraction.  I yearn for certainity and clarity, yet I won't get that without deep skill and wisdom. I do get some likes and matches, yet it's not above average. 
----------------
Side Note: I legit can't do night game without more success and stabillity, and day game is somewhat there as I eventually meet some girls through university classes, yet I lack a social circle and a lot of activities are cut out thanks to the injury. I basically can't do a single ball sports and or martial art. Just swimming, biking, jogging and gym. I am checking in with a doctor next week to see more. 

What can I do? I am extremely angry at times, and I don't frankly care psychotherapist have been extremely useless, that I am taking matters again in my own hands for various reason, and I might meet the only one who is stable enough, because she is married successfully and raised two kid successfully and works autonemously. Even my mother said the samething. 

 

 

 

Edited March 8, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[Devin]

       Dating is so easy in social circles, go do coed activities like sports or something, even making guy friends and doing stuff with them opens doors to more women.

     Not even just the getting the date part, but it's just so much more comfortable, even the breaking up part is better.

      Work on yourself how YOU want to be, and have fun doing social stuff, try new things and all that, mostly have fun.

[ValiantSalvatore]

Yeah did all of that. I am injured for a life time, so I can't do ballsports, mostly gym and nothing very intense. 

Making guy friends is also not very hard etc. 

Anyway nvm.

[flowboy]

You're massively overthinking this.

You can build meeting women into anything that you already do in daily life, and it will cost you zero time.

I used to go for 20 min walks in the park on a daily basis.

So then I talked to women I saw who were also walking in the park, got their number, and dated them.

Do you go to the supermarket regularly?

Great. So do women.

Get their numbers there.

And you don't need to buy a swimming ticket.

Just invite them to hang out with you at your place and do something you already do, like cook dinner.

Keep It Simple Stupid (just like in the programming world, hehe)

Edited March 13, 2023 by flowboy

[ValiantSalvatore]

55 minutes ago, flowboy said:

Keep It Simple Stupid (just like in the programming world, hehe)

You mean the holandaise grifter bias and heartlesness of every business man regardless if he's solo and or not? 

55 minutes ago, flowboy said:

You're massively overthinking this.

You can build meeting women into anything that you already do in daily life, and it will cost you zero time.

I used to go for 20 min walks in the park on a daily basis.

So then I talked to women I saw who were also walking in the park, got their number, and dated them.

Do you go to the supermarket regularly?

Great. So do women.

Get their numbers there.

And you don't need to buy a swimming ticket.

Just invite them to hang out with you at your place and do something you already do, like cook dinner.

I might give it a shot, what do you think about gym approaches? I don't like the mindset it's better than nothing and I considered signing up for the night game group, in a city nearby. As I eventually just join, when it fits. 

I am more often in the gym than the supermarket. Unsure what else for options to create. Besides signing up for spinning courses, as I legit can sit for hours on a bike and treadmill. 

Edited March 13, 2023 by ValiantSalvatore

[ValiantSalvatore]

I joined all groups and introduced myself to them, let me know what you think about gym approaches, when I see a girl I like for example. I feel guitly about it at times, supermarket is something very random. Gym I am more often. 

[flowboy]

7 hours ago, ValiantSalvatore said:

I might give it a shot, what do you think about gym approaches? I don't like the mindset it's better than nothing and I considered signing up for the night game group, in a city nearby. As I eventually just join, when it fits. 

I am more often in the gym than the supermarket. Unsure what else for options to create. Besides signing up for spinning courses, as I legit can sit for hours on a bike and treadmill. 

So you don't need to create 16 options. If you sometimes go into a supermarket, sometimes walk on a busy street and sometimes bike through a park and or go to the gym, then you can just stick to 1 approach a day, wherever it happens to occur, and just keep that habit and stop complicating it, it will work.

With the gym, I never really did that a lot but it's certainly possible. Only thing with that is, that it's more of a constant scene with the same people recurring, which means that you have to get to know the guys there as well and talk to them, and you can't do a lot of direct intent game, otherwise you're going to get a reputation as the guy that hits on all the girls. So if you can behave like a genuinely extraverted person who wants to get to know everyone, then you can game in the gym. It's not as simple as cold approach daygame though.

I can't go to my regular gym and say "Hey, you're cute I wanted to meet you real quick" to 3 women, and do that again and again. That gets weird. So I would have to spend time getting to know the regular guys, remember their names, getting to know all the people who regularly are there, make smalltalk with them so that I look real popular, then maybe invite someone out for something that seems casual. That was always too much work for me, but I see people do it.

Of course if sometimes you have a vibe with someone on the bike next to you, then you can chit chat and get a date.

