Really bad anxiety at new job role

[Abhishaik]

Hello everyone, I hope you can give me some practical guidance and advice on how I should tackle this issue with my current job. 
 

I had been working a call centre job for just under 5 years and it was a pretty good gig. During covid it became a working from home job (4 days a week) and I got pretty good at the job were everything kind of became repetitive and I could do the job without really thinking (I could do the job on autopilot) 

 

I had recently started to apply for jobs within the same company but at a higher salary and managed to pass an interview for a relationship support manager role. I started this new role in the beginning of September and Initially I was very excited to start this job and very happy in my first few weeks. However the pressures of this new job has started to get to me as it’s 3 days in the office now, it’s a client facing role where I’m required to deal with executives of well known businesses and help them with their complex needs.
 

There is soo much to learn in this new job and all of it quite complicated. People who have been doing this role for years don’t know all the ins and outs and come across different things everyday. I struggle to comprehend a lot of the financial matters talked about during client meetings and keep on top of my emails and tasks. I’ve spoken to my line manager about this and they had arranged extra support for me but I still feel so overwhelmed and this anxiety has been building up for quite some time now. I’m also struggling with simple things like writing emails (basic grammar and punctuation) and speaking up in meetings. 
 

I really miss my old role and feel like I took it for granted as I’m finding it difficult in this new role. It’s been around 2 months now in this new role. I have requested my line manager twice to see if I can go back to the old role and they said they will check with HR. 
 

I’ve been off from work for 7 days now with a sick note from the doctor due to the crippling anxiety and I dread going back to work on Thursday. (The thought of seeing 500 emails in my inbox makes me nauseous)  my self esteem and confidence has been greatly effected by this as I just continue making mistakes and feel like I can’t do anything right.

Do you have any recommendations on how I can cope with these feelings? Given the option should I go back to my old role or continue with this one and hope things get better?

 

Edit: I just wanted to add I’m also getting chest pains that weren’t their before I started the role

Edited November 29, 2022 by Abhishaik

[Clabber Girl]

Maybe if this role has been too much of a challenge, try to go back into the old role. Is there a role that you could take that would challenge you but not cause crippling anxiety? Sounds like you bit off more than you can chew. If you are taking days off b/c you are so stressed, I would say its too much workload for you at this time. Maybe get more experience in another role if you can, it may be more suited for your strengths.

[Abhishaik]

@lxlichael I’m not sure how my intuition is interpreting this. My brain feels so foggy and I also been suffering from a life long procrastination issue. I spend most of my free time on YouTube and TikTok and it’s got to the point where I don’t even find them enjoyable but also don’t feel like doing anything else. It’s like my brain just wants to chase cheap dopamine hits all day and night without having to concentrate. I feel like all this mindless scrolling, poor diet, lack of exercise and pmo has rotted my brain and reduced my cognitive function. 
 

I’ve tried to get help with my procrastination with a therapist before (this was a few years ago) however I stopped going due to finding it expensive. I’ve managed to bury a lot of my problems with the old job however now that I have to face them all I’m finding it very overwhelming. 
 

I’ve done the life purpose course a few years ago and I still don’t genuinely know what I truly want from life. I feel like I’m just floating through life and waiting for it to end so I can find a better state of mind in the after life (if there is one). 
 

The doctor has given me medicine for my anxiety prapronolol and a sick note for 7 days. I’m in talks of getting the old role back. But I am worried about the state of future mental wellbeing. 

[Abhishaik]

@lxlichael I don’t have anything else to add at the moment however if I think of anything else I will write it down on this thread. I understand you will provide me with further advice in due course and I will patiently wait for an answer from you. Thank you. 

[Ulax]

http://www.vsias.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/DP070115_Kevin-Koffler-_Detaching-From-Pain_NoBranding.pdf

[IAmReallyImportant]

I would suggest to make it through until the anxiety ends. It will. I am sure you will make it, you sound pretty competent!

[Abhishaik]

@lxlichael

s a task, would you mind brainstorming for me all of your difficulties from as many angles as you can?

 

• I find it difficult to concentrate on a single thing for a long period of time. (Such as more then 5 minutes) before I start day dreaming or thinking of something else that’s most likely unrelated 

 

• I tend to get bored quite easily and when I do I start to cry - literal tears would come out of my eyes due to the boredom. I’ve also been dozing off during some of the teams meetings due to them being quite boring but only when the camera is off. 

 

• I have poor attention to detail, poor spelling and grammar. I did however notice in my previous role I created attention to detail for specific things which a lot of my peers commented on. 

 

• I don’t tend to perform well under pressure in work related and personal situations. I have to do a task a few times, make all the mistakes imaginable and then get comfortable doing it competently.

 

• Even before I started this new role. I  occasionally had conversations with myself about if I really want to go though the emotional and mental labour of improving myself which is something I’m still struggling with now. I really do feel like doing this current role is too much effort and most self improvement requires too much from me in terms of emotional and mental labour.

 

• My diet is piss poor and I know it. It mainly consists of highly processed junk food and lack of water. I can’t seem to bring myself to start eating healthy. My mums cooking isn’t too healthy either as she uses lots of oils and loathe amounts of butters.

