Fear of people

[at_anchor]

I want to disconnect from everyone and everything. It feels like I need a glass wall between me and others. Some I don't want to be close to because they can hurt me and I hate them, others I love very much and don't want to be close to for an unknown reason to me as of yet. It could be from trauma. But it could be some kind of toxicification from something, a plastic or metal overload in my body. My ears, left ear especially now, I hear what I never heard in the past on them, which is like you know when a phone charger buzzes quietly, well that but louder. Other functions in my body are also bad. 

Also, I've been waking up in the middle of the night in the past few days or weeks even when there is no noise or light around. This is a new symptom of something.

I guess I'm afraid of being falsely perceived as evil and bad. Also afraid that people will poison me, make me worse and push me down this slippery slope. I guess being poisoned is one of my biggest fears. 

I heard many people talk about this toxification and worry about it, on this forum, in the gym, at work and elsewhere so I'm not the only one. It's a real thing. It's so easy to add something here or there to your water or food supply that I am very afraid of losing my sanity from that. I barely know my own family, and even they can be sneaky, let alone those who have access to food before it gets on my plate.

People are also full of secrets and lies. They can be the most dangerous snake of all. But it doesn't explain my avoidance of good people who I trust would not sell out or harm me. 

[integral]

 

[Heart of Space]

@at_anchor  I am reading the post of someone who is incredibly lost.  

It seems you hate yourself and have a deep paranoia about the intentions of others.  

Smell a flower, try to see your inner beauty when you look in a mirror.  You have a lot of work to do on yourself.