From Half-assed Medical Student To Worldclass Cardiologist

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I went to see my psychologist!!  It was so nice!!! She also told me that she's soon retiring but she would be pleased to stay in contact with me.. 
• I spent a delightful evening walking around the city with a friend!! 
• I went to study at the library, what an amazing place to be in!!  

Ways I could have made today better:

• Studying more.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• No one.. I did study bit nothing Cardiology-related..

What I learned:

• Nothing really..

[Diane]

Things I'm excited about today:

• Starting to practice mindfulness meditation. I'll add it to my evening routine. We'll see how it goes.
• Working on myself. I don't know what it means in practice, I just feel that it's something I need to do.
• Seeing what happens if I stop writing the things I'm excited about the day. I feel like I don't need it any more.. We'll see that too..  

[Diane]

Connecting the dots

I expressed the wish to know more about myself and The Bingo Theory arrived. Really, the teacher arrives when the student is ready!!! I'm halfway through it now. For the first time since finishing the exams I had to force myself to stop doing what I was doing to do the evening routine and be able to go to bed at an hour that will allow me to get up early tomorrow!! I didn't even take any nap!! I also woke up at 9:30 though...

Anyways, I found out that I am a Feminine Strength Female raised in a Masculine Strength environment. Not by my mother of course, she's one of the most caring and nurturing persons of the world. I'm referring to my father, the parent whom love I craved the most as Tony Robbins would say it. One of the things that came to my mind was how much he was against us watching cartoons and movies when my brother and I were children.. He still is..  I love the fact that I can laugh about it now!!!

What I realized is that in my life I experienced both the extremes, being too masculine and being too feminine, so much so that before taking the quiz in the book I was still convinced of being a Masculine Strength Female, even if my index fingers had already proven otherwise..

I can't wait to finish the book and start applying the advices Mimi gives!!

Also, this is the first book related to personal growth I've ever bought, until now I just read/listened to books I found on the internet for free... I couldn't have chosen a better start!!! 

Amazing things that happened today:

• The Bingo Theory!!!! 
• Finally a day I can be proud of, even if I didn't study anything Medicine-related!
• My brother came to visit us today, we had a very agreeable dinner all together!! 
• I started practicing mindfulness meditation.. After a while it felt more or less like this: 

But practice makes perfect, they say... 

Ways I could have made today better:

• Running/working out.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• Learning more about myself!!

What I learned:

• Cookies-and-ice cream and red wine were all invented for Feminine Strength People in a major slump - as were self-help books. Mimi Ikonn

A truth that couldn't be truer!!! 

Edited August 5, 2016 by Diane

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• This video, I was just about to throw in the towel and stop using this format and then it appeared to me!! 
• I'm about to finish The Bingo Theory!!
• I went last minute to the beach this afternoon, it was fabulous!!! In the evening we met with one of my friend's friend at a bar for an aperitif, everything was perfectly perfect: the bar itself, the sunset, the group singing in bare foot... Ah, la belle vie!!! 

Ways I could have made today even better:

• Studying.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• No one...

What I learned:

• Life is incredibly generous!!!

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• My cousin came to visit us this afternoon, I hadn't seen him in years!! 
• I went to church with my mum this morning, we arrived late but just in time to hear this: " From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked". I don't know if I'll ever get used to all the little (and big) serendipities that happen in my life.. Like the other day I started wondering what awareness actually is while meditating and then I stumbled on the video "Understanding Awareness - The Staggering Depth Of Your Unawareness Revealed", I didn't even remember its existence...

I currently see awareness as the stage where the theater of life happens.. At a certain point I though that there is a "my awareness", which is part of "the big Awareness".. Something like this: I can become aware only of what happens in "my awareness".. We'll see how it evolves, I count on being a beginner for many years yet!! 

• I felt some nice good anxiety!! I'll define good anxiety as the kind of anxiety you, or at least I, feel when doing even the tiniest step towards achievieng a goal or confronting a fear in general. Being an eternaly organizer, before starting to make out a plan on how to reach my goals now that I'm virtually free to do what I want I decided to re-watch the video "How To Get Shit Done - The Inner Game Of Being A Results-Maker". While taking and reviewing the notes I really felt a bit of that good anxiety, I think it's the first time I've ever enjoyed feeling nervous about something!!! 

Ways I could have made today even better:

• Running/working out. Alex and UJ said  it's ok if something gets repeated several times as the answer to this question, it's like slowly but unwaveringly installing it into the subconscious mind... I plan on running and doing some HIIT every day now..

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• Uhm, nothing "tangible".. I digged a bit into my limiting beliefs about money. I often give up on things because I don't have the money at the moment without realizing that I could actually find a way to acqiure that money... So I plan on taking charge of my financial situation.

What I learned:

• That I need to mobilize myself!! Nothing is going to change from me sitting and dreaming things up apparently... 