It's just that they're going to be there every Sunday morning, so if you do it regularly, you'll be working out amidst all the girls you asked out already. Which I suppose will work in your favor if you're a stud and they all said yes and you satisfied them in bed. I always found it much simpler to just approach someone in a busy shopping street or a supermarket or a park. Complete anonymity, low effort, no one's looking and gossiping.

By the way, just forgot: public transport!

I got so many numbers in trains, buses, even airplanes!

If public transport is a regular part of your day, you can work in an approach there too.

Edited March 13, 2023 by flowboy

[ValiantSalvatore]

52 minutes ago, flowboy said:

So you don't need to create 16 options. If you sometimes go into a supermarket, sometimes walk on a busy street and sometimes bike through a park and or go to the gym, then you can just stick to 1 approach a day, wherever it happens to occur, and just keep that habit and stop complicating it, it will work.

With the gym, I never really did that a lot but it's certainly possible. Only thing with that is, that it's more of a constant scene with the same people recurring, which means that you have to get to know the guys there as well and talk to them, and you can't do a lot of direct intent game, otherwise you're going to get a reputation as the guy that hits on all the girls. So if you can behave like a genuinely extraverted person who wants to get to know everyone, then you can game in the gym. It's not as simple as cold approach daygame though.

I can't go to my regular gym and say "Hey, you're cute I wanted to meet you real quick" to 3 women, and do that again and again. That gets weird. So I would have to spend time getting to know the regular guys, remember their names, getting to know all the people who regularly are there, make smalltalk with them so that I look real popular, then maybe invite someone out for something that seems casual. That was always too much work for me, but I see people do it.

Of course if sometimes you have a vibe with someone on the bike next to you, then you can chit chat and get a date.

It's just that they're going to be there every Sunday morning, so if you do it regularly, you'll be working out amidst all the girls you asked out already. Which I suppose will work in your favor if you're a stud and they all said yes and you satisfied them in bed. I always found it much simpler to just approach someone in a busy shopping street or a supermarket or a park. Complete anonymity, low effort, no one's looking and gossiping.

By the way, just forgot: public transport!

I got so many numbers in trains, buses, even airplanes!

If public transport is a regular part of your day, you can work in an approach there too

Thanks! That looks like more of a sauce hollandaise a la zen of python ?, direct and simple. Thanks I would have never came up with the idea, as public transport is just to the university. Would that work?

I notice that yes I would never do that this often, the stud dreams are mostly over besides athletic and lean, it's the best choice so I have to see. 

I am not that often in the gym and there are 3 or 4 of them even within reach, so an occasional approach might work. I do go approx. 3x a week more is not very feasible. 

I'll definitely give the supermarket a go and public transport, what about just a very random street approach? As well as university approaches I think I partially fked my reputation, yet somehow still people hold on to me, for me they expected to much and that drove me crazy. 

I don't like to fit the role and I will not what people think of me, it's one principle to let go of being image oriented.

[flowboy]

34 minutes ago, ValiantSalvatore said:

I am not that often in the gym and there are 3 or 4 of them even within reach, so an occasional approach might work.

Yep, just keep it occasional.

 

35 minutes ago, ValiantSalvatore said:

Thanks I would have never came up with the idea, as public transport is just to the university. Would that work?

Np Yes, that works. People hate standing around / sitting around in public transport anyway, they're happy to chat. You may have to encourage them to unplug their earphones, but that's easy.

 

37 minutes ago, ValiantSalvatore said:

I'll definitely give the supermarket a go and public transport, what about just a very random street approach? As well as university approaches I think I partially fked my reputation

Sounds like your history in the university environment might get you a bit in your head. In that environment, I would just give up on women there and focus on studying and maybe strengthening connections with other males if you can, it can have a mood stabilizing effect for when you do an approach on your way home.

But no worries. A very random street approach is easy to do and there's no worrying about reputation.

[ValiantSalvatore]

2 hours ago, flowboy said:

Yep, just keep it occasional.

Yeah I hope this can work out...

2 hours ago, flowboy said:

Sounds like your history in the university environment might get you a bit in your head. In that environment, I would just give up on women there and focus on studying and maybe strengthening connections with other males if you can, it can have a mood stabilizing effect for when you do an approach on your way home.

But no worries. A very random street approach is easy to do and there's no worrying about reputation.

Most likely...(some are freaking a**holes and I really do not like to be around them)

2 hours ago, flowboy said:

Np Yes, that works. People hate standing around / sitting around in public transport anyway, they're happy to chat. You may have to encourage them to unplug their earphones, but that's easy.

I hope so, I might give it a shot. I just notice how much I am lacking, thanks to multiple things etc.