 

• I’ve lost motivation to exercise I haven’t been to a gym in over 8 months now. 

 

• In the past when the pain of being stuck got too much to bear I found motivation to start going gym, meal prepping, learning about investing, however that didn’t last long I couldn’t convert the motivation to long lasting discipline.

 

• Ive read a lot of the books from Leo’s book list and did the life purpose course but I’ve pretty much forgotten all of it and didn’t really find my life purpose at the end of it. I don’t know if I should try it again. 

 

• I couldn’t even keep up with a simple meditation habit which I feel like would have benefited me alot.
   
• I feel like the walls are slowly caving in on me and it’s only a matter of time before a major life challenge cripples me. 

 

• I long for that feeling of oblivious euphoria I experienced as a child whenever I would look up at the bright blue sky on a sunny day and smell the fresh green grass and run around without a care in the world. Were every day felt like an adventure and not a mindless grind. 

 

• During my teenage years I had thoughts of suicide however never acted upon them or did any self harm. I experience bullying and always felt like an outcast and because of this I never really tried to fit in and just keep myself out of site. A lot of the suicidal thoughts was due to feeling like an outcast, me thinking girls don’t like me even though I never really asked any out and not doing too well academically due to my procrastination issue which has gotten worse overtime and also due to my lack of comprehension skills and weak memory. 

 

• I also tend to think of suicide in a somewhat logical way - as in what is waiting for me on the other side if anything. 

 

• I would love to achieve a state of bliss were I can go about my daily life without it stressing me out but I don’t know if that would be possible.

 

• My Brian just feels really foggy and I just can’t think of the right words to say and I can literally feel my brain numbing when trying to remember something.

 

• I spend most of my day scrolling TikTok and YouTube I don’t even play games anymore. I brain is literally rotting away but I still can’t break this cycle. My average screen time is something like 9 hours a day. 

 

• I’m scared of confrontation and try my best to avoid it even to my own detriment. I feel like a lot of narcissists types can sniff that out of me but I do try my best to avoid such type of people and limit my contact with them. 

 

brainstorming all of your life positives from personal strengths to things you enjoy about life that have in the past brought a sense of purpose to you or that you think could bring a sense of purpose?

 

• I use to enjoy playing games but I don’t find them enjoyable anymore unless I’m playing some old ones with my friend  
   
• I was good at my old job and like to think I provided good customer service and kept calm and sincere even if the customer was being rude.
   
• I liked learning about the stock market and investing but it’s something I have lost passion for after I ended up losing some money on a trade that I went all in on and haven’t been able to motivate myself to get back into it.
   
• I genuinely don’t know what my life purpose could be. I can’t really think of anything apart from investing that has made me get somewhat excited

 

• I’ve managed to save up money enough for a house deposit and I may potentially get a mortgage in the next 12 months. However I have started spending a little but more regularly than I should be and have built up some credit card debt.
   
• I have a GF who I’ve been with for just under a year. We are doing a long distance relationship however I do go see her every other month as she life a 4 hour drive away. She knows of a lot of my problems and is very supportive.
   
• Ideally I would like to start my own business one day however I don’t know if I would be capable of running it especially in my current state

 

I think this should answer both questions however if you feel I need more detail or missed something please let me know and I will try to add more relevant information. 
 

Thank you for your assistance   

 

[Ulax]

@Abhishaik I'd go back to your old role.

[Abhishaik]

@lxlichael

this is what I managed to write over the last 3 days (70)

 

I value the relationship I have with my GF

Value my mum, grand mum and brother

Value material possessions such as my car

Value my savings

Peace and quite

Pain free psychical health 

Feeling comfortable 

My friends 

Avoiding conflict

Not worrying about anything 

To travel anywhere I want

Live care free

Achieving spiritual experiences 

Being compassionate 

Creating a routine

Being able to eat healthy 

Having the motivation to exercise regularly 

Being able to concentrate for long periods of time

Having a good memory 

Being able to look after my mum when she gets old

Finding my life purpose 

Owning my own house one day

Becoming detail oriented 

Having a meditation habit

Thinking non judgementally 

Financial budgeting 

Financial independence 

Being happy 

Good music

Getting quality sleep

Developing good communication skills

Developing high self esteem 

Developing confidence 

Nice food

Self control 

Higher self awareness 

Build rapport easily with people 

More conscientious 

Better thinker 

Self love

Critical thinking 

Compassion 

Low stress

Making others feel good and valued

Good decision making 

Feeling comfortable in my own skin

Having the motivation to get things done

Having discipline 

Going to the gym regularly 

Good problem solving skills

Increasing attention span

Finding a passion 

Consistency 

Healthy diet

Control over emotions

Being productive 

Creative thinking

Being able to focus on one thing for long periods of time

Attention to detail 

Starting a business

Stop my suffering 

Comfort

Greatness 

Limit distractions 

Stopping procrastination 

Travelling the world 

Time management 

Being free from hardship

Creating a good life

Having a positive impact on others

[Abhishaik]

@lxlichael Please give me a little bit more time I have made an attempt at this however been procrastinating. I will aim to get this done within the next few days. 

[Abhishaik]

@lxlichael where did you go?