Help me get back into the karaoke bar that banned me unfairly and without warning

[Emotionalmosquito]

I have let this case rest for a year now. Last time I tried to negotiate my way back in was Christmas of last year. The husband of the owner (owner wasn’t there) said I had a chance to regain clearance to the venue if I called and set up a date to make my plea, but hanging out outside the place chatting with people was creepy and not helping my case, even though the people themselves seemed fine with it. The woman we’re talking about here can never be caught smiling and gets pissed off very easily. She obviously hates me for my perceived mistakes. This place is one of the few places in my town that consistently has girls in it, and girls are in very short supply and high demand. These people have no idea the extent to which they’ve ruined my life and reputation, nor do they give a single fuck. Long story short, she banned me for making a naughty joke/conversational topic about jizz and menstruation. The thing about making an in person plea is I will be so triggered by the whole thing I won’t be able to think straight which will make them think I’m just as bad as before because the uneasiness will trigger them. And it cannot be expected of these people to have the compassion to understand this even if explained logically. I still get violently angry sometimes when I think about it.

tldr: how do I get accepted back in?

[Tyler Robinson]

Learn to chill. Then they will take you. 

Violently angry? This is not even something that someone should be violently angry about. 

Where's your compass on what's legit and what's out of control?

You've massively overblown the situation in your mind. Learn self awareness and social calibration and your problem is solved

 

 

[Emotionalmosquito]

46 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Learn to chill. Then they will take you. 

If I can do that my chances will increase but I wouldn’t say they WILL take me

46 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Violently angry? This is not even something that someone should be violently angry about.

It’s because of the hypocrisy and unfairness coupled with the fact it’s one of the few places I can get good practice. It’s a middle class bar ffs. People make each other uncomfortable all the time and even get in fights and their only punishment is getting sent home for that night. It’s like I’m trying to be myself and boldly open up in ways most people are too afraid to, exactly like what people in the personal development community say you should do, and this is what I get? At least now I know better. Do you think I’d look less threatening with a friend? Half my battles are fought alone so perhaps it could help to bring company?

46 minutes ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Learn self awareness and social calibration and your problem is solved

It’s a catch 22 because you need spaces to practice and learn that but how can I if I’m gonna be banished to the shadow realm? Particularly the social calibration part.

Edited December 27, 2022 by Emotionalmosquito

[Tyler Robinson]

8 minutes ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

If I can do that my chances will increase but I wouldn’t say they WILL take me

It’s because of the hypocrisy and unfairness coupled with the fact it’s one of the few places I can get good practice. It’s a middle class bar ffs. People make each other uncomfortable all the time and even get in fights and their only punishment is getting sent home for that night. It’s like I’m trying to be myself and boldly open up in ways most people are too afraid to, exactly like what people in the personal development community say you should do, and this is what I get? At least now I know better. Do you think I’d look less threatening with a friend? Half my battles are fought alone so perhaps it could help to bring company?

It’s a catch 22 because you need spaces to practice and learn that but how can I if I’m gonna be banished to the shadow realm? Particularly the social calibration part.

Do you have a female friend?

Get a female friend to go with you. She'll defend you in awkward situations. 

The hostile woman who you're complaining about, they're dime a dozen. It's like dust off your shoulders. If you overthink about her, it will kill your mood and that vibe will be reflected in how you talk to people there. 

Some people are just bad energy. Instead of thinking too much about them, it's best to avoid them. 

I think going into that place with friends will help, especially an older female friend who can defend you when needed. 

Social calibration cannot be learned on your own. You'll bump into these situations not just in the bar. But everywhere. You will need someone to act polite on your behalf, to kinda navigate you around. 

Doing all of this alone is a risky business. 

I lack social calibration too. That's why I don't go out alone especially to social places. 

[Vlad_]

3 hours ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

I have let this case rest for a year now. Last time I tried to negotiate my way back in was Christmas of last year. The husband of the owner (owner wasn’t there) said I had a chance to regain clearance to the venue if I called and set up a date to make my plea, but hanging out outside the place chatting with people was creepy and not helping my case, even though the people themselves seemed fine with it. The woman we’re talking about here can never be caught smiling and gets pissed off very easily. She obviously hates me for my perceived mistakes. This place is one of the few places in my town that consistently has girls in it, and girls are in very short supply and high demand. These people have no idea the extent to which they’ve ruined my life and reputation, nor do they give a single fuck. Long story short, she banned me for making a naughty joke/conversational topic about jizz and menstruation. The thing about making an in person plea is I will be so triggered by the whole thing I won’t be able to think straight which will make them think I’m just as bad as before because the uneasiness will trigger them. And it cannot be expected of these people to have the compassion to understand this even if explained logically. I still get violently angry sometimes when I think about it.

tldr: how do I get accepted back in?

Tell them if they won't take you back you're gonna kill yourself

But seriously, just let it go and find another place. You created identity out of that place and now you're making your life horrible. 

[Emotionalmosquito]

5 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

Do you have a female friend?

Get a female friend to go with you. She'll defend you in awkward situations. 

 

5 hours ago, Tyler Robinson said:

I think going into that place with friends will help, especially an older female friend who can defend you when needed. 

I do have an older gal pal, actually. We’ve done quite a bit together, including her trying to help me fight my way back in during last year’s Christmas (didn’t mention it in the op) She changes numbers rather frequently so I’d have to dig up my ancient Facebook account to find her. She is a very people person nightlife type girl. Perfect for assisting me in this way. So that’s what we did. Unfortunately, the fact that they despise my soul with the curse a thousand demons made our efforts futile. So she went in and partied while I stood around outside the door chatting with people coming in and out. A couple hours pass when the femfriend comes out to check on me then some moments later, surprise surprise, a co owner comes out and suggests I leave because I’m creeping people out even though I wasn’t. I argue my case for a minute and she tells me to stop trolling on Christmas. I do enjoy a good troll but in this instance I was being serious. So we end up deciding to leave. She freaked out on me a few days later over the prospect of me performing a highly offensive (to women) rap song on karaoke. We both apologized after the new year and scheduled our next attempt.

I have another femfriend who’s only nine hours older but she’s certainly not the bar type. Though I’m sure I could talk her into it.

4 hours ago, Vlad_ said:

Tell them if they won't take you back you're gonna kill yourself

Tell ya what, if I said that they might actually believe me lol.

4 hours ago, Vlad_ said:

find another place

It’s one of the best and one of the few places I have within driving distance.

Edited December 28, 2022 by Emotionalmosquito
To specify time of year