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I had a plan and more or less followed it, it's already something: I ran, worked out, applied as locum doctor, went to see a friend at the hospital, contacted a doctor in Switzerland and finally went to see The Little Prince at an outdoor theater. I didn't do the big stuff like planning for the future and studying but still, I'm rather satisfied about today!!
• While at the hospital I stopped by to see the doctor with whom I did the internship in Internal Medicine. It was great, I was literally showered with compliments!!!  I also had the luck to encounter the lady who gave me the henna as a gift to show her the beautiful results I had with it!! 
• I'm really learning to enjoy things and see how amazing my life is moment by moment!!!

Ways I could have made today even better:

• Waking up earlier.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• Still no one.. I keep adding possibilities to possibilities without actually acting on any of them...

What I learned:

• The ways of the Lord are infinite...

Edited August 8, 2016 by Diane

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• It's raining right now so I'll sleep with its background music tonight!! 
• This morning's peanuts-flavoured milkshake!!
• The moment I said "just do it" to writing in this journal after tossing and turning for almost an hour.. Things are getting real and all the fears covered by the joy of being on holiday are starting to re-emerge with the consequent anxieties and their beloved companion procrastination... Thankfully I already know that mindfulness is the answer to every problem so no biggie!! 

Ways I could have made today even better:

• Running/working out.
• Waking up earlier, which means going to bed earlier the night before.. It couldn't be simpler but still...

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• None again.. 

What I learned:

• To find a way to do what I have to do even (and most of all for what concerns this journal) when I don't feel like it.

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I HAVE A PLAN!!!  I am finally clear about what it is that I want and have made a detailed plan to reach it. I even know who I want to marry... 
• I did a pretty intense HIIT-bodyweight workout this morning!! 
• I learnt the difference between mindfulness and awareness/consciousness.

Ways I could have made today even better:

• Studying.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• Planning out how I will become a world-class Cardiologist.

What I learned:

• There is no such thing as something for nothing...

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• Life!!  I forgot to include it in my plan...  The family doctor with whom I did the internship for the bar exam put me into contact with another doctor who needs a substitution for the next two weeks!! I'll see him Saturday for the details.
• Today was also the day of the first results of the entry exam for specialization: I have a "reservation" for Internal Medicine in Sardinia. This means that I can still wait to see if something else opens up.. It went far better than I expected! Seriously, I didn't count any more on entering in any school... I should give myself more credit!!! 
• Tomorrow I'll be seeing the professor I contacted for the polyglot doctor thing.. Maybe it was today's date with its impressive three 1s!! 

Ways I could have made today even better:

• Being more focused on long term goals.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• No one.. 

What I learned:

• Life happens and it's great, terrifying but great!! 

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I visited Verona!! It's a very beautiful town, it would be nice to live there.. Who knows, maybe I will...
• The meeting with the professor went very well, he's a very likable man, culture personified!! I'm profoundly grateful for having met him, it's always useful to expand ones horizons!! We didn't come to a definitive conclusion as I have to wait to see how the specialization entry exam's rankings will evolve.. The idea is to go in Burundi for about a month first and then decide if it's an experience suited for me or not..
• I have a new friend!!!  The priest who gave me the contact of the professor I met today had also given me the number of a Burundian girl who had supposedly worked for the same association. It was another association, anyway I met her today too!! She's incredible!! I was astonished by her sense of initiative and entrepreneurship!! Maybe it's true that we attract who we are, I don't think I would have ever met her as I was just a few months ago... How many "I"s!!

Ways I could have made today even better:

• Sticking to only speaking Kirundi with her!!

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• No one.. Earlier today I was wondering about what I will write if I start a specialization school in Internal Medicine.. An internist once said that Cardiology is "just" a special form of Internal Medicine...

What I learned:

• To expand my horizons.

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I studied. I love everything about studying and about my profession!! Sometimes I forget it but then it's just a matter of sitting there for an hour and it's back!! 
• I was helpful.
• Everything went perfectly fine.

Ways I could have made today even better:

• Waking up earlier. I can't wait to use my fitbit again, I broke both the bracelets it came with and the new one is on its way.. At least I'll be more conscious about my sleep.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• Studying? If the principle that Cardiology is "just" a special form of Internal Medicine still applies.. Sometimes I look for rules without realizing that I actually am the ruler.. It ain't easy being the boss!! 

What I learned:

• To surrender to the fact that every day has an end and a when it comes what is done is done.

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I SURVIVED MY FIRST OFFICIAL DAY OF WORK AS A DOCTOR!!  The "strange and incredible" thing is that I wasn't so nervous, I just hoped to be able to be helpful to the patients that came in.. Nobody died so I'd say it's a success!! 
• The secretary of the family doctor I'm substituting for was so kind that she came to work this morning even if she hadn't to, she really really helped me a lot!!!
• The patients that came today were very calm and patient.. 

Ways I could have made today even better:

• Taking the time to prepare better.. I got caught up with many things in the last few days, so much so that not only I studied less than planned but I now also have to restart my morning routines from scratch.. Nevermind, new day new life!! 

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• Working as a doctor for the first time in my life!!

