Intense fear when I try to let go, what to do ?

[Gabith]

I did a ketamine therapy two days ago, I sniffed 40mg & added another 40mg 50 minutes after the first trace. 

I was laying down on my couch and letting go, relaxing, as I gained more peace I said "God takes me" and I tried to reassure myself that I can really let go. 
Because when I let go there's always a point where I can't go further because of intense fear appearing, so my tactic is to deepen my faith and use God as something external helping me... 

Suddenly I had an intense fear, I saw very quickly an image of a tiny crippled entity in a grave/under the ground, it felt like me and it was bringing me in the opposite direction of Heaven. I didn't find the courage to stay with it even if I knew I had to bring this part of myself towards the Light. 
I opened my eyes and I had put some music to distract myself.

I'm afraid of becoming crazy or being traumatized if I go right into it. Do you have tips to stay with the fear ? I guess there's maybe a safer way to stay with the fear ? 

Edited November 7, 2022 by Gabith

[OBEler]

@Gabith oh Thanks for the report, I thought ketamin is not a fear producing substance. 

You maybe need to stay with fear more often so that you get used to this fear. I think this fear is ego death

[Gabith]

2 minutes ago, OBEler said:

@Gabith I think this fear is ego death

I think too but not sure yet 

[Mu_]

1 hour ago, Gabith said:

I did a ketamine therapy two days ago, I sniffed 40mg & added another 40mg 50 minutes after the first trace. 

I was laying down on my couch and letting go, relaxing, as I gained more peace I said "God takes me" and I tried to reassure myself that I can really let go. 
Because when I let go there's always a point where I can't go further because of intense fear appearing, so my tactic is to deepen my faith and use God as something external helping me... 

Suddenly I had an intense fear, I saw very quickly an image of a tiny crippled entity in a grave/under the ground, it felt like me and it was bringing me in the opposite direction of Heaven. I didn't find the courage to stay with it even if I knew I had to bring this part of myself towards the Light. 
I opened my eyes and I had put some music to distract myself.

I'm afraid of becoming crazy or being traumatized if I go right into it. Do you have tips to stay with the fear ? I guess there's maybe a safer way to stay with the fear ? 

In the past I would of recommended you keep pushing, but now days I'm not so sure thats the best advice, nor will it bring you to what you want in the biggest sense any faster.  It's okay to be where your at and relax to just the point before your jolted out from fear.  Don't look at the fear as a barrier but a friend saying, ok, thats enough today, and respect that edge....  The mind is a fragile and delicate thing that can be pushed to far to fast and into unhealthy so to say expressions.  Play with the idea of balance of things or alchemy.  You wouldn't want to put to much salt in a dish just because salt is supposedly broadly good, just in the same way you may not want to relax/surrender as much as possible just because surrender is broadly a good thing.

See how that works for you over time.....

[Gabith]

@Mu_ Sounds like a good & loving way to deal with it

thank you 

[Mormegil]

Hm dealing with fear is usually a sign of ego death, like mentioned above, especially this fear of going crazy sounds like classic ego (although I need to say have zero experience with Ketamine).

Try to see athe experience as a sign that you made good progress, otherwise your ego wouldn't react like this. Definetly dont force anything. Try to have empathy with yourself / your ego for being afraid. Accept the fear and try to feel as deep into it as you can. emotions usually want to be felt and expressed, so allow yourself to be afraid, dont fight it (I know it's easier said than done). When you describe that you are hoping for God to help you in that situation, that means you are actually resisting the actual experience and the present moment. Try to let go of resisting the fear.

Also very important give it time, maybe the more often you get into this state, your ego gets used to it and realises there's nothing to fear.

Wish you all the best, let us know how it works out for you.