Taking Right Action

[InfinitePotential]

I feel there are two glaringly obvious parts of my life that could be changed in order to increase the quality of my consciousness, create more profitable experiences, and be happier more often:

• Porn
• Weed

Outside of those two things I feel like I'm doing pretty well for myself, certainly room for improvement everywhere though of course.  I don't mean to say that noone should ever look at porn or use weed, but the way I see it for me is that these two things control me to a large degree, put me in auto-pilot mode, and I haven't proven to myself in almost a decade that I can go without the two indefinitely.  I've gone some time without both and can say that the quality of my life substantially improves when I do.

So at least for now, this journal will be mostly about me gaining back control over my weed and porn habits.  My goal while writing this is to go at least 2 weeks without either.  I may update it about other stuff as well; perhaps about my dreams -- historically, they've become drastically more vivid and potentially lucid when I've gone without weed and/or porn (especially weed).

[Christian]

If you want to eliminate these negative habits I reccomend you do the following: 

1) list out possible reading you might fail to drop these habits

2) list these potential causes of failure in a systematic order with the most likely respons to fail at the top and the least at the bottom. 

3) Brainstorm practical solutions to overcome each potential reason for failure.

3) implement the solutions to at least the top 3 most likely causes. That's wheere you will get the most bank for your buck. 

This is basically the pre-mortem technique that Leo has talked about. It can be very effective when done right. 

Good luck  

[InfinitePotential]

@Christian Thank you for the tip, I've sorta half-ass done that before but will do it more formally soon.

 

I did have some dreams last night.  This forum could be an excellent place to keep track of my dreams--typing is much easier for me than writing things down.  Writing has more flexibility (to draw charts, etc) but if I'm just writing words typing is much faster.  Though I have dreamt of some things I'd be hesitant to talk about online, but at least it's anonymous and you can't get in any trouble for what you dream.

Anyways:

• Dreamt I was in the backyard of my first home a late wintery night, lots of other childhood friends there, knew it was time for these things to come out that kill everyone (like that time of night) (little spider creatures).  Most people hid inside, me and one friend (don't remember who) hid under the fort, then I realized the spiders could get there, so I decided to hop over the backyard fence (as the spiders were beginning to cover the entire backyard), but the other side of the fence was a huge drop of uneven, rocky terrain and a river.  There were patches of snow I thought could be a good place to land but it seemed a dangerous distance to fall.  I went to a different location on the fence which had the least severe drop, sorta grabbed onto a tree which actually lowered almost all the way down to the ground on the other side where I safely landed.  Had a thought like "I'm glad I'm not a frontiersman that had to go through this kind of thing making life or death decisions".

Had some other dreams last night but having trouble remembering them now and they weren't super vivid.  I did actually smoke just a little bit yesterday.  If I go just a day or two without, the dreams generally get extremely intense--this one wasn't much compared to some others I've had.  I almost want to copy some of my past dreams that I've saved into separate posts. 

Also, no lucidity last night which is a goal of mine. Last lucid dream was last Saturday night, the 18th, where among other things I dove into water from a great height lucidly. 

 

Also I mentioned that I'm "doing pretty well for myself" besides the weed and porn, which is true conventionally speaking.  However I know that my bad habits are leaking out into practically all areas of my life and negatively effecting them.  When I've gone a while without smoking weed and looking at porn (especially looking at porn, I can't help but feel guilty after looking at lots of porn), my confidence skyrockets, my trembly voice is gone, life seems more magical, my awareness goes up, my motivation goes up, confidence in my abilities and what I can achieve go up, energy, relationships, etc.  Basically, I feel like if I can control these habits, I can live a life I will truly be proud of on my death bed, and make some sort of positive contribution to the world.  Whether that be in music, writing, starting a business, a combination of things, etc.

[InfinitePotential]

Okay time to really take some right action.

I plan on today containing minimal stimulation, plenty of meditation, plenty of jumping on my trampoline, fasting until dinner (I overate a bit yesterday), learning, working towards my life purpose, and absolutely no seeking of erotica or weed.  Another thing I need to get a control of is how much coffee I drink.  Drinking coffee seems to make it a bit harder for me to control my urges.  But I'm in deep and don't want to just give it up immediately.  So I plan on for this week drinking no more than 3 mugs a day.  Pre mortems:

 

Weed:

Why I might fail: 

• I have weed at my apartment --- don't have any weed
• I get home from work, I have weed at my apartment, and I feel like smoking --- instill that meditation habit you want to start doing right after work
• Friends want to smoke --- I'm generally okay with doing this, but for now will explain how I'm trying to cut back and gain control over the habit
• Weekend morning and I really feel like smoking --- work on life purpose or meditation

Porn:

Why I might fail:

• It's been days since I've looked at any or masturbated, I rationalize to myself that just a little bit won't negatively effect me --- read something or bounce on trampoline, remind myself that I'm wanting to totally rid myself of the control porn has over my life which will take some time
• Long distance girlfriend that I'm with a few days to a week per month leaves --- realize that this is a perfect time to see my urges and be present with them and let them come and go, and a perfect time for me to prove to myself I can not look at porn even when I feel like I want to.  Also talk to her about my craving(s) and how I'm beating them
• Porn is easily accessible and a click away --- install a web filter and don't have anything downloaded on my computer
• I've looked at porn a bit and think I may as well look at more --- get up and do something else like bouncing on my trampoline, walking, reading, working, etc.

Go to habit when I feel like relapsing: bouncing on trampoline.

Also remind myself of the benefits and how amazing I've felt in the past when I've gone without porn for a while, and the theory behind why porn is so detrimental to me (sooo overstimulating).

Coffee:

Get some decaf beans and if I've already had 3 mugs of regular coffee and really want some more, make decaf instead.

Keep cutting back until I can go without coffee indefinitely and a cup of coffee is a treat that gets me feeling euphoric again.

[tyy]

@InfinitePotential Good luck on your goal to take control of these two habits. I can relate with the weed situation, being mindful every time you use it can help. I agree that not having it certainly helps too. Another thing I have done is if you find yourself giving into the urge, just pack less in the bowl (or whatever method you use) and chip away at your amount consumed. That's only if you cave and smoke though; obviously replacing that session time with something positive is much more ideal.

[InfinitePotential]

@tyy Thank you for the advice.  Being able to smoke moderately without going overboard would be ideal and is what I'm going for.

 

Have had mixed success controlling my habits since starting this journal.  Mostly success though porn wise, and not much success at all weed wise.  I have been keeping up with my other self actualization habits and practices, an in addition have begun to journal a lot more.  Can tell keeping a journal will be profoundly beneficial.  Hope my next post will be about the positive progress I've made in cutting my bad habits.