What I learned:

• Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all. Eddie Pinero

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I see 1s everywhere!!
• I love being a doctor!! It's a very relieving feeling, seen all the anxieties and fears that come with that.. 
• The workout session with the personal trainer went very well too, as odd as it can seem I love the times I can't do what he tells me to do, seeing my limits actually energizes me!! 
• I did my morning routine!!

Ways I could have made today even better:

• Being more attentive.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• Working!! 

What I learned:

• To realize my life purpose. It's something I thought about right now, actually. There's a chapter on meditation on my Cardiology book, I already know that there's an abundance of research on the effects of meditation and I've personally experienced some of them so why not to suggest it to patients?!

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• Everything went week at work. It's so true that one actually starts to study only after graduating...
• I bought two new beautiful dresses "for work". They're just two not-too-short flower dresses.. I guess minimalist too buy new stuff from time to time..
• They've just finished painting my little angle of the house. No more camping!!! 

Ways I could have made today even better:

• Running/working out.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• Working!! 

What I learned:

• Non to stay in the doctor's office off-hour... 

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I finally watched "Race", W O W !!!!! It was evident from the beginning, how can a movie starting with a running man be less than amazing!?!
• Another day of work went well!! 
• I had a very nice time with my BFF!!

Ways I could have made today even better:

• Running/working out.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• Working!!! 

What I learned:

 

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I finished putting everything back into place in my room.. It took me all day though.. 

Ways I could have made today even better:

• Planning it..

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• No one.. 

What I learned:

• The importance of having a plan for the day.

[Diane]

One day I will definitely take some art lessons, words can't describe how I feel right now... Astonishment, amazement, wonder.. I've just made two little steps towards realizing what I call "my life plan", to become a worldclass Cardiologist and marry a certain person.. I wonder how I will feel when I actually realize it if only thinking about it fills me with joy!!!

Amazing things that happened today:

• I "discovered" Jidenna's music.
• This: https://www.mixcloud.com/safari/june-session/
• I did a half of a workout, which is much more than what I did the whole week so.. Yeah!!! 

Ways I could have made today even better:

• Studying more.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• Studying finally!!

What I learned:

• That I need to love myself, there's no piont in beating myself up!!

[Diane]

Doubts, shoulds and shadows

Yesterday I saw my ex-boyfriend and all my perfectly designed plans for the future melted like snow in the sun. Not all of them, just what I called "my life plan", which was the way I wanted to become a world-class Cardiologist and the person I had decided to marry. This made me realize that I can't plan out everything even if it's important to have a plan. Flexibility is the word. This means doubting everything, dropping my shoulds and doing shadow work (the three are synonymous I think). It felt nice having some certainties though.. I started doing the exercise in the video "How to stop moralizing - Removing the shoulds from your life". I stopped at number 9 "I should complete this list now", I'll finish it tomorrow or after I finish writing here.. 

 

Amazing things that happened today:

• Everything went well at work (I still have some difficulties "admitting" that I'm working.. My mum says I'm not really really working as it's just for 3 weeks... ) even if I wasn't 100% focused.
• It happened yesterday but it's definitely worth remembering: I "prescribed" meditation to a patient!!! I even had an immediate positive feedback from her when I mentioned it, she was totally favorable to the idea!! This is precisely what I imagined as "making people healthier through consciousness", I didn't expect to be able to do something like this so early in my career..
• I embraced, or at least became conscious of some paradoxes: the one about planning and the fact that the same fear of other people's reaction that once made me resist breaking up with my boyfriend is now blocking me from giving him - us - a second chance. Here is another big should: you should never get back together with your ex...

Ways I could have made today even better:

• Focusing on the present moment.

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• Working!! 

What I learned:

• You need to embrace your humanity and your imperfections. Should statements put ideals in your life that don't resemble reality and make you suffer. You think you should have a perfect life but it is impossible. (...) You become good when you accept reality as it is and follow your natural desire. Leo Gura

It's not easy really.. But again, the hard way is the easy way and the easy way is the hard way so... Let's go!!

[Diane]

Amazing things that happened today:

• I didn't take anything for my headache. I've been having a headache quite often recently. It's the same headache I experienced after exams, a professor once told us that every patient is like an exam in the end so it makes perfect sense... I'll get used to it and eventually the headache will pass..
• I ran!!!!
• I worked out in my socks at the gym!!! 

Ways I could have made today even better:

• Waking up earlier and studying more 

Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist:

• Working!!!

What I learned:

• To accept my headache.

[Diane]

Doubts, shoulds and shadows - part 2

I finally did the work.. I finished the list of my top 50 should statements. In the process of flipping them around the one really hit the nail on the head was "I shouldn't have to choose between a man who leves me and a man I am proud of". There actually is the third option of having both. Who'd have thought it?!  I also did some shadow work inspired by Teal Swan's videos.. I found out this core belief: "I am a bad person". I then chose to replace it with "I am a human being. Mistakes are part of the growth process. It's ok to want more from life."

I'll never be grateful enough.